


And everything depends upon how near you sleep to me

by sassaricando



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexuality, Drug Addiction, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Genderfluid Character, Idiots in Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Queer Themes, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2020-12-17 01:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 110,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21046160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassaricando/pseuds/sassaricando
Summary: Rue ODed again after being left by Jules because she was a fucking moron with no concern for her childhood friend's mental stability. Still, there was Lexi Howard trying to build her crush back up while she tried to dodge her own heartbreak in the process - yeah, she was that kind of idiot.And Rue knew she was a fuck up, plain and simple. But still she could try to be a decent person and shit. Lord knows she put Lexi through enough and she didn't want her friend to leave her too. Oh! There was also her mom being all kinda cozy with this new fucker so it was up to her to keep an eye on him. And another eye on Lex 'cause her small friend was kinda falling to pieces around her. So maybe she finally pushed the younger Howard away, which simply wouldn't fucking do!orSometimes love can hit you like a derailed train and fuck you upside down before it actually starts to build you back up. And falling for your idiotic best friend ought to be the most insane trip both girls had; even to Lexi who flirted with said nuisance for years; even to Rue who was used to get fucked on drugs with the higher highs and the lowest of lows. Whatever, walking away from each other wasn't in their fucking cards.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I own no shit, don't sue me.

_“Love of mine, someday you will die_  
_But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark_  
_ No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white_  
_ Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark” (Death Cab for Cutie – I will Follow You into the Dark)_

Lexi Howard knew many things. Not that she was the epitome of human intellect or shit like that, but well, she was an observer. She was a reader for one and by that it meant that she read everything, including people. And in that moment she was carefully watching her best friend – yes, because even though Rue didn't consider Lexi her best friend anymore, the paler girl still held the other one in the same position as always; she was a loyal and coherent loser, after all.

Not that she was observing her, you know, in a creepy kind of way or anything of the likes; however, knowing that larger-than-life Rue Bennett was in a coma after having another overdose sent Lexi right into a fucked up spiral of despair, which involved all kinds of panic attacks, crying fits, unhealthy amounts of coffee, forty-eight hours as awake as justice and her last but least favorite thing of it all: walking around the hospital halls talking like a mad woman out of meds and answering her own questions because one could never stoop low enough.

So yeah, she was kinda acting all maniac and shit. Whatever, she was in a hospital and only God could judge her.

"Tell you what, Bennett, the coffee here is heinous." She said and took a small gulp of it. Yeah, distasteful as fuck. "These people should be arrested because serving this is probably a federal crime. Or at least it should be." The fact that the coffee couldn't see her unwavering glare did nothing to stop her from actually doing it. It was a very, very horrible coffee after all.

"You know that they didn't give you free coffee, Lexi." That was her companion these days saying with a sarcastic note. To be reminded that she even paid for this was the worst part. "You actually threatened the girl from the cafeteria to give you one 'because you need your daily intake of coffee or she would have a young girl's death on her shoulders'." Gia said with air quotes and all that. Lexi rolled her eyes because whatever, it was still a shitty coffee. And you know, figures. “Besides, I don’t think it’s healthy to drink that much coffee, Lex.” Come to think of it, Gia was probably right. But, yeah, Lexi had to keep herself awake, so it was a ‘desperate times and desperate measures’ kinda situation.

“Nah, it’s okay, Gia. I’m feeling awesome.” Awesomely maniac, if the grin she sent to the younger Bennett was anything to go by. But well. Clearing her throat, Lexi turned back to her sleeping friend. "So, I've read somewhere that people in a coma can still hear us, you know? Even when they don't answer or whatever. So you don't have to talk back or anything right now, Rue. But I guess I could keep talking to you still." She heard a snicker from behind her, it could only be Gia. Apparently not only God could judge her, her best friend’s sister could do that too. "Well, okay, maybe you could wake up and turn this into a conversation that isn't all about me answering my own questions all over again, right?" She sighed and squeezed Rue's right hand and thanked every single entity for still having Rue alive – for reasons beyond her knowledge, that included Poseidon, even when the guy had nothing to do with the circumstances. Well, screw him. "So, maybe I could recite you a poem now?" That seemed like a good idea. Right? And she also ran out of subjects to talk about after two days talking nonsense continuously. "I don't really know if you like Shakespeare or not, so you'll have to wake up and tell me, Bennett." That was said with a small smile because Lexi Howard was really out of her damn mind.

Looking behind her to see if Gia was picking her phone to call the nearest mental institution to have her committed, Lexi sighed deeply when she saw the other girl just sitting with her eyes closed and pretending to be asleep. How did she know that the younger Bennett was pretending? Well, she read her facial expression that looked too troubled to be in dreamland. That and because nobody could make fun of her and snicker that loud and fall into slumber in the same minute.

Whatever, she took that as an invitation to make herself look even more mentally unbalanced and, with another deep breathe, she started to declaim one of her favorites of all time. She kinda knew it by heart, so whatever.

_"Why is my verse so barren of new pride?_

_So far from variation or quick change?_

_Why with the time do I not glance aside_

_To new-found methods and to compounds strange?_

_Why write I still all one, ever the same,_

_And keep invention in a noted weed,_

_That every word doth almost tell my name,_

_Showing their birth and where they did proceed?_

_O, know, sweet love, I always write of you,_

_And you and love are still my argument;_

_So all my best is dressing old words new,_

_Spending again what is already spent:_

_ For as the sun is daily new and old,_

_ So is my love still telling what is told."_

Why did she choose this poem? Fuck her if she knew. But when her clammy hand, the one that was still holding Rue's hand, twitched, she kinda believed that Gia was right about her unhealthy caffeine intake and Lexi was probably facing a very deadly heart attack. Yeah, the signs were all there: sweaty gross hands, shaking like a leaf, a sorta pain in her chest, difficulty to breath and a steady migraine was forming behind her eyes. Crap! She was really dying because, as stated earlier, Lexi Howard knew many things, one of those things was that the probability of surviving a heart attack before reaching thirty years was close to zero. Whatever the hell was responsible for the numbers, if for lack of heart strength or not enough heartbreaking, the odds were very much against her.

Oh fuck! She was dying beside her best friend's bed. She was having a fucking heart attack after reciting a poem to her somewhat crush. What a fucking joke!

And how did she know that she was dying? Because she just admitted to herself that she had a fucking everlasting crush on Rue fucking Bennett. For God’s sake!

"I hate Shakespeare, but this is a fucking nice one, Howard." Rue's voice cut through her mildly crisis – she was facing death, she could be excused – to give her another crisis to focus: how could someone hate Shakespeare?! Seriously, Rue had to be testing her patience limits. That was an immoral sentence!

"Excuse you! How can you-"

"Rue! You're awake!" Gia's voice interrupted her lecture as she felt a breeze on her face signaling that the girl ran past her messing with the atoms to jump her sister. “Oh, thank Gods!”

Oh! Rue was awake.

And Lexi Howard was really out of it after two days of complete misery if this wasn’t the first thing she noticed after hearing her voice.

"Hey, sis! It's good to see you, too." Her voice was raspy and low from the lack of use and probably the lack of water and saliva as well, but the lanky girl was smiling a little cute smile that Lexi loved dearly while she hugged her sister like a koala. "I'm so, _so_ very sorry..." She whispered to Gia with tears falling down from her eyelids. The other Bennett was crying as well and saying things Lexi couldn't understand and she didn't want to. After all, it was a family reunion and they were due to their privacy. She wasn't going to intrude or make them whisper, so she moved to get up and maybe crawl back home to hug her bed and have a much needed date with Morpheus because she felt like shit - she was still trembling, maybe the heart attack stuff was true shit. "No." Much less from the only word that fell from Rue's lips and more because of the hand that clasped her wet and gross hand, Lexi Howard stopped her movements to look at the other girl's face. She was teary, grimacing and had such a panicked face that sent another shock of fear right straight at Lexi's bones. "Don't go." Was mouthed to her with a gaze so fierce and unsettling that Lexi was fucking sure she was about to die right there.

Not because of the countless cups of coffee she drank, of course not. But after admitting to herself that she did have a very unbecoming crush on Rue, she kinda got stuck there, simply staring at her like a bleak salt statue and contemplating how fucking breathtaking that girl was. Seriously, it was insane how beautiful she was without even trying. Fucking shit.

"Okay." She said because... Because it was Rue. Rue who gave her a smile so grateful that got Lexi almost turning to see if there was someone behind her or if Jules finally came back from whatever crazy trip she went. And she was about to check – one can never be wrong for checking stuff – when:

"Thanks, Lex." Her embarrassed smile for probably being kinda emotive – not that Lexi minded, she actually loved every fleeting moment Rue had come to appreciate her – and the hand squeeze that followed had her heart doing somersaults and beating in a frequency that was borderline terrifying. She was _so_ having a heart attack...

So Lexi did the only thing possible: she smiled and nodded at Rue. No fucking need to blame the girl who just woke up from a coma for making her heart go insane into a cardiac arrest.

As if sensing that her shy friend was having a mental breakdown over her nearing death, Rue sent her a smile that was all teeth and gratitude with a hint of guilty and sadness that a normal person wouldn't be able to see; however Lexi knew that she was far from being normal and in a non-creepy way she kinda knew everything about Rue, every facial expression, as minimal as Lexi's dignity, she could always identify. That was one hell of a realization that had her mind spiraling into the abyss of knowing that this inconvenience was not your everyday crush, it felt stronger than that.

Though whatever it was, there were only few news that her head and heart could deal while she rolled with the minimum necessary to live; such as oxygen, gallons of coffee and Rue Bennett's dreamlike smile.

* * *

So after she waited for both Bennetts to exchange hugs, tears and get comfortable with each other – not that she believed that Rue was in a comfy position if she were to consider that she was hugging her younger sister and cleaning her tears with one hand and had Lexi's hand still in a death grip with the other –, Lexi Howard all but jogged out of the room shouting 'coffee, be right back' like it made any sense and as if the dreadful shit they served in the hospital was better than being in the same room as Rue.

It truly wasn't. But then again, after her self discovery of the depths that reached her inopportune 'crush' on the curly haired girl – she was way too out of her mind to entertain any other word, so ‘crush’ would have to do for now; maybe for ever –, she kinda wanted to have a moment to herself to calm the fuck down. And harassing the cafeteria girl for more coffee would do the trick.

Of course, she also wanted the sisters to have a moment alone and stuff and she considered calling Leslie to tell her the news. Yes, after the last two days crying together, she finally got in the first name basis with Rue's mom and sorta formed a strange friendship with Gia. Said friendship included smirks, jokes on her behalf and a knowing glance her way every once in a while, which got her thinking if her infatuation with Rue went unnoticed at all.

However, she wasn't going to give herself gay panic over that piece of information right away and decided to label it with a 'later, maybe never' thought to address. She was collecting those in the past few days. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep. Maybe her existence would start making any sense after she slept a little. Or a lot. Perhaps a coma would be just what the doctor prescribed.

Anyway, she didn't call Leslie because maybe Gia would want to be the one passing the great news. It was all cool. She was very cool.

"It's not healthy to drink that much coffee, Lorelai." Said the girl from the cafeteria looking at her with a worried smile that got Lexi controlling the urge to roll her eyes. Even with the girl’s kindness, it still was intrusive as fuck, but the smaller girl wasn't one to be less than polite, so being a sarcastic asshole was out of question. Besides, she kinda liked Gilmore Girls and appreciated the comparison.

"I got it under control, thanks." It was a blatant lie, of course. Nothing in her life was under control anymore and she was feeling on the verge of insanity, but fuck her if she was going to tell that to a complete stranger.

So with a smile so strained that it was almost painful, Lexi made the move to extract the awful coffee from the nosy girl's hand. To no avail.

"I'm Karen, by the way. Nice to meet you." Nosy Karen played her into giving the disgusting coffee only to shake her hand like it was a daily joke. So it was going to be the hard way then. Lexi sighed and prepared herself to jump across the counter-top and retrieve her already paid revolting coffee. She was in no state to be messed with. "What's your name?" But the girl was still smiling.

What was that? Was she suddenly in the Starbucks? She kind of glared at Karen because the coffee was bad enough to be paid for, now to have to fight over such an unsavory coffee was downright preposterous! But nosy Karen smirked in return and Lexi sighed again. Let's add insult to injury, why don't we?

"I'm Lexi."

"Well, Lexi, you should probably stop drinking that much coffee-" Yeah, that was when said girl decided to roll her eyes at her own unsolicited advice. "But anyway, here is my number. If you want, you can give me a call." Crazy Karen winked at her and if Lexi wasn't already so distraught she would probably have a panic attack. What was happening here?

“Huh, thanks, Karen. I should, you know, go. My friend just woke up, so…” But she didn't have time for that shit now, so she took the offensive coffee from the girl's, Karen, hand and all but raced back to Rue's room because let's be real, if she had to face the turmoil of gay panic over someone, it would be over Rue every single day. And it wasn't as if the girl was hitting on her. Maybe she wrote her number because she wanted to take Lexi to a group of caffeine addicts. Who knew?!

Whatever the fuck that was for, Lexi Howard put it in the 'don't care enough to deal, probably won't even bother' box and took a deep breath before she knocked on Rue's door.

What an insane day she was having.

* * *

You know, besides being fucking insane, her day was also endless. Or at least it felt like that, since the last time she slept in a bed was the night of the winter formal. And even then, she woke up in the middle of the night to a crying Gia informing that her older sister had an overdose and she didn't know what the fuck she should do. Lexi could never blame the younger Bennett for waking her up that night, in a strange way, she was kinda glad for being the one who was called – and actually answered, seeing that Jules didn't pick up her goddamn phone – to deal with that mess. Of course, her brain would vehemently disagree because the stress she was put through the following couple of days was enough to leave her bouncing through the hospital, still in her pajamas, like a crazy and decadent young lady.

That was something to add to all the insanity that was having a girl giving her her phone number, as unsolicited as it could be. No, Karen was most definitely lunatic if she was actually hitting on Lexi. After all, who in their sound minds would make a pass at a wandering girl in PJs and a messy hair in a hospital?

At the very least, Lexi had brought her toothbrush, she convinced herself that the basic hygiene was much needed even when her fashion attire would scream otherwise. What if she was kinda known around the hospital as the pajama kid, which she didn’t know how to feel about. That was… well. It was whatever, you know? She was there for a friend and that’s what matters most.

But that's the thing about Lexi Howard, there was nothing between heaven and earth that she wouldn't do for Rue Bennett, as pathetic as that sounded. Even looking like a possessed scarecrow was fair game.

So that was how she found herself looking at the reason of her distress while sitting at the same chair that had possibly damaged her back beyond repair by now. Come to think of it, how the fuck did they have such an uncomfortable chair at a hospital? The amount of people who most definitely fucked up their spines sleeping on it were probably countless. Or maybe they did it on purpose so they would come back to be fixed and spend their money on expensive treatments and medicati-

"Hey, Howard!" Lexi had to blink a few times to focus on the smiling girl laying down in front of her. "Nice clothes you have, huh?" She rolled her eyes. Yeah, she wasn't as fashionista or bubbly looking as Jules, what with her running out of her house in the middle of the night like a burglar with just her phone, toothbrush and wallet – she knew that she needed her ID to visit Rue in the hospital and maybe some money to eat shit there. Not that she ate anything, of course. Seeing that the coffee was so repulsive, she wasn't bold enough to try the food. She wasn't that stupid.

Anyway, Rue was still looking at her with a guilty smile, not at all happy or anything. Come to think of it, Bennett looked almost tired and disappointed at something. Perhaps it was at herself, perhaps she was wishing that Lexi was a different someone; someone taller, blonder, kinda of upbeat who had a much different fashion sense.

Well, she understood that. She truly did. It still hurt though.

"Hey, Bennett! I'm trying this new fashion these days." Lexi said with an easy smile, already choosing to overlook her prior turmoil. She kinda did that a lot. And it would do her no good to change now.

"Looks good on you." Rue said with a much more honest smile on her lips, probably because she had a thing for messing with the paler girl. Either way, Lexi looked down at her clothes and made a face.

No, she wasn't going to appear in any fashion magazine with her current look, but, as PJs went, she wore her most sober one – and for that she was very glad. Of course, anyone with eyes could say that she fell off bed into a hospital with her plaid pajama pants and her black tank top. She wasn't wearing a bra or anything, but this was still a hospital, for fuck's sake! So people should be focusing on getting better, crying over their loved ones in there, or actually treating injured folks. It wasn't, you know, a project runway scene or stuff like that. Definitely not a place to flirt or to be given someone's number.

Still, she blushed. Because she was Lexi Howard and the girl complimenting her was Rue Bennett. And that's that.

"How are you feeling, Rue?" She asked because one: she was here for this kind of shit and was very concerned with her best friend. And two: she had to cut the silence before her mind went spiraling down her gut and she started to read stuff that wasn't there. She had that tendency.

Rue looked down at her and made a displeased face. She did the same. Had she spilled coffee on her already less than presentable attire? And be reminded that she wasn't wearing shit inside the tank top and the AC was a real deal, so it could happen that her nipples were, maybe-

"Is that a phone number?" Completely ignoring Lexi's question and her not hard nipples – thank God for that! – Rue asked in a somehow accusatory tone that, in one hand, had Lexi feeling kind of better for not walking around like a porn star after a mental breakdown and, on the other hand, it really got her lost as fuck. 'Cause you know, it wasn't her fault nosy Karen felt the need to write down her number on her paper cup.

"I guess...?" She looked dumbly at the handwriting and at the girl who was narrowing her eyes in an attempt to decipher what was written or to judge Lexi. She couldn't pick which one was the worst: if it was Rue wanting nosy Karen's number, or if it was Rue judging her for nosy Karen's fault.

"I thought you said the coffee here was shitty." The taller girl said eyeing curiously her like she was trying to find the absolute truth, the secret of the universe, the answer of mortality, the reason behind every question. The kind of stuff still being thought since Plato.

Or maybe Rue was just curious and thought she was lying about the debatable quality of said coffee.

"I said that this coffee is a federal crime." Lexi said rolling her eyes and smiling a little. "We should have people arrested for this crap, Bennett." In her best detective Howard voice, she said with a straight face – as if anything in her whole being was straight when it came down to Rue Bennett. Of course, the girl in question just raised an eyebrow in that sexy way of hers that got little gay Lexi to stutter. She was a fucking mess. "I- y-you know, I mean, you wanna try?" She asked already handing Rue the coffee in question.

Rue, for her part, took the cup and glared at it with ferocity. She didn't even try the coffee but somehow she knew that it was disgusting. Lexi Howard smiled at that scene, trust Rue to always side with her.

"Are you going to call the fucking moron?" But Rue just kept holding the nasty coffee and sniffing it to see if they truly put shit inside the cup. Well, Lexi could understand her resistance, it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Call who?" Perhaps Rue wanted her to call Jules or maybe another friend of hers to inform that she was feeling better? Then again, she wouldn’t be calling Jules a moron, right?

"The stupid boy who wrote down his fucking number on this shit cup." She said enraged, punctuating words as if Lexi was mentally ill and rolling her eyes with a disgusted face at the cup, the coffee and the handwriting. Yeah, Lexi knew the drill, it was fucking insane to find yourself with someone's number while she was going off her wits’ end because of her best friend. Humans these days didn't even pretend to be empathetic enough to respect another's trouble.

"It was Karen." Lexi said before she crossed her legs and tilted her head just enough to see if Rue's discrimination towards the shitty coffee would end anytime soon. "Aren't you going to drink it? It's truly heinous, but it isn't poisoned." Or so she hoped. Nah, it probably wasn't, she was still alive and kicking after drinking countless cups of that disgusting shit.

"Oh!" Rue said in a very surprised tone. If it was for the fact that there was someone crazy enough to give their number to Lexi or if Rue Bennett, resident lesbian in town, was kind of unsure why a girl would hit on her weird friend, Lexi didn't know. She actually couldn't judge her best friend, she was still mystified over that as well. "Are you going to call _Karen _then?" Lexi looked with confusion at Rue's stone-cold face as the lanky girl furiously stretched Karen's name as if it was the cruelest blasphemy known in history and such a callous name that it personally offended her very existence, a noun so foul that was single-handed guilty of every misfortune that befell humankind. She looked kinda pissed. No, Rue Bennett looked way beyond angry for some reason. That made Lexi blink a few times as she saw her friend moving to a sitting position with her legs crossed to glare at her vigorously.

Lexi tilted her head like a broken toy to stare at her. Sometimes, reading people was a hard deal. One Rue Bennett was the hardest one yet.

"No, I don't think I will..." She said with sincerity after a beat because Rue was almost jumping off the bed with all the shaking that she doing, probably due to her anxiety – that girl hated waiting. Also because Lexi didn't feel like calling anyone right now and as far as nosy people went, she already had Maddy to deal with.

"Oh! Cool!" Rue said with a deep breathe and just like that her stormy features were gone, she sounded somewhat pleased with the answer and decided to take a deep gulp of the now probably cold coffee. "Argh! This shit is fucked up! Jesus!" She said making a sour face and Lexi found herself nodding along because yeah, she already said that. But even after scowling and cussing, Rue drank all of it and screwed up the cup briskly before throwing it in the garbage with fury and sighing as if she did a very gruesome job by drinking that crap. "Well, nobody who serves a coffee this fucking bad deserves your call, Lex." She said as a matter of fact with a very serious face. Lexi gave her a smile and rolled her eyes at her. Yeah, the coffee was nasty, but she kinda wanted to drink it.

Oh, whatever, she could be the bigger person and let Rue have it.

"Yeah, but you still drank it all, Bennett." Lexi said raising an eyebrow just in time her friend rolled her eyes back like the mature girl she was.

"Whatever, Howard. Come here!" Rue said tapping her bed, now with an easy smile on her lips. Lexi was the one to roll her eyes this time because, you know, she should be heading home and sleeping in her bed and stuff. And because Rue Bennett’s mood swings would blow her mind one of theses days. "Come on, Lex!" Her curly haired friend pouted and made some space for her smaller friend. Not that Lexi needed much space if compared to Rue, but well...

"I should head home, Rue..." Lexi said in a lower voice because, although it might be true, she kinda didn't want to leave Rue. The girl in question shook her head 'no' and well...

"You need to lie down a bit, Lex. You look tired as fuck." Yeah, she was probably right, Lexi could stand behind the fact that she looked like she was attacked and left to die on the sidewalk of a dirty road, however she kinda had a home and a bed and- "Come here, please?" Rue was pouting again and she wished to have enough force to say 'no' to that face. To say 'no' to Rue's face sporting any kind of expression. However, she couldn't. She simply couldn't.

And that meant that she should just head home and keep her distance and sort her thoughts and feelings and sleep.

"Yeah, sure." That was what she said instead already crossing the distance and climbing besides the other girl. She could never say no to Rue, it was sad and fucked up, but it was also life. And when she turned her head to look at her best friend giving her the most sincere smile she has ever seen... Well, she couldn't be truly bothered by that.

"Sleep now." Rue said in that very demanding tone that she used all the while she cuddled Lexi and the latter girl was _so_ having a heart attack. All because the older Bennett had her right leg and right arm embracing Lexi in a lazy hug that almost lulled her to sleep. If she ignored her mad beating heart, that is.

Not that it was anything new to Lexi, when it came down to Rue, ignoring her crazy heart was her daily motto.

Just... Whatever. It wasn't like was going to sleep anyway.

"I'm not even that tired, Rue." That wasn't exactly a lie per se. Of course, she was tired, but she drank so much coffee over the last couple of days and her heart was also responding to Rue's proximity, so sleeping may be a difficult task for her.

"Yeah, yeah, Edward Cullen. Whatever you say." Rue, who was still holding her like a pillow, whispered into her neck and Lexi sighed happily. Other parts of her body were also happy and very much excited, but she chose to ignore it as well in favor of rolling her eyes to no one 'cause she had her back to Rue. That wouldn't do. So, with that in mind, Lexi turned to roll her eyes at Rue and hugged her right limbs. Now she was the one with one leg on top of the taller girl and her head rested on Rue's collarbone. For a girl that skinny, Rue was particularly comfy. "Soooo… Do you want me to sing or shit?"

She wasn't actually looking at the girl's face, but with her vocal and body language, Lexi was sure that Rue was somehow shy and probably asking because she knew the smaller one was deeply in love with her voice. She kinda had a lovely voice anyway, so what?

"Yeah, gimme your worst, Bennett." After that whisper, she could hear the other girl humming 'Tale as Old as Time', which got Lexi smiling already closing her eyes because Rue actually remembered their old times watching Leslie’s even older Disney movies and singing every song at the top of their lungs like the best friends they were.

With that, Lexi finally managed to drift to sleep. Now with a smile on her face, thanks to Rue Bennett.

* * *

The first time she woke up was to Rue carefully trying to untangle their limbs with a patience she didn’t know the taller girl still had but with little to no success.

“Rue?” She sleepily whispered blinking her sleep away already moving her limbs out of the way and attempting to sit. “Do you want me-“

“I just have to pee, don’t go anywhere.” The girl in question said in a rush and gently pushed her to lay back again. “Be right back.” She said already marching to the bathroom, leaving Lexi to sigh and roll on her side.

After blinking once or twice, she saw a vase of flowers – lovely daises – and a card with what she assumed to be Leslie’s handwriting. It read a simple “_To grace your life as you do mine. Love, mom_.” It was beautiful in all it’s simplicity, it just had the soul that the most beautiful things should hold, which got Lexi as delighted as guilty for she somehow had taken Leslie’s place beside her daughter.

It was unfair of her, it truly was.

After a moment or two, she felt more than heard Rue’s body making home behind her own and her long limbs ever so shyly embracing her frame. Lexi sighed and rolled back to look at a guilty Rue.

“Shit! Did I wake you up?” She asked hugging Lexi a little more and the smaller girl took that as an invitation to move back to their previous position: Rue Bennett as her personal pillow. So she threw her leg and arm on top of her and put her head on her collarbone, it was very distracting but oh how cared for that made her feel. Not only cared for, but safe. Home. She sighed. Rue was gently holding her by the waist. It was such a good position. “Feeling comfy, Howard?” She didn’t see but heard the smirk on Rue’s voice. It may sound insane, but Lexi could tell Rue’s mood without even looking at the girl’s face.

“Very much, Bennett, you’re a good pillow.” Lexi hummed, making herself even more at home for the talk she was about to propound. Rue, for her part, had her right hand making lazy patterns on her back with barely there touches and her left hand was simply touching Lexi’s shin. Very intimate indeed. “Rue, do you want me to go so Leslie can come sleep with you? I mean, she probably wants to-“ The girl in question shut her up with a finger on her lips that had Lexi’s heart doing that crazy I’m-about-to-have-a-heart-attack shit it did just to make her go insane.

Stupid fucking heart.

“Shhh. It’s okay, Lex.” She ignored Rue’s finger still on her lips and the dark and twisted part of her brain insisting that she should bite it. What the actual fuck?! “I mean it, she came here earlier ‘cause Gia called her and we spent all day talking and crying and you know all that shit.” Lexi looked up in time to see her friend rolling her eyes like it was all a bunch of crap.

“I know, but maybe she wanted to stay with you here?” And Lexi took that choice away ‘cause she was a mad bouncing gay mess with too much coffee on her system.

“Nah, she was actually glad you were sleeping here, you know?” No, she actually didn’t. “You had all the Bennetts worried about how much shitty coffee you’ve been drinking and walking around the hospital like a restless zombie. ” Lexi snickered. She was completely fine. And did zombies even sleep anyway? “Yeah, don’t give me this shit and go back to sleep. Mom and Gia are very happy to be back home.” Lexi huffed like the mature young woman she was. “It’s kinda of shocking that we didn’t wake you up with all the crying and cuddling that went down on this very bed. You must have been fucked up tired, Lex.” She looked up to see Rue with a contemplative expression on her features. She wasn’t exactly tired, but she felt like she was simply living through the last days because her body refused to do anything else. Lexi felt out of control of everything, from thoughts to simple movements, it was like a biological autopilot took over her and was calling the shots and she could do nothing but roll with it. She never felt that helpless and wished she never would again. It was more than frightening. “Did you even sleep since…?” Since the OD, Lexi knew Rue didn’t want to comment or be reminded of that, but her friend was looking thoughtfully at her so…

“Well…” Lexi Howard was a crappy liar and Rue always read her like an open book. Still, it wasn’t an easy topic on both of them so she decided to tread it carefully. “I took naps.” It was true, she felt like an old person sleeping out of nowhere for the last days. Sometimes she would blink and wake up in a rush without any reason. And the nightmares… They fucked her over so, after the first night, she decided that skipping sleep was the best approach or she would go insane.

“Shit, Lex! This isn’t healthy.” Rue reprimanded her and Lexi narrowed her eyes at her friend’s collarbone. Yes, because Rue Bennett was the embodiment of healthy. “Don’t give me that shit, you know I’m right.” She did. Rue was right for once, but she had no idea what Lexi faced whenever she closed her eyes. How she was forced to see her best friend dying every type of twisted death over and over again in an infernal loop. “I’m sorry… Was it my fault?” Then she stared at her friend’s features and Rue was looking so mortified, so guilty and remorseful that no, there was no way Lexi was going to be honest now.

“It’s okay, Rue. The chair’s the one to blame.” Lexi said and pointed a finger at said torture article. Rue rolled her eyes probably because she hadn’t felt the pain of sitting her butt on that devious piece of furniture. Lucky her. Lexi was sure her back would never be the same again. “Anyway, so the three of you talked? That’s good to hear.” A change of subject was needed seeing that her friend wasn’t one to share feelings and Lexi didn’t want her to feel guilty about her lack of sleep.

It was Rue’s fault that Lexi was pushed over the edge of mental breakdown? Yes, it definitely was. Hadn’t she drugged herself to death, this wouldn’t have happened. But her dark skinned friend couldn’t be blamed for her sick thoughts and how her brain was very keen on tormenting her like a sadistic psycho.

“Yeah, it was a good moment. Minus the scenario. And shit.” Rue said still sounding quite guilty of it all and Lexi decided that caressing her jaw was a good enough solution to that problem – she was really out of her mental faculties. Her friend took a deep breath but didn’t say anything about it and for that Lexi was eternally grateful. Her brain was so exhausted that she felt as if her filter was permanently broken. “Thinking about it now, I’m pretty sure that both Gia and mom cried on you through most of it.” Lexi saw her friend smiling a little over the memory and stopped touching her face. She was looking more serene, so it was cool. “Oh! And mom actually hugged you, too.” Then her friend was looking at her with a lazy smile that was oh so endearing, she wished she could see one of these on Rue’s features on a daily basis. It made her look so young and soft. “It was all very cozy. If you don’t think about the sneezing and shit.” At that, she wholeheartedly laughed.

“I can only imagine.” She sighed and rested her head back on her favorite spot: right above Rue’s beating heart. It had the perfect rhythm to lull her back to sleep. “It’s sad that I’d lost it.”

“Sure thing. But we all knew you were deadly tired so no judgments.” The hand that was making patterns on her back just moved to the back of her head to do the same, which got Lexi’s breathing hitching all of sudden, like her whole body had been set aflame and was being run on reflex. Fucking Rue! With fear of scaring her best friend, who was clueless of the paler girl’s predicament, Lexi started inhaling deeply for reasons she wasn’t about to dwell much now. “Does it feel good?” Rue asked quietly in a very low voice that made the smaller girl think twice if she wasn’t hearing stuff and kissing her sanity goodbye for good.

Did it feel good though? It felt fucking amazing. She felt… invincible.

And very much horny.

“Yeah, feels fucking great.” She said with sincerity after a beat ‘cause apparently Rue did ask her that if her shaking leg was any indication that she was waiting for a reply. And it was, because after hearing it, all that tempestuous energy slowed down and her best friend hummed. It was funny to think how she could read Rue Bennett’s every detail, the shit she said and most for the stuff she didn’t have to say. As crazy as it sounded, it gave Lexi a sense of belonging, and somehow, deep inside herself, even after all the fuckery that went down between the two of them, somehow Lexi knew that Rue shared this same feeling. “Yeah, you do that. ‘Cause not everyone can sleep through two days straight, Bennett, you know?” It was said in a light tone, she wasn’t about to make the lanky girl feel like utter shit again.

“That’s what she said, Howard.” Rue’s voice was still low, she was probably trying to sleep as well. Her chances were bigger seeing that the taller girl didn’t have her crush making sensual patterns with long fingers at the back of her neck. “Now sleep.” Lexi opened her mouth to protest only to have Rue finger on her lips again. Fuckety fuck! “Sleep or no more songs for you.” The curly haired girl said so seriously that Lexi rolled her eyes. Fucking demanding woman.

“Whatever.” She was the one with the last word. Even if the last word was barely a word or didn’t make any sense and held close to none grammar content. Well, whatever.

Rue took her index finger from her lips and tapped her own nose as if thinking of a song to hum. It was better that way, there was no way in fucking hell Lexi Howard would manage to sleep if Rue Bennett kept her slim finger on the other girl’s lips. As much as the rest of her body might be feeling comfortably safe, having Rue touching her so intimately did something to her lower areas that prevented anything sleep related to cross her mind. Yeah, hormones sucked balls.

“Got it!” Rue whisper-shouted with a wicked smile that did nothing to calm her nerves. Oh fuck! “Be prepared.” Grinning like the Cheshire cat, the taller girl hummed looking at her and daring Lexi to shut her mouth up. As if she could.

_“Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone_  
_ Gazing at the people down below me_  
_ All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone_  
_ Hungry for the histories they show me_  
_ All my life I memorize their faces_  
_ Knowing them as they will never know me_  
_ All my life I wonder how it feels to pass a day_  
_ Not above them_  
_ But part of them”_

She couldn’t be more surprised even if she tried. To have one Rue Bennett singing “Out There” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, one of her favorites movie of all time – much because she loved to see the stunning and imposing buildings in France and let’s kid you not, Lexi may be a very centered human being and not one to dive head first into silly arguments, but she loved the revolution that the film passed so beautifully – and knowing that her best friend still remembered it… Fuck!

She was feeling more than special. Not only Rue recalled that, she also was singing instead of just humming the tune and smiling at her. She sent a prayer to the heavens, may her heart resist it. She decided that she needed to fully appreciate the show, so she sadly abandoned her previous position on top of her best friend in favor of ogling Rue from a sitting position like a creeper.

_"And out there_  
_ Living in the sun_  
_ Give me one day out there_  
_ All I ask is one_  
_To hold forever_

_Out there_  
_ Where they all live unaware_  
_ What I'd give_  
_ What I'd dare_  
_ Just to live one day out there”_

Rue’s voice was reaching a crescendo and the taller girl took the opportunity of not having Lexi on top of her anymore to lazily lay back on her elbows while she sang, still looking at her friend with an intense gaze that could stop the earth from moving altogether. The grin adorning her face was also incomparable.

In all honesty, Rue looked just like a vision of Lexi’s version of paradise – if it even existed, of course. Her curly hair had such a shiny glow to it and it looked kinda of messy in a sexy I-don’t-give-a-fuck way as well. Not like Lexi’s at all, the smaller girl was completely aware that her hair looked like she just walked out of a hurricane and Rue’s… Rue’s hair made her blush, ‘cause it made her brain work like a notebook with no firewall being furiously assaulted by endless pop-ups with very sexually stimulating images of her best friend. Yeah, it was insane as that. And her teeth were just so fucking pretty and white while she kind of belted out the notes effortlessly and she looked happy. Very, very much happy.

Rue Bennett never looked more gorgeous than at that specific moment. 

And if Lexi Howard was fucked up for having an inconvenient crush on her best friend, what to say if seeing said best friend happy simply got her daydreaming like a weirdo? Her whole existence was a fucking joke!

_"Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives_  
_ Through the roofs and gables I can see them_  
_ Every day they shout and scold and go about their lives_  
_ Heedless of the gift it is to be them_  
_ If I was in their skin_  
_ I'd treasure every instant”_

Her best friend was now sitting and looking straight at her face while she sang the lyrics and nudged her with her foot to accompany her in that insanity, to which Lexi replied with a bite on her lip a curt shook of her head: no way. Of course, Rue, trust her to multitask, continued to sing and started to poke her with her fingers pinning her with an unutterable strong stare. There was simply no winning with this girl. Lexi sighed, goddamn you, Rue Bennett!

_"Out there_  
_ Strolling by the Seine_  
_ Taste a morning out there_  
_ Like ordinary men_  
_ Who freely walk about there_  
_ Just one day and then_  
_ I swear I'll be content_  
_ With my share_  
_ Won't resent_  
_ Won't despair_  
_ Old and bent_  
_ I won't care_  
_ I'll have spent_  
_ One day_  
_ Out there”_

So she sang the last stanza with her. It wasn’t like she had many options seeing that Rue was actually glaring at her and as hearing Lexi’s voice she got that million dollars smile back on her face. It was a very lovely and beautiful experience. One that she didn’t know she missed so fucking deeply and, looking at the other girl’s face, Lexi could see that Rue too was very excited to be singing again – they kinda studied music when they were children and Rue’s voice always brought Lexi to heavens and back – with all the grinning and stuff. It was lovely, truly lovely.

Lovely enough that somehow Rue’s right hand was cupping Lexi’s cheek with care and her dark skinned friend was grinning like she was somewhat serenading Lexi. Which was absurd. Completely preposterous! It was even a laughable notion if she thought this through. But, you know, Rue was touching her face with a playful smile and somehow out of breath so Lexi had no time to over-analyze this charming scene through before her breathe was caught in her throat and her heart did that crazy crap with the ‘beating out of rhythm’ thing.

So that it wasn’t until she heard people clapping and Lexi almost fell from the bed trying to turn to see what that was – she was saved by Rue, of course, who just held her arm like it was common occurrence between the two: Lexi being a gay mess and Rue saving her from endless embarrassment.

“Fuck, Lexi!” Said the girl who will probably cause Lexi’s death, one way or another, after hugging her idiotic’s friend waist and pulling said friend towards her body. “You’re okay?”

Jesus fucking Christ!!

Lexi didn’t yelp, but she was oh so sure that if she were the one plugged to a heart monitor, people all over the world would be scandalized to hear her maniac heart beating so loudly.

“That was very lovely, girls.” A woman, probably a nurse, said and her singing partner just smiled at her while she helped Lexi back on the bed like she was a rag-doll instead of a disturbed person. “Sorry for giving you quite the scare, we thought that something happened and came to check.” Rue just gave a dismissing signal with her hand and another one of her charming smiles. “But, whenever you two feel like singing again, you better call us so we can hear it.” The nurse, who apparently was nearing her sixties, said with a very sympathetic smile. She looked quite friendly.

Not like Rue, who looked like she was possessed by an euphoric entity right then, but friendly nonetheless.

“You’ve got it, Ivana!” Rue, always the one to befriend people in the hospital, said while she grinned even more. “I just have to put this one to sleep and maybe next time we can sing another song.” She continued pointing a finger at Lexi and rolling her eyes like she was a child – excuse you! – and making promises to people she didn’t even know. Jesus Christ!

“You do that, Miss Bennett. Good night to you two.” The nurse, Ivana, said with a big smile and a little wave as she pushed her other friend out of the room. Rue Bennett was still grinning and Lexi Howard was still shocked and embarrassed. And maybe even turned on. Oh fuck!

The good part was that at least she was shocked with no possibility of falling on her ass ‘cause, you know, Rue was kinda still hugging her from behind and that was that. And the bad part was also Rue embracing her from behind and filling her stupid stomach with butterflies. Not to say her heart, that crazy little shit!

This fucking crush was getting way beyond insane.

“See, Howard? We already have fans!” Lexi rolled her eyes and said nothing while she tried to push Rue on her prior position because she needed a little personal space and she needed it now! But fuck if the girl wasn’t strong and stubborn. “Oh, don’t be so shy! They loved us!” The curly haired girl said unbothered with a smile and Lexi poked out her tongue in a clear sign of maturity. That caused Rue to shut her mouth and look at her with an intense and indecipherable expression on her face. Okay…? That was quite- Before she could finish that thought, Rue Bennett all but tackled her to the bed and she yelped in honest surprise because of fuck! “Oh! You are not poking your fucking tongue at me, Howard!” That followed a tickle attack that had the taller girl laughing – the son of a bitch! – and Lexi was panting, laughing, close to crying and begging her to stop. Also horny, let’s not forget that.

She only stopped when she felt tired, Rue could be such a little shit sometimes.

“You are a monster, Rue Bennett.” She said while she gasped for air with her hand on her chest to see if her heart was still there. It was, thank heavens! Of course, the other girl only grinned in response. “You little shit!” She reiterated with a little shove in case it wasn’t direct enough. It probably wasn’t ‘cause less than a second later Rue’s endless arms were moving in her direction and- “Oh fuck you! You won’t do this shit again! Rue Bennett, I swear to fucking God!” The offending limbs caught her even with all her fight and a hand cupped her mouth to stop her from shouting any louder and the other arm got her laying on her back with almost no work at all. Was Rue taking steroids? For fuck’s sake!

That was how Lexi Howard was found in a very inappropriate position that had Rue with one hand shutting her mouth while she smirked like the little shit she was right at her unfortunate friend’s face. Come to think of it, the taller probably had no idea or didn’t mind that she was actually laying on top of Lexi, only being held by her right arm beside the paler girl’s head. But, you see, for Lexi it was death. Simple as that. 

May God have mercy on her sinner soul. 

“Hey! Calm down, Mariah Carey, let’s just go back to sleep, okay?” She said that with an inconvenient smile on her face that had Lexi glaring at her in no time. Of fucking course Rue Bennett would be proud of herself for that fuckery! If she knew about every neural explosion she was causing to erupt inside Lexi’s body, it was fairly certain that she would stop this nonsense right away. “Okay, I’ll take my hand out of your mouth and we are going back to sleep, right?” The lopsided grin that followed that sentence was immoral and had Lexi’s breathing way too deeply, like the air was suddenly sucked from her lungs. Yet, she could tell she was getting warm and red. Oh how fantastic! “Come on, Lex. It was all fun. But let’s sleep now, huh?” No, it wasn’t. At least not for her.

Sleeping was very overrated, she thought. She was sure she didn’t need it anymore. And even if she needed, there was no way in hell she could sleep now. Thanks to Rue.

So Rue was taking her hand off Lexi’s mouth little by little, like she was testing waters, all of that with an amused smirk on her face. What a fucker! When she took her hand all the way off, she sighed and kept her smile intact. How could she be in love with such a fucking person?! Her eyes were kind of shinning bright and her smile was one of the biggest Lexi had ever seen. It was a very beautiful sight, but Lexi still wanted to beat – more like kiss – it out of her face.

“You’re a dipshit.” It was all she said with shortness of breath instead and pushed the annoying human being on her back with all the strength her small body could hold. That took Rue by surprise as well, seeing that she fell on the bed with a squeal of shock and no grace at all. Lexi huffed in response and crawled back to a sitting position as she gulped air like she just ran a marathon. She was still out of breath when she turned to look at lazily laying down Rue who was looking at her intensely, as unreadable as always. Lexi narrowed her eyes at her with force as she sent prayers to everyone and everything above to please, keep her dumb crush from starting to perceive shit right then.

“You’re so very forceful, Howard, I’m kinda surprised.” She rolled her eyes in response. At least Rue was still as oblivious as always. That was good news. “Who knew someone so tiny could be so strong?” Sometimes she truly hated Rue Bennett. Truly, honestly, wholeheartedly hated her. “Great discovery. I’ll keep that in mind.” The glare she gave Rue was different from every single glare she gave her whole life – and trust her, she didn’t glare at people commonly – but the smirk she was receiving in response was so downright sinful that she had to blink many times to wash that image from her brain. Oh, how she wished to kiss that fucking smirk off Rue’s face. “You know, I like this side of-“

It was her time to shut Rue’s mouth with her finger. The was no way in heaven or hell that she could hear the rest of her friend’s sentence in that flirty tone of hers without her mind going straight to her gut. She already endured enough.

Rue looked at her dumbfounded like she was seeing a fucking ghost and Lexi controlled her urge to roll her eyes at the blind idiot. But as said blind idiot was looking at her with an entranced expression, she decided against. The thrill of seeing Rue Bennett, the one who gave no shits, looking at her like she just fell from the sky was something to behold. And she would be lying through her teeth if she didn’t say that it made her feel powerful seeing how utterly stunned her best friend looked at her right before she swallowed her words.

“Sleep, Bennett.” It sounded lower and raspier than she would have liked – it was the taller girl’s fault, of course. Whatever. She said with a heart beating as frantically as drums in a heavy metal concert. But fuck her if she didn’t feel as potent as that as well.

“Yes, ma’am.” She kinda wanted to grin at Rue’s response. It was way too cute, if not a little sexy as well. But of course, she was finding anything related to Rue Bennett the personification of sensuality nowadays. So she rolled her eyes at the girl instead. Not one to be bothered, the lanky girl just opened her arms as a clear invitation to Lexi. Well, she didn’t have much of a choice, right? So back to their sleeping position they were and Rue had a hand on her knee and the other just lazily holding her frame. It was good, safe. “Night, Lex.” She heard the whisper and smiled at Rue’s collarbone.

“Good night to you, too, Rue.”

And just like that, Lexi Howard was back to sleep.

* * *

The second time Lexi woke up was to the strange feel of something melting on her cheek. A very disgusting feeling, if she was one to say. It felt like something sticky was falling from the skies right at her face and ew! Then, to her utter and complete shock, a cold something touched her cheek and Lexi was sure she somehow fell asleep in a swamp and was being eaten by cannibal frogs and Jesus fucking Christ.

“Oh fuck!” She slapped her face to get rid of the horrible frogs and imagine her surprise when she heard a voice yelp in surprise. A very familiar voice full of amusement.

“No need to hate on the jell-o, Lex. Just say you don’t wanna.” She opened her eyes to glare right at Rue Bennett’s beautiful face that sported an uncalled-for grin and all that. For her part, the curly haired girl sighed and held her hand up in a sign of peace. “Sorry for that, but it was kinda hard to eat without holding the cup and using just one hand, ya know?” She explained with an easy smile and Lexi blinked her sleep away to gather her surroundings. She still had her head on Rue’s collarbone, one leg on top of the taller girl and one arm was embracing the living lights out of her.

Oh!

Rue for her part looked absolutely nonchalant. Like it was everyday occurrence. Like they were used to sleep in a mess of limbs and warm hugs with jell-o all over themselves. As if nothing happened. As if they were kids all over again.

Her best friend, still in the same position, tried another spoonful of jell-o. That one fell right at Lexi’s nose and she narrowed her eyes.

“Ops!” The darker girl said with a grin and without an ounce of regret in her tone. The son of a bitch! Lexi sighed. Again.

“First day with your new mouth, dear?” She sat and arched her eyebrow because there was no use in lecturing Rue Bennett about anything ever. Her friend’s answer was… Well, was fucking nothing besides a smile that could light up the whole hospital in case the energy ever fell down. And a spoonful of jell-o aiming at her mouth like a mom feeding a child. “Really, Rue?” Again, there was no response, just the plastic spoon waiting for her mouth to open and… oh, fuck it! She opened her mouth and heard a strange sound coming out of Rue’s mouth, something that bizarrely resembled an airplane. This girl, for fuck’s sake!

“Good?” Her companion asked still wearing a smile and she nodded her head. Not because it was exactly good – jell-o ought to be jell-o anywhere in the planet – but mostly to see the girl’s smile opening like flowers in spring. “See! Told ya that this is good shit.” At that, Rue kept on eating very detached.

No, she didn’t, she simply woke her up throwing sticky shit on her face.

“Was it before or after dropping jell-o all over my face? Because I don’t quite recall you saying anything.” Rue poked her tongue at her and Lexi had to roll her eyes. She was such a child.

After finishing yet another cup of her viscous diet, she simply threw the finished cup away and fished another, which got Lexi kinda worried about how many of those Rue had already had. She decided not to ask, some things were better left unsaid.

“Open your mouth.” Never one to share food, there was her friend aiming a spoonful – of a now red jell-o – at her mouth like a loaded gun. Lexi bit her lip contemplating not eating that crap. “Don’t even think about it.” She opened her mouth anyway. Rue Bennett was challenging and stubborn as no one else. “Good girl.” She threw a glare Rue’s way that Lexi was almost positive it could freeze every single flame in hell. It didn’t even scratch the tall girl’s humor though, she just kept humming and eating and preparing another spoon to feed her friend.

Lexi definitely needed some lessons from Maddy about giving dirty looks to people. Her sister’s best friend was the personification of a bad bitch with a terrifying scowl and there was a time when Lexi actually saw the exact moment one of those glares scared the soul out of a boy’s body. The younger Howard had a very long way to go, it seemed.

She took another bite of the jell-o still looking as pissed as her facial expression could muster. Which, in her defense, meant shit, seeing that she was still locked in the crazy cycle of humming Rue taking a bite of jell-o and smiling Rue feeding her jell-o.

“Morning, sis!” Gia came through the door with a smile on her face that became oddly bigger as soon as she saw the scene in front of her eyes. Her bigger sister with an easy smile nudging a very sticky Lexi to eat that crap. She couldn’t blame the younger Bennett, had she been in her position, Lexi would probably walk towards the psychiatry yard and willingly lock herself up there. “Hey, Lex! Good to see you’re eating, too.” The girl in question glared at Gia – because come on! It had to work with someone!

But it didn’t. Instead-

“Stop glaring and eat your jell-o!” She turned her head as fast as the possessed girl from the exorcist to tell Rue to simply fuck off, but of course, the older Bennett just used the opportunity to feed her another spoonful of jell-o. And smiled. “See, much better now!” Said her friend grinning like a maniac and oh so very full of shit. Out of the corner of her eye she could see a smirking Gia and suddenly Lexi hated every offspring in the Bennett household. “Gia, the coffee?” Rue asked her younger sister and just like that the girl in question gave her the cup. “Thanks, kiddo!” She said taking a sip and making a sour face. “Not for you, Howard. You eat the jell-o.” The older Bennett told her with a serious look that kinda left Lexi pouting – she wanted coffee too.

“Mission accomplished, sis!” Gia said and walked right beside Rue to show her something in her mobile phone.

And Lexi with a hair so torn that it could be called a mop or a nest – or something in between – and a face all dirty with colorful jell-o was at a loss of words. Why couldn’t she have shitty coffee too?

Rue vociferated something inhuman that could scare even death itself. Lexi kinda shivered with wide eyes and Gia laughed like it was an inside joke. What the fuck was happening?

“That’s her?” Not seeing her friend’s confusion – or not giving a fuck, it was hard to say when it came down to Rue – the taller girl asked her sister who just nodded her head. “She’s just like her coffee: devoid of life.” Rue said as a matter of fact and took another sip of her cup as indifferently as fuck.

Who the hell pissed Rue off now?

“She’s not that bad.” Gia said with a smile so wicked that Lexi was sure she was trying to raise every kind of hell, the known ones and those still obscured as well. She had no idea what was her final goal, but if it was to push her sister’s buttons, then she ultimately achieved it.

“Don’t fuck with me, Gia. She is inexpressive like a fucking paper! She is so bland it’s ridiculous! She doesn’t even look like a person! Who in their fucking minds can smile that much? It’s not fucking normal.” The older Bennett gave her lecture with a murderous passion that Lexi thought she may have been defending someone in court. Probably Jules. “You see those wrinkles? She’s fucking old! Why the fuck is she chasing after school kids? This is the typical behavior of a criminal, chasing a victim who’s too good to deny their advances and shit. That’s fucked up.” As she was sharing her thoughts, Rue was getting very worked up and kinda red with anger. Whatever the fuck happened while Lexi slept, it was bad shit. “She is a fuck up and that’s final.” Lexi blinked at both Bennetts.

The older was narrowing her eyes and shooting daggers at the younger as Gia looked very aloof.

“What happened?” She decided to ask at least and forget about drinking coffee for the time being. She was way too disoriented.

“Well, Rue here wanted-“ Gia started to explain only to be rudely interrupted by her sister.

“Nothing happened, Lexi.” Said sister glared at the younger Bennett some more and turned to give her a smile so constricted that would put even Mona Lisa to shame. Okay… “The coffee here is fucked up though. How could you drink so many of these fucking crap?” Now seemingly back to her almost normal self, Rue asked her friend while she made a fuming face at the coffee.

Lexi had never seen an inanimate object being the target of so much anger in her whole life.

“I had to stay awake, so…” She answered simply because it was that simple. At least for her. And her best friend seemed satisfied with her answer. Right until the moment she wasn’t.

“You see, Gia?! That’s how a sexual predator chooses their victims. It’s all very fucked up. The son of a bitch!” Rue was talking and gesturing as if the concept of all that conversation was based, to her utter horror, on a federal crime. Which could probably be, seeing that Lexi had not a fucking clue what was that about and Gia was looking at her sister like a fish out of water with her mouth hanging open and blinking eyes. “That’s very bizarre. And fucking criminal. This is a hospital, for fuck’s sake! It’s not a party to deal with this kind of shit!” That was the last piece of information Rue shared with both of them before she angrily threw the cup of coffee away like the thing was insulting her somehow and went back to her previous cycle of jell-o feeding, now looking like she was about to burst into flames. “Open your mouth, Lexi.” The girl in question obeyed, of course, God forbid her of doing anything else while Rue was in such a foul mood. “That’s a good girl.”

And just to be honest, she didn’t hate jell-o, she actually kinda liked it even. But having Rue feeding her, as exasperating as it could be, it also gave her a sense of love and something that got her hot all over as well. So whatever. She wouldn’t say no.

And just like that, the three of them were back to whatever was happening before all that madness fell down upon them. Rue and Lexi in their feeding and eating jell-o activity while the taller one muttered some nonsense and cursed the doomed soul who rose such fury into her heart to the deepest level of hell and Gia was smirking like she just found out the gold at the end of the rainbow.

As strange days went, this one had to be the weirdest of them all.

“Good morning, my girls!” The door opened to show Leslie’s face with a smile and some bag from… The mall? No. Home? Perhaps. Was it from a bakery? Maybe. She had no idea. “How are you today?” Leslie asked, all smiles to everyone, already sitting down in the chair that would probably make her walk like Quasimodo at the end of the day.

“We’re fine, mom! Good to see you, too.” Said Rue shoving jelly up Lexi’s mouth. The paler girl glared at her, or so she tried. To no avail. “Eat first.” She swallowed everything and opened her mouth to show Rue that yes, she ate, in a clear attempt to make her point clear that she was not a kid. “Good girl.” It was all in vain.

“Good morning, Leslie.” Lexi decided that she wasn’t going to engage in Rue’s psychosis for the moment and would take the time to apologize to the matriarch of the family for stealing her chance of spending a very eventful night with her insufferable daughter. “Hey, Leslie! I’m sorry for sleeping here, I’m sure you would like to stay with Rue so I’ll just be on my way.” She said and planned to jump off the bed ‘cause, you know, she had a home and stuff.

“Don’t be silly, you’re not going!” That was Rue rolling her eyes and already holding her arm. Excuse you?!

“That’s just nonsense, Lexi. I’m just glad to see that you finally slept. I was worried because you seemed very distressed, weren’t eating anything and just living on coffee.” Before she could narrow her eyes at her best friend, Leslie said in her sweet tone that meant it was all very good and nothing bad happened, like they were just enjoying a family vacation. In the hospital. And she also sounded so true, so disarming… “I should be the one to thank you for being here for Rue, you know? You have no idea how it makes me happy.” The girls’ mom finished with an open smile looking at Lexi like the younger girl just gave her the world and it made her want to cry. She never had that kind of acceptance at her home, so it was very new and warming.

She bit her lip and nodded ‘cause yeah, there was nothing she wouldn’t do for Rue. But she was also starting to feel like a part of the Bennett household as well. Leslie gave her a watery smile back, it was all very sweet.

“That’s true, Lex, you better stay and entertain my sister before she commits a crime.” And that was Gia whose sentence made every person in the room look at her face and then at Rue’s.

“Can someone tell me what’s this about?” Leslie asked looking at the three of them; Gia was grinning deviously, that girl was up to no good; Lexi just shrugged her shoulders ‘cause she was honest to God very lost as well and Rue just rolled her eyes.

“Gia’s just being a pain, mom. Nothing happened.” Her best friend said with a sigh that left nothing to be desired. Not to Lexi anyway, because Leslie was narrowing her eyes at her older daughter like she was also about to wreck a havoc around the halls. Said daughter glared at her sister who pretended to play a game on her phone. She sighed again. “It was just something that happened at the cafeteria, mom, Gia’s just overreacting.” Rue said and decided to play with her rings.

What the hell happened at the cafeteria?

“And what happened at the cafeteria, Rue?” Leslie asked before Lexi could put her knotted thoughts in order, bless the woman! Of course she was met with a deafening silence until Gia came to her sister’s rescue.

“Nothing, mom. There’s just a girl there that Rue doesn’t like, it’s all.” The younger Bennett said matter-of-factly and Lexi had to give it to this family, they did have a special way of sounding nonchalant whenever they wanted to.

“And what did she do?” Well, wasn’t that the one million dollars question? After hearing their mom, both girls looked at one another at a loss of words. “Come on, you can tell me.” Leslie said sounding worried with her hand on Gia’s leg, probably knowing that, between her two daughters, Gia was much better at providing answers than Rue could ever dream of.

Much to Lexi’s dismay, the answer never came, Gia decided to share it only with her mother and whispered on her ear.

Fucking Bennetts!

“Rue, is everything okay?” She asked her best friend instead, the one who was still playing with her hands so Lexi had to actually hold her hand to make said girl look at her face. The response was immediate, upon feeling Lexi’s hand on top of hers, Rue looked up with a small smile. “You know, you can tell me anything, right?” She asked ‘cause you never know with this family. Her answer was a positive nod and a bigger smile. Lexi Howard sighed.

Hell, she was going to melt her brain trying to understand Rue Bennett.

“Oh! I see…” Leslie’s voice caught Lexi’s attention and she turned her head to look at the now smiling matriarch who sat beside her smirking younger daughter. She turned to look at Rue to see what was up with all the smiles and shit but her best friend was rolling her eyes at them and huffing like an annoyed cat.

What the actual fuck?!

Before Lexi could threat every Bennett in the room to say what the fuck was up now, there were three knocks on the door, so the girl in question decided to look somehow presentable in case it was the doctor discharging her friend to go home. By that, she meant dropping Rue’s hand – she was still holding it, don’t ask her why – and she passed a hand through her hair in an useless way of maybe taming it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her best friend narrowing her eyes at her. Whatever.

No such lucky, of course. Lexi Howard was already dreading the very moment she would have to brush her hair. If, you know, a hair brush was strong enough to penetrate such stiff surface. Perhaps she would need to give it a go and use the garden rake. Or maybe just try a new haircut…?

“Oh, hi, Leslie.” A man’s voice interrupted her thoughts to awkwardly wave at the older Bennett. Okay…? “Hey, girls!” He saluted the rest of the room with an embarrassed smile. Lexi looked at Rue who had her detective Bennett expression and was categorically judging the man. Gia had her eyebrow raised and analyzed the scene like she was one of those Broadway critics watching the opening night of a play. “I’m sorry to interrupt, I just came to say goodbye.” The strange man told Leslie and put her hands inside his pockets. Lexi was torn. At the same time she kinda felt bad for him – no one deserved to endure the Bennetts duo judgement unprepared. But she was also feeling a lot protective of them all. So she let Leslie set the mood.

“Oh, hi, Tom! Come on in!” Leslie said with a smile at his face – and a sideways glare at both her children. “So, this is my younger daughter Gia.” She pointed at the young one who raised her hand and gave him a smile. “That one is Rue, my oldest one.” She nodded her head in said girl’s direction and for some very strange reason, Rue actually greeted him the same as Gia, just in a less than nice way. Her mom rolled her eyes.

“Sup.” Said Rue sounding like a wannabe gangster. Leslie ignored the slang.

“And that’s Lexi, she is almost my daughter.” This family had a way of messing with Lexi Howard’s heart and giving her butterflies, she could tell by the smile Leslie sent her way. “Girls, this is Tom. A friend of mine who I’ve met at some NA meetings.” Oh, it made sense now. The man looked very conflicted to be considered a normal person, but no judgments.

“Hi, Tom! It’s very nice to meet you.” She greeted with an easy smile, for some reason, she took an instant liking to the guy. Could he be a fucker? Absolutely, but still, she was nothing if not polite.

Of course, both Bennetts junior were looking at her with less than amicable expressions. Gia looked very suspicious of her behavior for one and Rue… Rue looked at her face as if Lexi’s simple greeting was a cold blooded murder confession. Oh, so she was less than happy by the looks of it.

The sisters said nothing to the poor man.

“Likewise, kid.” Tom said with a smile and a nod her way. “So, I just came to say goodbye, Leslie. It was a pleasure to see you here.” The man said back to his awkward self and passing a hand through his hair right before he looked scandalized. “I mean, not a pleasure to be here in the hospital, right? Just without, you know, everything bad that happened?” His face was getting kind of red in shame. Was she that strange around Rue? “My point is, it was good seeing a friendly face. It helped me.” The man had Lexi’s skin tone, so seeing him so red was kinda strange because she didn’t know if she looked like _that _near her crush. She hoped not, Tom was seriously redefining the color. “I’m still sorry it had to be like this, you know?” He finished his babbling with that and Lexi felt relieved, the poor guy’s speech was getting weirder by the second and that was coming from Lexi, the queen of making a fool of herself.

“Oh, it was very nice to see you again, too, Tom.” Leslie said with an easy smile and a dismissal wave of hand. Out of the corner of her eye, Lexi saw Rue messing with her hands. She took one in hers and held it. “And I do share the feeling, it was good to have a friendly face around. It helped me out, too.” Rue then took a deep breath and got a little calmer. “So is Jonah going home now?” Probably Rue was unclear about accepting Lexi’s limb as a peace offering or silently hating her guts, but at some point, she sighed and held her hand back – glaring at the offensive appendage, as if it was her hand who decided it on her own. Rue was silly sometimes.

“No. He isn’t.” Tom said in a quiet voice that had Leslie covering her mouth in devastation right before hugging him. The man, who already looked like a play toy with low battery, now was so static that Lexi was afraid he could have been turned to stone. “Unfortunately, he died at five in the morning.” Tom said already tearing up.

Oh shit!

“Oh my God! I’m so so deeply sorry to hear it!” Leslie said like the angel she is still hugging the man who, little by little, attempted to embrace her back. She caressed the guys back with both hands as he cried on her shoulder. “Can I help you with something?” Both her daughters were looking at the scene, but had different expressions; Gia looked very sympathetic at the duo and her best friend had her jaw locked as she narrowed her eyes. The girl was way too jealous for her own good.

As Tom held Leslie more tightly, Rue, for her part, held Lexi’s hand in such a death grip as if said hand was the guilty one for embracing her mom.

“Fuck! My hand, Rue!” She whispered to her friend because yeah, Rue Bennett had slim fingers but fuck her if she didn’t know how to be forceful. Okay, not like that. She meant use it like a weapon and not like… Not. Fucking pervert and full of shit brain, Jesus Christ!

Fuck this crush!

“Sorry.” Rue immediately let go of Lexi’s hand and the latter girl took a deep breath. This is getting too fucked up too quickly. She moved her fingers a little to see if she could still use them all – to write papers! For school!! – and imagine her surprise when said excruciating crush took her hand back and started to lazily kiss her fingers and knuckles. “To get better.” Rue whispered but Lexi was frozen on the spot looking at nowhere and trying to tame the maniac beating of her heart and somehow keep her face from getting angrily red. She didn’t need that shit on top of it.

“Huh.” That sound came from her mouth, she had no idea why and there was no fucking way in hell she would look at Rue. Because, you see, she was feeling hot and feverish – waist up, because waist down was another fucked up scene – so Lexi Howard was deadly sure she was already red. Red as a tomato. Red as someone with a crush on Rue Bennett trying to act all casual about it all. She just wished she wasn’t Tom’s shade of red, she didn’t need that now.

She should just jump off the window and end her fucking misery now!

“So, who’s this Jonah guy?” Rue, sweet killer Rue, the one who suspected everyone and their mothers, said in that easy going way of hers. Which was very good for Lexi, ‘cause, you know, she stopped tormenting her miserable gay heart with pepper kisses on her hand and got Lexi turning to look at her face beyond horrified. “What? It was just a question…” She whispered to Lexi and shrugged her shoulders. Lexi Howard would need to see a cardiac doctor, there was no way to live a long full life facing so many mismatched feelings that came with dealing with Rue Bennett.

The room seemed suspended in time and space. No one could say a single shit for personal reasons. Gia was quietly gazing at the new man – who looked guilty as charged from hugging their mom – because she was probably curious as well; Leslie was torn between berating her older spawn and apologizing profusely for Rue’s behavior, she got her mouth opening and closing like sounds were eluded somehow and Lexi was staring at said girl at a loss of words as well. Trust Rue to own every room she was in.

And the man, Tom, looked at her clearly debating if he should tell her or not. After some seconds, that felt like hours, he sighed and passed a hand through his mess of a hair. So they were about to be enlightened about the matter.

“Jonah was my patience.” Tom started and crossed his arms leaning against the wall behind him. “I’m a psychologist. He was my very first patience.” Lexi looked curiously at him and saw the younger Bennetts doing the same. He didn’t look the part. In fact, the man looked as uncouth as a starving street artist with his blonde hair pointing to every direction, a beard that looked like he didn’t face a mirror to trim it in some days, dark circles under his blue eyes and some clothes that seemed stolen from one of his homeless pals. Yeah, the guy had some handsome features, but he looked like crap. Still, Lexi wouldn’t judge because she was wearing PJs and was probably passing the same just-escaped-a-sanatorium vibe.“And he died this morning from complications of a car accident he caused three days ago after snorting cocaine, taking fentanyl and drinking vodka.” Jesus fucking Christ! Lexi blinked several times. That explains shit. “He wasn’t a bad guy, you see? He was diagnosed, when he was a teenager, with depression, bipolar behavior, autism, self destructive tendencies, dyslexia and schizophrenia. The drug abuse was… kinda new.” He said very sadly as if trying to protect Jonah’s memory and Lexi felt Rue getting anxious beside her. It wasn’t an easy subject for anyone. “He was a mess. A complete mess, to be honest.”

“Yeah, he was…” Her best friend said in a strange voice, looking torn between rolling her eyes or paying attention. Tom simply nodded.

“So he did drugs because of his mental issues?” Gia asked clearly trying to understand her sister who, Lexi thought, was probably feeling very naked at the moment. Lexi turned to look at her and yes, Rue was looking very anxious by her side, so decided to caress the hand she was already holding in hers to show her some comfort.

“I guess, in a way it was because of that, yes.” Gia nodded but she didn’t look convinced. “But I started treating him when he was seven years old for his school problems. As it turned out, we got around the idea of dyslexia but the treatment didn’t work because he had more issues that I wasn’t yet fit to see how deep they truly went, can you understand it?” He asked looking directly at Gia, as if there was no one else in the room and she got his full attention. She nodded her head again. “So after seeing little response to it, his parents called me a charlatan and took him away with no explanation at all. Of course, it got me thinking and rethinking about the kid and if I did more damage than good to his case. But I let him go, it’s what we do.” The man stopped to take a big breath and to walk around the room like a trapped animal. “Anyway, I was surprised when I saw him later, he was sixteen and I was assigned as his doc to treat his aggressive behavior. His father called the police on him saying that he stole money from his own mom and beated her.”

“ No shit!” Said both Gia and Rue clearly shocked.

“Yeah, shit! So I went expecting to see a big bully guy with psycho tendencies and full of muscles but what I saw was skinny Jonah instead. He looked like he had seem the devil himself… Come to think of it, he told me this same sentence more than once…” Tom paused to contemplate his lecture or something. No one said a word. “Anyway, he was walking around the room, one end to the other and whispering inane things to himself. I’m almost positive everyone would say that he lost it upon seeing that scene.” He rubbed his mess of a beard for a second.

“Fuck yeah. I would.” Rue, ever the vocal one, said with interest. Gia took that interruption to sit on the bed with both of them and was received by her sister with a small hand squeeze. Very sweet.

“I got that same diagnosis, Rue, you see? But somehow, it didn’t sit well with me. The fact that a shy kid with dyslexia beating the crap out of his own mom was… well, screwed up. So I decided to keep him there, it was kind of a medical facility, because it was that or juvie for him and he wouldn’t survive it there. And after seeing that his family didn’t want a thing to do with him, everything got clearer somehow.”

“Yeah, that’s… very crappy!” Rue continued and faced everyone in the room, starting with Leslie, then Gia and Lexi. After that, she held her friend’s hand a little more tightly, maybe in gratitude? Lexi couldn’t say, but she was very happy that her best friend had so much support. It was not easy, but there they were.

“Before I continue, I wanna tell you all that I do understand how demanding it can be to treat people with mental disorder. Not only for the patient but for every family member and everyone around included, okay? It’s a difficult battle but it’s one worth fighting for. And having support is very important. We constantly need people to rely on, it’s human nature.” Tom said very seriously and Lexi nodded because yeah, she was all in. Even when her friend treated her like yesterday’s garbage or just ignored her very existence, she would never walk away from her. She just wished that Rue could see that. That she understood how loved she was and worthy as well. Even worth of Lexi’s mental breakdown. So she took a look at her face only to see her getting restless over the subject and Lexi started to draw silly patterns on her crossed leg to see if it could help. “But he had no one and what his family did to him was abuse. Yes, he had his issues and they were not little, but all of his maniac behavior and a few of his mental problems were caused by his mother and father.”

“Well, that’s just too fucked up!” The younger Bennett said to everyone’s surprise – it was more likely to hear that from her sister.

“Gia!” Leslie berated in shock and Tom looked at the matriarch with a very guilty face, as if he was the one who taught Gia every single obscenity in the vernacular. Rue then smiled a little. Trust her mood to get better with coarse language. Lexi shook her head with a small smile at that. Gia was simply unapologetic.

“Anyway, back to his problem… So his parents were inapt to raise a child, that was the truth. So every little thing he did while growing up was glared upon or put to shame which lead Jonah to be a very insecure and socially unfit teenager with self destructive behaviors.”

“Like how?” Her best friend asked in a small voice. “What did he do?”

“Well, for one, he did drugs and lots of alcohol.” Rue rolled her eyes, surely imagining that it was going to turn into a sob story about drug addiction and how it was bad and shit. Well, it truly was fucking awful and Lexi wouldn’t wish upon anyone to have a record as long as her own when it came to dealing with drug addicts. “But that wasn’t the key problem. Yes, he died because of it, but this wasn’t his main problem. When dealing with dependence cases, we need to have a deeper look at what comes before the addiction, what triggers it all. Why the notion of self destruction seems healthier than being sober. And what got him all messed up was that he didn’t know how to deal with feelings.” There was no need to say that Lexi was very invested in the conversation by then.

She still couldn’t erase the picture of Rue laying face down on her room with no heartbeat. After Gia called, she ran like a fearless woman to their home in the middle of the night and she got there in time to see the paramedics trying to resuscitate Rue back to the living. It felt like knives were slowly being shoved into her body all over again just to remember it. She never felt so helpless, so raw and so utterly lost. She felt like she was chocking on too much air and not enough at the same time, like throwing up and crying like a baby. She felt like her world was fastly collapsing on her and there was nothing she could do. And the guilty… The guilty ate her up at night.

Every millisecond Rue spent still in a coma, between the dead and the living, just hanging in stasis as if waiting for a sign to choose which way to go was an eternity for the smaller girl. That was why Lexi decided to drown her sorrows in coffee, because she couldn’t dare to sleep with the nightmares and so she spent every fucking night talking and looking at Rue like a creeper, just hearing her heart monitor. Because maybe she wasn’t who her best friend wished to be rescuing her, but fuck her life if she wasn’t going to fight for her friend up until the bitter end.

She entwined her fingers with Rue’s with no shame now. Yeah, she felt the taller girl’s confused look at her face but she didn’t give a fuck. She needed to feel something of her, something that told Lexi that yes, Rue was still alive. Come to think of it, that was probably why Lexi liked to sleep while listening to the other girl’s heart. Because not hearing it… Not hearing every steady and sure beat of Rue’s heart was a devastating notion she couldn’t even think of. Never again.

Lexi may not have her, she probably never will and they surely will go separate ways once Jules comes back, but that’s okay. She can settle for losing Rue to life every single day. She just couldn’t fathom to lose her to death – that she wasn’t prepared to and never would be.

Rue, in a very unlike Rue behavior, kissed her knuckles and held her hand tight. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her moving closer, so close that her slender leg was resting on top of Lexi’s smaller one, their clasped hand now resting on Rue’s lap.

“So was he like a psycho?” Asked Gia looking at Tom and thankfully deciding to let this one strange behavior of Lexi go unnoticed.

“Not exactly, Gia, because he felt things, too much even, he just wasn’t taught how to deal with that.” At everyone’s blank face, including Lexi’s – who was now much cooler and attentive to the story, thanks to Rue – he kept talking. “So, a psycho is a person who usually feels little to nothing, they are not empathetic and they are very manipulating people. Jonah was a boy who felt too much, but couldn’t comprehend, he simply didn’t have the tools.” At seeing all girls still blinking at him, Tom sighed again. And Leslie moved to sit on the bed with all three of them, behind of Gia. So the man had all the room’s attention. “From a very tender age, he was taught what was acceptable and what wasn’t in a man’s behavior. For example, men shouldn’t cry, so he didn’t. Instead of crying, he took alcohol and pills. Men shouldn’t be amiable because it was women’s behavior only, so he cut himself and snorted cocaine. Men should honor their word and he was bipolar and autistic, so that for him was very hard ‘cause he usually was very unsure of what he was thinking. And that’s how he started to hide on his shell.” Lexi looked at all Bennetts on the bed and they, just like her, were sporting the same understanding on their faces. “Mental health is much like a glass, it can resist many thunderstorms only to crash by a little rock. So that’s the complicated part of it all, he was in shambles, tiptoeing around his own pieces and his parents had that motto ‘of out of sight, out of mind’ so it was hard. Because breaking things takes too little time and work, but building takes labor, takes a whole life, takes everything. Can you understand?” Everyone nodded.

“So was Jonah broken beyond repair?” Lexi was the one to ask because she was truly afraid. She was afraid for Rue, but even more scared for herself. She was afraid of having missed her opportunity to be a whole person, to be happy, to change, to live. And to think that she was way too broken to be loved, that she would have to change her whole persona to be accepted – like her mother told her once when she was drunk and enraged – that she had no escape of it all and all that was left for her was the little crumbs she was often given – and accepted without a blink of the eye – and that she was destinated to be what both her addicted and irrational parents made of her… It terrified her.

Next to losing Rue to death, nothing truly scared her so much as seeing herself in a future like her mom and dad. A loveless marriage between two people who barely tolerated one another and had two children they often struggled to love, openly flirting with other people and never having the guts to change it, to make something better of it. Well, of course, her dad got away, but he was doing so much drugs now that Lexi had no idea if he was still alive. And her mom… She was kinda killing herself with wine. Sometimes the strong woman who raised her and Cass came to surface – like when they went to the abortion ordeal – but it was very far and in between. And Lexi kinda wondered if Suze would even bother to do the same for her at all.

She would, the rational part of her brain said, she wouldn’t want her younger child having another child. But on the emotional level of that, Lexi was far from being sure.

“No one is ever broken beyond repair, Lexi.” Tom said as if sensing her nerves and gave her a smile. “I mean, if our home has a problem we don’t set it on fire and move out, yeah?” He waited for everyone to nod. “So we must face ourselves as our own homes, our own houses. We start with little room, maybe a one bedroom full of problems that we don’t know where to start and we just go from there. We grow up, we get bigger and, little by little, we start to let people in. It starts with family, those closer to us, then we hang out with friends and, as we get more mature, we have love interests. But we must never stop loving our own homes, our own building, even if we need daily repair. Because we do, okay? We do need daily repair to keep functioning. That’s how we share, much like in a renovation, we share with those we trust and we keep on trusting them not to mess with it all.” Lexi nodded at him, it did little to soften her worries, but it was truly something. Maybe she needed to look at her own building now, it was surely screwed up.

“You do like building a lot, huh?” Rue said with a contemplative look at her friend’s features. Not that Lexi was actually looking at her to know this, but somehow she did. Somehow she always did know.

“I-yeah, I kinda do, Rue. I actually like renovating houses and stuff. Also I own a car workshop with my brother and we do from mechanics to every kind of repair and full restoration, so I get it. You see, those old beat up cars are kinda of our thing.” Tom said with a happy smile. When he saw what Lexi assumed to be surprised faces – because yeah, it was a shocking notion to her that someone could love and care about broken things ‘cause it went against the concept of human relationships she built up in her head – the man kept going. “But what I am trying to say is that everyone deserves to be seen as a home and we must treat ourselves like our own homes because we are the ones we go to bed with and wake up to every single day, got it?” The addressed girl nodded again. “So, to put it simply, Jonah’s problem was not entirely mental. Yes, he had his issues, but with medication and a little more tender look, he would be good.”

“With the bipolar disorder, depression and drug abuse and all that shit?” Rue asked playing with Lexi’s fingers and the other girl automatically clasped her hand tightly. It was a mystery how she felt Rue’s anxious behavior without even looking at her face. She also didn’t need to look to see her frightened face.

“Yes, Rue, of course! Even with all that, it’s truly possible to be good and happy and live a long full life.” She must have made a face that clearly said otherwise though. “Don’t bet against the doctor, kid.” Tom smiled full of teeth and Lexi heard Rue whispering a ‘whatever’. “Er, back at his case, Jonah’s problem was the concept of love.” At that Lexi had her wide eyes at him. “Let me put it like this, we live in a society, we see and talk and deal with people everyday. Some of those we deal because we actually like them, some we just endure because life has it’s downsides. So we are used to feel too much, we feel about everything and anything, yeah?” Lexi immediately thought about the forsaken coffee in the hospital that got so much hate that it was simply mind blowing. “From movies, to subjects, to people, to foods, to pets, to plants, we are built around emotions; some stuff we love, some stuff we deeply dislike and some stuff we want nothing to do with. It’s part of the human behavior.” He stooped to take a deep breath. “And Jonah went wrong in never accepting any of it.”

“What do you mean by not accepting any of it?” Leslie asked to everyone’s surprise. She was very silent up until that moment.

“I mean, Leslie, that we are _who_ we love and who loves us back and _how_ we love and how we accept love. That’s what makes us… us.” Well, that was fucking fantastic for Lexi now, wasn’t it? Seeing that she was in love with someone who didn’t even consider herself to be her best friend anymore. “And we can only receive the amount of love we deem ourselves worth of.” Tom stopped to look at everyone but no one said anything. Lexi was… Well, she was at a loss. “Because, I can love you with all my heart and everything I own – I mean, as an example, of course.” From the guy’s red face, the paler girl knew that it was more towards the ‘of course not’ part of it. Whatever, she dealt with the same shit with Rue, she wouldn’t judge him. “But it still can not be enough love for you because you may not know how to deal with my brand of love. And if I do pile you up with all this love I can smash your whole structure, you see? What I’m trying to say is that even love must be handled carefully, because someone won’t feel more loved if they feel smothered. And all of us, we only accept what we think we are worth of, even with love. And that was his main problem.”

“So he didn’t know how to love?” Rue asked for… Lexi knew the reason, but she liked to pretend that she didn’t. That she didn’t know her best friend and crush was head over heels in love with Jules and didn’t know how to deal with how she felt. Feelings never mixed well with one Rue Bennett and Lexi could play it by ear now. The price she paid for knowing this girl was way more than she bargained for sometimes.

She took her hand out of Rue’s and put it back on her lap. Her friend was way too deep in her own head and didn’t look like she missed it, so that was that.

It did shatter her soul. But well.

“No, Rue, his case was a little more serious. ‘Cause it’s not like we all know how to love, we just go with the flow and make the decisions as they appear to us. We don’t schedule falling in love with someone. Most times, we don’t even choose to fall for a person.” Yeah, tell Lexi Howard about it. “It happens without notice, without even our permission sometimes, but that’s life.” Yes, that was her downfall. Lexi lost count of the times she decided that loving Rue was too inconvenient and she just wanted out. But as fucking fate would have it, she never stopped loving her. “But it gets better with time. Sometimes when we are more mature, we know when to walk towards someone to build something with all their messes and broken things included. And we also know when to kiss someone goodbye as well.” So… yeah, kissing goodbye. Not actually kissing, but saying goodbye would be the mature way for Lexi’s unsought crush. She wasn’t going to be Rue’s personal Karen for fuck’s sake. They were friends. “It’s hard to gather the right time, you know? The right time to say that ‘it’s enough’, that you still love this someone but it’s not good for you. It’s hard to say when to let go, but we all have this spark inside ourselves that somehow knows better than us. If it’s not lit enough, if it’s causing more harm than good, if it feels just like a waste of time, if it feels too demanding, too giving and little receiving… Somehow, deep inside ourselves, we always know because it doesn’t feel so right anymore.” Well, fuck. Talk about going to a fucking therapy for free. Even when the advices weren’t the ones she was looking for, Lexi knew that it was the right thing to do it. To just be her friend, not even best friend, maybe her acquaintance? That kinda sounded detached. Or maybe a place holder. For Jules. It was cool. She was cool.

Though she wasn’t.

“So how more serious could his problem be then?” Gia asked and Lexi blinked trying to get herself out of her haze. She kinda saw Rue looking at her from the corner of her eye but made no move to actually turn and check. She was probably thinking about her golden haired lover in the end. And how fast she fell in love and all that.

Anyway, everyone had their roles in someone else’s play, it was time to accept hers. She was not written to be Rue’s leading lady or love interest, she was just a place holder. That odd but caring character who helps the hero achieve their greatness and watch from afar as they fall in love with the ethereal lady who comes to change their lives forever. The type of romance that could turn a boring novel into a bestseller. Trust the younger Howard to have read enough books to know that. And the small girl knew she was very far from being lovable, heavenly and enchanting enough in comparison to Jules to be her tall friend’s love interest, no matter how hard she tried. She wasn’t the type of gal who could make someone else’s world change it’s rotation, much less Rue’s; the dark skinned girl was always after a high, always chasing the unachievable, forever trying to beat the odds and redefine every game.

In a way, Rue was one of those characters written to be everlasting, bigger than life itself, one that could either inspire the most moving poems to be written or, just like Helen of Troy, capable of starting an inconceivable bloodbath. Still, she was the muse to every stupid love rhyme Lexi wrote and the commonly seen face in her poorly made drawings – yes, she had lost count on how many Rue sketches she made over the years, always trying to capture everything about her in paper only to fall way too short; the girl of her dreams was way too huge to fit anything of Lexi’s but her remembrance and old photographs.

She deserved – and was after as well – someone as earth-shattering as herself and as much as Lexi would like to make her pulls and pushes, she could never enlarge herself enough to be that someone for Rue. So better face that now than damaging everything and burning every bridge beyond return. There was only so much she could do and so far she could go before she lost herself trying to be Rue’s beloved one only to still be invisible. It was not far to do it to herself over somebody who was too caught looking sideways to notice her. No one ever did notice her anyway, Rue Bennett was no exception.

Well, there was nosy Karen. Probably because there was no better option around, but anyway. There was Karen so maybe the problem wasn’t being too small to be seen… Perhaps Rue just chose not to.

Fuck, that hurt like fucking hell. Almost every truth did, or so they said.

Anyway, there was Karen. Not that Lexi paid her enough attention to give it a second thought, but still, she looked pretty and tall – guess she was a queer young woman with a type, after all. If there was a Karen, even when Lexi wasn’t giving her a call because Rue smashed the girl’s number with fury and Lexi didn’t know where the fuck was her phone to even consider saving the number… Anyway, if there was a Karen, perhaps Lexi wasn’t just the insipid and weirdly unseen girl her friend often make her feel like. Perhaps there’s still a way for her to become a person. Maybe.

Who knows?

Lexi was still debating if she did have a lead role in her own life. Probably not. But she should. She needed it and she should start that soon.

At least this was something she should thank the cafeteria girl for, it made her realize that she could be more than a pitiable basket case. She could try to be a cute basket case now and maybe try some new fashion style.

Yeah, it could be good. A small change is still a change. Perhaps she could become more confident. There was always Cass and, God forbid!, even Maddy to help her out choosing clothes and shit.

“He didn’t know how to feel loved, Gia.” Lexi blinked to come back to the conversation at hand. And what Tom said left her clearly dumbfounded by the possibility. “He didn’t accept compliments, he didn’t think he was worth of anyone’s second glance, he couldn’t accept people loving him, no matter how wrong or right they did love him, in his mind, he was never worth of any of it.” Yeah, well, fuck! That was just Rue. And her fucking self. Jesus! “So he lived his life without getting close to people, without having social contact, without being cherished and hugged, because in his mind, he didn’t deserve it. So that was how Jonah found himself going to places where no one would care about him or try to be close to him. He would only let me in.” If Lexi Howard was feeling heartbroken for Jonah? That’s one hundred percent sure. But then she though about the girl beside her and she kinda understood her friend a little more and such realization broke her heart. It didn’t stop her from tearing up, which was childish and unbecoming, but she looked at Tom’s blue eyes and felt some kind of understanding. She felt a little more at ease in the end. Not better, but it was still something. “And I can’t save a person all by myself, I can’t love someone back to life alone, I can’t fight for someone who already decided that the battle is lost. It wasn’t fair on me as it wouldn’t be fair on any of us, right? But still I tried because that’s what we do for love.” He didn’t say her name but Lexi thought it was all aimed at her. She simply nodded, she knew it all too well. “But there are times when we must love ourselves more simply because life is nothing more than dust in the wind and there will come the day when the seasons will change with gusts of air to leave us with nothing to hold onto.” His gaze was so fucking fierce at her face that Lexi felt her soul being ripped open as if she was naked there. Jesus! Was she so easy to read like that? She had to control the urge to sob right there. What a fucked up trip these days were proving to be.

“So you are all okay at the guy’s fucking death then? Good for you, very grown-up and shit.” Rue said with a hot white anger that almost got Lexi turning her head to see what this man did to irritate her so crudely. She didn’t though, she had too much on her mind to analyze that. But Tom looked at her very serenely, which was strange, seeing that everyone was very shocked by the loud gasp she heard from Leslie.

“Rue! What are you talking about?!” She heard Leslie asking but… She shut her mind down there, Lexi Howard was way too drained to deal with an argument consisted on Rue hating people over Jules.

Because that’s what that was. She was mad at Tom for comparing her relationship with Jules to a hand grenade, thrilling but explosive. While Rue was a reclusive person with accepting love issues – her friend knew because she had been there for almost fifteen years, struggling to make feel loved, but now she understood that Rue just didn’t want that from Lexi –, the other girl was very outgoing and could love the whole world all at once. Sometimes Lexi thought that Jules did love the whole world just because the option would be to hate everything and she didn’t think the blonde would be the type to give anyone this satisfaction.

Which, part of Lexi admired Jules for this very reason, her ability to own herself and to show it, never being afraid of anyone or anything, it was clearly something else. Another part of her was scared for her because people weren’t usually good at heart and could pick her up for this very reason and be mean to her, which would be so brutal and just to think about it sent shivers of fear down her spine. Some other part of her was jealous because Lexi only wished to be like that, not afraid to be who she was or to love everyone, it was a crazy concept. But there was still a part Lexi that was angry at it, ‘cause love means caring and never giving up on people like she did Rue. But anyway, Lexi liked Jules. And disliked her as well. But in the end, Lexi could clearly understand both of them.

What a fucking mess!

She could hear voices arguing in the back of her head. Leslie was probably trying to tell Rue that it wasn’t fair to pile everything on the poor man and Rue was… quiet. She sounded quiet. Which was good. She didn’t need more discussions and shouting matches to happen.

“Lex! Hey? Come on, talk to me!” She didn’t do it on purpose, the avoidance and everything, but she kinda spaced out and got back to her bearings after Rue cupped her cheek. That was a new one. “Please tell me what happened, can I help?” She blinked a few times to focus on Rue’s face over the tears on her eyes. Great, she was crying! “Hey, I’m here. What’s wrong?”

For her part, Rue Bennett looked honest to God perturbed, like she just came from death and told it to fuck itself. Which, true, she kinda did. Besides, Lexi couldn’t understand Rue’s change of heart all of sudden. It wasn’t like she cared about the smaller girl – it was sad, but true – like that. To feed her and to be worried about her, it was very much not Rue. Maybe Lexi was looking like a charity case then, it would explain it; Rue was just feeling sorry for her friend and pitying on her.

Anyway, what would she say?

Should she apologize for not being Jules and not being the one Rue wanted to love her back? Probably not. Rue would get very angry and probably be mean to everyone in the hospital. So the problem wasn’t that Rue Bennett was there, because there she was – alive and thank heavens for that! – and she was frantically looking at her face searching for anything. Maybe some different facial traits. Yeah, Lexi Howard was going to kill herself over Rue Bennett one of these days.

So Rue was there, but Lexi was the one in the wrong, she was the one who shouldn’t be there at all. She was holding a place that wasn’t hers – it never was – and preparing to play a match while she wasn’t even on the team. She was daydreaming with someone who belonged to someone else, who wanted someone else, who desired someone else, who loved someone else and made a tattoo to prove it, who got an overdose over someone else because while she imagined her life not making any sense without Rue in it, Rue had that with Jules. Being left by Jules was so unthinkable that Rue decided to die. So she belonged to Jules, whether the blonde wanted her to or not.

And Rue even had the audacity of saying shit about Shakespeare. Just the one person who couldn’t fathom to live a life without her beloved one in it. Life had these little jokes after all, all of those were usually at Lexi’s expense.

So it was time to face the music and let her go, to free this girl from her tight grasp somehow. While she still had little mind to do so.

And maybe even get herself free in the process if she was ever so lucky.

She blinked again and looked at her once best friend. Truly unashamed looked at her, without any fear of being judged or whatever. For maybe the first time? She wouldn’t know. And Rue had the most beautiful features she had ever seen. From her smooth skin – she wasn’t going to touch, she just knew it gotta be smooth – with just the right skin color that made her brown eyes shine like onyx, her little nose that was very cute even when she wrinkled it at each and every one of her endless rants complaints or psychotic trips and it went so well with her cute chin, only to end up looking at her mouth. She may have taken a few seconds more just looking at Rue’s mouth, she could daydream a little before letting the girl go. And they did kiss once. It was nothing for Rue, of course, she was just helping a friend out but she had sweet and smooth lips. Very kissable. Lexi really liked it.

She then looked back at her eyes and Lexi saw tears rolling down her face. She shouldn't cry. Rue should never cry. She should be forever happy because seeing such girl cry made her want cry and she already shoved her decency up her ass tearing up over nothing.

“Don’t cry, Rue. You should never cry.” Lexi whispered to her friend with a small smile because it was true. She would forever be rooting for Rue’s happiness, always on her team, no matter what happened to them or where the hell she went. But it seemed like everyone who heard that sentence started to cry even more. Or it was how Lexi said it, definitely in the wrong way and made her sad. Her hand made an attempt to clean Rue’s tears, but at least she stopped herself in time without actually touching her. Rue shook her head multiple times and took Lexi’s right hand and put it on her face anyway.

Oh!

So Lexi carefully caught out her tears, one by one. And she was sure about Rue’s face, it was very smooth indeed. So smooth that she had to force her perv hand to only clean Rue’s tears and not caress her face like a predator. She refused to be one.

“Don’t do this, Lexi, please.” Rue had more tears falling down her face and said in a pleading tone that scared Lexi’s hand away and she put the shameful limb on her lap. She couldn’t do anything right. For fuck’s sake!

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- I didn’t know. Sorry.” After hearing that nonsense – Lexi surely was going insane, she couldn’t possibly be so idiotic – Rue snapped her head up to look at the fuck Lexi was doing embarrassing herself, which wasn’t nothing new, she should have known that by now. She was like that when they were kids. Or maybe Rue actually forgot because of the awkwardness of it all. It wasn’t her fault. So Rue took Lexi’s hand to put at her own face again and Lexi tilted her head. She had no idea what was going on.

“Don’t leave me.” Rue whispered sounding so scared that Lexi almost tackled her to the bed to say that it was a fucking nonsense and that she wasn’t like… that. Well, whatever. She didn’t though, she gave her friend a small smile because everything would be okay. They were going home, each to their own homes, of course. And soon would be Christmas and they would have hot cocoa and watch silly reality shows and they would dance and sing to holiday tunes and maybe even bake a cake. It would probably be a mess.

But she didn’t say any of that, they weren’t going to do any of that anyway.

“You are going to be discharged soon and we are all going home, Rue.” Lexi said instead and began, once again, to gather every offending tear falling from her friend’s eyes. They shouldn’t be there.

Rue wetted her lips and Lexi paid close attention to it like the fucking moron she was. Oh fucking hell!

“You look like you are going somewhere.” Where else would she go? She had no money, her family was completely insane and those relatives who didn’t despise her mom were afraid of her and her dad… Better to not even start with that one. “You look like you are going somewhere that I’m not allowed, Lex.” Rue whispered with uncertainty sounding so very young, looking more troubled than Lexi had seen her before this last OD. But the only place Lexi could go with no visitors was the sanatorium and it would probably be for other’s own good.

“I’m just right here, Rue. I’ve always been here.” It was the most honest and sad sentence she ever said. But well... And she was still a free folk, after all. “Don’t cry over that.” She said because it wasn’t exactly a lie, the probability of her being committed to a mental institution right away was very slim. Or so she hoped. “It’s going to be okay.” She kinda made a grimace after that – it was meant to be a smile – but she was never one to lie, she didn’t even know how to. And it was all going to be good for Rue, right? It wasn’t exactly a lie. Lexi was just going to take some steps back with her uncalled-for crush. It was fine, it happened every day.

Rue was going to be just fine as soon as Jules came back. Maybe Lexi could give the blonde a call to berate her for this fucked up shit she did and threat her to come back right away.

But then again, she had no right.

“Do you promise you won’t leave, Lex?” Rue asked seriously, gazing fiercely at her face to see if she was going to lie. If only Lexi could do both; lying and leaving this girl were out of her cards. “Not you too…” She whispered looking down. It was about Jules, after all. She was feeling alone and left behind and that was a sad thing to see. The sadder part was that even after knowing this, that the only reason Rue wanted to be near her was because Jules went away, Lexi was still incapable of walking out of her life like that. She wished she could though. “I promise I’ll be better. I’ll make it up to you. All of it.” Rue had a desperate tone that matched her features. But it still didn’t make sense to Lexi. It was said with such pain that ripped her heart apart. This was ridiculous. How could someone leave Rue Bennett behind?

“You are very good, Rue, don’t say that. You are an amazing and remarkable person. And we are all lucky to have you.” She said as the addressed girl crawled up on her lap like a complete mess of limbs that took her by surprise. Oh! Lexi helped her get comfy. Or something close to it, seeing that Rue Bennett was way taller than her but well. The curly haired girl didn’t fight or complained so it could be seen as victory, right? “And I’m sure she is going to come back.” The ‘to you’ part was left unsaid, but maybe it wasn’t really necessary. “She’s not stupid to leave for good.” She wouldn’t drop school, right? Well, Lexi had no idea, but it seemed like even without actually saying her name, Lexi did wrong by talking about her, or presuming anything, Rue had an indecipherable look on her face – a mix between anguish and loss, like she was reliving Jules abandonment all over again. Oh crap! “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to presume anything. I just…” She just what? She had no idea, so she just shut her trap mouth.

But it didn’t matter because now was Rue’s moment to analyze Lexi’s features and it wasn’t at all difficult for her seeing that she sat on the smaller girl’s lap and had her face centimeters away from her. Rue’s teary eyes were looking at everything in Lexi’s face, every single flaw. She kinda wanted to cover it up, but it was out of the window now. She looked deeply into her eyes, like she was examining Lexi’s soul for something, then at her nose and after all that, she looked at Lexi’s lips, making the the paler girl hold her breath. Fuck. Her gaze felt sweet like a caress, like she was taking her time with all that quest. It was very unsettling for the other girl because she, not for her first time, couldn’t read Rue’s expression. Was she looking at her and searching for signs of Jules or any resemblance to the blonde? Was she fantasizing about turning Lexi into Jules? Was she just lonely and wanted someone close? Or was she looking at her and trying to see Lexi for who she was?

Fuck, what a mess! She felt naked and ridiculous for trying to read the girl. Because in a very fucked up comparison, Rue Bennett was like her sphinx; as much as she tried to decipher the taller girl, she just kept devouring Lexi.

It was kinda Lexi’s fault though. The scrutiny of Rue’s gaze at her deepest secrets was truly her own doing. She shouldn’t have looked at her so curiously and for so long. She read Nietzsche, for God’s sake! So of course after gazing wistfully and like a lunatic at her abyss, said abyss was doing the same to her. It was only logical. Her abyss had one her trademark unreadable looks, Rue was no longer crying, for which Lexi was ultimately glad, but she had such a dejected face that broke Lexi’s heart in two. She looked like she was on the verge of breaking down with nothing else to hold. Even after knowing that she wasn’t the one her friend craved to be near her, Lexi still wanted to shout in her face that she was there, goddammit! But when she opened her mouth tell Rue to hold on a little longer, the taller girl took a deep breath and put her head on Lexi’s chin.

“You didn’t answer my question though.” Rue commented quietly while she played with Lexi’s hand. Something was clearly bothering her.

“Oh! Which one?” Lexi seriously couldn’t remember. Not with how Rue was mapping her face with her dark eyes just seconds ago. It was very distracting for her heart. Apparently that was also the wrong answer because next second Rue moved her head to look straight at Lexi’s face – almost knocking her friend out in the process.

“Seriously, Lexi?” She sounded hurt and she looked even more offended. Oh fuck! That got Lexi Howard tearing her brain apart after what she could possibly had let pass. The paler girl’s look must have been so lunatic that Rue’s expression got back to miserable. Fucking hell! “Oh, Lex…” Rue whispered and dropped her forehead to Lexi’s, touching the smaller girl with her own. Baby Jesus! At least her gay panic went unseen because Rue closed her eyes as if asking the upsetting question again was a fucking labor. The taller girl sighed. Deeply. Which got Lexi to feel her breath – that smelled like coffee – all over her body. Not exactly, sure, but feeling Rue’s breath that close to her face was the same as flying too close to the sun, you burn like fuck. “You just said that I’m good…” Lexi nodded, she truly believed that Rue was a very caring and good person, there was no denying it. Rue had her index finger up, like she was counting Lexi’s sins. “You said that Jules would come back…” Rue said lifting her middle finger as well and ended touching Lexi’s chin. Oh fuck! The other girl could only nod again, this time being closely observed by the curly haired girl. Jules would be insane not to come back to Rue. She was also insane for leaving in the first place, but she wasn’t going to point the obvious. “You said that it’s all going to be okay.” With her ring finger now gently resting on Lexi’s chin too and a sad smile adorning her lovely features, Rue finished.

“It is going to be, Rue. I promise you it will.” Her answer went with a brief kiss on Rue’s forehead and a small smile at her. “Everything is going to be fine. You deserve it to be.” She said with sincerity going back to resting her forehead on Rue’s. For a reason, her friend’s eyes were tearing up again. She made the move to clean the tears again, but put her hand down. And Rue took her hand to put at her face again with a frown. Whatever, Lexi decided to do the same again. “You are going to be happy. I know this is a hard time-“

“You never said that you’re staying…” Rue whispered as if the thought of Lexi leaving could break her heart, but she was probably picturing Jules then and whatever happened to them before the blonde left. But still the paler girl instantly swallowed her words – and almost her tongue as well – in the process. Oh! “Around…” She whispered in the lowest decibel that could still be heard by the human ear and tilted her head to look at Lexi’s soul- “With me…” Rue said finally, looking bewildered and ashamed at her friend as Lexi just felt the exact moment her own soul left her bloody body. Oh boy! What a fucking mess! How she hated her stupid heart for being so in love with this woman. So in love that she overlooked all the fuckery that was about to go downhill.

“I thought you already knew the answer to that, Rue.” She whispered with a sad smile because destiny hated her fiercely, it seemed and the girl staring at her face was going to be her undoing. Rue shook her head. You know, that was the moment when she should just show hands and possibly explain why it was so fucking hard to be in her position. Why she was fucking heartbroken over having to step back. Why she was oh so tired of sitting on the bench. But she didn’t. She wasn’t going to say a thing about her feelings though. It wasn’t fair to pile her friend with her despair while Rue was dealing with so much already. It was not fair and Lexi wasn’t that inconsiderate “You should know that I always stay by now.”. She never truly went away from Rue, did she? Instead she managed to set herself up for a deeper fucking heartbreak. “I’m not leaving you, Rue.” And she wasn’t. She was just going to step back a few so her heart could recover. Right?

“I’m so fucking sorry, Lex!” Rue whispered looking all crazy as if she committed a crime all of sudden. In Lexi’s eyes, she kinda did. Rue had no idea how deep she would shatter her friend’s every pillar if she died. How Lexi’s world would simply fall into a monochromatic haze of blurred things. How she would leave Lexi so depressed that she would never recover. How such a small act of drugging her ass over a lost lover would forever doom the small girl to the deepest level of hell. “I have no words-“

“It’s okay, Rue. It’s going to be okay.” She was sure she already said that, but having Rue looking so distraught over her addiction was not a way to actually help her with it.

“I promise you, it won’t happen again.” That put a tiny smile at Lexi’s face. It was all she ever wanted to hear. To hear that her friend didn’t give up on herself. “Every shit I put you through… I had no fucking words. I’m so fucking sorry.” Rue said tearing up more. “How I abandoned you so many times and told you so many hurtful shit…” Yes, that hurt like a bitch. It still did. “I didn’t mean it, okay?” Rue said looking disturbed at her face but the worst part was that Lexi thought that she did mean it all. “You don’t have to believe, but I didn’t. I was just hurting and… Shit, you don’t deserve any of it. Nothing. And how I always let you just fucking go… Shit!” Now she whispered fully crying and Lexi would be lying if she said that it didn’t make her want to fucking cry too. “You deserve so much better. Jesus!” Well, Lexi Howard started to tear up too after that. She decided to rest her chin on Rue’s head, no need to humiliate herself more showing how it still had the ability to cut her open. “I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up, you are just too good to me. I can’t even-“

“Shh! It’s okay, Rue. It’s-“ Lexi closed her eyes. She was in no state of mind to deal with any of it. Seriously.

“It fucking isn’t! Don’t say shit like that! Please, don’t…” Then Rue cupped her face again because nevermind trying to let her friend have some peace of mind. “Please, look at me.” She whispered and of course she was granted her wish. Nevermind preserving whatever was left of Lexi’s dignity as well. “I’m so fucking sorry for making you cry…” Lexi gave no words, just a sad smile. No fight left, huh? “I want you to know that I’m still here because of you too, Lexi. And fuck me if I know I have no right to ask shit from you, because I know that. But please don’t fucking leave me. I can’t lose you…” There was Rue’s turn to clean her tears as she tried to pierce Lexi’s fucking skull with her sad stare. She was probably sadistic to say that type of shit with those fucking penetrating eyes. “I won’t lose you, Lex.” She sounded so sure of herself… Too sure for always being the one getting further away. Fuck! Lexi’s head was more fucked up than Arkham Asylum, full of crimes and fucking insanity and “I should’ve died...” What the fuck? She had no fucking right!

“How fucking dare you?!” Well, she was so mad that she didn’t even stop to analyse that she was yelling at her friend for the very first time in her whole existence. And said girl just put her hands on her lap looking scared. “Don’t you dare say egotistic shit like that, Rue Bennett! Don’t you fucking dare!” Oh that did it, Rue for the first time managed to get Lexi Howard simply _livid! _Still, it took her friend from the pity party she was so gladly throwing to stare at the smaller girl with wild shocked eyes. Good! “You have no fucking right to say that! What about everyone, huh? Fuck them all, right?” Lexi sneered at her with a twisted smile. How could Rue be so fucking selfish?! “You will never repeat it or I’ll swear to God, I’ll never look at your fucking face again, Rue!”

Well, for the first time in forever Lexi Howard was screaming at her crush’s face. You see, that was how unhinged this very _fucking _girl left her.

At the very least she shut her fucking mouth.

“I’m sorry, I won’t repeat it.” And there she had Rue Bennett whispering with a shameful face sounding like a scolded brat. “It’s fucked up and I’m sorry for that shit, too.” Lexi was still glaring at her friend. Stupid fucking woman! “I do care about all of you… I didn’t… Fuck” At least the fucking moron looked regretful. “I’m not dying or going away, Lex.” She said sounding a little more like herself.

“Fucking good, Rue.” Said girl just nodded in response. Lexi wanted to slap her senseless. Fucking idiot.

“Are you?” Rue then asked after licking her lips with a shy gaze that had Lexi tilting her head. “Are you going away…” Her tall friend whispered bashfully, as if she was afraid to hear her answer, the the fucking jerk! Still, she shook her head ‘no’ because Lexi was an idiot, too. Then her stupid crush nodded in return and put her forehead against hers. “Good. No one’s going anywhere then.” Lexi narrowed her eyes at her and Rue beamed full of teeth. Oh fuck her!

What kinda of moron was she? The one that could never say no to Rue Bennett. She smiled a little upon seeing Rue’s big smile – it wasn’t like she would have many reasons to smile after this fuckery is over and done with, so she might as well use all her smiles now.

What a bloody idiot!

“And if you decide to go, will you take me?” A shyly smiling Rue asked and Lexi was at a loss of words. First because Rue didn’t fancy giving coy smiles around, or not to Lexi anyway. It meant that something must be pretty wrong with her. Second because, as she heard from Gia – who heard Rue mumbling nonsense before the OD – Rue decided to stay instead of going to the city with Jules because of her family and stuff, so it was a very counterproductive question to be asked. If she didn’t go with Jules, who Rue loved deeply with all her heart, how in fuck would she go anywhere with Lexi? “So?” But her companion wouldn’t let her rest without responding it.

“If you want to go then, yes, I’ll take you, Rue.” That seemed to be her first right answer in a very long time if Rue’s grin was anything to go by. Which was good. Kinda awesome even. She would leave the choice to Rue – just as she always did – and her friend would decide what to do. Right?

“Okay. I’ll want to go.” Rue gave her a very childish grin that got Lexi warm inside in many different ways but she rolled her eyes. What a fucked up situation she just pursued. Some people chased adventures or one night stands, but not Lexi Howard, ladies and gentlemen. Lexi Howard only ran after Rue Bennett and future misery and heartbreaking over the very girl. For fuck’s sake! “Because Howard and Bennett have lots of crimes to solve together.” She said arching an eyebrow and her friend just wanted to die. Not because she disliked their game, but that raised eyebrow… Fucking fuck.

“I-we-yes!” That was her only logic answer. Far from being even logic, but it seemed to amuse Rue to no end. Rue who, for a moment, grinned full of white teeth – and that grin was going to kill Lexi Howard one of these days – and leaned in to kiss Lexi’s left cheek. Almost causing the girl to have a stroke. Then her right cheek. And her forehead. Completely ignoring her friend’s breathing hitching and her less than stable mental health with those little pecks of hers. Fuck!

The paler girl stared dumbly at her friend then. She was having a heart attack surely. Deadly. Unforgiving. And Rue was just smiling. Which, apart from being hot as the deepest level of hell and probably redder than devil itself, got Lexi somehow happy…? She didn’t know, it was a strange concept. Whatever she was feeling was very bizarre and she was feeling too much at the same time. Like fireworks full of messed up feelings were exploding inside her brain. And butterflies. Always the butterflies.

With that, she sent Rue a very shy grin to match her all red face. The girl in question licked her lips again – fuck! – and smiled right back at her, full of teeth and everything right before she crawled back to Lexi’s lap to rest her head on the smaller girl’s chin with a victorious look on her features like she won the goddamn lottery.

So it was decided then, Lexi Howard wasn’t even a clown. She was the entire fucking circus!


	2. Of Taylor Swift's world tour and the tall tale of Slender Rue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying goodbye is very difficult when you're in love and shit. But it's a necessary step to be taken if Lexi planned to keep herself from going nuts over her crush. And sleep. She really needed to sleep. If only Rue could let her fucking friend do both and let her suffer in peace...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys! here we go again... I'd like to thank you all for wasting your time reading this crap and taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I loved reading your opinions, thank you very much, and as soon as I figure how, I'll answer you back because I'm stupid and new here.  
guess I lied about the following chapters' length, huh? sorry about it, my wordy self can't help herself, but this one's not as long as the prologue so I guess that's good...?  
anyway, the mistakes are mine still.  
and I'd love to hear your opinions on this one as well. feel free to criticize.
> 
> have a good one, folks!
> 
> ps.: the next chapter might take a while 'cause I didn't start it yet, but it will come. eventually. if you're still interested and shit.  
ps.2: so hard to keep the text format here, huh? sorry for the mess.

_“Say something, I'm giving up on you_  
_ I'll be the one, if you want me to_  
_ Anywhere, I would've followed you_  
_ Say something, I'm giving up on you” (A Great Big World – Say Something)_

So, after that rollercoaster of emotions battling inside her body like vicious Vikings fighting for their manhood or shit of the likes, Lexi Howard was left somehow dead tired. Days without proper sleep – or, you know, any sleep at all –, crying unceremoniously, making a fool of herself, cracking her brain over one Rue Bennett and her hasty mood swings and trying to walk away from her crush who, for the first in forever, almost begged her not to would do that to a person. And she still was restless without food, because she was no Rue to live only on jell-o, craving a warm bath and a whole night of sleep.

But once she focused on something other than Rue, there was no soul left in the room and for that she was very grateful. Tom, Leslie and Gia all but disappeared as if by witchcraft. Anyway, she was glad for the little peace that came with it, so much that somehow she fell asleep with Rue laying on top of her fisting her tank top, head resting on her chest and a long leg relaxing on her waist.

And then she woke up feeling way too cold, because, you see, the AC was colder than Elsa’s ice palace without a skinny someone to warm her up. Not that said someone was far away, when Lexi woke up, Rue’s face was the first thing she saw. Followed by:

“Well, I’m glad you woke up, princess! I was about to carry you to the car and somehow I think it wouldn’t end up well.” Rue said with a small smile while Lexi blinked her sleep away. That was how she knew her best friend was off to home. Because of that and also seeing that Rue was out of her hospital gown and had her maroon hoodie over denim blue pants. She kinda looked way too good in that, which was very disconcerting seeing that it was such a plain attire. Trust Rue to look fucking amazing wearing anything. “But then again, we’re at the hospital so even if shit happened, they would fix it anyway.” Rue looked contemplative with a big smile on her lovely features.

It got Lexi way too fucking happy so she hugged the girl who tackled her to the bed and just laid out there, on top of her tiny friend, as if she was the comfiest surface on earth. They both stood like that for a few moments while Lexi’s body heat that was way too low just seconds ago went skywards in a blink of an eye. And she wasn’t even that awake.

“Those are great news, Rue!” She gave her best friend a very big smile and Rue grinned right back at her. “I truly need to go home, like yesterday. I need a fucking shower and a bed.” The ‘and a coma’ part was left out, but still her friend lost her grin and was looking at her with one of those unreadable eyes. There we go again… No rest for the wicked.

If someone said there would come a day when Rue Bennett was going to sniff her like a German shepherd looking for drugs, Lexi Howard would probably call 911 on that insane person. But, as it seemed, crazy was the new black in her life.

“Yeah, you kinda do need a shower…” Rue said wrinkling her nose and making a face. How dared she?! Just like that, Lexi was left speechless with such an improper behavior, she couldn’t even think of a comeback until she heard Rue’s full laugh echoing inside the room. The son of a bitch! “You should’ve seen your face, Lex! You looked so fucking cute all distressed and shit.” The girl said still laughing and she glared fiercely at her. Lexi blamed her heart for choosing such a fucking moron to fall in love with. “I kinda feel bad though, like I just ran over your puppy.” Rue was still grinning, the idiot. She poked her tongue at her. What a fucking nonsense.

“I hate you, Rue Bennett!” Lexi said crossing her arms. Rue pouted. Lexi sighed.

“No, you don’t.” Rue said dead serious looking at her face. Lexi still had her arms crossed over her chest in clear annoyance but managed to nod her head in affirmative. Yeah, sometimes she kinda disliked Rue very much. “Alexis Elizabeth Howard, say that you don’t hate me!” The use of her full name with a very demanding voice stopped her in her tracks to truly look at the taller girl. And her best friend’s face held a glare so stern that Lexi thought that maybe Rue was taking it all too seriously. “Say you don’t hate me now.” Rue fucking Bennett then whispered in a low bossy tone pinning Lexi with a murderous glare as she straddled the tinier girl’s waist and crossed her arms. Well, this was escalating quickly.

So, Lexi uncrossed her arms and held her hands up in a clear sign of peace. Of course she didn’t hate this moron, she was inappropriately in love with her, for fuck’s sake.

“Okay, I don’t ha-“ But before she could end her sentence, Rue Bennett was tickling her again with all her might. This son of a bitch! She tried to squirm from under the attack to no avail, the taller girl just kept grinning and poking her like a disturbed pest with all she had. Jesus fucking Christ! Lexi tried everything, she twisted and turned, she tried to catch Rue’s arms, she even thought that biting the sadistic girl would help, but her savior came in form of Leslie Bennett. Thank God for this woman!

“Rue Bennett, stop this nonsense right now!” The matriarch’s voice cut through Lexi giggles and yells to reach her insufferable daughter’s ears, making her stop. Oh! Thank Goddess! “Jesus Christ! I just told you to come wake Lexi up so we can just go home, but you need to annoy her, don’t you? At least you've already changed your clothes or I swear to God!“ Leslie kept talking a little more quietly now, probably berating her childish offspring who was rolling her eyes and grinning, but Lexi’s ears were still ringing from all the shouting and yelling she just did to properly hear the older woman.

She was quite tired as well as her friend because as soon as she stopped her torture, Rue laid down on top of Lexi like a dead weight and took deep breaths. Oh, for the love of fuck! Lexi, who was panting because her friend’s tickle attacks were no shit, may or may not have moaned hoarsely when the taller girl all but collapsed of top of her like the World Trade Center twin towers. Fuck her life!

Everything then felt locked in stasis and she felt nothing but Rue’s body trembling – probably from exertion – on top of her as her idiotic crush took big gulps of air just right at her ear. Lexi, for her part, was shaking heavily, trust her fucking body to be so inconsiderate towards her and get too fucking turned on from a stupid tickle attack and Rue’s frame laying on top of her. Lexi sighed to try to slow the whole thing down, just for a fucking second but then she felt the taller girl shaking on top of her and it was all so fucking unfair.

Rue still took deep breaths as if she was having a panic attack, or you know, if the roles were reversed, Lexi would’ve believed she was smashing the other girl with her weight, but that was clearly impossible seeing that she was the one who was feeling the whole extension of Rue’s lean body right on top of her. It was a miracle she was still alive. Well, she kinda just died some more after she heard Rue’s deep groan on her fucking ear. Holy fucking shit! She shivered and felt tingles just all over her body and had to physically bite her own mouth before she moaned Rue’s name or kissed her like a weirdo with a crush.

Which was exactly what she was, but whatever.

“Say you don’t hate me, Lex.” Came the hoarse whisper from above her and she bit her lower lip harder because every single nerve end on her body was tingling and lit and hearing _that _and not moaning the girl’s name or pulling her by that sinful hair of hers to kiss her senseless was a fucking labor. But then she took her head up to pin Lexi with a gaze that could undress her. She kinda felt very much naked under Rue’s eyes in that moment. Not naked in the sense that she would like to be, but well. “Tell me you don’t hate me.” She demanded again, same sinful tone, looking like she was about to shatter the smaller girl with just the strength of her stare. It felt more than erotic, it felt somehow intimate, as if Rue needed Lexi not to hate her in order to keep breathing.

“I could never hate you, Rue.” She answered honestly in a low voice for fear of what types of sounds that could come from her throat if she spoke any louder and very slowly, looking deeply inside Rue’s eyes as she took big breaths to calm her nerves. It was true though, even after every fucked-up thing that happened between them, Lexi Howard was still incapable of hating that idiot. The girl on top of her kept searching for something at her face and, apart from her deep breaths as well, Rue made no other sound, she only kept looking at Lexi’s eyes.

“Are you two done eye-fucking each other? Because I wanna go home!” From behind them came Gia’s yell that had her older sister rolling off of Lexi in a shock and falling graceless on the floor like a cute sack of potatoes, much to Lexi’s utter horror. “Good! Now let’s go!” Gia’s voice said already getting lower and further away, clearly meaning that she was just walking out of the room in a rush to make deaf ears to her mother’s complain of her vocabulary usage and Rue’s very colorful cussing concert.

Lexi had half a mind to sit on the bed in a messed up state of mind. She just didn’t understand why Gia would say something so inaccurate and far from the truth as she and Rue possibly eye-fucking one another. It made no fucking sense! Was she really projecting that much that she started to believe other people were seeing something between them? It was way too crazy to entertain.

“Well, you heard the ladies, Howard. Let’s roll.” Rue’s wrath woke her up from her daze as the taller girl glared strongly at the door almost wishing it into nothingness. And with one last glance around the room that she came to mentally memorize every detail and piece of bland and lifeless furniture, she jumped out of bed and marched beside Rue Bennett out of the hospital for good.

* * *

So, they walked to Leslie’s car. Or, better yet, Lexi walked while Rue marched like an enraged maniac out of meds ready to set the whole world on fire just to sit and watch it burning, like a modern Nero, the emperor, with no violin. She was probably still mad at her little sister then.

As they reached the car, Rue opened the back door with an annoyed face at her sister and Lexi decided that whatever her tall friend was about to scold Gia for, she wasn’t going to engage and just stood there awkwardly with her arms crossed on her chest hugging one of Rue’s hoodies for protection – and, you know, it was cold.

It kinda faintly smelled like Rue. Not that she was sniffing it or shit – though she was. It was a smell that made her feel at peace.

After a second or two, Gia walked out of the car glaring at her sister like she just heard some fucked up garbage as crazy as the concept of a flat earth.

Okay, what the fuck?

“Rue, what did you tell Gia?” She asked because, by the looks of it, some shit went downhill.

“Nothing important, come on in, Lex.” Her friend answered and turned to make an annoyed face at her. When she didn’t see Lexi moving, Rue sighed with impatience and arched an eyebrow her way. Okay, it was downright sexy, but Lexi Howard wouldn’t be stopped by that. “Well?” The tall girl asked petulantly like a spoiled brat, already tapping her left foot on the ground in a clear message of her irritation.

“I’m not going in if you told Gia to walk all the way home, Rue.” Lexi sighed in response because yeah, she wasn’t going to be an accomplice and partake in such cruelty. It was too cold for that.

Rue just looked at her face like she was insane for even entertaining the thought and Gia laughed as she passed her to reach for the passenger’s door.

Oh!

Okay, maybe she was insane.

“Rue’s not _that _crazy.” Gia said with a bite as she opened the door to get in. Oh, cool. With that in mind, Lexi walked towards the car ‘cause there was no bad blood there. She was way too fucking tired to deal with bullshit now. “She just wants to ride on the back to eye-fuck you more closely.” Lexi, who was entering the car knocked her head at the door after hearing that crazy fuckery.

Jesus!

“Fuck off. I’m just tired, kay?” Rue muttered already inside the car and looked at Lexi in surprise, clearly shocked with her friend’s inability to do a thing as minimal as getting inside a vehicle like a normal human being without making a fool of herself. “Jesus, Lex! You okay?” She asked helping Lexi inside before her useless friend dented Leslie’s car knocking her wild head at it again like a stupid moron.

“Gia! You watch your language, young lady.” She heard Leslie berating her younger daughter as she passed her hand at her head. Aw! It did fucking hurt but at least she wasn’t bleeding, there was no way in hell she was going back inside that hospital anytime soon.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, sis.” Said the girl in response ignoring their mother.

“Yeah, I’ll live. Thanks, Rue.” Lexi also ignored all of that as she told her friend who pretended not to hear her sister as well and simply took her friend’s wackoo head in her hands to examine her as a doctor looking for injuries. But, you know, Lexi’s head was just messed up inside, not outside as well.

She heard Leslie and Gia talking still but, as you all may have assumed by now, she was way too focused on her crush caressing her face tenderly and getting butterflies over that. Those butterflies were as crazily tiring as fuck. But she was used to it by now, which was as miserable as it sounded.

After doctor Bennett cleared her from superficial cuts, she felt her hand slowly pulling her fucked up head towards Rue’s shoulder and decided to obey. It was sweet. Much too sweet.

Lexi was almost asleep on her friend’s shoulder when Gia switched the radio station to listen to Taylor Swift’s ‘Red’, like, you know, a normal teenager. But just as the song started playing, so did her misery. She didn’t know it was possible for a simple song to doom her whole car ride like an ancient curse, but that was exactly what happened.

No, she didn’t dislike Taylor Swift. In fact, she listened to many of her songs while she thought about Rue; some she heard to daydream about kissing her tall friend like a psycho and others to bawl her eyes off with no grace over her unbecoming crush on the very same girl – including the one that was playing at the moment. Yeah, she could admit it.

Problem was that said girl seemed to hate Taylor Swift violently and decided to spare no soul of her opinion as she started to complain like an odious old man. Gia, who was absently singing, was Rue’s first victim.

“This song’s a piece of shit. I don’t know how you can like this crap.” Muttered her crush, in an authentic impression of Dick Dastardly, already criticizing shit sitting by her side with a crossed expression and making Lexi raise her head to look at her face. Gia, of course, wouldn’t let her sister’s complain fall on deaf ears.

“You’re shit! This song is awesome and I love it.” After Gia’s refute – that Rue took as a personal offense –, hell broke loose. Lexi even heard Leslie’s deep sigh as she prepared her ears to hear her daughters’ expletive tour ready to begin.

“No, you’re shit and it’s a crappy song!” Good God in heavens, sometimes Rue sounded like a five years old spoiled child throwing tantrums.

“You are not going to hate on Taylor Swift in my car, or you’ll go walking home!” Gia shouted back very angrily, as if Rue was in fact offending her whole family. Which was ridiculous because they were, you know, sisters.

“The car’s still mine, no one’s walking home and you two slow down and stop this nonsense!” Leslie, the voice of reason, tried to control the situation but had no effect on both her daughters who were way too engrossed bickering to notice.

“I’m not walking home because of Taylor fucking Swift.” Rue said crossing her arms and, out of the corner of her eye, Lexi saw the tall girl glaring murderously at her sister. “I don’t know why you like her so much, she just writes bullshit.” Gia turned to look at her sister as offended as if she had been slapped.

“Just because you don’t have good ears and can’t appreciate well written love songs, it doesn’t mean they are shit.” Gia shouted back.

“I do have good ears and I like good love songs and this shit is neither and very far from being even decent.” Rue said and looked at Lexi with a contemplative look, as if she was waiting for her friend to back her up or some shit. “Why loving someone would be red? It doesn’t make fucking sense anyway. She’s just singing that she was sad over it, like she was spending her time and crap.” Her analysis was left hanging in the air as her younger sister thought about it.

So, in a fleeting second of peace, everyone inside the car was listening to the song and mentally studying it as if it was a very important subject that could change everyone’s lives.

“She’s just saying that loving whoever she did was a doomed endeavor right from the start and that, regardless of how deeply she felt without sometimes being reciprocated, it was still hard to let go of the person.” Lexi said in a quiet voice and saw Gia turning on her seat to look at her face. Her friend too was staring at her intrigued. Yeah, she kinda knew that feeling all too well, she had been there for years to master the art of suffering and never letting go. So whatever. “It’s called ‘red’ because it’s the color of passion, it reminds of something that burns fast and it’s all too consuming, leaving just memories to hold on to.” She continued and for some mysterious reason every single Bennett was looking at her – even Leslie had an unreadable expression through the rearview mirror. “I mean, I guess it is, I’m just assuming.” Lexi said ‘cause she was nervous with everyone looking at her like that as she felt like a professor giving a lecture about the whole structure of reality instead of a girl speaking her mind about a heartbreaking song.

“So, she loves this fucking idiot who doesn’t love her back and she still can’t let him go.” Rue mused to herself as if trying to understand the concept. Or so Lexi thought. “It’s still shitty.” Lexi rolled her eyes. There was no one so invested in complaints as Rue Bennett. Maybe only her mother. Suze Howard could hold a complaint competition like no one else, she was the only possible opponent to Rue in that regard. “She should just let the asshole go.” Gia, who was still turned back looking at them, rolled her eyes in response after she heard her sister saying that so matter-of-factly, as if it was the easiest shit on earth. But still, it made some sense in Lexi’s case and the smaller girl could get behind that thought. If only she could let the girl go... “Right?” Rue asked looking at her friend’s face with a casual expression probably because she had no idea that tiny Lexi was very tangled in a similar fuckery over her very self.

Yeah, Lexi’s life was a cruel joke.

“It’s not that simple letting go of someone you love, Rue, no matter all the reasoning behind it.” Leslie said and silence felt upon them. Leslie was probably thinking about Tom’s lecture about love and the girls’ dad and how hard it was to move on. Gia was silent as well and Rue had a pained expression that Lexi assumed was because of Jules and all that went down between them.

And Lexi was thinking about Rue. It was crazy, huh? How Rue was there contemplating her love life with her blonde lover while Lexi was left to think of something that didn’t happen and never would between herself and the curly haired girl.

“Whatever, I still don’t like her.” Rue killed the silence with a roll of her eyes. “She’s not even that pretty.” Lexi looked at her curiously as to what that shit even had to do with her song about heartbreak, but she kept quiet. Because Lexi knew her friend all too well, when she was in one of her crappy moods, anything under the sun was worth complaining about. Gia didn’t share her opinion though.

“Excuse you! She is gorgeous! Stop being a hater just because you’re jealous.” Well, after being called jealous by her sister, Rue looked as insulted as if she had been stabbed in the back and the arguing that was already consuming every sane cell in Lexi’s whole being took a turn towards simply agonizing.

So, there they were redefining a bickering match, how fantastic.

“I am not jealous. Why would I even be jealous for?” Rue said crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at her sister. “You just say that because she’s white and shit, but she has no fucking sexual appeal.” She huffed in response and Lexi thought that it made no sense for Rue to dislike so much someone she never knew and probably would never meet. But her friend was like that sometimes.

“Oh, Rue! Come on! She is beautiful, rich and a very good person on top of it all, what’s not to be jealous of?” Lexi wanted to correct Gia because the proper word in that case would be ‘envy’, but she just shut her mouth before that shit storm hit her face.

“She doesn’t write nearly that good, she’s too vanilla and she’s way too fucking tall.” At that, Lexi was forced to look at her best friend with skepticism because her ears were definitely deceiving her if one Rue Bennet, at the top of her 5,9 feet height, was calling a person ‘way too fucking tall’. Same did Gia, who turned to look at her sister as stunned as if the girl in fact said that she was straight and in love with Nate fucking Jacobs now.

“She has your height, Rue. It doesn’t even make sense.” Lexi said before Gia shouted something crude or made any offensive remark that would forever haunt Lexi’s and Leslie’s peace of mind.

“No, she doesn’t. She’s taller.” Rue said making an aggravated face at her friend as if by making her statement Lexi was delivering a personal blow at her ego and betraying their friendship. Lexi Howard rolled her eyes, it was a fucking waste of time to argue with her friend over anything, the girl had a stubborn thick skull and it was simply impossible to win an argument with her.

“Look at that.” Said Gia shoving her phone at Rue’s face in a clear attempt to end the discussion over who was taller. Her sister narrowed her eyes after seeing that yes, they were exactly the same height according to Google. “You see? She’s as fucking tall as you are.” Gia finished exasperated and Lexi put her hand on her friend’s thigh before she started to say that the whole internet was wrong. Rue looked like she was about to do just that anyway. “And don’t start me, Rue, you can just google it if you don’t believe. Or do you want me to call her and ask?” Well, the younger Bennett’s sarcasm was uncalled for, but at least that stopped the taller girl from arguing.

“Whatever, she’s not pretty.” But it didn’t stop her friend. Lexi saw Leslie rolling her eyes at her daughter just like the rest of them. Gia decided that it was the perfect moment to play ‘Shake it off’ and started to sing to her sister in retaliation which made her best friend growl in anger like an injured animal. Fucking Bennetts! Leslie sighed behind the wheels as well, at least Lexi wasn’t the only one endlessly unamused in the car.

“She’s fucking gorgeous and you’re a hater!” Gia said and heard her name being reprimanded by her mom. The younger girl ignored nonchalantly singing ‘the haters gonna hate, hate, hate’ obviously trying to get at rise at her moody sister who grumpily made a disgusted noise. “Don’t you think so, Lex?” But of course, there was no despair in the world that wouldn’t befall Lexi Howard.

Lexi sighed. It was way too good to be out of it, but fate had a twisted way of fucking her over. In a strange way, every Bennett inside the car was looking at her, Leslie had a curious face, Gia had an interested one and Rue was shooting daggers at her face with her eyes, already looking unhappy without even hearing her answer. What a difficult girl was Rue Bennett.

“She’s pretty, I guess.” She said in a low tone and Gia nodded her head smiling and ready to grin at her sister like she won their senseless match. But Rue’s face must have looked so murderous that the smile on her younger sister’s face was turned into an annoyed roll of eyes.

Yeah, she didn’t need to look at Rue’s face to predict that the girl was glaring at her skull fiercely as if Lexi ran over her dog and then set the pet on fire in a satanic ritual to unleash demons on earth. But she did take a glance at her friend anyway and, yes, Rue Bennett looked positively livid.

“Oh! I see…” Rue grunted lowly as if she was scheming Lexi’s death over that very opinion. “I guess it’s because she looks just like fucking _Karen_, right?” There she went stretching the cafeteria girl’s name resentfully like it was the most despicable abomination to humankind and had to be said cautiously for fear of bringing the devil and the apocalypse upon the world and Lexi was simply deranged and twisted for even have met the girl. Lexi blinked in confusion and turned to look at her furious friend and trust Rue to have such a feral expression over a subject so unimportant. Her small friend had no idea what kind of vile thing the other girl could’ve possibly done to Rue, however her taller friend despised her with a savage passion. Seeing that Rue was still murderously glaring at her face, Lexi got the idea that she was the one supposed to answer her question.

“I don’t know, Rue. I didn’t pay much attention to her anyway.” She said honestly. Yeah, she knew that Karen was nosy, pale, taller than Lexi – but who wasn’t? –, with blond hair and light eyes, but that was all she knew, she didn’t spend her time talking to her or even looking at the girl to appreciate her features, she was in no state of mind to do any of that anyway. Of course, Rue kept staring at her with a red face contorted in disgust as if she was getting sick of her stomach all of sudden. “Are you okay, Rue? You look like you’re about to puke.” Lexi asked touching her friend’s forehead to see if she was running a fever, but thankfully there was no increase in temperature. The girl in question took a deep breath as if to keep all the jell-o she ate from coming out and Lexi pushed her to lay her head on her shoulders. “Try to nap a little, we are almost there, Rue.” Lexi whispered to her friend because Rue was probably unwell seeing that Gia decided to play yet another Taylor Swift’s song and the tall girl made no nasty remark about it.

She kissed Rue’s forehead and decided to caress her moody friend’s hair to help her calm down a little. Her friend huffed in response and all but cuddled her, with arms hugging her waist and throwing a leg on her lap with another complaining grunt. Lexi smiled to herself, yes, cranky Rue was the queen of cuddling. How in hell could a girl so short-tempered be such a cutie? Anyway, she sighed on her neck and Lexi took a deep breath. Damn!

Rue must have been pretty tired and quite sick because even when Gia turned on her seat to belt out “_If you can see I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see? You belong with me” _at their faces, the tall girl did nothing but to embrace Lexi more tightly to sigh at her neck. Which left every person inside the car clearly dumbfounded by her quick change of heart. Everyone except Gia who was singing and smirking looking at the two of them as if they were a very cheerful and engrossed crowd instead of a fucked up duo composed by one grumpy antsy young adult and other confused and lunatic girl.

_“Oh, I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night_   
_ I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry_   
_ And I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams_   
_ I think I know where you belong, I think I know it's with me”_

Gia sang the lyrics of ‘You Belong with Me’ very amusedly at them as if there was some internal joke rolling around that Lexi had no idea about. Her sister’s response was another deep sigh at Lexi’s neck as if Gia was a kid tormenting her out of the blue. Lexi wanted to roll her eyes at her friend, she was the one starting that catastrophic experience, so she couldn’t simply act as another victim there.

She didn’t though. With Rue taking deep breaths on her neck, there were no thoughts that didn’t involve sexual scenarios with her poor ill friend. Fuck her mind! She couldn’t even respect her sick friend, that was ridiculous!

“Now she’s going to sing all her discography, won’t she?” Rue asked in a whisper at her ear making Lexi shiver to her bones. She nodded her head and ignored her body, there was no fucking sense in even considering it anyway. “Is it my fault?” Her friend asked in a low voice while ‘Love Story’ started to play on the radio. Yeah, Gia would really sing everything Taylor Swift just to mess with her sister, it seemed.

“You know it is, babe.” She said without thinking too much about it. It wasn’t until she felt Rue’s grunt followed by a kiss on her neck that she understood she just called her best friend ‘babe’! What the fuck was wrong with her brain?!

Lexi turned her head to apologize to Rue about it ‘cause it was fucked up and uncalled for to use a pet name to call her friend and she had no right to do so because Rue wasn’t Lexi’s ‘babe’ and would never be, but said girl was staring ahead giggling. What the actual fuck? Lexi followed her gaze to see a singing Gia holding her phone as a mic as carefree as ever and couldn’t help but to smile at the scene. It was way too sweet to see the younger Bennett happy after everything she went through. These last few days were difficult on everyone.

“At least she’s enjoying herself…” Rue told her with a smile as Lexi thought that at least someone was enjoying the car ride because she simply wanted to fall dead. A feeling that only intensified after her curly haired friend turned to give one of her devious smirks at her face. Oh fuck! “Right, babe?” Shit!

So that was how Lexi Howard died a little more inside. And it was the first pet name on a very long list of pet names that Rue Bennett would come up with to call her friend just to mess with her already screwed over heart.

The son of bitch!

* * *

So it was true that Taylor Swift really had a vast discography and they listened to Gia belting out most of it until Leslie stopped the car to leave Lexi at home.

After all that nonsense, there were almost zero intercalations besides some sarcastic remarks from Rue, who said that she was never ever listening to Taylor Swift again, in turn Gia sang ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ at the top of her lungs very passionately. But no harm was made, which was very cool because the drive was already feeling like one of her sister’s rides with Maddy and Kat and Lexi had no idea how she never jumped out of Cass’ car to escape those little hellish trips. They still left her mentally scarred for life.

Anyway, there were moments when Lexi would hum the melody quietly to herself only to have Rue asking her in a whisper to actually sing the lyrics. Of course, the paler girl was kinda confused over that change of heart, but Rue had a very convincing pout and Lexi still didn’t have the strength to say ‘no’ to her. Which was very unfortunate for her, but anyway that was her shitty life.

So that was how she found herself singing the lyrics of ‘Sparks Fly’ with Gia and in a very strange duet. Everyone was enjoying themselves in the car, which was very peculiar. Leslie seemed to be having a good time laughing at the girls' antics and even grumpy Rue was looking at her face with one of her sweetest smiles. And Gia was having the time of her life with the experience.

Lexi just thought that not even Taylor Swift herself sang so many of her own songs on a world tour.

_“The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm_   
_ And I'm a house of cards_   
_ You're the kind of reckless that should send me running_   
_ But I kinda know that I won't get far_

_And you stood there in front of me just_   
_ Close enough to touch_   
_ Close enough to hope you couldn't see_   
_ What I was thinking of”_

You see, Gia started singing the song staring straight at her face as Lexi took the time to actually hear the lyrics and, you know, to understand it as well. So then she saw the younger Bennett’s smirk and somehow Lexi Howard was way too fucking sure that Gia chose that fucking song to screw her over. It was very twisted of her and as she stared at her smiling best friend, it was way too clear that Rue too had no fucking idea about the shit storm that was about to begin.

“Sing too, babe.” Rue whispered that fuckery at her ear with a lazy smile because she was a fucking idiot sent from the heavens to test her limits and make her have sinfully inappropriate thoughts. It was truly fucked up how a person could be so incredibly blind to their own actions and how it affects another like one Rue Bennett. Then Lexi turned to look at her peaceful face and she knew that yes, Rue was a bloody moron who had no idea the hells she raised just by whispering shit like that. Then she felt Gia poking her to start singing too.

You know, whatever, she was overanalyzing this too much.

_“Drop everything now_   
_ Meet me in the pouring rain_   
_ Kiss me on the sidewalk_   
_ Take away the pain_   
_ 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile”_

She sang softly looking at Gia because there was no way in hell she could look at Rue without making a bigger fool of herself. But, of course she felt her best friend’s staring at her with an easy smile, as if she was way too happy just from hearing Lexi’s voice – which was, you know, insane. Whatever, just singing would be good. Not that she was a good singer, she was very far from it, actually.

When they had music lessons back in the days, Rue would usually be the one singing because Lexi liked her piano too much and was way too shy to even open her mouth. And Rue had an incredible voice anyway. And she was a very skillful guitar player as well. So Lexi was way too glad to leave the spotlight to her bestie.

_“Get me with those green eyes, baby_   
_ As the lights go down_   
_ Gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around_   
_ 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile”_

She sang the stanza and Gia had a twisted smirk on her face that left her feeling way too confused. Did she mess up the lyrics? Oh shit! But just as she turned to look at the girl’s sister, words eluded her as Rue was sporting a fucking terrifying glare at both of them. What now?

So Lexi decided to let a smirking Gia sing the rest of the song as she payed close attention to her cranky friend who muttered something under her breath that Lexi didn’t hear. This bipolar behavior was seriously way too fucking consuming. Strangely though, just as Rue got funky over nothing, she shook herself out of the vibe, still pouting like a scolded child, to come closer to Lexi.

And by closer it meant that she laid her head on Lexi’s lap with crossed arms and stared at her face with a frown. It was one of Rue’s expressions that could make Lexi do anything, from committing homicide to robbing a bank, or just “Keep singing, Lex.” Her best friend said sounding between being tired and curious, which was strange. It was very weird how Rue could have such a vast array of emotions and pass all of them just by her eyes and voice tone. She was always like that, Lexi thought, always very invested in everything and way too emotional.

Lexi nodded and decided to sing to her friend. Not sing to her friend in a serenading matter, of course. It wasn’t romantic or shit, she just wanted to help Rue out of whatever bad place she was in. And because it was easier to jump off a cliff than saying ‘no’ to the tall girl.

_“I run my fingers through your hair_   
_ And watch the lights go wild_   
_ Just keep on keeping your eyes on me_   
_ It’s just wrong enough to make it feel right_   
_ And lead me up the staircase_   
_ Won't you whisper soft and slow_   
_ And I'm captivated by you baby_   
_ Like a fireworks show_

_Drop everything now_   
_ Meet me in the pouring rain_   
_ Kiss me on the sidewalk_   
_ Take away the pain_   
_ 'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile”_

_Get me with those green eyes, baby_   
_ As the lights go down_   
_ Gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around_   
_ 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile”_

She sang everything in a lower vocal register because she wasn’t as euphoric as Gia and she couldn’t belt out notes like Rue, so it was better to keep it at least decent instead of shattering the windows of Leslie’s car. Gia joined her through the chorus and Rue was looking at her face as unreadably as a medieval Japanese novel. Lexi then gave her a smile because never in her wildest fantasies had she thought of singing to Rue anything Taylor Swift related. But yeah, her life had taken a turn towards insanity that made anything possible. Including that shit.

At the end of the song, Gia was clapping her hands and Leslie was laughing full of happiness and grace. It was a good thing to see after she had to watch them so miserably sad crying over the very girl still laid out in her lap. She caressed her friend’s hair then, it was amazing to have her alive but they were going separate ways now.

Yeah, Lexi wasn’t trying to be over dramatic, but she knew that they would take a time away as soon as Leslie dropped her at home. It was… necessary. At least for her. It would be a time she could use to sort out her feeling and forget this fucking crush before school started again and Jules came back and everything fell into normalcy. Then they could be the friends they always have been minus the unsolicited crush from her part. They were going to be good.

Leslie and Gia were talking about how good they sounded together or something like that and the younger Bennett was pulling Rue’s leg saying that Taylor Swift wasn’t that bad in the end. Besides rolling her eyes, her best friend said nothing and just stared at Lexi in silence all the way to the smaller girl’s home.

She had a peaceful but thinking face, as if she was trying to arrange all of her thoughts on the shelf at the same time. But why was she looking so thoroughly at Lexi, the paler girl had no fucking idea.

But there they were, at her place and as much as she was already missing Rue’s weird moods, she really needed to lay down and sleep for at least a whole night. This taking naps on chairs or with Rue left her feeling very exhausted physically and mentally as well.

“Here we are, partner!” Gia yelled and stopped another Taylor Swift’s song that Lexi didn’t care enough to pay attention and she took a deep sigh. It was ridiculous how very against the idea of leaving her best friend she was feeling at the moment. It wasn’t like she was going to war, for fuck’s sake! “Hey, I’ll come over so we can sing as many Taylor Swift’s songs as we can, Lex.” The girl in question saw her best friend rolling her eyes and turned to smile at Gia. Yeah, her mom would _love _that shit, which was always a plus.

“Yeah, I’ll take your word on that, Gia. Until them, I’ll rehearse as many songs as I can manage.” She said with an honest smile to Gia who beamed just back at her.

“Right back at ya, partner!” Gia said in response and her older sister rolled her eyes annoyed yet again still refusing to get up from Lexi’s lap. Rue muttered something under her breath about ‘Howard and Bennett’ and ‘crap’ and other things she didn’t fully comprehend. Lexi too rolled her eyes at her, this grumpy idiot.

“Lexi, I wanna thank you for everything you’ve done, all the support and for staying with us and taking care of Rue so carefully.” That was Leslie who turned on her seat to talk to her leaving Lexi with such a good feeling inside her heart. “I meant what I told Tom earlier, you are almost my daughter.” Yeah, fuck. Her eyes were already watering after hearing that and she really needed to sleep all these emotions off. “So, no matter what happens, you’ll always be welcome at my home and you’ll always have a place in my heart. I hope you know it.” Leslie said tearing up too and holding Lexi’s hand tenderly. “You are a very good person and I hope you don’t stay away from us for long, or I might capture you for a coffee.” She finished with a watery laugh and Lexi beamed back at her. How fucking full of love this woman made her feel.

“I… I don’t even know what to say, Leslie. But thank you, too. And I’ll look forward to our coffee meetings and everything. You can always count on me, too, you know? I do care a lot about you all and I’ll be always here whenever you need.” Lexi answered between sobbing and smiling and Leslie cleaned her tears and it was a very sweet moment. She truly loved this family right to the core. She kissed Leslie’s hand then to let go and finally get home, but well, there was still Rue laying on her lap. “Rue?” She called her friend to, you know, prompt her to get up but Rue made deaf ears on her. Lexi rolled her eyes. “Rue, I really need to go.” She whispered to her friend who shook her head.

Yes, Rue Bennett’s whole mission on earth was to make Lexi’s life as difficult as possible.

As Leslie and Gia harshly said her name, her best friend grumpily got up looking very outraged at the whole trial. Lexi wanted to laugh at her face, trust Rue Bennett to be so easily riled up. So she looked at her friend and went for a simple hug, right? Well, not exactly simple because there was little space but she still closed her arms very tightly around the taller girl’s neck and gave her a peck there.

“I’m glad you are fine, Rue.” She said on her ear as she felt Rue’s long arms embracing her back carefully and almost shyly. “Don’t pull that shit on me again or I swear to God, I will kick your ass with all my rage.” Lexi then looked up to give her a smile. “Whatever you need, I’m always here, okay?” The smaller girl tilted her head as if the action would somehow make Rue understand and accept that she didn’t have to fight alone if she didn’t want to. If she wanted Lexi’s help or anything from her small friend, if it could make any difference, there she stood willing to help. “Forever, Bennet.” She finished with a smile. And a kiss on Rue’s left cheek – it had to start at the left, always – and on her right, and another peck at her forehead and one at her nose and one on her lovely chin. Was it normal for someone to love a person’s chin so much? Whatever. Then Lexi took Rue’s cheeks on her hands to drop her face so she could kiss the top of her head.

Because Rue needed stability and symmetry even in the smaller actions to fully function and Lexi… Well, Lexi just needed Rue to be okay. Whatever the other girl could give her, the crumbs, the paths to hell, the psychosis, the strange analyses, the complaint rants that could turn a moment into an eternity of pure and unaltered despair, the mood swings that wrecked Lexi’s brain like a shotgun shot through the head, the twitchy silence, her strange capacity of organizing stuff inside her own head although her speech wouldn’t follow leaving her childhood best friend to make every connection to better understand Rue.

Rue who paraded herself around with little to zero self-care passing that vibe of being as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. If Lexi were to compare her friend to an album, she would pick Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ any day, because her friend gave her a haunting experience that was almost religious or drug-induced. But seeing that the younger Howard had a very singular taste when it came to everything under the sun, she could only describe Rue as a whole orchestra that wrapped Vivaldi, Wagner, Beethoven, Debussy and Mozart all together with a lingering feeling of Joaquin Rodrigo’s symphony of strings to close the deal. Like a fucked up trip with Vivaldi’s four evocative seasons marching strenuously with Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ under the heartbreakingly sad tune of Debussy’s ‘Clair de Lune’ that left the feeling of still being as unfinished as Schubert’s ‘8th Symphony’ that sometimes felt as suggestive as a lover’s caress much like Beethoven’s ‘Fur Elise’, all of that mixed in layers of loud thoughts as everything Mozart could accomplish. All of it together and hands clasped at the very same time that left Lexi with a lingering feeling of impeding goodbye like Rodrigo’s ‘Concierto de Aranjuez’, as if Rue Bennett, the whole person, was always a step away of ‘_hurricaning_’ Lexi’s axis of existence only to fade away all of sudden.

Whatever, Lexi was a classic piano player who was allowed to have strange tastes with a brain very much screwed because of said best friend.

So, there came the goodbye. Without any shouts or whispers of never letting go, without booms of unfulfilled promises of keeping in touch; without sprints after one another or restless cavalries stomping upon inappropriate crushes or love affairs.

It was her goodbye. And it was silent. Because suddenly Lexi felt drained with nothing else to give to her friend in need. Oh, but only if she asked… If Rue said something, no pouting or begging needed, Lexi Howard would make a loan on every closed and wrecked feeling she left safely guarded for a rainy day – because whenever Rue Bennett walked away from her was rainy, even when the weather missed the memo or chose not to accompany her storming inside herself.

Lexi still felt like she gave it all, even her mental stability was fucked over by now, but she still could try to mend her sharp broken pieces all by herself to hand it to Rue. To hand herself all over to her best friend if it was what was needed save the girl.

If only she said a word. Any word.

But Rue didn’t and for that Lexi was as thankful as heartbroken over. Come to think of it, how could the smaller girl expect something from her best friend when she had no idea how she was even feeling and couldn’t organize shit?

Still she waited a few seconds for anything other than a piercing stare at her face. Lexi sighed because enough was enough and she still needed to rest.

Rue didn’t say shit as she finished saying goodbye, she just looked at her with those stormy eyes and hard to get face that was probably printed inside Lexi’s brain by now. But it was all cool. They were going to be cool.

With that, she walked out of Leslie’s car and, with a final wave, she crossed her front yard to ring her home’s doorbell – she forgot her keys, of course. She heard Leslie’s car speeding away and took a deep breath. Some days she had, huh?

But still, she felt… She didn’t know how she felt. If she was sad or glad or hopeful or crushed or everything at the same time, so when her mom decided to open the door to make jokes at her expense, she kinda rolled her eyes.

“Hello, lady, how may I be of service?” Whatever bit Suze Howard, Lexi was not amused.

“Mom, come on!” She all but whined because the tiredness was fucking real and she was kinda starving and almost falling asleep right there at the porch.

“Mom? Oh! I guess you do resemble a little of my younger daughter, Alexis, but I haven’t seen her in so many years that I’m not even sure if she got married or have a job.” Oh for fuck’s sake! She narrowed her eyes at her mom. What a fucking day, Jesus Christ!

“Seriously, mom?” She asked crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m so tired!” She whined again, her mom could really be a pain sometimes. “And hungry. And I need a shower.”

“Well, maybe I could lend you my younger daughter’s bed out of the goodness of my heart, young lady. I’ll heat up something to eat while you take a shower. I guess you could use my daughter’s clothes because strangely you seem to have her measures.” Her mom kept talking but thankfully she moved out of the door so Lexi could rush to shower and untangle her mess of a hair. “Feel at home, stranger.” Oh for fuck’s sake! Whatever, she could sigh at her mom’s odd behavior after a shower and shit.

It wasn’t like she was going anywhere anytime soon. 

* * *

So after she ate and took a shower and washed her head to untangle her hair – Jesus Christ! That was a fucking labor! – she started to feel a little more like a functional human being. Nothing like a cold shower and warm food to raise someone’s mood, right?

Of course, she thought of Rue. It was not a secret anymore and with the cat out of the bag – say her feelings and stuff – it was only a matter of time for her mind to wander right back at her best friend. But, you know, all in all, it was a good afternoon.

They asked her questions about Rue and the Bennetts and she answered them all to the best of her capacity, because she was oh so sleepy that her brain was a mumbled mess.

So she said the usual: that Rue was okay, the Bennetts were already home and it was all going to be fine. She didn’t mention her fucking crush or Rue’s even stranger behavior, not even to Cass, who kept looking at her as if she was having an enlightening safari through her younger sister’s soul. And it wasn’t because Lexi didn’t want to talk about it – she was unclear on the subject still – but it was still too new and her brain was working on borrowed energy to keep her functioning.

Her mom, besides being a joker, was kinda nice to her too as she saw her fucking tired face and she didn’t berate her when Lexi fell asleep at the dining table. Suze, very un-Suze like, woke her up with a kiss on her temple and told her to go to bed and Cass all but dragged her upstairs because Lexi Howard was shaking like a leaf.

Cass put on some movie to play and laid beside her to snuggle her up. Lexi had no energy to watch anything, seriously, but she cuddled her sister anyway because she missed her too fucking much and her older sister had a way of making her feel at peace.

Cassie didn’t ask much about her troubled state of mind or about her broken heart over everything that happened, instead she embraced her sister all evening while horrific deaths played on her notebook and just whispered some gossip because she knew that the faster way of putting Lexi to sleep was either talking to her with a tender tone or humming a silly tune.

Lexi didn’t compute whatever happened to Maddy or Kat’s new relationship, but she liked to hear it anyway. It felt like she was being a part of something rather than the strange kid who was too shy to make friends. That was how she knew that her blonde sister actually cared about her, because there weren’t enough get-togethers under the sun, as dreadful as they could be, that Cass wouldn’t be dragging Lexi to. That was her way of showing that yeah, she would always be there for her, to help her out of her shell even if her little sister was an antisocial loner. Cassie had a tendency of sharing, while Lexi kept everything to herself, but in some messed up way they matched and respected one another just like that.

So, when Cass gave her a quick peck on her forehead as a goodnight and went to her bed, Lexi whispered “I love you, Cass” to her sister.

“Love you too, Lex, good night!” Her sister answered with a smile on her voice and just like that, Lexi was dead to the world.

* * *

Next time she woke up, Lexi was comfortably sleeping in her bed, snuggled in her covers, having a very sweet – not to say wet – dream with her unspeakable crush, only to be rudely awake by a slender vulture breaking into her room, messing with her covers and laying by her side like a fucking creeper. Her heart started to beat like it wanted to dash out of her chest and her breathing hitched as she prepared to fight a very gory and macabre death. Of course, it all happened in a spam of seconds until she saw her soon to be murderer’s face. What the actual fuck?!

“Jesus fucking Christ, Rue!” She yelled with a hand on her chest and said girl shivered and yelped in a mirroring panic as if it was completely normal to jump across someone else’s window like a psycho in the middle of the night to lay beside them and Lexi was the one in the wrong for making such a fuss out of it. “What the actual hell?” She asked horrified as many gruesome scenarios started to take form inside her head.

“Shh! Fuck, Lex, you gonna wake up Cassie.” She whispered completely ignoring Lexi’s more than outraged face and fight stance, instead she crawled closer to hug the smaller girl as nonchalantly as only Rue Bennett ever could. Lexi was still stunned and laid motionless as she tried to calm the fuck down while her lunatic friend tried to get her limbs on her.

“Already fucking did.” Came a disjointed and very annoyed grunt from Cass’ side of the room and a part of her wanted to apologize to her sister for the inconvenience, not that she was the one at fault here, let’s be clear about it. The other part of her wanted to smash Rue’s thick skull with her very heavy Walt Whitman’s ‘Leaves of Grass’ copy that still sat at her bed table. This girl… “Good night, Rue.” Cassie sighed, now appearing to be in a less lethal mood and just rolling with the insanity.

“Lexi is sorry, Cassie. Night to you, too.” Rue answered with a little grin and unbothered as she took a deep breath, already relaxing her muscles and throwing her long leg on top of her friend without a care. Her also long arm rested on Lexi’s stomach and then she put her head on the other girl’s chest. Lexi sighed deeply, her heart was still beating like an angry buffalos’ fight inside her ribcage all the while she was still unsure whether to be enraged or amused by her crush’s such bizarre behavior. But as she made up her mind, she decided to caress Rue’s hair for the time being, she had a very nice hair after all. Though her hair looked like a tangled mop, it was very soft to the touch and way too smooth in that sexy I-don’t-give a fuck vibe, just like it’s owner. Rue, for her part, was almost purring which was as indecently sexy as maddeningly inopportune. “Did you really have to be so loud?” Her friend was looking at her face and asked in a low raspy whisper sounding way too close to sleep for someone who just invaded her room jumping a window unannounced like a runaway lunatic.

“I- yeah, I did. I thought you were the Slender Man.” Lexi answered and Rue rolled her eyes as if her friend was brain dead for thinking that stupidity and such notion was way too insane to even cross someone’s mind. And, yeah, okay, it might be strange to picture such an absurd but the Howard sisters were watching horror movies before bed – or more like Cass was watching and Lexi was asleep through most of it – and Lexi’s brain was not even awake yet, for fuck’s sake! Whatever anyway, it wasn’t like Lexi was even sane to begin with.

The laugh that came from the other side of the room was unmatched and could be heard all the way to the moon. And if such thing as sounds propagating through the void could even happen as some sci-fi movies were inclined to make it seem so, then her older sister definitely scared every single alien away all over the galaxy. Cass’ laugh was so fucking loud that even their mom who was passed out after her nightly routine of drinking wine and complaining out came to check on them as fast as a bullet.

“What happened? Are you girls okay?” Oh fuck! Lexi was instantly blinded by the lights turning on to reveal her mom. Suze Howard asked as she pushed her daughters’ door like a woman on a mission of rescue. Which was… cool. It was cool seeing their mom caring about them and stuff. It didn’t happen much often. Her mom was sounding out of breath, as if she was just being chased by death and ran for her life while she looked distressed at the whole room, ready to fight whatever monster who dared to crawl from under her children’s bed. It was strange, but kinda heartwarming.

The girl who actually did crawl into the room was motionless by her side with her eyes closed, probably afraid of even breathing too loud for fear of being reprimanded. Lexi sighed and took Rue into her arms, just closer than they already were – which was way too close for Lexi’s peace of mind, but well – and the taller girl went with it, nearly laying all the way on top of Lexi to make her heart dejectedly beat with a force she didn’t how it still possessed.

Her life was a fucking miserable joke.

“It was nothing, mom. Just Slender Rue who came through the window.” That was Cassie’s explanation, still out of breath from laughing her ass off, the jerk. Rue looked up to pout at her friend as if it was entirely Lexi’s fault they were in such predicament. Then her sister started to manically laugh again at her own joke and Lexi was forced to roll her eyes. For fuck’s sake!

“Oh! Hey, Rue. Good night.” Suze, never one to be that easily shocked, said unfazed with a little salute to her anxious and shy looking friend still laying on top of Lexi and hidden under the covers in what the younger Howard could only assume to be her plan to melt her friend’s gay ass self, as if the small girl wasn’t feeling hot enough under her friend’s memorable presence. “How are you doing?” Trust her mom to start a conversation at… she looked at her alarm clock, Jesus Christ! It was two thirty-two in the morning! These people were all insane! At that, Rue seemed to relax again and actually smiled at Suze.

“Hey, Mrs. Howard. I’m alright, thanks. Sorry for the scare and shi-stuff.” Rue answered with one of her charming smiles at her mom who made a motion of dismiss with her hands, as if it was all good and a totally normal occurrence at their home.

“Nah, don’t fret over it, it’s all okay, Rue.” Her mom gave every girl a once over and took her sweet time to see Rue with her leg and arm on top of Lexi. She grinned then. Oh, here we go… “I’ll leave you girls to sleep.” Suze said turning the lights off and turning on her heels to go back to either sleep or drink alcohol, one could never know with her mom. As she was about to close the door and do whatever she wanted out of the room, Suze Howard stopped and turned back with a smirk that haunted Lexi’s dreams and nightmares. Oh shit! “Don’t forget to stay for breakfast.” She said looking directly at her friend who was nodding in the dark. Her mom nodded back, as if she saw it or just presumed, Lexi had no idea how. “So I’ll see you tomorrow, Slender Rue.” Her mother finished smirking like a maniac and suddenly her friend was hiding on Lexi’s neck. Oh God!

Cassie who, for some reason, was still not tired from laughing so hard, started to laugh again as loud as before and her younger sister sighed again before looking at Rue’s cute embarrassed face. She had half a mind to feel sorry for her friend, but when said friend looked up and just sent Lexi’s one of her troublesome grins… Well, she rolled her eyes.

“Slender Rue, huh?” She whispered on Lexi’s neck ‘causing the smaller girl to shiver and gulp. Oh, there we go again with her traitor heart… “It has a ring to it, right?” Rue kept talking without even noticing Lexi’s troubled state just from feeling her breath on her neck with that sexy raspy voice of hers that raised hells inside her body. God must truly hate her. “I guess I kinda liked it.” Rue mused and embraced Lexi more closely, as if the other girl could control her body enough to run away from her. As if she would’ve dared to even if she could. Oh Jesus! “Did you like it, Lex?” Came the whisper right at her fucking ear!

You see, Lexi Howard was endlessly turned on by everything about Rue Bennett, that was the truth; but that low, melodic and rough voice all wrapped in layers upon layers of velvety mystery all held together by a flirty tone was just too fucking much. And knowing that before Rue almost scared her soul out of her body invading her room like a criminal she was enjoying a very exciting dream about said girl… Well, it would suffice to say that she was wet, horny and very much pissed at the girl. Who gave her the fucking right?!

She turned to narrow her eyes at her and saw that lopsided grin oh so fucking hot in the dark and decided that fuck, two could play this game! This son of a bitch! It wasn’t like her best friend was emotionally or physically attracted to her, so whatever, she just wanted to push Rue’s buttons a little as well. It was all cool.

“Yeah, I like how you embrace me tightly with your very slender body, Slender Rue.” She said with a grin and a low voice because she was madly horny like that but she didn’t want to scare her older sister, too. Well, after that she saw her friend gulping in the dark and bobbing her head while she blinked her eyes staring straight at her face. Okay…? Just then she felt Rue fisting her PJs and pushing her even closer to entwine their legs. A motion that could redefine Pauli’s exclusion principle that stated that two identical materials were unable to occupy the same space at the same time. The man clearly hadn’t met Rue and her cuddly self, who respected no physical boundaries, by the time he wrote his theory. Anyway, the simple action of almost merging her sexy self to her unlucky friend’s one caused Lexi’s chest to inflate like she needed more air because suddenly everything was too Rue for her to breath. Trust Lexi fucking Howard to dig an even deeper grave to throw her dead body into because somehow, deep inside her mad brain, she thought that she could handle flirting with the girl of her dreams. The joke’s on fucking her. Said girl was taking deep breaths on her neck and Lexi had a half mind to throw her out of the very window she just came from. But she didn’t. She was a masochist. “Sleep tight, Slender Rue.” She said through gritted teeth because her plan backfired so spectacularly that she knew sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon with how she was feeling very hot all over and oh so alive, with tingles erupting all over her body and liquid fire coursing through her veins. And those fucked up butterflies.

Fuck her life!

“Good night, tiny Lexi.” Rue whispered hoarsely as she planted a kiss on said girl’s neck and closed her eyes taking a deep breath to relax and leave Lexi so hot and bothered that she actually shivered and had all hairs on her body standing to attention, like she had just been shocked back to life with a defibrillator.

Fuck her fucking life!

The taller girl seemed to fall asleep in little to no time while her friend was on her way to spend the night thinking and rethinking her forsaken misery like a restless owl. It seemed like anything involving Rue, the good and the bad, was able to turn on every neuron of her brain back to life, no matter how dead tired her body felt. It was like flipping a switch, one moment she felt like hibernating forever and another she was so wired that she could either run a marathon or dig into her own brain the formula of eternal life.

Still, she had no idea what could’ve possibly possessed her friend to come through her window like a contemporary Romeo minus the silly love poems and romance only to leave her friend full of questions without answers. Why in hell did Rue come at her place in the middle of the night to simply cuddle her after saying no fucking shit when they departed earlier? Did she have a nightmare or was afraid to use something? Was she missing Jules and their nightly routine of snuggling each other to sleep? Was she simply feeling lonely? Did she just want to sleep near Lexi? Or it was all bullshit made out of Lexi’s very wish to be noticed by her crush somehow?

Yes, there were lots of variants to be thought very thoroughly until Lexi’s mind was way beyond exhausted to properly function. If it ever did function properly; if it was even capable of still doing so about anything including Rue Bennett. 

But still, she felt good to be near her friend again. She felt good that Rue chose to come to see her, never mind the reason, with such an uncanny approach and all that, it was still… It made her feel special somehow. Yeah, that was it.

Rue Bennett, for the very first time in a long time, made Lexi Howard feel extraordinary in the most delirious way ever, but that was Rue for you.

She still felt invincible right to the moment she heard her sister whispering ‘Slender Rue’ and chuckling quietly as if it was the silliest joke ever. Lexi couldn’t help but to grin at that.

And that was how the endless tale of Slender Rue was created and became a common notion in the Howard household from years to come.


	3. The twists and turns of falling in love with no map

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was she suddenly agreeing to take a hellish ride with Maddy? Oh! That's Rue. And why was she even contemplating the possibility of playing a piano in a fucking mall in front of a crowd? Also, you know, Rue. And somehow they got a band...? You see, Lexi's life was getting even more insane and of fucking course all of it was down to one Rue Bennett.

_“Don't speak as I try to leave_   
_ Cause we both know what we'll choose_   
_ If you pull, then I'll push too deep_   
_ And I'll fall right back to you_

_Cause you are the piece of me_   
_ I wish I didn't need_   
_ Chasing relentlessly_   
_ Still fight, and I don't know why_

_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_   
_ If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?” (Zedd – Clarity)_

The following day started as any other day would. Well, if one looked past Lexi’s tired face, the dark circle under eyes and her exhausted stance as she dragged her feet around like a doomed ghost carrying heavy chains. The last night was another long and eventful night marked on the small girl’s calendar and something told her that, as far as Rue Bennett was involved, last night wouldn’t be the last one of these.

Still, speaking of Rue, the tall girl was nowhere to be seen which got her friend feeling kinda morose and stuff. Not because she liked to wake up next to her – though she did very much – but Lexi assumed that her best friend would stay to hang out like normal friends would. You know, friends who didn’t drug themselves into oblivion only to overdose their sorry asses into a coma or didn’t nourish some unflattering crush on the other one.

Well, whatever.

She looked around and Cass’ bed was already made so she started her morning routine with making her own bed and taking her towel and clothes to jump into a much-needed cold shower. It was her way of waking up, then would come the coffee and something to eat. Lexi liked to feel clean right as she woke up and before sitting at the table to have breakfast, don’t ask her why.

The shower was uneventful and quite quick with a meticulous brush of teeth. Yes, Lexi Howard was very preoccupied with her mouth’s health, thank you very much. She wasn’t a girl who fancied kissing many people because of that, you know? She kinda had a mental barrier with this stuff. Just thinking about all things everyone put in their mouths before kissing her was able to leave her shivering with repulsion. Because, you know, people tended to be all kinds of gross so that thought was a slightly scary one. It wasn’t an OCD or shit, Lexi just liked hygiene a little too much and didn’t like strangers’ germs floating inside her body over something so flavorless as sharing saliva with a kiss.

Don’t start her with actually sleeping around. It was one of Lexi’s terrors to think about every single disease that she could get over such superfluous activity. God forbid her of fucking around and having sweaty people on top of her with countless microbes and body fluids and even more saliva and… ew! Just ew!

It wasn’t like Lexi was a prude per se, or so she thought. At least she didn’t consider herself to be one. It was just all very disgusting. Still, she didn’t judge her friends – and sister – who slept around because everyone owned their own bodies and did whatever the hell they wanted to with it. It was just… She wasn’t that easily physically attracted to people in general, so better than being intimate without feeling even a spark of attraction, it was to keep it to herself.

But well, Rue Bennett was the exception to her every rule, it seemed. Because Lexi would feel nothing around many people who were considered to be attractive by everyone’s standard, then you give her a smirking Rue and suddenly she had no mental capacity of thinking straight. It was like the girl held the key to Lexi’s libido, the slender moron. Whoever granted Rue Bennett the ability to get Lexi so fucking hot and bothered was a deranged fucker who deserved to be cussed with every single expletive in the language. And maybe even a few new ones.

Anyway, yes, she could admire beauty and good-looking features, but that was as far as she went and it still couldn’t swing the small girl towards said person. She felt no desire to actually get to know people or throw herself out there, like they said, it all felt very… insufficient, as if she was trying too hard to fill a role that wasn’t written for her. So, she didn’t do that anymore and she was cool with it. Well, mostly. She still had hormones after all.

Okay, back to Rue. Yeah, she kinda desired the girl. Very fucking much. Which was as maddening as it was enlightening in a way. Before they did kiss, Lexi was almost sure that she was dead and dry inside and thus couldn’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone. As she looked back now, those were the good days. At least back then she didn’t drag herself around all horny just from having her fucking friend smiling at her. And yet she still wasn’t a very sexual person and was very glad to be left out of these things; however, it was still fucked up to only desire one fucking human. Which lead Lexi to do what every normal contemporary young adult would: she googled it.

It was the internet that explained that, yes, although it wasn’t much common, people such as herself did exist. People who could only sexually desire someone if they did have some type of feelings for or any level of closeness with said person. These people, like Lexi, were called demisexual. Or cursed, in her case. However, it was still hard to talk to someone about it as it wasn’t a main discussed topic when you take the whole gender and sexuality spectrum and every hidden or glared upon subtopic. Because before her kissing awakening experience with Rue, Lexi was dead sure she was asexual or something of the likes and then… Well, then she fell in love with her bloody moronic best friend and unconsciously bought a cursed ticket to the most heartbreaking trip she could have found. And trust her to still be riding that haunted ride.

Whatever, better no dwell on that shit now.

So back to the predicament at hand. it wasn’t like Lexi was totally against sex or kissing people, she actually kissed some folks after Rue – even BB, don’t ask her why, it wasn’t her most glorious moment – only to be left feeling emptier after than she did before. So, she decided she just couldn’t force herself to see a point in doing something that would clearly make her feel bad instead of good. But she did have sexual drive and desire and shit like that, the thing was that she got fucking wet and hot over the wrong person.

And that’s what made her life a miserable affair. ‘Cause, yes, she wanted to try being intimate with someone on a sexual level – she read that endorphin was very good for the brain and stress levels and shit – but, at the same time, her body only responded to Rue. And that was fucking maddening because spending a whole night awake lusting after her sleeping best friend who was very into cuddling and caressing her whenever they slept together was a fucking insane torment. That left her in the very precarious state she was in: tired, horny, sad and kinda pissed.

She should sue Rue Bennett for this crime!

Still, she didn’t do sexual stuff to herself to relieve the tension while she was taking her shower because, somehow, it made her feel more guilty than satisfied. Which ought to be the last nail in her fucking coffin. Trust her fucking morality to rather walk around as horny as fuck than picture her very sexy and attractive crush fucking her and getting this shit over and done with.

So, yes, Lexi’s life was way too fucked up since she couldn’t even masturbate to the impossible thought of Rue without feeling like a sexual predator who was disrespecting her best friend’s very mental image. It was a fucking nightmare.

And that was how, every single day for the past three or some years, Lexi Howard would take the coldest shower known to mankind until it became a habit of hers. She was just so used to cold water by now that somehow she was sure that she would’ve survived if she were in Jack’s place dangling in the freezing water after the Titanic’s shipwreck. For what is dead may never die or something of the likes.

That was another thing to blame Rue for, actually. Her body, whenever Rue Bennett wasn’t around, was too used to functioning in a lower temperature level with all her cold showers and stuff, she wasn’t even one to have fevers for that very reason. But just throw her best friend in the picture and it was like she was constantly being boiled in lava with how hot she would feel all of sudden. Not just sexually aroused, but just hotter someway; sometimes it was because she felt very embarrassed and shit, sometimes she felt just warmly happy and, yeah, other times she was just horny because of the improper hormones. All in all, it was a very inopportune feeling because Lexi Howard had no fucking idea how she was supposed to deal with all of that, from being her harmless taciturn self with a colder body temperature to match it, to being turned into a horny bloody mess who felt too much suddenly warm and hot all over for no other reason than one Rue Bennett.

And to think that somehow Rue woke up from her coma very touchy-feely… Well, that made it all harder.

So, after deciding that she needed a safe escape plan in order to keep herself from going completely nuts over her aloof best friend, she made her way to the kitchen to have her breakfast. Lexi needed a foolproof approach that made sense to herself even if the rest of the world considered it lunatic, you know? Because as her best friend had a tendency to write down and organize her stuff with long lists to keep her sane due to her OCD, Lexi Howard was inclined to overanalyze everything inside her head to the point of running every possible scenario until she felt somehow at ease with anything that could possibly happen. Come to think of it, both of them were way too fucked up. Rue for having problems with feelings and having a mind that worked faster than earth’s rotations movement and Lexi because she despised the feeling of being somehow caught out of guard and liked to control every meticulous response she could get, no matter how out of the possibility realm they could be. She had her wackoo parents to thank for that. Because when three out of four people in her household were all ran by feelings and impulse, the younger Howard was the one left to pick up their pieces after every heartbreak they imposed on one another along the ride.

And Rue was like that as well, because, in a way, her friend was very alike her mom and Cass with this ‘follow my heart no matter what happens’ approach. She guessed it explained why the Bennett-Howard partnership worked so well. Rue had an insane way of jumping into crazy theories that could sway her moods from heaven to hell in a blink of an eye while Lexi would have take her hand and walk her out through every step until it all made sense to her friend because it was the only way to lead her out of her psychotic episodes. If only the younger Howard could’ve mastered the art to do it for herself as she did for everyone around her.

Well, back to her quest, it was better to start developing a functional plan after having her morning coffee anyway. She had a wake-up coffee waiting for her with her name on it. But as she reached her kitchen’s entryway, she had to blink a few times because the image she saw was fucking creepy.

There, in one of their chairs, staring straight at a newspaper and debating the stock exchange and economy news with Suze Howard, sat the one and only Rue Bennett as she drank her coffee as intrigued as if her mom was sharing the secret of the universe with her. And sitting across from her best friend was her mom giving a lecture about how the market worked and explaining the safer way to put your money on something without flirting with bankruptcy. She was then talking about, as bluntly as only the two of them could manage, what caused every economic unbalance, starting from the stock market crash of 1929 and delving into the broken window fallacy with its wars chases as a mean to raise the economy when she got thrilled along her very sharp explanation that spared no soul from her rage.

Well, that was new. And creepy. Because Rue never appeared to be more at ease with what could be considered a boring subject in her whole life.

Just so you know, Suze Howard wasn’t just a mindless deadbeat alcoholic who knew shit about the world, which made her drinking habit all sadder somehow. She actually was an economist graduated from Yale with honors and everything until she met the girls' father, got pregnant at twenty two and fucked her life over, lost her dream job and managed to screw her relationship with her parents all because of that; a story that she was only too glad to share over and over again.

So yeah, Suze Howard was very smart and everything, just too acerbic for everyone’ good. And there was a day she had it all, family, money – the girls’ grandparents were filthy rich after all – a professional future all bright and full of possibilities that was stomped upon by the cutest jock with a guitar and no penny to his name known as Gus Howard. Lexi heard it all over again. Not only from her mom, but back when they were politely threatened to make an appearance at the Hastings get-together, Olivia Hastings, the girls’ granny, would never forget to bring this shit up, even when the girls’ dad was there to be scolded for all of it. No need to say that thankfully this shitshow didn’t happen anymore after their mom told their granny to fuck her well-mannered self off when the woman criticized her daughter for not managing a marriage and showing up drunk at their hellish gatherings. It was an eventful night that left both herself and Cass looking at one another without knowing what to do those years ago.

Then Cass started to maniacally laugh all the way back home inside the cab as Suze cursed her bigoted parents to the worst level of hell all through the ride. Yeah, her mom was very much drunk that night and even if the woman was reckless as fuck, she wasn’t irresponsible enough to drive after drowning herself in alcohol. Come to think of it, maybe it was her plan all along because it was the first time they took a cab to the fuckery they called dinner.

Well, that was her fucked up family anyway. The thing was that her mom was actually very bright, and they all knew that she way brighter than her dad, so whatever happened within the exchange market in relation of economic raise or fall, she would always know.

But still, the last time she saw her mother so engrossed discussing about economy, private sector and investments, Lexi was still a child. It was back when her dad gave a shit and was always smiling around and they didn’t spend most of the time trying to stick a knife at the others’ backs to see who would bleed more.

So to say that seeing Rue and Suze friendly talking about the economy was confusing as shit would be the understatement of the year.

And Rue looked so fascinated, so attentive to the subject that it was very hard to believe the scene was even real and Lexi hadn’t lost her sanity for good. ‘Cause in one hand, holding Rue Bennett’s attention was harder than building a time machine and going back in time and, on the other hand, having Suze so calmly explaining shit and talking like a sober being without offending someone directly was fucking unbelievable.

“I don’t know what’s that, too, Lex. I’m just as surprised as you are.” Cass whispered at her because Lexi must have been standing at the kitchen’s entryway like a piece of furniture long enough for her to be taken as part of the décor. “Mom’s actually explaining everything very calmly and Rue looks way too into that crazy talk.” Cassie crossed her arms at her chest to simply stare at that insane scene as well.

And by the looks of it, both Cass and Lexi could stay there looking at them until they grew roots on the floor and the talking duo would be none the wiser.

Maybe Lexi was still asleep, that was the only possible reason to explain that crazy scenario.

Jesus, she needed her coffee now more than ever.

“Are you two going to stand there frowning like infuriated rottweilers guarding the kitchen all day or will you actually seat your lovely bottoms to have breakfast like normal teenagers with your friend, girls?” Her mom asked as Rue turned her head to look at both of them. She gave Lexi a once over and raised her eyebrow. Yeah, that shit! “I apologize, Rue, they both used to be more polite than this. I still don’t know where I went wrong.” Suze told the tall girl very conversationalist, as if she was having tea with a dearly comrade instead of Rue; Rue who swiftly turned to give her mom a grin and then playfully narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“I guess Lex’s still not a morning person, Suze.” Her friend told her mom, now calling her by her first name which was fucking disturbing, and her mom sighed dramatically.

“Never was, never will be, Rue.” Suze said sounding particularly upbeat so early in the day while both of them stared at the Howard sisters with arched eyebrows. What the fuck?

“Told you this is fucked up, Lex. If you weren’t here, I would’ve thought that I was the drunk one.” Cass made a face at her and decided to join that madness, which prompted her younger sister to do the same.

Lexi sighed and walked their way, she still needed coffee after all. Now more than ever. Before she reached the table, Rue had already pulled a chair towards herself with her foot still staring at her face. So yeah, she didn’t need to debate where to sit now, unless she wanted to face her friend’s vast range of insulted expressions so early in the day. She didn’t though. At least not before having her morning coffee.

So, as Suze so graciously put, she sat her lovely bottom right beside her best friend who was still staring straight at her. Well, she turned to look at Rue, it was kinda creeping her out to be so intensely stared at before being properly awake – yes, she had her daily ass cold shower, but Lexi’s day started only after drinking a mug of coffee. Rue simply kept looking at her. The small girl sighed.

“Yes, Rue?” She asked pouring her coffee. Seeing that the addressed girl simply ignored her, Lexi decided to take a sip of her favorite drink and all but moaned at the taste. Fucking Christ! She didn’t know how much she missed good coffee until that very moment. It was so fucking delicious that Lexi instantly felt happy. She then looked at Rue who was tightening her jaw all of sudden with a very unusual embarrassingly red face. What the fuck now?

“Do you want to be left alone with your coffee or can you respect our guest, Lexi?” Her mom asked with sarcasm and Lexi blinked and tilted her head at her because it made no fucking sense to be scolded out of the blue. “You sounded way too sexually pleased with your coffee right now.” Her daughter made an attempt to deny all that but Suze just looked at Rue and Lexi decided to do the same. Oh!

“Please shut up, mom! Don’t embarrass Slender Rue.” She heard Cass sorta joke but Lexi’s eyes were still locked at Rue’s face who was still looking flustered tightening and untightening her jaw like she was eating something. Oh! Was it her fault now? Should she apologize? Then Rue turned her face towards her and rolled her eyes. Yeah, that was more like it.

“Good morning to you, too, Lex.” Her friend huffed in annoyance and Lexi would’ve taken her more seriously if she wasn’t still looking red and very cute. Instead she beamed at her face and threw her arms around her neck in a surprising hug. Yes, it surprised even Lexi herself.

“Good morning, Rue!” She said chirpily and kissed her friend’s shoulder. Well, maybe Lexi was too addicted to coffee because just drinking it and having the tall girl near her could lift her spirits in an instant. Or she was just addicted to Rue. Whatever, she got it under control – no she did not. “I thought you had left already.” She whispered to her friend who awkwardly held Lexi’s arms in return. “But I’m glad you didn’t.” She gave Rue’s shoulder another parting kiss and let go to beam at her friend’s red face who just rolled her eyes as if leaving before breakfast was the most bizarre shit she could’ve pulled in her whole life. Which Lexi only found way too endearing in return.

Rue Bennett had no right to be so cute on top on it all. But there she was looking way too charming and Lexi was just happy for a moment.

“Well, what are you kids planning to do for the day?” Her mom asked after no one said shit ‘cause, you know, Lexi was still smiling at her grumpy embarrassed friend and happily drinking her wonderful coffee. She remembered the hospital’s coffee and enjoyed it even more. Somehow it made her home’s coffee even more tasteful compared to that revolting shit Karen served. “Are you going to harass our elderly neighbors, set fire on something, start a commotion against Trump, run to Vegas to marry someone looking like Elvis? What’s the good stuff you have in mind?” She ignored her mom’s insane plans and looked at Rue to see what her friend had in mind – if she even wanted to spend her day doing whatever with Lexi but her answer a shrug of shoulders. Yeah, Lexi didn’t have anything planned as well and was still high on having breakfast with Rue, as strange as it was.

“Maddy just texted me saying that she’s coming over so we can hang out at the mall.” Cass said as she picked a sliced apple to eat. “Kat is also going and you guys can come with us, too. It will be fun.” Her sister kinda invited them and Lexi wanted to correct her because Lexi’s definition of fun was somehow at odds with her sister’s seeing that a car ride with all of them was on the verge of pure masochism and actually walking aimlessly around the mall with such cohort of people was the recipe of disaster. But Rue was faster in her answer.

“Yeah, sure. We’re going too.” Rue said nonchalantly taking a bite of her scrambled eggs and, had she been a different person, Lexi would be utterly disgusted by the action of talking with a mouth full, but well… She was Rue, so the younger Howard just found it very cute. So cute that she ignored the fact that she was willingly signing herself for another traumatic car ride with her girl pals.

“Well, aren’t you kids audacious today?” Her mom said with irony because she was probably the only one who felt Lexi’s pain, as insane as such notion could be. To which her sister rolled her eyes with a ‘shut up’ and Rue turned to question her friend with an arched eyebrow. Lexi sighed. “Anyway, don’t let old me stop you girls from having such an amazing time at the mall.” Suze said with a wicked smile, completely aware that hells were about to be raised and Lexi’s torture and suffering was nearing as well.

Oh well, Rue Bennett was about to endure the longest and shittiest car ride known to humankind since the creation of the automobile and it was her own damn fault. 

* * *

You see, after her dad’s almost fatal accident, it was safe to say that Lexi wasn’t a fan of cars and shit. It wasn’t exactly a trauma that prevented her from getting inside a vehicle, but she still chose not to get behind the wheels for that very reason. And to put Maddy’s furious driving skills on top of that, it was easy to say that the whole ordeal of going from her house to Kat’s, as close distance as it was, got her very twitchy.

So, that was how she all but jumped in horror after hearing her sister’s best friend loudly cussing a couple who dared to commit the transgression of crossing the street with a dog in front of the mad woman with a fuming ‘you’re not parading on a fucking fashion runway, so get the fuck out of the road’ followed by a cacophony of honks that, if she didn’t know the vehicle was only made by metal, Lexi was sure that even the automobile would be exhausted and very ashamed of making so copious angry sounds.

Rue, for her part, only grinned at that scary show with a lazy hand on Lexi’s thigh, probably to prevent her small friend from throwing herself out of the window in shame.

Anyway, after some endless seconds their getaway driver spent angrily arguing and swearing at the passersby, a sole action that seemed to amuse Rue Bennett to no end, they arrived almost unscathed at Kat’s house, if not for Lexi’s even more disturbed mind. And there the girl stood holding hands with a skinny and smiling boy who seemed to be very proud of himself just for standing beside his girlfriend. Lexi smiled at the scene, they looked all cute and so happy that the younger Howard couldn’t help but feel very glad for both of them, too.

“Get the fuck in, bitches! I’m no dentist to make money seeing teeth.” Maddy furiously shouted at the couple and she heard Rue quietly giggling beside her. Lexi rolled her eyes; her friend had such a twisted sense of humor.

Nevertheless, the couple made a move to get in only to be shocked to see Rue there and Kat took the time to greet her with a ‘Hey, Rue! What a nice surprise to see you here’ she said sounding strained and a little unsure of how to proceed as Kat’s eyes zeroed in her tall friend’s hand that still rested on Lexi’s thigh leaving the other girl dumbfounded. That was when Lexi recalled that the girl was close friends with Jules so yeah… All kinds of weird indeed. Not to Rue, of course, who as nonchalantly as only she was able to be, just said a ‘Hey, what’s up?’ and suddenly all was cool and forgotten.

“Hey, bitches!” Kat saluted already inside Maddy’s car and heard a symphony of greetings in return. She was still staring at Rue’s hand because her insufferable crush made no move to retrieve it, probably because she forgot it was even resting on top of her small friend in a very intimate spot. And well, Lexi didn’t have the heart to ask her to do it, so that was that.

Well, it was all cool until the moment that Kat’s boyfriend stood outside the car as awkwardly as some homeless guy asking for a coin at the traffic light just staring at everyone. Much to Maddy’s never ending huffs of annoyance, as if they were going to a very life-changing conference and it was imperative to be on clock instead of aimlessly walking around the mall ‘cause no one had better things to do.

“Can you fucking move your asses around so we can all go?” Their driver spat exasperated as if she was having the horrible labor of taking mentally challenged children to their medical appointments all by herself.

Oh! So, they would have to squeeze a little to make some room for Ethan and shit. Or so Lexi thought anyway because as soon Rue saw the boy kinda looking embarrassed, she decided to take her hand from Lexi’s thigh and pat her own lap arching that sinful eyebrow of hers at the small girl as if having her friend on top of her was the only logical solution to their bothersome dilemma. The girl in question took a deep breath and ignored her growing red face, seeing that, apparently, she would have to sit on top of Rue and her crazy heart was already beating its way out of her ribcage before that even happened.

Oh fuck!

So as soon as she felt her friend moving her ass closer to her, she decided to climb on her crush’s lap to get that shit over with, seeing that Maddy had already turned on her seat to glare at her face and was a step away from taking matters in her own hands, which could mean either leaving the poor boy behind squealing the tires and shouting obscenities at the top of her lungs or tying Lexi up on top of Rue with a rope, and the younger Howard would like to avoid all of that from happening, thank you very much! So yeah, she sat on top of her friend and sighed as she felt Rue’s long arms languidly embracing her waist. Rue, for her part, sighed as well and put her small friend’s head under her chin in a very comfy cuddle.

Lexi kinda closed her eyes to inhale Rue’s smell like the creeper she was. Oh, how she missed her friend’s sandalwood scented shampoo, it gave Rue’s smell an earthy note that all but anchored her small friend to reality; like it made Rue Bennett less ethereal and more real, more tangible and, in a strange and indirect proportion, it turned her best friend’s very abrasive stance into a mellower persona. It got Lexi feeling safer somehow. Just like woody scented notes had the same power, though the latter left her with a nostalgic feeling because it reminded her of dad and their weekend camping trips. She got a feeling that her best friend still used the same scented shampoo to feel closer to her dad as well, but Lexi couldn’t be sure.

Yeah, Lexi Howard was very into smells and what they evoked, so sue her.

“Hi, girls! Thanks for having me, too.” Ethan said with a friendly and easy smile and Lexi opened her eyes to smile back at his face. So, imagine her surprise when she saw everyone in the car, save for the boy in question, looking quizzically at her and Rue. Even Maddy, through the rearview mirror now, had her eyebrow arched with a smirk on her face. “Sorry to intrude on your shopping trip or anything.” The boy completed, now with an embarrassed face.

“Nah, don’t mention it. The more the merrier, right?” Cass rushed to say before Maddy felt the need to scold the poor boy for the delay with a smile turning her face towards him. Because, yes, she too was looking at her weird little sister all red on top of Rue Bennett. Thankfully she didn’t comment anything about it though. “We are even dragging Slender Rue with us.” Cass said grinning at both her sister and the addressed girl. “It’s a day for miracles.” She finished to nod at the mad woman behind the wheels to urge her to start the engine and give ‘Fast and Furious’ a run for their money.

“Feeling comfy there, little Howard?” Of course, the same couldn’t be said about Maddy who was physically unable to keep her harsh opinions to herself. Lexi sighed but didn’t grace her with a response and Rue kept quiet as well, only moving her arms to hug her friend more tightly. After seeing that no answer was going to be heard from the muted duo, the driving girl decided to hit the road. “Whatever, let’s fucking roll, bitches!” 

* * *

The only good thing about riding with the girls was that they gave no shits about whatever was currently playing on the radio. Cass, who usually was the only one bold enough to sit by Maddy’s side, could probably put some gospel songs that no argument would happen over it.

But this good part could only happen because of the downside of the ride that involved endlessly loud chattering all wrapped around each and every vulgar word granted by the English language – and sometimes, when every obscene slur seemed to fall short, Maddy would throw some Spanish expletives around as a mean to prove her point.

In other words, the girls could cuss and argue about pretty much anything under the sun.

As of now, they were focusing their rage on Sonia and Ted Perez divorce. Not that the divorce was an issue for Maddy, oh no. Her sister’s best friend was just pissed that her mom, somehow, sold her soul to Gaia and was currently trying to recreate Snow White’s bucolic life in the woods minus the seven men to fuck her part – Maddy’s words, not hers. So, all Lexi gathered from the insults and fury was that Sonia decided to live a simpler life or, “She just became a fucking hippie! What’s next?! Hanging Janis Joplin’s posters around the house and singing with the fucking birds?”

Well, it was easy to see that Maddy was less than happy with her mom’s change of heart and blamed her father for being such a fucking disgrace that made the woman turn to plants instead of people, again not Lexi’s opinion. Because, you see, if she wasn’t so afraid of pissing Maddy off while she was madly driving for fear of getting everyone inside the car killed, then the younger Howard would’ve said that she actually admired Mrs. Perez for being so brave and breaking off a marriage that was fruitless and for taking a path to happiness trying to better understand and respect the balance of the whole world as an unit: plants, humans and animals alike. But she wasn’t that suicidal and just let Kat, Cass and Maddy cuss their hearts off as long as they deemed necessary.

Rue, still under her, was just motionless if not for some lazy patterns she was making at her friend’s back as she too decided that this wasn’t a battle worth fighting. Ethan had his face so close to closed window that every time Maddy furiously hit the brakes his head would knock against it and make a loud sound ending the girls’ manic debate for a little while. Maybe it was his way of trying to shut them up and, as briefly as the interruptions were, Lexi gathered that for him such pain was still worth a shot.

So that went on until the very moment Maddy decided to ask what they have been up to since the winter formal. And by ‘they’ she directed the question to Rue and Lexi. Oh well…

“Come on, bitches! I’m not driving a fucking hearse, so spill and spare no details.” The younger Howard was kinda surprised that their driver was interested in their last few days and even knew the word ‘hearse’ because it wasn’t a curse, even when the girl had the capacity of making it sound as one.

Anyway, as she so politely asked, Lexi raised her head to look at her best friend’s face. Rue looked like she was peacefully meditating, which was very hard to comprehend how any human could be capable of doing that in a car being madly driven by Maddy, but anyway, the tall girl wasn’t about to answer it seemed. It was better this way.

“Oh, nothing much. The last few days have been quite uneventful.” Lexi said as matter-of-factly as she could – she knew she was the worst liar to ever grace the earth, so she had to balance it out at least trying to sound sure of herself. “We just hang out a little.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, right? She hung around monitoring Rue like a creepy vulture for the last days. And if you tried to see it through Rue’s perspective, it had been some uneventful days sleeping and all that.

“Oh! There was nothing new, I had an OD and spent the last days hanging with Lex in the hospital.” Her friend said as aloof as ever and Lexi looked shocked at her peaceful face as if it was the most natural path of conversation to be taken. “We ate a lot of jell-o and sang songs together.” Rue then grinned at her face as if they had the most normally boring shit to do. “We kinda have some fans now, right, babe?” You see, Rue Bennett had no right to call her ‘babe’ with that sexy face of hers, so she rolled her eyes to her friend. Oh, fuck her!

Lexi wished she could do just that though.

“Oh! That’s cool.” She wanted to correct Maddy, because it was too fucking far from being 'cool' in any dictionary, much less when it came to Rue laying motionlessly in a coma. But before she could protect her friend’s honor, said friend answered ‘yeah, it was’ and Lexi sighed. This girl was just so fucking impossible that even picking fights at the expense of defending her was a hopeless ordeal. Anyway, no one said shit, until Maddy slayed the silence again. “So, you’re cool now? Not going to do this shit anymore and whatever?” Well, at least the girl sounded caring, which was very surprising as well.

“Not doing this shit anymore ever. I’m staying away from drugs and shit from now on.” Rue answered honestly and Lexi beamed at her face, hugging her by the neck because that was the most precious sentence her friend could ever pronounce. “Shakespeare here threatened to kick my sorry ass with all her rage, so I’m gonna stay clean and shit.” Her friend finished with an all too happy grin that had Lexi rolling her eyes, this idiot!

“You can bet it, Bennett!” She huffed only to feel her tall friend’s long arms pulling her back towards her body. Lexi went with it.

“Oh, I’m shakenly terrified, babe. Never touching shit anymore.” Lexi ignored the pet name and huffed again. Rue Bennett better not do that fuckery again. Never ever!

But she loved being called ‘babe’ by Rue. Even when the duo were the first ones to roll their eyes skywards whenever they heard it being said in some romantic flick Cass would put to cry her eyes off when they were teenagers. Come to think of it, how did her older sis put up with both of them back in the day? The duo was simply insufferable!

They would only sit their butts to watch anything if they could complain all their way until the credits rolled – Rue’s case, of course – or if they could analyze every impossible scenario written on the script and explain why it was a waste of time watching it because reality didn’t work like that – that was Lexi. Which, as time went on, made Cass forbid both of them from saying a single word until the end of the movie. The pair managed only to watch twenty minutes into the next film with Cass before they broke into a pillow fight that had the blonde angrily kicking them out of the room to annoy someone else.

They were such little shits back in the day, but they used to have such good times together then.

“Well, glad to hear that tiny Howard managed to threaten you into the path of light and shit.” Maddy nodded to herself as Cass too turned to beam at Rue looking truly happy to hear that her sister’s bestie was going to stay away from drugs as well. Because Lexi knew that Cassie had a soft spot for Rue, too. As if she was the duo’s big sister or something like that. “If you want some crazy Gaia all herbs hallucinogen tea, just call my mom now. She’s like some nature witch bitch now. It has to have a pro in all this fucking insanity.” Lexi rolled her eyes because that was not something to say to a drug addict trying to stay clean but, surprise-surprise, Rue was the one to pass the new drugging experience.

“Nah, I’m cool, Maddy, thanks.” She said with a smile that had Lexi sighing blissfully as if the weight of the world had been taken off her shoulders. She kissed Rue’s neck in appreciation for the effort, because it had to be hard deciding to stay clean when almost everyone around her were fucked up addicted messes. Her tall friend sighed, too.

“I’m glad to hear you’re okay now, Rue. If you need help staying clean or anything, I’m here, too.” Ethan’s sweet voice made Lexi open her eyes to look at his face with gratitude, he was such an honest gentle boy. “I know it’s hard and everything, my big brother had a hard time with pills and shit, so I can be there for you if you want..?” The guy started his speech all enthusiastically only to sound unsure by the end of it. She felt for him, she knew how hard it was to be there for someone in these circumstances, she could only hope that Rue would accept everyone’s help and not shy away going to fucked up places to run away from their caring and support.

“Thanks, man.” Her friend said with an unnatural voice, like she was caught off guard with Ethan’s easy show of support. “I guess I could use some…” It was her way of saying that, yes, she was going to accept everyone’s help and for being grateful. She sounded grateful anyway. “Is he better now? Your bro, I mean.” Lexi kissed Rue’s shoulder as she felt her friend’s energy getting all messed up, as she sensed that Rue was starting to get truly anxious and shit.

“Yeah, he’s better now, thanks for asking.” Ethan answered grinning at her friend’s face. “You see, the most difficult part was on him, when he decided to stay clean, yeah?” She felt her tall friend nodding in response. “So, when he told me that he was going to stop with it, all I had to do was be there to support him and come up with crazy things we could do to keep him busy.” Lexi opened her eyes to look at him. “We kinda tried everything. Surfing, playing music, dancing, singing, skating, playing videogames, jogging, biking around, hiking in the woods… everything really. Until he found out that helping people was what truly made him feel better with himself so he decided to work with kids on the streets and stuff like that.” Ethan smiled very proudly of his brother’s strength to change his odds and, from the corner of her eye, Lexi could see everyone looking at him. “So, until you find out what makes you feel more at ease and complete in a sense, we can try all this stuff if you want to. Not that I’m good at any of it, but still…” Ethan looked shy then, as he sensed that every girl in the car had his full attention and his girlfriend, seeing his red face, gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek and entwined their fingers.

“That’… that’s very cool.” She looked up and Rue was contemplating everything she just heard, organizing all of it inside her brain in her true-to-herself way of absorbing information. “I mean, I can’t say that I’ve done most of this shit, but we used to do some stuff when were younger, right, Lex?” Her best friend asked her and she nodded her head because dancing, singing, playing music and biking around were how they used to have fun back then. “But yeah, I guess that trying some new shit will be good, huh?” Rue asked looking directly at Lexi and the girl on top of her just nodded and grinned at her face. Then the small girl started to feel her face getting warm as Rue threw one of her crooked grins her way. Oh fuck! “But only if Lex agrees to play the piano and sing once in a while with us.”

For fuck’s sake!

“You play piano, Lexi?” Asked Ethan sounding very enthusiastic and happy all of sudden. Oh, fuck you, Rue Bennett. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to play.” Oh god, please don’t.

“Yeah, she’s kinda awesome at it and a very cool teacher.” She glared at Rue. Of course she would throw her best friend under the fucking bus, this moron! “Not that I actually learned anything, but still little Lex here had all the patience in the world to try to teach me.” Her tall friend ignored her passionate glare and simply kept grinning as if it was all oh so funny.

“Slender Rue’s right, my sister’s fucking amazing at it.” Oh, fuck her life. “She used to play when I was training ice skating in our back yard, well, minus the ice. You remember, Lex?” Her younger sister then decided that it was useless to glare at Rue – the girl could take no fucking hint! – and turned to see her sis looking at her beaming. She beamed back at Cass, those were the fondest memories she had of their fucked up family.

When her grandpa gave her a keyboard and the four of them would make a weekend out of Lexi messing with the keys as Cassie would gracefully skate around the yard with her roller skates after their dad kinda built a leveled ring to help Cass train. So, the four of them would sit there while Lexi aimlessly played and Cassie twisted and turned with such poise and elegance that if felt like they were watching the Olympics instead of sitting in the grass of their backyard and their parents would simply sit enjoying their cold beers happily shouting and clapping all day long.

Before her dad became a fucking flirtatious stud and her mom became an alcoholic, of course.

“Yeah, I would often mess everything up and you always had to turn your moves to accompany the shitty melody I was playing.” Lexi sighed in response and heard her sister laughing out loud.

“That’s true, but you know what they say, it’s better to be prepared so I doubt any other skater could go from a simple even dance with meticulous moves to a haunting and dark presentation in a spam of seconds as you taught how to, Lex.” Cassie said squeezing Lexi’s knee for a second with a smile on her face.

“Yeah, that’s because you are fucking amazing in the rink and could literally roll with anything I threw your way.” The younger Howard said with a smile and a roll of eyes.

“You won’t hear me arguing that, sis.” Cass smirked her way and suddenly Lexi felt all kinds of sad because her bigger sister had a fucking gift and it was so fucking infuriating that she couldn’t practice anymore. It was truly unfair their fucking rich grandparents couldn’t pay that for their grandchild, the bigoted bitches!

“Who knew that little Howard could use her fingers to make every kind of sounds, huh?” Maddy’s innuendo was so fucking screwed up that Lexi chocked on her own saliva after hearing such nonsense. Rue, who was grinning at the Howards’ exchange until the moment Maddy decided to open her trap mouth in a plan to kill the younger Howard with humiliation, dropped her smile and frowned at her tiny friend with her jaw so squeezed shut that her teeth were at risk of cracking.

“Maybe we could have some jam session, huh?” Ethan said completely ignoring the craziness Maddy just said. “Can you girls play anything?” He asked looking around the car and then at his girlfriend as Lexi managed to concentrate long enough to stop her coughing fit.

“No, we don’t. Just Rue and Lex, they had music lessons together.” Cassie said smiling at the two of them before her driving friend could think of something traumatizing to answer the boy.

“Well, Rue is a very skillful guitar player and an awesome singer.” Lexi said grinning at her addressed friend who still had a crossed expression over something.

“That’s awesome! I can play the drums. So, we could have a get-together to play someday.” Kat’s boyfriend said already making plans and fully smiling at his girlfriend. Lexi arched an eyebrow at Rue because this insanity was all on her – again! – and had her friend looking back at her face with one of her mysterious looks.

“You gave the idea, babe, don’t crush Ethan’s plans with such a grumpy face.” She whispered to her friend because if one the girls heard Lexi playfully calling badass Rue her ‘babe’ then there would be no way to escape their crazy insinuations or distasteful innuendos.

“Fine.” Rue huffed in a cranky response as if the tragedy that would be jamming with the two of them was so inexcusable that left her feeling like Katniss Everdeen when the heroine volunteered herself as a tribute in the ‘Hunger Games’. Lexi beamed at her friend’s face, her crush was such a cute idiot.

“What’s this High School Musical?” Maddy sighed exasperated as if the notion of someone spending their time doing something as bland as playing music together was more malicious than getting high on drugs to commit crimes.

“Yup! And guess what, Maddy? You are in!” Of course, that could only be her sister’s voice because no one would dare to cross the moody girl while she was driving. The addressed girl, in response, sighed tiredly and very unhappily and Cass only laughed at her face.

Such a strange friendship these two had.

“You are killing, big Howard. You hear it? You. Are. Killing. Me.” Maddy then punctuated her words as she glared at Cass and her sister smiled as she was forced to hold the car’s steering wheel before her abrasive friend did just what she was accusing her sister of and killed everyone.

And also because Lexi had a feeling that her sister liked whenever her bad-bitch friend called her ‘big Howard’ – which only happened when Lexi, the tiny Howard, or whatever synonym that conveyed the same meaning, was also with them. As it made the younger Howard feel like a child, Lexi thought that for her sister it gave her a more mature sense, like she was the responsible one and shit.

As Rue tightened her long arms around Lexi in a form of protection as if she was sensing the smaller girl’s fear over having a car accident because Maddy gave no fuck’s about the traffic, the younger Howard sighed and hid her head on her friend’s collarbone, because, as they said what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.

And yeah, inside Rue’s loving embrace, taking the highway to hell wasn’t such a tragic fate.

* * *

They survived.

Physically, at least. Because Lexi’s mind was probably shattered due to Rue’s cuddly self and from every raspy low giggling she was forced to endure because her tall friend was the only person in the whole world who could find comedy in Maddy’s dark and twisted sense of humor.

So, they walked around the mall. The frontline of their gang was composed by the three bad bitches: Kat, Maddy and Cass – who called themselves ‘Charlie’s Angels’, leaving Lexi to be their ‘Charlie’ seeing that she was the most level headed one of them, of course. As the girls strolled around the mall as if they owned everything inside of it, including the people, the ungodly trio was responsible for taking everyone’s attention – the good and the bad kind – as the three of them kept talking loudly and pointing at stuff and making not so kind comments about it all.

And after them there was herself, Rue and Ethan, who was still enthusiastically talking about music and shit they could play together and when and where and oh how his big bro would love to see it ‘cause he was an exceptional bass player and whatnots.

Rue was very engaged in the conversation and was actually debating their musical tastes to see if they could find a common ground that somehow could contemplate all of them. Her first point was: no Taylor Swift allowed as she stared directly at Lexi with a much too serious face. The girl in question rolled her eyes in response, as if Lexi was about to flirt with the possibility or recreating the disastrous ride she had with the Bennetts. As if the younger Howard was _that _insane.

Ethan nodded, of course, because he didn’t care enough about Taylor Swift anyway and wasn’t there to experiment what havocs the blonde songwriter could wreck just by playing her songs.

It came to Lexi’s mind that not even the famous blonde’s exes could get so riled up over the girl’s lyrics as one Rue Bennett.

Next point in the duo’s debate was tracing their favorite music genres and stuff to see what they could work with.

Ethan was a classic rock guy who said he liked stuff from Led Zeppelin to The Strokes, with mentions of Queen ‘because they were the most fucking fantastic band ever’ – and Rue was nodding and smiling so big that Lexi found herself smiling, too. Also, don’t forget about The Police, U2, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Journey, Eric Clapton, Kiss, Slipknot and some new rock bands such as The Killers, Coldplay and Arctic Monkeys, to which Rue nodded all along because she fancied that shit, too and only added Paramore – yes, Lexi was just as surprised –, Sia, Labyrinth, Muse and Radiohead at the time.

Until they both turned to Lexi with the same question and Rue decided to make fun of her.

“Besides classic music and symphonies, Taylor Swift and Whitney Houston, what do you like, Lex?” The girl asked maniacally grinning and she rolled her eyes in response.

The idiot.

“Very funny, Bennett. I’m all but laughing inside.” She said seriously and, if it was possible, Rue’s crazy smile got even bigger. Yes, that was when Lexi knew that Leslie was right, Rue Bennett simply had to annoy her. “I could go with anything you two choose, we’ll just have to decide first so I can reproduce.” She shrugged her shoulders looking at the two of them and Ethan had a happy smile as Rue was looking like she was a step from pestering her.

As always, Lexi’s intuition was dead on point.

“You cool with System of a Down then?” Her friend asked with an arched eyebrow, mentioning a band neither had even picked. Oh, so that was the game… Rue Bennett was trying to mess with her. Only downside was that the poor idiot had no fucking idea what she was signing herself for.

“Very much. Just name the song and we’ll have a go.” Lexi said seriously with crossed arms looking straight at her friend’s incredulous face.

“Really, Lexi? That’s awesome!” Ethan said sounding happy but she was locked in a stare competition with her insufferable friend.

“I don’t believe you, Lex. You never even liked rock when we were young ‘cause you said it was all too loud and shit.” Rue said narrowing her eyes, daring her friend to deny her claims. And no, Lexi wouldn’t deny it because most of the time she wouldn’t see the appeal of hearing angry men loudly singing obscenities and breaking instruments. It was way too pointless in her opinion. “Am I wrong, Howard?” As if sensing that her tiny friend was mulling over that whole violent nonsense that was common in every heavy metal concert, Rue’s smile got bigger.

What a fucking son of bitch!

“You know you are not wrong, Rue, it’s still not my cup of tea. But that doesn’t mean I cannot play it. You just won’t see me going to a heavy metal concert any time soon.” She answered honestly and heard Ethan’s ‘I totally get what you mean’ in affirmative because ‘I don’t feel at ease at the place, too’ that made Lexi turn towards him with an appreciative smile. At least the guy got her. He was a sweetheart.

“I’m not sure if I believe you, Shakespeare.” Rue mused with a finger on her fucking chin looking innocently at her face. Son of a bitch! Lexi rolled her eyes again. What an impossible woman! As she opened her mouth to answer that it was a shame her inconvenient crush didn’t believe her, said crush was faster. “You’ll have to prove it.” Lexi took a deep breath. A very deep one. This girl was… She had no adjectives to call her now. “So, can you prove it, babe?” There was the slender moron asking in a very seductive low voice while she walked towards her small friend like a lion about to eat its prey. Lexi’s heart was a mad mess inside her chest as Rue stopped close enough that she could feel her tall friend’s breath and the slightly touch of her hand putting Lexi’s hair behind her ears.

You see, Lexi Howard was a step from self-combustion but fuck her if she was backing down from one of Rue’s senseless challenges because she was just too madly in love with the girl. No, sir, she was not. So, she gave back as good as she got with her most serious stare at the irritating girl’s face.

“Lead the way and I’ll show everything you wanna know, Rue.” She said and turned because suddenly Ethan was all happy like a puppy ‘cause he just knew the music shop that they could make it happen and he was also very curious about how she would manage to lead a System’s song all in the piano but it didn’t matter because he just knew that she was going to sound fucking great and Lexi beamed at his face as she felt only dread taking over her body. Oh hell!

First because she was going to actually play it now and even though she knew some of their singles, she never really got around the idea of memorizing the lyrics, or the accords, much less to try and reproduce any of it in the piano. Well, fuck her life!

So, as Ethan gladly dragged her to her ultimate horror and announced to the whole mall that she was going to play that nonsense in the piano so the other girls could hear it too, Lexi suddenly felt very shy and unsure of what the fuck was just happening right then.

Just as she was about to get inside the music shop, she then turned to look at a beaming Cassie who rushed past her and said that she didn’t believe her small sister was about to play after so many years – and Lexi nodded at her with the most uncomfortable smile her face could muster before it could be considered a frown; then there was Kat who seemed just as happy, probably from hearing her boyfriend sounding so elated over something so small and gave the small girl a big smile with a ‘break your leg’ that Lexi knew was meant to wish her good luck, but with how nervous she was feeling there was always the possibility of breaking her leg for real.

“So, let’s see what these hands of yours can do, tiny Howard.” Of course, this could only be Maddy trying to embarrass her. As if Lexi herself could get even more embarrassed than she already was.

And there, still at the same spot, looking fervently at her face stood the girl responsible for all this misery. Because she had to fall into one of Rue’s traps, of fucking course. What a fucking moron she was.

“Hey, Rue! Let’s get in.” Ethan then appeared by Lexi’s side shouting at the tall girl and grinning as he saw Lexi jumping in surprise. “Hey, sorry. Just excited to hear you playing it.” The boy apologized and she gave him an uncomfortable smile in return. At least someone was excited about the shit that was going to happen because she was wishing for a deadly stroke to get her first.

“Let’s go, Beethoven, don’t let your fans waiting.” She was shocked to hear Rue’s voice so near her seeing that she was actually paying attention to the boy. But then she turned to look at her friend’s face and it wasn’t something she shouldn't have done because the girl was looking so ridiculously sexy with one of her stares that could make Lexi’s legs turn to jelly – and that wasn’t going to help her playing the piano… “I am so very _excited_ to hear your System’s redemption, babe. Let’s go.” Rue whispered that in her ear and the poor idiot with a crush trembled like a leaf because her brain decided to repeat ‘excited’ over and over again as if it believed that her best friend said that with any double meaning or shit.

Rue didn’t, of course. Stupid fucking brain.

Anyway, she let the girl go and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. This thing, whatever it was, was getting much too out of control.

* * *

“So, you’re telling me that your friend there wants to play System of a Down in one of our pianos, is that correct?” The guy working at the music shop asked Ethan sounding very intrigued as he probably didn’t believe any of it. Lexi couldn’t blame him; she too wasn’t believing what she had just signed up to do. “Are you sure?” He asked after Ethan nodded his head in affirmative, yes, she was the fool about to embarrass herself, it seemed. Then he turned his head to Lexi as he gave her a once over. She rolled her eyes, fucking misogynist pig. “Can you even play the piano, kid?” Men… Oh how much she wished for a war so types like this jerk could go and die.

“Of fucking course she can! Or do you think we came here to look at your precious face?” That was Rue being all rude before Lexi even had to chance answer the fucking idiot. She smiled a little at her friend. As exasperating as she could be most of the time, Rue was always the first one to protected Lexi.

“Well, are you going to move out of the way or we’ll have you removed?” Maddy too came to her rescue as if they were in the right and the man was required to let his shop get invaded by teenagers and his moral obligation was to let them play whatever crazy shit they wanted to.

At least the man just showed his hands in a clear sign of peace and they all got inside the shop. Lexi was feeling way too nervous still so she felt her best friend taking her hand in support and smiled gratefully at her face. The fact that Rue Bennett was still the one to be blamed for this fuckery wasn’t forgotten, but the show had to go on.

“Pick whichever one you want, girl, they are all tuned and shit. You can use any keyboard if you find it easier.” Lexi thanked him because she was very polite, but the way he seemed to be looking at her was giving her the creeps. Rue, as if sensing her unease, circled her friend’s waist with one arm to show support. She could be a cutie when she wanted to. “I’m Derek by the way, whatever you need, or any information about the instruments you can call me.”

“She won’t.” Rue said curtly before Lexi could thank him again.

“So, there are some people coming in and I’ll see if they need anything. I’ll come back soon.” Derek informed and turned on his heels after hearing a ‘thanks’ from Ethan. “Please don’t scare the customers away.” He said before he parted and she rolled her eyes. Fucking stupid man.

“This guy’s a fucking piece of shit.” Rue said soon after the guy moved, not because she didn’t want him to hear, but it seemed as if the man’s very presence was making her tremble violently as an enraged pinscher.

“Aren’t they all?” Maddy said matter-of-factly, as if it was the only absolute truth in the whole universe, suddenly sounding like a newest and blunter version of Carl Jung.

Lexi took a walk around to analyze the pianos. From the electric ones with vintage décor, to the uprights and she even took a look at the keyboards. Sadly, they didn’t have a grand piano. She missed the one they had at home.

Anyway, she walked around each and every single one they had to offer absently touching the high C’s to feel the difference in the sound. You know, it was one of her favorite things to do after she learned how to tune an upright piano – not that she could tune it on her own, she just knew the whole process and shit – it was too see the small differences the same note could make in different tunings. It was why the keyboards were easier, she could pick any and just set the tune she ought to use. But well, Lexi didn’t like easy things, it seemed. Rue Bennett was the walking proof of it. And she kinda loved the weight of ivory keys under her fingers when compared to the weightless keys of a keyboard.

Yeah, she still had the one her grandfather gave her, but she missed a real piano. It was all kinds of strange playing a keyboard with no pedals and she usually looked like a deranged girl with Parkinson’s disease absently tapping her foot on the floor searching for something that simply wasn’t there. A feeling that, when you put Rue Bennett in the picture, she was too used to by now, unfortunately.

Speaking of the feeling of desperately wanting something that would never happen, she then turned to look back at her friends and was shocked to see that there were more people there than it had seconds ago. There were some unknown faces looking expectantly at her as if she was supposed to give them something. She tilted her head in confusion. What was happening? There were at least a dozen people there besides her friends, from kids to a cute old couple who smiled and waved at her so she did the same but well. What the actual hell?

“They are here to hear you play.” Rue then came to whisper to her. Oh, for fuck’s sake! “Hey, it was Ethan’s idea, this one’s not my fault, Lex.” Well, now that her friend said the boy’s name Lexi kinda recalled him shouting all through the mall as if he was inviting people to a very important concert. Oh, Jesus! She then looked at everyone’s face once again. When in hell did all this people come in?

“I didn’t hear anyone…” She told Rue as an excuse, as if she was at fault for not noticing these crazy folks with nothing better to fucking do in a huge mall.

“Yeah, I gathered, you seemed very into the pianos and shit.” Rue said dismissively with a cute smile on her sinful lips. “Do we have a winner, Beethoven?” Lexi nodded her head and sat on the piano she was just caressing. It was the one with the deeper high C and for the fuckery she was about to do, she was aiming for a haunting somber sound. Then she looked at her friend’s face in question as Rue anxiously shoved her hands inside her pants' pockets.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Derek, the jerk, introducing the piano’s technical information as he focused solely on the style and not the sound. Lexi rolled her eyes, whatever. She turned to her best friend who looked just as cute as she did seconds ago and grinned at her face.

“Sit with me.” She whispered.

“Okay.” She did what she was told without arguing for the very first time in her life and both of them sat in silence for a second. Lexi was enjoying the feeling of the keys under her fingers and the warmth radiating from Rue as well, same Rue who sat with crossed legs beside her and gave her a peaceful smile. “Ready, Howard?” She nodded her head, still unsure of how in fucking hell she was going to pull that one out, but then Rue put her hand on Lexi’s thigh and suddenly the place wasn’t so fucking crowded anymore and everything was getting clearer and the air was a little easier to breath. “Will you sing for me?” Rue asked grinning and her friend rolled her eyes.

“Don’t push your luck, Bennett.”

“Yeah… So just blow me over, Howard. I’m waiting.” The things she had to endure… She glared at Rue, no need to tear her brain apart thinking crazy thoughts over such crude innuendo now.

And just like that, after two and some years, Lexi was playing the piano again. Not only that, but playing System of a Down’s ‘Spiders’ at that. Don’t ask her how, she just hit the notes with what she assumed would be the best approach to smooth the straining guitar and the deep drums of the original song.

There was no fuckery she wouldn’t do for Rue Bennett.

So, she played it all, from start to end and even threw two solos, one that she led with the bass deeper keys to make it reverberate a little more and the other she used the treble keys within suspension of pedals to make it sound even more somber and gothic than the original already did sound.

All in all, it wasn’t a masterpiece, but she delivered and that was the goal, right?

_“Dreams are made winding through her hair,  
Dreams are made winding through her hair.”_

Rue sang the last verses of the song looking at her face with a delighted smile. Lexi smiled back at her. She heard loud clapping and some shouting behind them – probably from the Charlie’s Angels plus Ethan – but the look of pure and unaltered _something _she was receiving from her crush was beyond anything she ever felt or saw on the other girl’s face. It was as if her friend was seeing her for the first time, as crazy as it sounded, because she too was giving zero fucks about all the cheering and was just looking at Lexi’s face with the softest smile her small friend ever received in her whole life. The hand that was on her thigh squeezed her lightly in appreciation.

“You were so very beautiful, Lex.” Rue came closer to whisper that fucking criminal sentence that knocked the air out of her friend’s lungs and had her heart ready to jump out of her body. “So _fucking _beautiful that I’m speechless.” She whispered sounding very sincere with a wrinkled nose that meant what she just said and Rue Bennett was at a loss of words. “I missed watching you play.” Lexi blinked in response looking at her face so very near hers and controlling the urge to do a shit about it. Rue didn’t mean it like that, it was just a compliment.

“Thank you, Rue.” She whispered back because she was dead sure she was all red and shit already, no need to comment anything about the ‘beautiful part’ and make a bigger fool of herself.

“Wanna play something so I can sing, Lex?” Her crush asked with gentle eyes and a shy smile as if she was asking her friend to do something as crazy as setting the Vatican on fire – and if Rue asked that, she would have to pray endless rosaries as penitence because she actually liked the Pope, but well. Lexi beamed back at her because as far as requests went, this one ought to be Lexi’s favorite one to grant yet.

Trust this ‘after-a-coma’ new Rue to turn Lexi’s life into an insane musical.

“Pick the poison and I just might, Rue.” She told her friend as she recalled the verse of one of the silliest love poems she ever wrote to the girl beside her. Her friend nodded her head and, in an all Rue fashion, jumped on her feet and rushed to pick a guitar. Lexi giggled. Yeah, it seemed that they were about to give this people a show to clap now.

As Rue tested the guitar’s tuning, she saw her best friend whispering something to Ethan who all but ran to the only available drums in the shop with a big grin on his face after happily kissing his girlfriend.

“So, how do you guys fancy another song?” Rue asked the crown who cheered in return. Lexi smiled as she saw it, her friend really had a way of owning every room she waltzed in. Derek, in return, was the only one to receive a frown from her and a roll of her eyes. The fucking jerk deserved way worse.

“That’s our jam session, huh?” Lexi asked as her friend was back at her previous place sharing the bench with her.

“Let’s see if you can keep up with me, Howard.” Rue said in her most flirtatious tone arching her eyebrow and all that. Yes, of course, Lexi died a little inside. Outside though she just rolled her eyes to her favorite idiot.

“Aren’t you going to tell me what we’ll be playing?” Lexi heard a ‘nope’ with a very popped sound and made a face at a grinning and mischievous looking Rue Bennett. Whatever. “Bring it on, Bennett.” She winked at her and waited for Rue to start streaming her chords. As she felt somehow satisfied with the sounds, she winked back at her small friend and got up.

“Lemme see how good you can follow, babe.” Oh, for fuck’s sake! But before she could berate her idiot for that idiocy, said moron was already playing and swaying side to side as if she was dancing and nodding at Ethan. This girl…

And besides, hadn’t Lexi done this following Rue around enough until now? Jesus! What an asshole!

_“Been all over the world, done a little bit of everything_  
_ Little bit of everywhere with a little bit of everyone_  
_ But all the girls I've been with_  
_ Things I've seen_  
_ It takes much to impress_  
_ But sho' 'nuf you're going_  
_ It makes your soul stand out from all the rest”_  


Her blasted crush started playing and singing as she looked at Lexi’s face with an indecipherable smirk. Trust the moron to choose an upbeat R&B song very hard to follow in the piano.

Yes, Rue Bennett was out to screw Lexi’s life in each and every possible way.

Whatever, she did her best to mentally follow the accords and ignored the song’s lyrics or Rue’s moody face when she had too actually look at the keys in order to, you know, see how she was going to play the song. They were there for that shit, after all. Not to have fucking butterflies flying inside her as she thought if Rue just wanted to sing it to her small friend – which was completely ridiculous! – or if the tall girl just started to play the most difficult song to follow that popped into her mind just to screw with Lexi.

Rue, of course, would have none of it and decided to stand behind Lexi’s piano to keep singing and looking at her face.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

Whatever, the paler girl found a somewhat good enough bridge to start accompanying her crazy friend.

  
_“I can be in love, but I just don't know_  
_ Baby, one thing is for certain_  
_ Whatever you do it's working_  
_ All the girls don't matter_  
_ In your presence can't do what you do_  
_ There's a million girls around but_  
_ I don't see no one but you”_

She looked at Rue’s face then, because the tall girl was piercing her with an intense stare that was messing with Lexi’s ability to play the fucking piano keys.

And yes, just like that, her friend was back at beaming at her fucking face, wiggling her eyebrows and swaying as if she was dancing with the acoustic guitar. Lexi gave her a smile in return and turned to look at Ethan but of course Rue Bennett just threw her slim body in her line of view as if she was the only thing her small friend was allowed to look at.

So, she kept a fierce stare at her idiotic crush.

Because whatever, there were worst sights she could be seeing compared to one beaming and somehow serenading her Bennett.   
  
_ “Girl, you're so one in a million_  
_ You are_  
_ Baby, you're the best I ever had_  
_ And I'm certain that_  
_ There ain't nothing better_  
_ No, there ain't nothing better than this”_

It was strange in way. Every single part of it. From having Rue sorta serenading her without looking at anything or anyone else. Also, to be playing with her and Ethan. There was some strange sense of familiarity that made Lexi feel as if they have been playing together all their lives. It was so very uncommon to feel so at ease playing in front of people without fear of being reprimanded.

But they did sound very good together. Not good ‘let’s make money out of it’ or something like that. But good nonetheless. For a first time doing this shit, it was a blessing.

And Rue’s voice was so fucking delicious to be heard that fuck! If the girl ever decided to hum the whole Holy Bible to Lexi, she would still find it all very fantastic. And hot. Because, yes, Rue was way too goddamn hot singing. Okay, she was hot doing mostly anything, but singing was as if she reached a new level of hotness and sensuality and Lexi really needed to turn back the wheels inside her brain before she screwed the song all over.

Well, she kinda did it anyway. Willingly, please. Because she was better than your average horny teenager boy and would never mess up or fuck a song over without knowing where to take it. One of the reasons that she was very against following someone’s accords, even when that someone was her lifetime crush, was because she liked to lead a song and control everything around it. It made her feel more balanced that way. She had always been the leading piano in concerts, after all.

But that was also one of the reasons why she simply didn’t play with anyone else anymore. When she had her classic piano advanced lessons, all led by a conductor with a classic band of strings behind them, it made her more nervous than happy to play. Because one: she wasn’t allowed to simply lead the melody without following the sheet music – yes, Lexi Howard was anal retentive as that – and she also wasn’t allowed to turn the music around to her heart’s desire, so it all felt somehow hollow to her ears. Yes, the band actually sounded pretty fantastic – with how much they rehearsed together, they kinda had to – but it still gave her a sense that the melody was falling short, it wasn’t fulfilling in a way, it didn’t feel like the music was alive, even with the violins and classic instruments and all that. It was a strange feeling. So, she kinda dropped her scholarship to hear endless complaints from her grandparents that had her mom bickering and cursing both of them for that as well.

The conductor still sent her some emails to ask her to come back, no taxes to be paid or shit, but she didn’t read any of it, so that was that. If even music, that was something that she was endlessly in love with, wasn’t supposed to make her feel alive, then what’s the fucking point, right?

She knew she was better than most, they’ve told her countless times that she could be the greatest piano player of the time if only she practiced more. She won competitions of that shit, you know? And yes, she spent thirteen years out of her seventeen years of existence practicing and playing and only stopped for real after her dad sold their piano for drugs two years ago. But well, she sorta of missed playing in concerts, of course, but still it was much too demanding for the little satisfaction she got from it all.

Anyway, Lexi, still looking unwavering at anything but Rue, changed the fucking melody and took the leading route with the piano. Rue, who was so gladly grinning at her face changed her expression to something between confusion and wonder as she heard her best friend smashing the lower bass keys and suspending the notes using the pedals.

You see, that was one of the reasons why she couldn’t see her fucking unbecoming crush on Rue Bennett fading anytime soon. Because as soon as her crush and their drummer heard the change in the crescendo and the suspension of the lower notes, they decided to take the same route with her. Yeah, they would make a great fucking band if they wanted to.

Rue was then smiling in the waiting, still looking somewhat confused but also excited with what her mad friend was about to do, as she just kept streaming the chords but not leading the song anymore, so Lexi took that as a curtesy and played the treble notes, changing the whole frequency of the song to a lower vocal register.

Rue Bennett grinned so widely at her as she saw what her friend just did that Lexi almost collapsed on the floor with how hard her heart started to beat.   
  
_“You're not a regular girl_  
_ You don't give a damn about your look_  
_ Talking about I can't do it for you_  
_ But you can do it for yourself_  
_ Even though that ain't so_  
_ Babe, cos my dough don't know how to end_  
_ But that independent thing I'm with it_  
_ All we do is win, babe”_  


So, Lexi sang the second stanza looking at a beaming Rue Bennett who was torn between arching her eyebrow in question or simply grinning in astonishment. She did both. And still kept playing and swaying around because no one could multitask like this girl.

As Ethan got the feel of what was happening, he chose to drum in the middle register, not loud enough that would sound out of tune with the new pace of melody they picked, not low enough that would turn a somewhat upbeat love song into a depressed piece from the eightieth century. Or, in another words, he kept his drums in middle range so if could fit either of the girls’ voices.

Even Rue who was staring straight at Lexi through all of it turned briefly to nod her head and grin at the boy in appreciation as her small friend gave Ethan a wide smile.

Then, of course, she turned to look at Lexi because now, strangely as it was, the badass Rue Bennett was the one following Lexi’s lead so her small friend nodded her way, in a clear message to have her company through the bridge and the chorus.

  
_“I could be in love, but I just don't know_  
_ Baby, one thing is for certain_  
_ Whatever you do it's working_  
_ All the girls don't matter_  
_ In your presence can't do what you do_  
_ There's a million girls around but_  
_ I don't see no one but you”_

Rue did just that with a smile so big that it was all kinds of incomparable. Lexi could live hundred lives and more than hundred years in each of those, but she would never see such a stunning sight as Rue Bennett’s happy smile. Simply because such thing couldn’t exist.

Rue was honest to God the most precious and beautiful thing she had ever laid her eyes on.

And as she was looking her way all happy and enchanted, Lexi couldn’t help but to beam back at her striking face.

So, just like that, Lexi turned the song around again before reaching the chorus. Blame her piano lessons and passion for the greatest piano players and classic music writers. Well, no. This change wasn’t on them or on her own melody pace, unfortunately.

So the one to blame was Rue Bennett for looking so fucking breathtaking with that sinfully beautiful smile of hers that for the first time, in more than six years since she started to have side piano lessons with her wicked grandmother who excused no failure, Lexi Howard missed her first accord and gave yet another turn to the song to keep it from sounding strained.

Well, fuck!

_“Baby, you're so one in a million_   
_ You are_   
_ Baby, you're the best I ever had_   
_ And I'm certain that_   
_ There ain't nothing better_   
_ No, there ain't nothing better than this”_

You see, as Rue sang with her heavenly voice and spectacular eyes looking at her chaos of a friend, from the corner of her eye she saw Ethan wearing a more than confused expression as if it was his fault their crazy piano player messed the whole fucking melody yet again. She couldn’t help but feel at peace somehow in spite of her misleading ability to conduct the song as she saw that she wasn’t going to be scolded for that shit.

The thing was that this shit was a step from becoming ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ with so many twists and turns. Their singer though gave a total of zero fucks about it as Lexi threw a piano solo in their R&B song and revolved the melody right to left before going back to the right note.

It was a trick she learned from her grandpa because he too couldn’t hear his wife berating young Lexi for a missed off note, so whenever she played for both of them after learning that, she would use it to see the couple looking proudly at her for much too different reasons. Well, it worked when she wasn’t playing any specific song because God forbid someone messing with Mozart or Olivia would start an endless lecture about disrespecting the greatest man to ever grace the earth.

Some fun Lexi had playing for her grandparents over the years, huh?

Anyway, the rest of her ‘band’ of misfits was skeptically looking at her for that as if she just landed a musical masterpiece, which was kinda awesome, ‘cause they didn’t need to know that she was so fucking in love with their singer that seeing the girl simply fucking smile could make her mess everything up.

Rue beamed at her then. Lexi made a mental note of every key she ought to hit and for how long in chronological order.

But yeah, she smiled back and kept her stare at the girl.

Whatever, what was life if not an eternal cycle of twisting and turning?   
  
_“Oh, all that I can think about is_  
_ What this thing could be_  
_ A future, baby_  
_ Baby, you're one of a kind_  
_ That means that you're the only one for me_  
_ Only one for me”_  


Rue entered the last stanza with a very awed expression adorning her features and, if it was even possible, her stare was fucking piercing her friend’s soul as if she actually trying to pass some kind of message to her slow brained bestie. Whatever the fuck she wanted to convey with her very expressive eyes, Lexi was still at a loss.

But you know what they say, the show must go fucking on.

Still, Rue raised a closed fist looking at Ethan in a clear signal that he should drop the final turn of the drums and just do the bass of the song. She too stopped singing and walked around the piano to seat beside Lexi.

Okay…?

As the tall girl gave her no order to stop or drop or to even turn the melody around, she just continued leading the song and waited for whatever nerve-racking fuckery her friend was about pull.

  
_ “Baby, you're so one in a million_   
_ You are_   
_ Baby you're the best I ever had_   
_ Best I ever had_   
_ And I'm certain that_   
_ There ain't nothing better_   
_ No there ain't nothing better than this”_

So, Rue straddled the piano bench almost hugging her friend with her endless legs and Lexi decided to gulp as the song was about to reach its grand finale. Okay, not that grand, but it was the final anyway.

It was supposed to, anyway. But it didn’t happen because the finale the younger Howard managed to play was fucking far from being grand or great. And, yes, this wasn’t Lexi Howard’s fucking fault, too.

Rue, who was never taught how to be ignored, moved even closer to her friend to sing the last verse in Lexi’s fucking ear because why not give her friend a fucking heart attack, right? The poor girl was so shocked and red faced that she rudely finished the melody with a thud of keys that surely outraged her grandmother all the way to California. Lexi was almost expecting the crazy witch to appear flying on a broom to scold her for screwing over a song with so countless mistakes. Not that the intolerant woman would even consider anything Ne-Yo worth of being called music, but well.

Anyway, Rue was way too close to her, very madly close to her. So close that she could still feel her warm breath on her neck giving her tingles all over her spine. So close that Lexi wanted to violently hold the ivory keys before she violently held her friend by the hair and kissed her senseless. Kissed her until she felt her lungs collapsing with the lack of air. So close that as the tall girl whispered ‘I didn’t know you could sound so majestic, babe. You are way too fucking better at it than I remember and so out of everyone’s fucking league...’ Lexi had to turn her head to tell her crush to fuck off or just fuck her because this back and forth thing was going to get her small friend fucking insane.

But she didn’t though. As she turned to look at Rue words eluded her from seeing such an open and vulnerable expression gracing her friend’s features. So, she gulped. Hardly. She wasn’t going to kiss Rue Bennett. She wasn’t.

That was until she saw her friend looking at her mouth and she had no saliva left to fucking gulp anymore. And she took a look at Rue’s mouth, too, it was only fair. And what a fucking wicked mouth the girl had, Jesus fucking Christ. She seriously wanted to bite Rue’s fucking lips more than she ever wanted anything else in her forsaken life.

Fuck. Her. Life.

Then she saw Rue’s right hand on her face. Or was it her left hand? Well, fuck, she had no sense of direction anymore, so whatever. Rue’s whichever fucking hand was lazily touching her jaw and Lexi was breathing so fast and loud that she was afraid of passing out there like a fucking lunatic. Just as Rue moved her slim fingers to softly touch her mouth. Oh, fucking hell! Lexi had to close her eyes and inhale deeply because her lungs were certainly failing. “Open your eyes, Lex.” Guess what the addressed girl did? Of fucking course she opened her eyes. Jesus, she was such a submissive bitch it wasn’t even funny. “Stop biting your lips, Lex, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Rue spoke in such a gentle tone that had the small girl thinking if her friend got possessed by something. She probably did, because after she said that fuckery, Rue got even closer that Lexi was able to see every different hue of brown inside her eyes. It was a splendid spectacle. “Good, I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Lex.” Oh, fuck her running!

“Rue…” In her defense, she didn’t mean to sound so whiny. She really, truly did fucking not mean to. And it wasn’t her intention to sound like she was moaning her best friend’s name – though it was exactly what she was doing – in front of a fucking crowd. But you see, it was Rue’s fault. It fucking was.

“Lex…” She hoarsely whispered back and it made things to her body that weren’t even logical. Or legal. You see, why would her fucking body be trembling as if she was suddenly feeling too cold? Or why would she be sweating as if she was feeling too fucking hot at the same time? Or why would she feel her legs getting weak out of nowhere if she wasn’t even standing? And why was Rue Bennett licking her fucking lips with the most fucking erotic expression she had ever seen in her whole fucked up life?

“Rue… Fuck!” She whispered and closed her eyes again because this was a fucking torture. Rue Bennett should be fucking arrested!

“You two got a new fucking level of eye-fucking going on. Congrats!” She heard something offensive in the background that could only be Maddy, but she wasn’t about to open her eyes to be sure about it.

Because now Rue had both hands, left and right alike, cupping her fucking face tenderly. “Open your eyes, Lex. Please.” Let it be clear that she fought the urge obey for a total of three seconds before she succumbed to Rue Bennett’s fucking sensual voice. And three seconds was her new record, so don’t shame her for that. As she opened her eyes there was her best friend taking deep breaths as well with a fucking trembling voice that Lexi was _not _going to picture in another scenario. She was _fucking not_! “Do you…” But she did, because Rue was licking her lips again with a very unsure face suddenly looking very shy. You see, Lexi wanted to make it crystal clear that she didn’t mean for anything to happen. Truly. You can all write this shit on her fucking memoir. Write how she then cupped her friend’s hands that were still on her red and warm face and nodded her fucking head agreeing to something that could either be a possession or a robbery and she bit her lips again because Rue was clearly undressing her with her eyes, but as mute as an old black and white Chaplin movie.

“Yeah…” Whatever Rue asked her, that would forever be her default answer anyway. So well, she sighed. Deeply, like a creeper with asthma and braced herself for whatever mad shit her friend was about to throw her way. From simply telling her to fuck off because she was in love with Jules; or laughing at her red and stupid face because Lexi was a moron with a tendency of seeing stuff that would never ever happen; from being admonished for whatever reason or for even seeing her crush getting up and running from the hills calling her friend a perv and shouting at her face in fear. Because it was all a mess of feelings caused by music when Rue was clearly thinking about Jules as she was singing and that was that. But Lexi still didn’t run away because Rue Bennett held her down with her hands with a desperate look at her face.

Rue, who was taking deep breaths too. Rue with an unreadable look adorning her features. Rue, staring straight at Lexi’s lips as if she was contemplating something. Rue, who then looked at her eyes with a fierce stare as if she was about to dive into the maddest rollercoaster of her very atomic life. Rue, who was still caressing Lexi’s lower lip with her thumb as if she was deep in wonder. Rue, who grunted as her small friend absently minded bit her lip and tilted her head – because this was Lexi’s way of trying to read her crush’s indecipherable faces as long as she could remember.

Oh, fuck her fucking life.

Rue, who whispered a low and raspy ‘Fuck it!’ before she got even closer to Lexi.

“Rue, what-“ You see, she never got the chance to finish her question, because out of nowhere her crush was there, still cupping her face and tenderly kissing her mouth and the only thing left for her to do was to close her eyes. And fall even harder for her mad, stupid, moronic and fucking idiotic everlasting crush, also known as Rue Bennett.

But, of fucking course, she kissed Rue’s lips back, she was also a fucking idiot after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, folks! still a long ass chapter for those who fancy it and 'cause I still haven't learnt how to keep myself from rambling.  
thanks everyone who took the time writing a comment - I got around a way to reply, yay - and hope you still like this one as well.  
I love hearing your opinions and stuff. or you can just write something out of pity 'cause I'm sick and have nothing better to do than writing and reading, which explains why this nonsense is so often updated.  
mistakes are all mine 'cause I'm high on meds.
> 
> have a good one!
> 
> ps.: in my defense, I do have a crush on Zendaya's voice and I'm not trying to turn this fic into a high school musical kind of thing. or am I?


	4. The perks of fucking a friendship over silly kisses and cute tilts of head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Rue knew it was definitely stupid to hear all those bullshit cheesy songs talking about swooning over someone like it was the cutest shit ever when she knew it was just a sad fucked up resource some shitty writers – like Taylor fucking Swift – used to turn the lyrics into these crappy teenage dumb fuck foolish music the media seemed to praise nowadays. But still, there she was fainting after kissing Lexi. Whatever, she too was a crappy teenage dumb fuck.

_“I was a billion little pieces_  
_ ’Til you pulled me into focus_  
_ Astronomy in reverse_  
_ It was me who was discovered _

_Like a telescope_  
_ I will pull you so close_  
_ ’Til no space lies in between_

_And suddenly I see you_  
_ Suddenly I see you” (Sleeping at Last – Venus)_

Rue Bennett knew she was a fucking train wreck. You see, everyone in a hundred-mile radius probably knew by now that she was a fucking disaster as well. After she drugged her sorry ass into a second OD, it surely wasn’t a secret anymore. You know, it wasn’t rocket science or shit like that. But yeah, sometimes she had the capacity of even surprising herself with how much of a cunt she could be.

Like some seconds ago. She just kissed Lex because she was the most fucked up moron who ever fucked something up. Fucking hell!

She kissed her childhood best fucking friend. Again.

Jesus Christ! She needed a fucking intervention with that kissing and fucking everything up with her close friends.

Rue Bennett fucking kissed Lexi Howard because she was a fucking jerk. Plain and simple. You see, she should know by now that this fuckery of kissing friends was a fucking curse.

First time she did this shit, with the very same girl she just fucking kissed again, Rue managed to get her friend so traumatized that little Lexi, in spite of her cute small legs, all but dashed away from her in such a fucking velocity that would leave even Usain Bolt eating dust. So yes, she scared the hell out of her innocent friend with her idiotic ‘I can show you how to French kiss’ shit.

It kinda broke Rue’s fucking heart at the time ‘cause, you see, she’s a fuck and always had been, even more for somehow crushing on her only friend at the time. Crushing enough to suggest that insanity that had Lex somehow keeping her distance from her – which she couldn’t blame her friend for – as Rue took the turn to happily dive her fucking self into drugs. Like some Hansel and Gretel twisted shit, Rue picked up the path with more drugs she could find. But no, it wasn’t Lexi’s fault, by the time she managed to screw their friendship up even more, Rue Bennett was already flirting with opioids and shit. But well, fucking Lexi over was still the hardest pill she ever swallowed. And trust her ‘cause she did swallow some nasty shit back in the days.

Then there was Jules, who she kissed too and that was another fucked up shit that got her actually running after Fez for a line of anything to snort in order to forget that fucking nonsense.

Just so you know, Rue’s kissing history was sad and mostly hazy for sometimes she kissed people high on shit, or she got high after kissing her fucking friends as a way to forget that fuckery.

But this one ought to be the newest and most fucked up disaster ever. Not because of Lexi, of fucking course not. The girl was way too fucking sweet for her own good. However, she never felt so much crazy shit after kissing someone – drugs included.

And it wasn’t kinda romantic shit though. Because as soon as she opened her eyes and saw her best friend blinking at her face in astonishment, it felt like the world was quickly collapsing around her.

Oh fuck, please don’t! She prayed for every shit up or down there, whoever answered her pleads first would be fair game, for her friend to not run away again. And to, you know, keep the world from turning so fucking fast that she was getting overwhelmed all of sudden.

At least her first revindication was granted ‘cause Lexi was still motionless at the same place. The poor small girl was as static as a statue and, if not for taking very deep breaths, Rue would be sure her friend had somehow died with her eyes open.

Still, it was good because Lexi was still there and shit.

Then she tilted her head in that fucking cute way only Lexi Howard was able to do without looking like a retarded fucker who was trying too hard and Rue wanted to kiss her all over again. Sue her for finding such small shit as endearing as a fucking cocktail of… No. She wouldn’t go there. Not anymore.

Still, she found this all-Lexi tilt of head the most attractive shit ever. Only when her small friend did it, of course. Because there was this time Rue was too fucked on cocaine that she kissed this girl at a party, Sue or Sam or Bridget or maybe Eve? What the fuck ever, she didn’t care. Anyway, she kissed this nameless girl at a party who did some shit like that and Rue actually rolled her eyes at her because she didn’t pull it all puppy like – and sexy – as Lex, the gal just looked mentally ill and even more fucked up high than Rue herself and, trust her, that was something hard to happen.

So, Lexi was sitting there, right in front of her, with her head tilted just in the fucking right way but she was looking at Rue as if her friend was all crazy and shit.

True, she was. But still, very uncool and shit.

So, the tall girl wanted to, you know, roll her eyes at her fucking friend because that was fucking harsh! You see, if she didn’t like kissing Rue, she just had to say it and whatever, it wasn’t as if her friend would die over that – there was a slim possibility of her snorting shit, of course. Because being turned down twice by the same person was a fucking kick to the dick and even when she didn’t have a dick to know how painful it would physically feel to be kicked down there, it was still a low fucking blow.

That was when she decided to tell that to Lexi. Tell her that yeah, Rue wasn’t going to die over not having her feelings reciprocated and shit – because Rue still didn’t know what in hell she was even feeling at the moment, so well. Could she go to Fez and cry until he gave her whatever to help her sleep? Yes, it could happen. But, still, she crossed some shit from her list, such as coke: it got her way too high and excited and not in a good I’m-horny-way and her already fucked up brain would start steering its messed up wheels until she got way too worked up to function and the depression that followed… Well, it was a shit show. So, no coke. Fentanyl was also a no go because good God, it got her beyond catatonic. Vicodin wasn’t on her list as well. Okay, whatever.

Maybe she would just drown her fucking sorrows in alcohol like everyone else. She could call Suze to make her company as she told her how she managed to screw her fucking daughter all over again and needed a pal to keep her fucking company as she fucked herself with the legal shit now. But then Lexi would be very heartbroken because she knew that her friend got all sad over her mom being an alcoholic and Rue didn’t want to bring more misery upon the girl. She never wanted to.

Or she should follow Maddy’s advice and drink some natural shit tea with her Gaia worshiper of a mom and that was that. Right?

Fucking winning plan. She was a fucking genius!

Okay. That won't be happening because then Lexi was cupping her face with her sweet and smooth little hands and whispering something Rue couldn’t actually hear but she got that her name was being said somehow. Maybe it went along with breath?

“Babe, breath, please…” Oh! Then she heard through her fucking haze. So, Lexi was calling Rue her ‘babe’ then shit was going to be just okay, yeah? It wasn’t like Lexi to be all cute and shit only to turn someone down afterwards, right? Not that she actually knew how her friend turned people down because, with Rue at least, all Lexi did was run away like death was chasing after her. Whatever.

So, she nodded her head at her so very cute and sweet and fucking kissable friend because of course she was breathing, huh. She was very much alive. She was never so much alive in her whole fucked up life and that’s something coming from her because trust her to have tried every single shitty drug under the goddamn sun and the highs were called that for a fucking reason, you know?

But well, nodding her head was actually the wrong move because soon enough the whole world speeded up – the fuck?! – and her vision got kinda black. Oh, fuck no! Please don’t let it be another fucking anxiety attack. Jesus fucking Christ!

Because there couldn’t possibly be another fucked up soul to have such a disgraceful kissing past as Rue Bennett.

Anyways, her prayers were not answered that time, meaning that she was, indeed, having a panic attack. So, to make her already laughable predicament even worse, there was no fucking air in the room to clear her fucking mind.

And that was how Rue Bennett fucking fainted with a loud thud on the floor after she kissed Lexi Howard for the second time.

This shit oughta be written on the annals of her fucking tragic history.

* * *

Well, she didn’t die or had a concussion, so it was all good.

She kinda woke up to the feel of some lips against hers and was a step from shoving whoever this pervert moron who disrespected boundaries and gave no fucks about consent as far away from herself as she could. Fucking people with no fucking empathy!

But as she opened her eyes to curse said fucking depraved little shit, the sigh that kinda greeted her was Lexi. Oh! That was cool! It stopped her head from going into another maniac episode and shit. Right until the moment that Rue gathered her surroundings and had her fucking heart beating out of compass.

You see, if Rue Bennett was all stressed and shit with her dick move of kissing her sweet friend working out her brain into a panic attack for fear of having little Lex running away from her again as if the zombie apocalypse just happened and a horde of hungry zombies were after the tiny girl, then, in a true turn of fucking events, having her cute little friend straddling her with both hands on her chest and her very smooth lips against hers oughta be one great way to come back to the living, yeah?

Or, you know, whatever. It wasn’t like Rue had actually died again. She was actually afraid of that ‘third time’s the charm’ stuff and actually dying for good. As tempting as the notion could’ve sounded earlier in the week, now she wasn’t so sure about it anymore. She didn’t want to die. She didn’t want to leave her folks all miserable and shit. And Lex, her poor sweet friend, deserved none of it.

The very image of waking up to a zombie-looking Lexi with lifeless eyes and hollow face two days ago will forever haunt her. Lexi Howard didn’t fucking deserve that. And Rue Bennett would rather die before she put her friend in such miserable position ever again.

And well, she was kinda feeling elated in these last fucking insane days. It was like she could see a fucking light at the end of the all dark and shitty tunnel of despair that swallowed her up since the day she was born, so that was that.

Mostly due to the very girl straddling her, the one who was still puffing air into her mouth and giving her the sweetest and most useless cardiac massage ever seen in history that one could give; first, because Rue did not have a cardiac arrest, so there was no use for that shit; and second, because her tall friend was dead sure that whoever were to give a massage to someone in need wouldn’t be that mindful of not hurting the poor fucker’s breasts and not being too strong to harm the said person; because, you know, if the goal was to beat someone’s heart back to life, being forceful was the only way to accomplish that, right? Well, it made sense inside her head and from her very vast knowledge of medical shit shows, she was dead right about this one.

Still, Rue wanted to smile at that silly scene; with how sweet and soft Lex was trying to resuscitate her, she was almost sure that her friend wouldn’t have saved a life not even in ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and talk about a show out of the curve of insanity.

Anyway, Lex was doing it all kinda of okay, minus the actual force behind her movements and for that Rue was honest to God grateful for – no need for a chest pain as her heart was just beating so fucking madly inside her chest. Come to think of it, how couldn’t her friend hear her loud crazy heart was way beyond her, but just as Lex was way too bright and aware of most things, the poor girl was very slow and at odds with others. That’s probably why she never gathered that her drug addicted friend had a crush on her. It had to be the only reason because Rue couldn’t possibly be that nonchalant, seriously.

Okay, back to Lex, she counted the seconds and shit with a sexy breathy voice and then she raised her head to gulp some air before she started to do it all over again.

Well, that was probably her plan until she saw her stupid friend grinning at her face as if she was high on marijuana – that was one hell of a high, one of Rue’s favorite if not for her tendency of washing up said high with analgesics and alcohol because that got her very fucked up. This ‘the more the merrier’ shit didn’t apply to drugs, it seemed.

Lexi, of course, got as red as Ronald fucking McDonald’s creepy hair. How cute this fucking girl could be, Jesus! Then, well, she tilted her head with a small smile and before Rue knew what in fucking Lord’s name she was doing, there she was kissing her poor best friend again.

Okay, it wasn’t that kind of fuck me kiss. That one where people would rush to put hands on one another and throw clothes all around the floor like savage animals in mating season. All very gross, if someone asked her. Way too fucking gross for her taste, but anyway.

Rue pecked Lexi’s lips just like she did before she actually fainted and made a fucking fool of herself. A fooler of her already foolish self? Whatever. The only thing that came to her mind was ‘fucking shit!’, because Jesus, she needed an intervention right away, for fuck’s sake. How in hell could she manage to be so fucking stupid not only once, but twice in a span of minutes? This oughta be her new fucking record.

But, you see, before she could apologize for that fuckery – again, for when will she actually stop screwing her friend over, for God’s sake?! –, Lexi went down and pecked her lips in return so yeah…

Rue only wished that she wasn’t making some kissing fucking duck face, because all of this stupidity was denting her already wrecked reputation enough, thank you very much.

At the very least, she was still laying on the floor, so even if she swooned over Lexi again, Rue wouldn’t be damaging her already fucked up head and shit.

Still, Lexi was even redder than ever before and had such a shy little cute grin on her fucking sweet and tilted face that Rue wanted to kiss it all over again. And again. And again. Ad infinitum. And she was on her way to do this shit again, right? With a fucking maniac smile on her face – maybe Rue would need to have her fucking skull checked after all, some shit was clearly unwell with her – until she was rudely interrupted by someone’s snarky voice.

“Oh, someone please wake Walt fucking Disney up from his slumber to tell him that his true love’s kiss nonsense is the fucking shit!” It was Maddy, of course. No one in the whole fucking world could be so harsh and crude, not even Rue herself.

The thing is that Lexi was sorta waiting for another peck from her fucked up friend until she heard that fuckery and Rue was almost sure that her soul left her tiny body, ‘cause from being fifty shades of red, her small cute friend went to being paler than a fucking ghost all of sudden. As if she forgot they kinda had a large audience.

Rue couldn’t blame her, she was also just reminded by Maddy’s abrasiveness that they weren’t alone.

Rue kinda wanted to smile at her cute little friend. But, at the same time, she wanted to smack Maddy’s head with one of the guitars that sat peacefully inside the shop as well. Those guitars were probably gossiping around with the other instruments about how much of an idiot the tall girl was.

Whatever, fuck them all.

Then, out of sudden – ‘cause her life was a fucking mad mess now and she couldn’t even blame the drugs and shit for that fuckery –, Rue saw a head upside down staring at her face with an easy smile. It was Ethan. The boy was kneeling on the floor staring at her shocked face in such a position that, if Rue didn’t know any better, she would’ve bet that he was a step from recreating that Spiderman’s senseless kiss upside down and shit.

But he didn’t, because he was honest to God the last man who was still worth some shit in the whole fucked up earth and much in love with his girlfriend. And yeah, Rue was also as gay as the Stonewall gay ass rebellion parade, so it wasn’t going to happen anyway.

And Ethan didn’t pass that vibe of being demented enough to actually kiss a girl who just fainted after kissing another girl. He wasn’t that bigoted.

“Are you okay down there, Cherry Bomb?” He simply asked with a kind grin that had Rue grinning back at his face, still upside down because her whole world was sorta feeling like that anyway.

“Guess I’ll fucking live, man.” She answered back and the boy’s face opened up in a fucking blinding smile as if he was suddenly elated to hear the news. You see, that was why he was the only guy worth hanging around indeed.

“Good to hear it, you better not die before we choose a name to our band, Rue.” Ethan said as if it was simplest shit ever and Rue got very confused over that information. Did they have a band now? When was it decided? Did she spend that much time unconscious and lost that conversation? What fucking year were they even in? Was Lexi okay with that?

Speaking of her, she took a look at her peacefully smiling face and the only indication she had over that turn of events was a shook of head and a shrug of shoulders.

Trust Lexi to look all cute and shit doing both though.

Anyway, their piano leader wasn’t on this news as well so it seemed as if they would have to talk and decide this shit. And thankfully she wasn’t comatose for that fucking long! Last time it happened after she mixed Vicodin and a whole bottle of cheap tequila, she got back to herself feeling as if she had just been possessed and shit. Very uncool.

So back to the talk at hand, did Rue even want to be in a band?

She had no fucking idea. But it was strange how the idea of being in one wasn’t filling her with dread and anxiety and all that shit.

Probably because her two companions were kinda awesome folks so it would be nice to play shit with them.

It would be even nicer to hear Lexi playing the fucking piano so majestically as if she was a mirage and all too good to be true.

Which was exactly what her childhood friend was. Lexi Howard was just way too fucking good to be true and to have such amazing person in her fucked up life was more than Rue deserved. Truly.

On the other hand, Rue wasn’t going to dwell of how her body reacted to seeing her bestie playing the fucking piano as some modern Beethoven and shit. Because those were very mixed up feelings that she would need a moment to sit and organize before she went insane over that. And she kinda didn’t want to imagine Lexi’s fingers touching Rue’s body instead of the keys. ‘Cause if she did touch her lunatic best friend as skillfully as that, then Rue would be making all kinds of fucked-up sounds and wrapped in a porn movie instead of a band and shit. Okay. Time to fucking stop with the sinful thoughts.

Whatever, life goes on.

“Are we a band now?” Lexi asked with that _fucking _cute and sexy and shit tilt of head looking from Rue to Ethan and had the tall girl not seen her friend looking at the boy still kneeling on the floor, she would have probably kissed her then. She was an impulsive cunt with no control over her brain, after all.

“Are we not?” It was the boy’s answer sounding very confused as he looked back at Lex in wonder and suddenly Rue wanted to laugh at the two dorks because she never thought it would be possible to exist such slow brained people, much less to have them together in the same room.

“Yeah, we are.” So, she simply said before those two kept staring aimlessly into space and then at one another as they led a conversation all based on questions without a single straight-up answer, just like those morons back in Greece who spent their whole lives asking shit and contemplating nature. Because both dorks were looking at each other as if they were the ones who just woke up from a coma. Never in her whole life Rue thought that she would find this strange shit as endearing as she did now.

Anyway, her response was immediate, Ethan threw a very bright megawatt grin her way, as if this was the greatest shit ever! And Lexi gave her a more gracious smile at the same time she squeezed her tall friend’s hands in appreciation.

You see, Lexi squeezed Rue’s hands that were kind of holding her small friend’s thighs in appreciation. So that was how Rue knew she already had her fucking hands on her best friend’s thighs without even noticing. Oh fuck! What a perv she was!

“Well, now that we know that everyone’s okay, let’s just get up and get going.” This was the fucking jerk who all but ate Lexi with his shark eyes saying shit behind her tiny friend and if said tiny friend wasn’t still on top of her, Rue would have probably smacked his stupid brainless head. Fucking asshole.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going.” Said Ethan getting up from the floor as Lexi rolled her eyes on top of her best friend to that fucking waste of oxygen wearing a humanoid carcass. Rue wanted to kiss her again.

Jesus fuck! What was up with her?!

She didn’t kiss her tiny friend because then the fucking son of a bitch put his nasty paws on Lexi’s shoulders as if she needed his fucking useless jerk self to help her doing anything.

“Don’t.” Rue said glaring at the man. Never in her whole life she wished to have laser eyes to kill someone with a stare as she did just then. At least the bloody fucking twisted shitfaced guy took a step back and held his hands in surrender. Fucking stupid asshole.

Lexi gulped loudly for some reason and decided that, yes, it was better to get up. Rue sighed. The floor was kinda comfy enough with her friend on top of her, but well. Life had its fucking downsides.

So, she jumped back on her feet to stare at a crowd looking at her face. Some smirked at her, two fucking boys and a girl who seemed to be her age were all but making stupid duck faces at her. Idiots. Some folks actually clapped as if it was all part of the show. These people were simply crazy, Jesus. And there was a shy looking little kid hiding behind and old man’s leg and looking very scared with his eyes closed. What the fuck now?

Was she looking so miserable that she was even scaring children away?

But then the old guy said in a comforting voice that he could look now because the girl was okay. Oh! So, yes, Rue just traumatized a kid with her inability to kiss someone. Cool.

Anyway, the little boy then opened his eyes to beam at her face as if she came back from the dead as a Christmas miracle – shit is, the kid wasn’t very far from the truth, but well. Then he kinda dashed her way and hugged her legs instead and trust Rue Bennett, the one who feared no death, no shit, no drug dealers, to look absolutely terrified by the action. So goddamn terrified that she turned to Lexi with what could only be described as crazy eyes and saw her friend giving her the sweetest fucking smile she ever received since… You know, since Jules went away, but let’s forget this shit for now.

“I’m glad you’re okay, lady.” The boy said with a grin and Rue sighed before smiling back at him. ‘Okay’ was a very pushy word to describe how she actually was, but the kid had nothing to do with her shit and how she was suddenly very torn over one Lexi Howard. “I’m Adam, nice to meet you.” He sounded sweet enough so Rue got on her knees to be somewhat close to his height seeing that he was a very teeny-tiny boy.

“Nice to meet you, Adam. My name’s Rue. How you’re doing?” Well, whatever, Adam was kinda cute with his micro legs, messy blonde hair and light brown eyes. He reminded her of Lexi when they were kids. All tiny, blonde and messy and adorable.

“I’m doing okay, thanks for asking. I truly liked to hear you, you have a very good voice, Miss Rue.” Adam said with a beam and she grinned at his embarrassed face. Yes, he was all full of long and big words and very well-mannered it seemed, just like her small friend.

“Thanks, Adam, I’m very glad to know you liked it.” And Rue kinda was, she wasn’t lying to the poor kid. He was just too sweet, just like someone who she felt staring at her skull from behind her.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother, he was just preoccupied with you, miss.” The old man came and put a hand on the kid’s shoulder that made Adam hug his legs and hide behind it. “I’m his grandfather, you can call me Phil.” Phil looked decent for an old guy – Rue didn’t like most old men she came across, they all looked like they were endlessly entitled to something as they made vulgar remarks to younger girls. Whatever, he said with an easy smile and offered his hand as Rue decided that, if Adam was a cute kid, then he couldn’t be so much of an old fucker, right? Whatever. She shook his hand anyway. “I have to tell you that we loved hearing you kids playing. My wife actually wanted to ask for an autograph, if it wouldn’t bother you.” Old Phil then started to look beside him probably looking for his wife, or so Rue thought. “She ran to call the emergency for you, but I think she’ll be back soon.” He said kind of embarrassed.

Yeah, whoever his wife was, Rue kinda got an instant liking to the woman for being so considerate and shit.

Until she focused on the old guy’s request…

Oh!

An autograph?!

“I-yeah… I mean, okay…?” Don’t shame her, this had to be one of the most insane things she was ever asked through her forsaken years.

You see, everyone requested something from Rue: either to be just fucking normal, to be sober and stop using shit, to be decent, to kiss fervently without asking first and for sexual favors she wasn’t about to remember now. But to give an autograph… This oughta be the craziest shit someone asked from her ever.

“That’s great! I mean, let me pick up my pen.” She said nothing, still staring dumbfounded at the old man as he patted his full of pockets blazer in search of said pen. “Oh, right here!” And he found it within a card. Jesus, old people were so strange! How in hell did they decide to get out of home with pens and cards as if it was the most mundane shit to have inside their pockets? “You can write Vick, please. That’s my wife’s name.” Rue blinked to the man, still unsure of what to do or what to say. “Oh! And don’t forget Adam’s one. I guess this little one has a crush on you.” The sixty-something-years old man said with mystery as he wore a kind smile.

Rue was still blinking at Phil, who had the most peaceful smile ever on his face. As if everything that came from his mouth was just too normal to be shared.

Whatever, she took the stuff and decided to write. She kept it simple somehow. Something like ‘To Vicky, thanks for the help and support, from Rue Bennett’ and then she took her time to write ‘To Adam, the first and most important fan, my first and most important autograph, love Rue’. Yeah, whatever, she kinda liked the kid, so sue her. Said kid beamed without teeth at her as his grandfather read his autograph and she grinned back at him.

Oh fuck, she kinda liked this fangless micro human one even more now…

“Miss Rue, I think yall could play in grandpa’s restaurant, I’m sure granny will love it and the costumers, too. He has a piano already and then we’ll see the other things so it’s going to be _so _cool.” Adam said in a rush as Rue tried to keep her face neutral to not outright laugh at his cute little chatterbox like self. They would need to keep this kid away from coke, he would probably talk himself into lungs failure if he ever used that shit. “Right?” Oh!

“Yeah, that would be very cool.” She said because she was a sucker for tiny little embarrassed kids with no fucking filter who tended to talk themselves until they ran out of air. Yeah, Lexi was fucking like that when they were younger.

“That’s awesome! Right, grandps?! When are you free, Miss Rue?” Adam and his toothless grin just reminded her that, yes, she just signed herself and her pals to doing a fucking presentation out of nowhere because Rue Bennett was way too caught up daydreaming about their piano player back in time, when they both got introduced.

Well, fuck!

Still, she just agreed to doing a pocket show. The very first one of their very nameless band that was created less than ten minutes ago because she was simply pestering Lex to make her play and that single shit made Rue so fucking hot that she told Ethan they all should play together as she decided to serenade her fucking dorky best friend as if it was the most normal shit to do, which led them to actually playing together and yeah…

Then, out of fucking nowhere, Rue Bennett started to laugh. You know, she was chuckling and everything because what the fuck was her lifer turning into? Jesus!

Yesterday she just jumped across Lex’s window because she missed her best friend’s cuddly little self snuggling the living lights out of her and couldn’t actually sleep in her room even after she tried almost everything – she didn’t do drugs, okay? –, including doing push-ups and sit-ups like one of those crazy healthy people on the TV. Yeah, she still didn’t tire herself out so she decided to spam Lexi’s phone with countless texts that went unanswered right before she got an anxiety attack over the fact that maybe that was Lexi’s way of disappearing from her life, maybe it was the last nail in their friendship’s fucking coffin, maybe those cute little kisses that filled her soul with so much love that Lex gave her as Rue’s mom dropped her at her house were the last goodbye because Rue was a fucking stupid cunt and couldn’t even reciprocate that shit; and couldn’t even do a thing or say shit to stop her friend from running away, and couldn’t even give her friend a reason to stay as she all but begged at the hospital but when she had the chance to make a difference, to simple hold the fucking girl, she hid away like a fucking coward too afraid to lose her as she looked motionless, like a fucking statue, at her runaway friend.

So suddenly Rue couldn’t breathe or think straight and decided to break into Lex’s second store room like some Spiderman wannabe in the middle of the night because there was no fucking way in hell she was letting her friend get away from her ever again. She was a fucked-up, yes, but it would be a cold day in hell before she let Lex run and hide from her.

She almost died twice in that fucked up ordeal but, well, at least she got it right in the fucking end. And had the best sleep since forever with her tiny friend being the big spoon.

And then Suze told her to stay for breakfast after that and then she woke up to look at a peacefully sleeping Alexis Howard as she decided to go eat some shit because she was pulling some creepy Edward Cullen’s pervert vibes as she watched over her innocent sleeping friend and Rue still wasn’t ready to go back to hers yet and if Lexi decided to take a walk through hell to spit at the devil’s face, then her tall friend would still be game. Then she kinda had some interesting talk with the Howards’ mom because Suze was very smart and shit, just like Lexi, as she taught Rue how to invest money – not that Rue had a fucking penny to invest, of course – and her friend came to have breakfast with them looking all cleaned and lit up with her light blue jeans and white t-shirt matching with her adidas white sneakers as well, so cute and shit with such bland attire but Lexi still looked way too good in the early morning.

Until the moment the girl decided to moan over a fucking coffee and Rue’s damaged brain kept repeating that fucking sound on a loop to drive herself crazy over it.

So, that was how she found herself in a mall with some nice and crazy company, after surviving Maddy’s insane driving skills that had the older Bennett giggling because how in fucks name was that girl even allowed to sit behind the wheels was a mystery, and she was forming a band with her bestie and Ethan, who she just kind of met but he gave her a vibe of being a sweet boy with his talk about helping her and shit as Rue just agreed to do a fucking pocket show of a band that never ever rehearsed any shit together after she scared the hell out of a kid because she actually swooned over kissing her best friend.

All of this because she was afraid of letting Lexi go. What a fucking mess.

Whatever, the kid was still waiting and he had nothing to do with this insanity.

“I don’t know, Adam. I’ll have to see with-“

“With your girlfriend?” The little talking encyclopedia cut her to ask with a smile. Well, crap!

She wasn’t Lexi’s significant other, of course. She was just her insane friend who kissed her and passed out. Come to think of it, maybe she should check on her cute little friend because there was a possibility that she got all fucked over Rue’s inability to kiss her. She kinda knew Lexi by now, her friend had the capacity of thinking and rethinking stuff only to focus on the worst-case scenarios so only then she rolled with it.

“And our drummer. Don’t forget him.” Still, Rue, for whatever blown fuse she had inside her fucked up head, didn’t correct the kid. Why, you all may ask. Fuck her if she knew. She said with a smile to Adam who smiled back and she decided not to focus on how she kinda let the kid believe something that wasn’t actually true, so…

Whatever, parents let their children believe in Santa Claus all the time, so what’s the harm, right?

Adam then was happily grinning at something beside her so she turned to see what that was. And there stood her not-girlfriend all smiley to him and waving at Phil and Rue sighed. Lexi was so fucking cute with that girl-next-door kind of vibe it was insane.

She was about to fuck this all up big time, wasn’t she?

Whatever, you only fucking live once – and thank heavens for that.

Lexi then turned to look at her face with one of the sweetest shy grins Rue Bennet was ever treasured with in her whole doomed life as she gave her a nervous peck on the lips that got her tall friend all kinda giddy inside and actually afraid of looking like Pennywise with one of his warped and maniac grins because she was very scared of clowns, okay?

But, you see, Lexi’s face was oh-so-red and embarrassed that had Rue honest to God giggling – Jesus, what a fucking tragedy she was becoming – right before she, you know, returned the favor and kissed her back. She felt like the most stupid idiot who ever walked on earth with that silly teenager behavior, because it wasn’t even a full mouth-to-mouth kind of kiss and there she was grinning like a lunatic over it.

She surely needed to see a doctor ASAP.

And yeah, Lexi Howard had the most fucking cutest duck face ever as she opened her eyes to stare at her small friend after she kissed her, all red and with her eyes still closed…

That sorta cute thing that could make anyone fall head over heels in love with. Not that it was Rue’s case, of course. She just… She didn’t want to fuck it up.

Fuck! Please, whatever’s out there, don’t let Rue screw this one up, too. Fucking please!

So, Lexi opened her dark brown eyes to stare at her face with that endearing tilted head of hers and a lopsided grin that got Rue almost having another panic attack from seeing it on her sweet and innocent friend’s face. Yes, Rue Bennett had no idea that Lexi Howard could pull that shit up and just make her tall fucked-up friend go from I-wanna-cuddle-and-protect-you-forever-and-maybe-peck-your-lips-too kind of cute to I-could-fuck-you-on-top-of-that-piano-right-fucking-now sort of thing that had her heart beating insanely inside her chest and she surely got her face way too fucking hot all of sudden as she was marching on autopilot in her friend’s direction to fucking kiss her for fucking real. Only to be stopped by a hand on her chest.

“Okay, t.A.T.u., let’s eat shit first them you can fucking eat each other.” A hand that belonged to Maddy, of fucking course, as the girl felt like Moses parting the red seas or some shit like that as she bluntly waltzed between the two of them making Rue actually roll her eyes.

The fucking shop was big enough so Maddy didn’t need to come in between then like some religious asshole lecturing about controlling sexual urges because it was the devil’s way of messing with people’s lives.

What a fucking inconvenience! And it wasn’t like that. Rue was _so not_ going to eat Lexi there as some kind of brainless pervert who couldn’t keep it on his pants, for fuck’s sake.

Well, then she saw Lexi’s red and guilty face biting her lower lip as if she had no fucking idea that her friend was small a step from throwing herself at her very sexy and unaware self and backing her up against a wall to kiss her like a possessed impulsive woman on a mission… ‘Cause that lip biting thing did all sorta of things to her tall friend’s libido and it was a known truth that she was actually an impulsive cunt, so tiny Lexi should actually be more mindful of shit before she got herself wrapped in some insanity because her mad friend had no fucks to give about everyone else around them when it came down to her small and sexy and cute and kissable and hot tiny little crush.

So, yeah, maybe Maddy wasn’t actually that far from the truth because suddenly Rue was feeling very hot and bothered and in need of a freezing ass shower or some other sexually pleasing shit.

Whatever.

As Maddy kept her ungodly march, Cassie then came to drag her sister away with her a second after so Rue sighed vexed at that shit, still standing there like a horny scarecrow.

“Give us a call whenever you get it all sorted with your _friends _so you can manage to play for us, okay?” Old Phil said giving her another fucking card – because old people, you know? – and the kid gave her legs a hug begging her not to take too long because it could be his Christmas gift and shit but all Rue managed to do was dumbly nod.

Sorting shit out with her _friends _– because she was dead sure the geezer said it with a very unnecessary infliction on the word ‘friends’ – was kind of her problem here anyway.

“Come on, Casanova. Let’s eat some shit.” That was Kat with a smile taking one of her arms as her cheery boyfriend took the other and all but blabbered about making a list of names for their band as they dragged her towards the food court saying all types of shit that she didn’t actually listen to because her head was locked on what just happened.

And how in hell could she actually stop herself from blowing this shit to pieces.

* * *

So, she moved with them as her mind moved on its own volition analyzing her crazy last few days that included getting an OD over Jules and fucking kissing and having sexual thoughts with cute and innocent little Lexi. What a fucked-up mess she made, Jesus fucking Christ!

So back to the OD, the tall girl knew that it wasn’t the blonde’s fault, Rue could never blame her for that, seeing that she was the one who couldn’t handle the abandonment and shit. And she decided to analyze all what ifs that could’ve happened had she followed the girl she was in love with to the city.

It wouldn’t be great for sure. Rue was certain that it was going to be fucking awful for both of them. Because now, as she was thinking clearer somehow – don’t ask her why, she just was – it was easy to see that even when she truly, deeply and unnaturally loved Jules, they were going to tear each other apart over this very fact.

It’s not about that simple shit of being right or wrong for one another, you know? It was about being too different from one another and wanting way too different stuff, too. Because as Rue just wanted her, Jules wanted freedom, she wanted to fly around the world and write her own new story and it was her fucking right to do so. It truly was. She knew that the blonde faced some fucked-up shit with her mom – although she was never told what exactly – over her gender identity. Still, Rue was very proud of Jules for that, for owning that shit and being who she was.

In a way, they were two fucked up girls who still had no idea where they were going and who they were about to become, all they knew was that they weren’t the same anymore. Well, Rue wasn’t the same anymore and she understood that better now. That sobriety wasn’t about putting weight on someone and love was different from obsession.

Well, she still was unsure about what love truly was, but she knew what it wasn’t now, so that was a step, right?

And she had the fucker her mom seemed so smitten with to thank for that. And maybe even Taylor fucking Swift but that was a secret she would take to her grave. As she summed up the lyrics from ‘Red’ and what the fucker told them in that endless fucking lecture that left Lexi falling to fucking pieces – she still couldn’t excuse the man for that shit – she kinda saw that she had no future with Jules as a lover or significant other. It was clear as day now and it actually was nobody’s fault so the thing that got Rue feeling a little at peace with everything was that she understood it better somehow.

Love wasn’t supposed to be so fucking demanding, so fucking twisting and turning to fit someone’s picture of perfect – even her own – and it wasn’t supposed to leave her feeling like ‘driving a fucking new Maserati down an end ass street’ as well. Because when two people who were supposed to be in love or loved one another were actually running at different directions, there was no fucking point in any of that, right?

So, yes, she loved Jules and still did and forever fucking would because it was thanks to her that Rue was whoever she was now. The good and bad shit alike. And no, it wasn’t like she was suddenly a great fucking person or anything. But still, she was a person and she had to fucking love her own crumbled old building because not everyone was invited to visit her, but if whoever decided to do so, they would never be prisoners of her. So, she was still fucking standing, as crumpled as she was, but her fucking foundation survived many shits over the years and she oughta survive even more.

Whatever, all she meant was that she loved Jules very dearly, but she wasn’t obsessed with the girl anymore. She wasn’t the sole reason for her happiness. And something told her that, unfortunately, Rue was never in love with Jules to begin with, but rather with her idea of love, the mental picture she had of her blonde friend and everything that she taught Rue as she moved around and lived her life so weightlessly that was too fucking enchanting to Rue’s all obsessed personality. And both of them deserved more than fucking that. She felt as if they were both inevitable to one another, but not as the lovers she previously thought they were going to be.

So, that being said, she was very glad she stayed. It would have truly killed her to see herself destroying someone so loving as Jules and it would kill her to be destroyed by her as well. Rue just hoped they could still be friends. She truly, deeply hoped that they could _only_ be friends from now on.

Well, nothing like an OD to set your fucked-up mind straight, huh?

“Lexi’s Long List of Lovers, or LLLL. What do you guys think?” What the fuck was Kat talking about now?

“What the fuck you’re talking about?” She asked already pissed because how in hell did her fucking best friend have a long fucking list of lovers and since when? Was Rue just another notch in her fucking belt? Oh, for fuck’s sake! Who the fuck was Lexi Howard seeing now?

“Hey, calm down. We are just discussing names for the band.” Kat said with a wicked fucking smile and Rue rolled her eyes because it wasn’t even funny. And because she couldn’t smack her as well seeing that she sat at the other corner of the fucking table. “Did you like any?” She narrowed her eyes at fucking Kat, what the fuck?!

“No.” She angrily crossed her arms. Like fuck she was going to name her fucking band over Lexi’s long list of fucked up lovers. Whatever that fuck was. Was fucking _Karen _one of those?

“Rue, we actually just told you fifty names before we wrote it down. We need to pick one, okay?” Ethan said sounding exhausted and what about fifty names? Was Lexi’s fucking list that fucking long now?!

“You just heard the one involving Lexi, didn’t you?” Kat asked with an all too knowing smile that kinda grated Rue’s last nerve.

“No.” Ethan then looked confused for a second as Kat arched an eyebrow at her face. Oh! Whatever. “Okay, maybe.” She sighed with her arms still crossed in front of her chest and slumped back on the chair. So, what was the fucking point? Anyway, Kat looked victorious and Ethan sighed with his head down as if he was suddenly very tired. “So, what about this list of Lexi’s lovers then? Who’s in this shit?” She asked looking around for fear of summoning the very girl they were talking about. Or worst yet, one of her fucking doomed stupid forsaken lovers.

Yes, Rue Bennett felt as if she was buying drugs all over again with all the secrecy and shit.

“You mean the Lexi’s Long List of Lovers?” Kat asked as if she didn’t understand, the fucking little shit. Rue was tightening her jaw so fucking much that it was a fucking blessing she still had all teeth. “Oh, I don’t really know.” Oh, for fuck’s fucking sake! “But you can ask her now because here she comes.” Kat finished and Rue wanted to stab her with a fork but unfortunately there was cutlery around. Fucking shit! “Hey, Lexi!” The girl said all smiles at her friend then, son of a bitch!

“Hey, guy-“

“What’s this long list of lovers of yours, Howard?” She asked before Lexi could even greet anyone because they were fucking together some moments ago, what was the point in all this greeting shit?

As Rue heard nothing but silence, she turned to glare at her addressed friend who just sat beside fucking Kat. Well, fuck, was it that hard to answer a fucking simple question as that? And did she really need to sit all away from her friend now?!

Okay that there was no fucking chair available near her best friend, but whatever. That was so not the point.

“My what now, Rue?” She kept narrowing her eyes at Lexi and daring her to lie to her fucking face. But well, the girl was actually looking confused between the three of them before she turned back to do that tilt head shit as if she was going to melt Rue Bennett. She actually did, but the tall girl just narrowed her eyes at her instead. “I have no bloody idea what’s this about, Rue.” Oh, so that was how she was going to play it then… Fucking fine by her!

She opened her mouth to tell her that whatever. She could actually keep her fucking list of morons all to her herself and it was-

“She’s mad ‘cause we came up with naming your band as Lexi’s Long List of Lovers.” Kat fucking said and Rue glared even more at her face. Like fuck she was going to stand behind that shit. If Lexi was oh so proud of being a stud and playing with fucking hearts then she shouldn’t count Rue on that fucking stupid shitty band anymore because she had better stuff to do anyway. It was all fucking fine by her! Everything was peachy!

“But why would we name our band like that?” Lexi sounded honest to God mystified but Rue wasn’t convinced. Whatever. She could keep the fucking list and the fucking band and be all happy about this fucking shit show.

“We won’t.” Ethan, the only reasonable fucking person besides herself, said that and Rue wanted to smile in victory at his face but she did not.

“Because out of the fifty names we actually wrote down, this was the only one she heard. So maybe it was because she liked it too mu-”

“I fucking did not.” She all but yelled like a crazy person and that shit seemed to fucking amuse Kat to no fucking end. The son of a fucking bitch!

“Okay, repeat the names again so we can hear and decide it together, right?” Lexi said as she got up and circled the fucking table to stop by her side as she tried to uncross her arms. Now she decided to give her fucking friend some attention, huh? Rue didn’t budge. Whatever. She didn’t feel like it. “Rue, can you please?” Then her friend said all exasperated as if she had any right to be mad at something after having a long fucking list of idiots after her. What fucking ever!

Anyway, Rue sighed and uncrossed her arms because she wasn’t a kid and shit. So, just like that, her small friend sat on her fucking lap and Rue had half a mind to tell her to go sit on some of her fucking lovers’ laps instead but she didn’t.

Whatever.

Lexi then took her friend’s motionless arms and put them on her fucking lap as if she wanted Rue to embrace her or shit. Whatever. Rue let her do it but didn’t hold her seeing that she had so many fucking people to do that for her now.

“Your lovers are going to be pissed.” She said through her teeth instead because it wasn’t like she cared about those fucking morons anyway. There was probably _fucking Karen _on that very stupid list and she just wanted the girl to fucking self-combust and die. Stupid fucking useless bitch who couldn’t even make decent coffee. Rue’s coffee was way fucking better than hers anyway. Even when she actually used coffee to make more fucking coffee, it was still better than that insipid shit _fucking Karen _served.

Well, if Lexi still wanted that fucking cunt, then whatever. She could be fucking happy with her as she drank shitty coffee for the rest of her fucking life.

“You are a bloody idiot, Rue Bennett.” Lexi then turned on her lap to say that shit to her as if Rue was actually the one about to spend the rest of her life about to drink fucking nasty coffee with disgusting and too fucking tall and white and blonde Karen. Because, yes, Rue decided to see that fucking bitch eye-to-eye after she got discharged and shit – and when her friend was actually sleeping – because she wasn’t about to glare at the fucking cunt wearing hospital clothes or whatever. And that fucking woman was not even pretty or whatever. She passed some Taylor Swift kinda of unexciting smiley vibes and shit, way too fucking bland and tall and monochromatic.

Rue huffed at Lexi. Some shit she had to endure today. Her full of fucking lovers friend sighed in response.

“_Karen’s _fucking better, huh?” She didn’t mean to sound that angry… No, she kinda meant to sound that fucking angry because she was fucking fuming! What the fuck?! The girl couldn’t even make a fucking decent coffee and suddenly she was a good enough lover for Lexi and _she, Rue fucking Bennett_, was called the idiot?! That was un fucking fair!

Lexi sighed fucking again. Yeah, go with _Karen_, that fucking pervert.

“Rue, please.” She whispered to her as she sounded tired. Guess what, Rue was fucking exhausted as well with this stupid list and stupid band and stupid Karen and her stupid crush on Lexi and stupid Kat and it was all fucking stupid. “I don’t know what she ever did to you, but can you focus in here now?” Well, no. She fucking could not. Rue huffed again. This was all too fucking stupid and she wanted out. Then Lexi got all fucking quiet all of sudden because she was probably thing about that blonde fucking witch bitch. Whatever!

“Just kiss and make up already so we can focus on the band’s name.” Rue snickered appalled at Kat’s suggestion. As if she was all fucking easy as that. Right? Lexi must be oh so very used to people fucking swooning over her by now that she thought her tall fucking friend would be just another fucking idiot to go with that fuckery. Yes, she kinda of fainted after kissing Lex but it was a fucking one time-

“I’m going to kiss you now, Rue. Can I?” So, Lexi decided to whisper that shit in her ear and part of the tall girl wanted to tell her to go fucking kiss Karen instead but she didn’t want Lexi to do that shit. Or Rue would probably punch that fucking stupid and depraved moron right in her fucking face. Not that she was a violent person, but that woman was too fucking disrespectful. She deserved that and more!

And if Lexi wanted to kiss Rue, then Rue wanted her to do so. She kinda wanted to kiss Lexi, too.

“Whatever.” She said instead. No need to act all desperate like some fucking bitches at a hospital who all but threw themselves at Lexi. Because Rue Bennett was _so not_ like that. If Lexi wanted easy people, then there she could have that one-who-shall-not-be-fucking-named.

Well, no, she actually could fucking _not_. No way in hell she would let innocent Lex fall on that pervert’s fucking paws and shit.

But well, the girl on top of her simply rolled her fucking eyes and came closer to her face. Whatever.

Still, Rue’s arms decided to embrace her fucking tiny and innocent frame without her fucking permission. Stupid fucking arms.

And wasn’t Lexi going to kiss her and shit?

But, you see, Lexi must have seen something very funny because she had that lovely tilted head of hers with a little smile on her lips and Rue rolled her eyes because she wasn’t going to be swayed by that shit as she started to tap her fucking foot on the fucking floor.

“Nobody’s giving a shit about the band’s name, right? I’ll just shut up again.” Ethan said and Rue wanted to correct him but she wasn’t about to do it because Lexi fucking said she was going to kiss her and it wasn’t like Rue was waiting for that fucking shit – but she was.

Whatever, if they wanted to name their fucking band after Lexi’s jerky fucking lovers then Rue wasn’t going to partake in that stupidity anyway.

“You sure wanna have a band with these two idiots, baby?” She heard from Kat and she was about to scold the girl from calling both herself and Lexi idiots when the real idiots were out there chasing after the tiny girl. But then her friend decided to speak fucking finally.

Wasn’t she supposed to kiss Rue or whatever? Was it going to happen in this life or in fucking following one?

“You have such a cute pout, Rue Bennett.” Lexi whispered on her lips and Rue wanted to roll her eyes because she was _so fucking not _pouting, but then “I’m gonna kiss you now…” Lexi whispered that fuckery right before she finally fucking did what she had promised to do hours ago.

And you know what, it was fucking good. Fucking great even. For being, you know, a very cute and innocent peck on the lips and shit.

Anyway, it was probably what Lexi was aiming at, just an innocent kiss because, somehow, they were that kind of friends who gave pecks on one another now. But then Rue’s fucked up brain decided to play some more fucking tricks on her as it painted a fucking twisted vision of Lexi kissing you-all-know-who and Rue Bennett got fucking nuts over that crap!

So, she kissed her best friend. Like really kissed the shit out of her best friend. Like passing her tongue over her best friend’s lips to ask for permission – because consent was a very important shit – as she cupped her face with one hand and had the other fisting her best friend’s white shirt to pull her towards herself. You know, that kind of kiss people shared when they wanted to… You know, fuck one another. Not that Rue wanted to fuck Lexi and whatever, of course.

Though she did very much.

Then even if Rue kinda wanted to do, well… whatever, their kiss still wasn’t one of those rushed shits with all grosses hands wanting to tear clothes off and shit because it was still a first sorta kiss after some years. But still, not even when Rue assigned herself with the task to teach Lexi how to kiss – because she was fucking enraged at thinking of fucking Tucker kissing her – did she kiss the girl so thoroughly like she was doing just now. To be honest, she never kissed anyone as she was just kissing Lexi at the moment, sober or drugged alike. Not even Jules.

And, you see, Lexi was kissing Rue back just as fervently which was maddening in a way that her twisted brain could not fully comprehend, as if her best friend wanted to devour her just as much Rue wanted to do the same. Lexi, sweet innocent fucking Lex, had one hand tangled in Rue’s mop of a hair as the other was at the back of her neck pulling her friend towards herself as she bit Rue’s lower lip fucking hard.

You know, that hard I-own-you kind of bite; that hard you-won’t-forget-it kinda of bite, too. It was delirious in a way because Rue was almost sure she was fucking moaning like a porn star into her friend’s mouth because suddenly she understood the fucking appeal of being bitten.

And, yeah, she kinda wanted Lexi to keep biting her from now fucking on. If it was up to Rue, Lexi could chew her whole and she would still be fucking moaning unashamed in appreciation.

Rue had no fucking idea that she could get that fucking vocal with only kissing someone. Was it even normal?

So, whatever… You know what she did think about some kisses looking like wild animals’ in mating season and shit? Yup! Rue felt like she was fucking being wolfed down and Jesus! It felt so fucking amazing that she was actually feeling high on the simple fact of kissing Lexi Howard.

Then her brain, as a little shit as it was, decided to try to figure who in fuck’s name taught Lexi to do this shit because surely it wasn’t her fucking self back in the day. So, to say that Rue got simply furious all of sudden would be a huge understatement.

It wasn’t like she was a jealous person, right? But just the fact of imagining Lexi kissing someone so fucking erotically made her tall friend want to mark her, too. And go after whoever had the audacity of doing this shit. So, she bit Lexi very hard. In another situation, she would’ve apologized because despite being horny and high as a fucking kite, even her fucking head got the idea that she took it too fucking far. Not that she played that note for long because the moan she heard from her best fucking friend was mind-shattering unholy. Fucking hell!

So, about that shit of kissing people with wandering hands and shit being so very gross… Well, now Lexi changed Rue’s fucking mind because there was a nice fucking table behind Lex that would seriously look even better with her friend sprawled on top of it. Naked. With Rue’s hands and mouth all over her very sexy little body. And then she heard a husky ‘fuck, babe’ whispered that finished short-circuiting her brain and frying every cell she hadn’t already fucked with opioids.

The crazy shit that happened to her body after hearing her very well-mannered best friend swearing at her with a raspy voice was all kinds of fucking insane.

That was when Lexi decided to stop kissing her for a moment to lay her forehead against Rue’s as she took big fucking breathes and made fucking sexy breathy little sounds that had her friend squirming under her. Yes, Rue was beyond horny like that. So, what if she got very fucking hot because she liked to hear all preppy and proper Lexi Howard cussing and making sinful sounds after she, Rue fucking Bennett, kissed the living lights out of her? Nobody had shit to do with it.

Yeah, whatever, you know? And it wasn’t like she didn’t like the lovely gesture of having her friend’s forehead against hers while she took fast and deep breaths as Rue ate the tiny girl with her crazy eyes and her brain worked full time creating images of what she could do to little Lexi that would probably had Rue in jail for some of these thoughts were outright criminal and shit. Because, yes, she liked that fucking intimate moment very much indeed. But, you see, she could still keep kissing Lexi and kinda marking her until she passed out again for the lack of air so that fucking long list of stupid idiots could be set on fucking fire and she could dance on its flames like some modern witch and shit.

There was no way in hell or high water that she would possibly let Lexi Howard go to one of these fuckers without knowing that Rue was an option as well. Not that she was the best fucking option out there because she was fucking aware that Lexi could do way too fucking better than Rue’s maniac self. But, you see, that time they first kissed three years and sixty-two nights ago when she just let her best friend run away from her, well, it won’t be fucking happening again!

“Oh! Thank fucking God, I was about to throw holy water on you two.” Rue, as she gulped for air still looking fiercely inside Lexi’s eyes trembling like a fucking leaf as she tried to control her body from having Lexi so sexily seating on top of her with that fucking sexy face that Rue was dead sure she was fucking whimpering just from seeing it, heard that shit being said and felt a slap on the back of her head as she rolled her eyes because of fucking course there would be Maddy.

It was when she was about to curse the fucking girl for being so inconvenient that she felt Lexi, who was still looking like she should be more fucking kissed because that red desirable swollen mouth of hers with white teeth biting her lower lip that sent a shock through her body as if someone was injecting adrenaline in her fucking system all over again, as Rue was kinda undressing her with her eyes like a fucking perv; anyway, that was when Lex decided to rest her fucking head on Rue’s fucking collarbone on top of her chest. She kissed the top of the girl’s head because she actually could, so fuck it.

It was a good move because her insane heart was beating so fucking much that she was afraid of fainting like a moron again. If the little Howard kept kissing her like that – and by heavens, Rue wanted the girl to fucking keep kissing her just like fucking that –, then the tall girl would have to make a quick visit to any cardiac doctor to see if she would need a pacemaker before her heart exploded.

“Don’t mess with her, she’s all kinds of pissed.” Rue rolled her eyes at Kat’s un fucking necessary comment and held Lexi closer to her body seeing that she was still trembling as if she had been defibrillated back to life and the little girl, when she wasn’t blowing Rue’s fucking brain with all those wicked kisses of hers, had a very calming aura or whatever.

She then felt Lexi playing with her fingers and rings and had to smile to herself, this girl’s too fucking much sometimes. Much too cute, much too sexy, much too fucking Lexi.

“Oh, look at that! Now she’s smiling. I didn’t even know that she still had fucking teeth.” Rue sighed because Maddy was such a bitch sometimes, it wasn’t even funny.

“Okay, now that we’re all here and very calm, can we choose a fucking name for the band?” Hearing Ethan swearing did the trick and every single person on the table was now staring at his face. Everyone but Cassie who was looking fucking aggressively at Rue’s face. Oh well, she was Lexi’s bigger sister after all, right? So, by the looks of it, Rue Bennett was about to be scolded or to be fucking dragged into having a serious talk with the older Howard.

Well, whatever, she survived way worse than that.

That’s when she heard Lexi’s cute little breathy giggles and Rue took a look at her smiling lovely face. Her best friend was way too fucking cute for her own good.

“You kinda have long fingers, Rue.” Lexi said with her face all red but still grinning. This girl was just too fucking precious, Jesus! Rue nodded ‘cause she was well aware of that. “I like it.” She said with her smiling teeth and a bit on her lip that got her tall friend breathing much too fucking deep to control her urge to dive at the girl’s mouth like a lunatic. Rue kissed her forehead briefly instead, because it was very good to hear this kind of shit and she didn’t need to turn this cute scene into a porn movie plot or shit. Anyway, it was good to hear that even when she was all tall and clumsy, Lexi still liked some shit about her. “And you have big hands, too.” You know, it probably was supposed to mean something because Lexi was getting even redder all of sudden, but her tall stupid friend had no fucking idea what that was supposed to mean.

Lexi then entwined their fingers and that was such a fucking good feeling. A very marvelous one at that. She liked to have the cute little girl on her, in every fucking capacity or position, even just holding her hand.

Lexi Howard had a very fucking calm presence that could make her fell all grounded and less awkward, as if Rue, despite all the fucked-up things she had done, was still worth some shit. It was a very good feeling, you see? Because she got to actually peacefully rest in her own skin as her brain slowed down just from having this girl around her.

Well, if you didn’t count the times that Rue actually worked herself into panic attacks over the very girl. Still, it got Rue all kinds of serene. Even with a glaring Cassie Howard staring holes into her skull; even with a coarse foul mouthed Maddy Perez talking bullshit nonstop; even with a knowing looking smirking Kat Hernandez all but making shitty faces at her.

At least Ethan was the only one, other than Lexi, of course, who wasn’t out after Rue’s ass. As if it was a new sport’s modality to simply annoy the tall girl.

“You know, you can actually call the band whipped Rue Bennett and she would fucking roll with it.” She heard from Maddy, of course, but Lexi was all shades of red and cute and Rue had to kiss her mouth for a moment or she wouldn’t rest. Blame her fucking OCD or whatever, but there was no way that Rue was simply going to ignore how too fucking smooth Lexi Howard looked just right then in favor of granting fucking Maddy with a response to that shit. So, she cupped her cheek to briefly peck her lips just like they were doing before, you know? But it seemed like her friend had another thing in mind and all but bit Rue’s mouth before she could get away. Well, fucking shit! “Oh, for fuck’s sake! Can you two fucking stop it?! We are going to get kicked out of the fucking mall.”

As she kissed her friend- No, you know what?! Friend was kinda sounding lame by now. You know, friends didn’t actually kiss each other like they were fucking doing now, all slow and sensual because Lexi was leading the mood and Rue was all to happy to go with it. Whichever way Lexi Howard wanted to kiss her, she would be only too fucking glad to comply.

But as good things didn’t last long in her life, Rue felt a fucking paper ball hitting her face hard as if they were back in high school all over again. She sighed, no rest for the fucking wicked, it seemed.

“Hey! That was the list of names to our band!” Ethan said sounding kinda mad, or, you know, as mad as a guy as sweet as himself could manage to sound and siding with Rue as Lexi fucking giggled like a cute little fairy and gave her another brief kiss before she turned around.

Rue was dead sure she was still wearing the most stupid kissing duck face in the whole universe after that peck she received from Lex.

“Sorry, Freddie Mercury, but something had to be done to stop that shit.” Maddy said and Rue was actually very shocked to know that the girl knew who was Freddie fucking Mercury and shit. But whatever.

“Sorry, we’re all ears now.” She heard her tiny cute little pixie-like crush saying and grinned like a lunatic at the rest of the table. Maddy had a very crossed expression, Ethan had his head on his hands as if he was facing a nightmare, Kat had an arched eyebrow her way and Cassie was kinda smiling at Rue’s face which was very much reassuring and Rue sighed because, for the very first time, she was feeling cool enough with this friendship shit or whatever.

Yes, they were a fucking cohort of lunatics, but they were still kind of cool, each one in their own way. So, whatever.

She had a sexy cute tiny girl on her lap and some crazy folks to call friends or shit, so it was kind of awesome.

And a fucking band! Rue Bennett had a fucking band now!

Jesus, she couldn’t wait to fucking tell that to Gia to see her sister fainting in surprise. Her mom would be kind of elated too. Even more after she knew who were the other members, because, yeah, her mom would seriously like Ethan and shit. She was already in love with Lex anyway. Way too fucking in love with Lex, if someone asked her, but well. It wasn’t as if Rue could blame her mom, her tiny crush or whatever was too fucking easy to love anyway.

“Oh, boy! Guess we can go naming the band ‘Nameless Band’ then.” The boy said and she laughed along with everyone – even Maddy. And hearing herself laughing like that was a surprising sound to her own ears.

“Well, it’s still good shit and better than some names people came up with.” Talking about Maddy, everyone was looking at her face after hearing her somewhat praise. “What? I’m just telling the fucking truth or whatever.”

Yeah, she was right. Some names were way too fucked-up anyway. Then Lexi turned to give a kiss to her cheek all of sudden and Rue was sure that her crazy heart was beating out of fucking compass with that shit. “I’m going so see something to eat, want to eat something, Rue?” Lex whispered in her ear.

Yeah, you.

“No, babe, I’m cool, thanks.” She answered instead because let’s fucking keep it PG-13, right?

Lexi then asked the same shit to rest of their table and only Maddy decided to go because she was 'way too fucking hungry and shit’. The rest decided to wait for the pizza Kat ordered before – not that Rue actually heard her ordering shit anyway, but that was what the girl said she did. So, with that, Lex unfortunately got up from her lap to search for some very healthy shit to eat because she was just like one of those healthy people on TV who only ate stuff that wouldn’t kill her before she reached thirty years and all that as she did exercises too and stuff like that.

Which Rue could seriously get behind because that girl’s body was fucking fit and toned and she could actually feel some abs when she snuggled Lex to sleep.

She wasn’t going to picture herself scratching said abs or kissing them like a fucking deranged pervert. _She fucking wasn’t, okay?_

So, back on track!

Still, in spite of having her kissing pal – she really needed to come with something that wouldn’t sound so fucking lame to call Lex now – abandoning her, Rue sighed happily because whatever, Lexi asked her first so yeah, it was cool. And just like that she turned to smile at the little micro human she kinda liked way too fucking much as the poor girl had to endure Maddy’s crass shitty humor as the duo went after some crap to eat.

She sighed again and bit her lower lip in wonder. What a cute fucking little human was Lexi Howard. The girl was simply too fucking cute. Fifty shades of cute or whatever. The cutest little sexy thing ever!

So, as a fucking lightening, Rue got struck by an idea to call their fucking band.

“What do you think of Fifty Shades of Yours or shit?” She asked looking straight at Ethan because the girls were making stupid faces at her and whatever, he was the drummer and the other two didn’t need to like it anyway. But then the boy took his sweet fucking-

“I fucking love it!” Well, cool. He answered with a fucking big grin before Rue’s mind got all fucked around being a cheesy fuck and shit. “We can go from love songs to rock and still have this kind of mystery and stuff. That’s an awesome name, Rue!” There she was grinning back at his excited face because trust Ethan to make everything sound way too fucking awesome.

“And I’m pretty sure that Lexi will fucking _swoon_ with the name.” Kat said as she ironically pointed out Rue’s last tour of fucking humiliation and she rolled her fucking eyes at that. Whatever. At least Lex was still kissing her after that mortifying shit she pulled.

“Well, it seems like today’s a day for miracles indeed.” Cassie said with an all-too-knowing smile at her face as if she was into something that Rue was too fucking slow to gather. Whatever.

It was just a stupid name to their band, it didn’t mean shit, right?

It didn’t mean that suddenly she, Rue fucking Bennett, was all stupidly in love with her tiny cute friend or whatever.

But then she kinda turned to see her favorite micro human who was facing a line as she made some cute wrinkled up faces at whatever cussing contest Maddy was engaging into. Poor kid. Well, until the moment she actually saw her idiotic tall friend looking at her from afar and gave Rue the cutest and sexiest tilt of head ever and a happy smile to follow that had her useless friend all red and grinning back at her like a moron with a fucking crush.

Well, shit!


	5. The winner takes the greasy fries - and the fucking girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue Bennett was not dating Lexi Howard. Yeah, they did kiss and cuddle and sometimes she got jealous over her tiny friend but it was all cool and normal in a friendship, right?
> 
> Okay, maybe it wasn't normal.
> 
> And, okay, maybe Rue wanted Lexi to be hers and hers only. But still they were not dating.
> 
> Rue was just admitting shit and making compromises inside her fucking head about the very girl, it's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's rated M for a reason.

_“Baby, I'm thinking it over_   
_What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start?_   
_What if it only gets colder?_   
_Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart?_   
_'Cause lately I've been scared of even thinking 'bout where we are” (Banks – Waiting Game)_

“Rue, may I talk to you for a minute?” Oh! Well, fuck. There it was, the awful moment of being scolded by Cassie finally came. Not that Rue could actually blame the older Howard for whatever she was about to throw at her, of course not, she was still a piece of shit after all. But something told her that whatever was about to come from that conversation, it was going to be bad shit.

“Sure.” Still she went. She was way too used to that kind of crap anyways. And it would be very uncool to sprint away for the girl like a maniac all over the mall.

Whatever was going to happen, there was Rue following Cassie under Kat and Ethan’s hawk eyes.

Well, at least they were going to be her witnesses in that, if the blonde decided to skin her alive and throw the remains at the nearest dump after setting her body on fire. Not that it would do much for her case, of course, seeing that Rue would be already dead and shit.

Anyway, they just walked some yards away as not be heard by the couple, seeing that Kat would probably pay close attention to whatever was about to be thrown in her face. Rue sighed.

Oh well, please just let it be quick.

“What was that about?” Cassie started with a fervent glare at her face. It seems like there was no beating around the bush and nowhere to escape now. “And don’t play dumb with me, Rue. You know what I’m talking about.” The blonde crossed her arms in front of her chest.

You see, it wasn’t a matter of playing dumb actually. Rue was just dumb and lots of shit happened in the day.

“I don’t really know what to say, Cassie.” She sighed because, yes, she was aware of the topic but it still didn’t mean she had a straight answer to give.

Of course, Cassie was less than pleased.

“Why did you kiss my sister?” There she was narrowing her eyes. Well, that was something that Rue herself would like to have a proper response to share with her. “Please be honest with me.”

Well, fuck her fucking life.

“I don’t know, Cassie.” Why did she kiss Lexi? Because she was a fucking impulsive asshole, of course, and couldn’t seem to let Lexi go, but somehow Rue thought that this wasn’t the answer the older Howard was after.

Hell! She could agree with the blonde on that one, this wasn’t a fucking answer even by her twisted standards.

“So, you just go around kissing people then?” Well, apparently, that was really all she fucking did these days, if one counted the stunt she also pulled with Jules. Jesus fuck! What was wrong with her? “Because this is Lexi we are talking about. She’s my little sister and your childhood best friend, so sorry if-“

“I fucking know that, okay?” She yelled and felt some stares at her. Fucking nosy people with no better shit to do. But still, seeing that Cassie jumped with surprise – probably at her harsh tone –, she decided to tone it down a little with the explosive aggression, there was no need to make another scene. But fuck her if Rue didn’t know exactly who was Lexi fucking Howard. Fuck her if she ever forgot who the girl was. “I know exactly who she is, Cassie. I really know exactly what we were and if you wanna go there, I also know every single shit I’ve put her through as well, okay?” She said a little lower because there were already too many fucking spotlights on her for the day, thank you very much. “So, trust me when I say I fucking don’t know why I did it. I just…” Rue sighed. She just was a fucking jerk who couldn’t keep a normal friendship without sending it all to hell.

A jerk who, apparently, still had the hots for her lovely girl-next-door-looking best friend even after she was tangled in a fucked up mess with another blonde runaway friend.

Yeah, seeing by that point of view, Rue couldn’t really blame Cassie for sticking up to Lex. Every goddamn person in their forsaken city knew about both Rue and Jules, the older Howard, who, back in the day, Rue also considered a fucking friend, would be no exception.

“Okay, I get it, Rue. I get you, right?” Yeah, as if. “You still don’t know the reason, but you kissed her anyway.” Well, Cassie said sounding a little less accusatory so Rue nodded because it was true. And what the fuck else she was supposed to do? “But I will need you to be fucking better than this.” Or not less accusatory at all. “Because that’s my little sister, Rue. And she is all that I have left, can you understand it?” Then she followed the girl’s eyes and saw a very confused looking Lexi sitting at the table and staring back at them. One who had her head tilted and was narrowing her eyes as if they were kilometers away and she was trying to make sense at what was being said.

Rue herself didn’t know any better than her little friend yet and she was an almost active part of the debate so yeah, no blaming Lex over her confusion.

Especially when she looked all too cute and shit.

“Yeah, I know, Cassie.” She sighed and turned her eyes to the other enraged looking Howard. “I do care about her as well and I don’t wanna jeopardize our friendship.” The grimace she made at the end of her own speech wasn’t ignored by the blonde’s owl’s probing eyes and guess who had the same habit of tilting her head? Yup, the older Howard. She would have to pay attention to Suze, maybe this ran in their blood or shit.

Whatever, Cassie still didn’t look half as cute as her little sister so…

“What about Jules?” Yup, there it was. The very dreadful question Rue was afraid of hearing. Because she had no fucking shit to say back. Well, what about Jules indeed? “Weren’t you two close or something?” Yes, that got the taller girl glaring straight at Cassie’s face. Whatever they were, it was no one’s business. But the other girl just glared back at her and so it was a fucking lost battle. Another one. “Look, Rue, I do care about you and I’m not trying to be nosy here-“ She was sure she snickered at that because the girl’s eyes narrowed with ferocity. Good. “Yeah, I don’t. But that girl sitting there is my fucking person. And I’ll tell what, Rue, for that girl I would commit a crime, so yes. I am asking you this because she won’t do it. Because she is afraid of you and she shouldn’t be.”

That last fucking sentence had her mind collapsing into itself. Did she really scare Lexi that much? Was she that kind of person now? That Nate fucking Jacobs kind of person?

“Is she really afraid of me?” She asked still unsure if she even wanted to hear the answer to that, what if it was true and Lex was indeed afraid of Rue? What would she do then? All along, Cassie was simply staring at her face. At the very least she didn’t look like she was about to choke Rue to death with her bare hands. But even that wasn’t enough to stop her from feeling anxious over the subject.

How in fuck did she let that happen? When the hell did she become that person?

Then, as if her own head decided to summon a response to that fuckery, she remembered the first day back at school and she cringed at that image. The vision was clear, she was distressed after that fucking unnecessary presentation that Mrs. Asshole had her going up in front of the whole auditorium to just revisit her lovely memories of summer break. Those involving having her useless persona screwing everyone’s lives back again because she was a fucking waste of oxygen with a flair for narcotics. So, with that, she went to the bathroom to get fucking high and forget that stupidity – while she took an even more fucked up decision as always – when there came Lexi to check on her, approaching her once best friend with fearful eyes that still carried love. How could the girl manage that? How could she love and care for someone so fucked up as Rue?

And just like that, even from just revisiting that stupid, stupid memory of what she did, the tall girl shivered with fear. Because of course there was that scene where she punched a bathroom stall feeling oh so very crossed because Lexi Howard dared to commit the transgression of looking out for her. Of offering a hand and support. Of simply caring. Yeah, how dared she, right?

Then her small friend physically flinched after seeing Rue punching a fucking stall as if she was afraid of being beaten by Rue fucking Bennett like that shitty piece of wood.

She saw Lexi’s face as clear as day even now, with no necessity of closing her fucking eyes for that. And her friend’s face was downright terrified. Terrified of her once best friend deciding to actually smack her instead and, at the same time, Lexi looked somehow relieved that the stall was between them to take that punch in her place.

Yeah, comatose Rue had a very undignified rerun of every single fuck she put her folks through. And how she treated Lexi was one of her brain’s favorite episodes to replay. This fucking scene in special.

After that, as if it wasn’t even enough calling the poor girl ‘fucking stupid’ and scaring the shit out of her, Rue decided to keep stabbing Lexi and saying even more hurtful shit to the only fucking person who only had the courage to care for her.

She could never fucking deserve Lexi. And that face she made as if she was afraid of being physically harmed by her once upon a time best friend was twisting Rue’s guts.

Who could she blame now other than herself if Lexi was afraid of her? How could she even act all shocked and shit from hearing that her best friend was terrified of her actions? As if Lexi had no right to be because Rue was oh such a great friend that such thought was simply absurd.

So, Rue wanted to laugh at her own stupid question but she also wanted to fucking sob because Lexi didn’t deserve any of that shit and Rue didn’t deserve Lexi at all.

Who gave her the fucking right of kissing Lexi anyway? How could she even claim that she was better than fucking Karen when the fucking girl’s only crime was making shitty coffee? Who was Rue even kidding with that thought of being an option to her small friend? She had no fucking right! She had no fucking right to kiss the girl. She also had no fucking right to even get jealous of the girl – yes, she was a fucking piece of shit but she had to be honest with herself at least once in her goddamn life and she was very much jealous of seeing Lexi falling in love with someone.

And the worst part was that she didn’t even know why she was fucking jealous. If it was because she still had some of those unwanted feelings for her cute little friend that she tried so hard to swallow with Xanax and Vicodin and bury them deep in a coffin behind one of those red flagged doors inside her brain that she was too afraid to open, because like a fucking Pandora box it could unleash a horde of demons out of her mind and burn every little shit about both of them down to crumbles in the process. Because a fire is only fed by what it consumes until the flame finally kills itself and just like that were some parts of Rue’s messed up head. The ‘Lexi Howard do not touch part’ was a clear example of that. It would consume them both if Rue ever decided to consider opening the forbidden door to face it all.

She couldn’t even face her own feelings and thoughts. Well, she always had that inability but somehow these days, like a fucking Pokémon, it evolved to the point of scaring her shitless. Rue was ultimately terrified of what she could find in her own head, what correlations, what thoughts and dreams – if she even had any left, of course – and what could she fucking do about everything related to Alexis Howard.

Was she jealous because she didn’t want her sweet childhood best friend to run away and abandon her over somebody else like Jules? Was she afraid of being alone? Of being just a notch in Lexi’s belt until she tired herself up and left with someone good enough for her? Was she scared that Lex would find someone to give her the fucking sun and moon and she would then laugh at herself for trying too hard and enduring so many shitstorms from Rue that all she could do was to leave her for good?

Was she afraid of going back to drugs in case that was the scenario?

Or was she afraid of simply losing Lexi? Of not hearing her nerdy jokes that most people wouldn’t give a fuck about because they were all whores who wanted a warm body and couldn’t appreciate the little shit that was truly important. Was she afraid of knowing that Lexi Howard was going to be snuggled and someone else’s little spoon? Someone without Rue’s baggage and shitty behaviors who seemed to only take the girl for granted. Someone who would accompany Lexi and hold her hand at all those crazy art museums trips without feeling an ounce of shame of being out of place. Someone who appreciated her every single trait and flaw and would never raise a fucking hand at the girl because fuck, Lexi didn’t deserve that shit. Someone who would run after her, who would do little shit for her, who would be the one checking on her if she wanted to eat her healthy crap or talk about astronomy and long-lost galaxies full of fucking aliens. Someone who would be there for her. Not waiting for stuff, not to ask for her help to pass a drug test, not to ask her out in a friend’s get together after scaring her away, not to beg her to stay without giving a fucking single reason for that.

Someone who would love her tilts of head and her silly humor and how much she could actually talk about pretty much everything when given the opportunity – someone who gave her the opportunity to just simply fucking talk!

Someone who wouldn’t burden her, who wouldn’t humiliate her, who wouldn’t wish her away at every single turn for fear of breaking her, who wouldn’t fucking scare her, who wouldn’t make her lose her sleep over a fucking OD, someone who would hold her fucking hand and march alongside her towards every shit.

Someone who would love her unconditionally even when they could hate her. Someone who got her fucking moods and vibes and tendency of being a pessimist and her too-sober-and-down-to-earth approach at life because she already lost too much and Lexi didn’t have the strength to make any more plans or to envision herself with a normal home and a family to call hers, someone who would simply be hers and not head over heels with anybody else, and not playing Russian roulette with their own lives over a person who went away. Someone who would never ever make her feel like a rebound because Lexi Howard would never be just that!

Her small friend wasn’t like the fucking hot high sun in an uncomfortably heated summer season. No, she was that heartfelt sun when everything was too fucking cold, the sun that would always fucking warm you up even without shining too bright to damage your eyes; when the winter was being surprisingly too cold in a little fucking forgotten shitty city in California. Someone who knew that Lexi’s body heat ran in a lower temperature because her fucking heart was so big and warm that she needed to balance it somehow. Someone that would be glad to just warm Lexi’s cold hands.

Someone who would know every little shit about her. Like how she simply loved the fucking nature and took care of every stray who stumbled her way. How she would gladly nurse them back to health or give them stuff to eat until they were good enough to follow their own paths.

Someone who fucking knew she cried herself to sleep when she was twelve because she wasn’t able to save a fucking bird that fell into her backyard after three days of singing lullabies and giving it food and some creepy herbs until she could actually sleep. Someone who wouldn’t be the moron to say that at least the bird was free to fly then and wouldn’t name it ‘Icarus’, because seriously, what the fuck Rue thought back then?

Someone who would fucking fight for her because she was way too good to be true.

Lexi has always been too good to be true.

And way too fucking good to be hers.

“She likes you, Rue. She won’t fucking leave you because that’s not how she works.” Yeah, but maybe Rue was the one who should do the honors of setting Lexi free. Again. But fuck her if this single thought didn’t leave her colder than this forbidden weather. “The thing is, how do you want to play it?” Rue blinked because of fucking course she was crying, her decency was shoved deep inside her ass now as she saw Cassie approaching and looking way too caring for her liking. She looked caring about her more than Rue fucking deserved. “You see, as I told you, I like you, Rue. You are not a bad person. I know that and she knows that, even if you don’t believe it.” Yeah, right. A fucking amazing person she was. “You don’t need to give me all the answers now, I just want you to ponder over this.” Cassie sighed then, probably knowing that taking shit from Rue was worse than pulling teeth. “How did you feel kissing her?” Wait, what?

“Huh?” Rue wasn’t sure if she made any sound of if that was all happening inside her fucking head. What kind of fucking question was that anyway? Why did it matter?

“Did you feel something kissing Lex? Was it good?” Okay, so correct her if she was wrong, but was Cassie trying to gossip about her little sister or was playing matchmaker here? Rue cleaned her eyes from her silent tears to better look at the other girl, surely, she lost some important part of that conversation because that wasn’t fucking possible! “Hey! I’m not asking you because I’ll go babble it all to her, I just want you to fucking be honest with both of us. Can you even do that?” Well, now that was better because she was back to sounding angry and impatient. It was way too fucking hard to keep tags on someone else’s caring mood swings when hers were the kind of shit that could either tire her enough to sleep or got her restless. And run to drugs, let’s not forget that.

Okay, back to the question. How should she answer that? Could she even be honest with herself for once?

Rue sighed, what a fucking day, ladies and gentlemen! Still, she answered because there was no end to the fucking well she had thrown herself into.

“Yes. And it was…” Amazing; it was the fucking high she chased her whole life without even knowing she was after because it wasn’t that kind of hollow shit that left her all too quickly and desperate in search for more, to get number somehow. No, kissing Lexi was the type of high that felt imprinted in her fucking skin and made her feel good, peaceful even. It was so different from every single shit she used and every fucking person she ever kissed… It put it all to fucking shame somehow. Like every single high, as good as they could get, would never come close to how she felt kissing her best friend. Still, it scared her shitless because she wasn’t too dumb not to know her tendency of getting so easily obsessed over stuff. Of holding it all too fucking tight. “It was cool.” Well, no need to romanticize something she didn’t even know how to put words to, right? “I really liked it.” She closed her eyes and sighed again. “It was kinda special and shit, I just feel like I should have been doing this from some time.” From exact three years and sixty-two nights.

Perhaps even before that, because there was no one who ever got her like Lexi. Not after her dad died.

“Yeah?” She heard from the blonde and just like that, Rue Bennett was fucking talking her ass off about kissing the girl’s little sister.

“Yeah.” She sighed with her eyes still closed because kissing Lexi was _that _fucking good. “I mean, it was very good. Way better than our first kiss ‘cause she’s still around and not running for the hills. I felt like she kinda liked it too, you know? Like she wanted me back and shit. And nobody ever kissed me like Lex just did, like I’m special or shit. And I don’t know…” Rue then took a deep breath, at least she still hadn’t opened her eyes because it would be quite awkward to face the shit she was blabbering. “I wanna keep kissing her. I don’t know why I did, but I don’t want it to end, I don’t want her to go kissing other fucking people, I want her to want me too. Not that I deserve her, but…” She stopped herself right there because yeah, that kind of truth was harder than swallowing a steak knife.

“Better than the first kiss?” Oh… Shit! Cassie probably didn’t know they kissed back in the day. Oh, crap! “So, you want my little sister?” Rue opened her eyes and yup, there was Cassie in front of her with a contemplative smile on her fucking face after hearing that stupid speech coming from her sister’s best friend’s mouth because said idiot just lost her fucking filter.

Oh well, fuck!

“Yeah…” She nodded anyway, after all the shit she just barked there was no fucking use in denying now. Still, Rue was almost sure that she was as red as her dark skin could allow her to get.

“Good.” Cassie said and crossed her arms with a very serious expression. Seriously, what was fucking happening? “I have a feeling that she wants you too.” The blonde said with a thoughtful face as if she was just informing Rue about the weather or shit.

“Yeah?” Don’t blame her for getting kinda interested in the subject and stuff, it was about Lex they were talking about anyway. “You think so?” The other girl nodded and Rue herself felt her stupid mouth grinning against her fucking will.

She was a stupid idiot after all.

“I think so.” The older Howard said looking at her sister and Rue turned to do the same. Lex was oh so fucking cute, Jesus! “But you two need to talk to sort things out before it gets too messy and someone gets hurt.”

You see, it wasn’t like Rue was blatantly ignoring the blonde’s advice per se, she was just focusing on her sister and shit. Because that was the important subject they were talking about, right?

Not that Lexi could be a subject or shit.

Anyway, talking and stuff. She could try it. It couldn’t be that fucking hard. Rue could kiss and talk to Lexi, she wasn’t a fucking useless moron.

“Cool.” Of course, Lexi felt her eyes and gave her full attention to her dumb asshole of a friend, looking as confused as ever after seeing Rue’s maniac grin her way. It came to her mind that she probably still had a red nose so maybe she was looking just like the psycho clown she was feeling these days with a dumb dope smile, crazy messed up hair and a red clown-y nose.

Still, her little cute crush tilted her head and gave her a small smile back as she rested her head upon her hand to face her better. Too fucking cute!

“Well, now that it’s all settled, let’s go back to the table before you two spend the whole day staring at each other from afar.” Yeah, whatever, Rue rolled her eyes but didn’t grant her with a look seeing that Lexi was motioning her to come with her head and shit and they finished their conversation anyway, so that was exactly what Rue’s legs decided to do and they took a march towards Lexi. “Rue!” Cassie’s yell made her turn to look back at the blonde and she couldn’t help to roll her eyes in annoyance before giving her the attention she clearly wanted. “Remember to talk it over with her.” Yeah, talking was good shit. Not talking was bad. Whatever, she got it. Kissing and talking to Lex was fairly simple, so she nodded and turned to keep walking until she heard the blonde’s harsh threat. “Don’t fucking break her or they’ll never find your body.” It was said with a warped smile that sent chills down her spine and she blinked in return.

Jesus! That was way too psychotic even for Rue’s twisted standards.

Still, Cassie walked past her and friendly tapped her shoulder as if it was all cool while Rue was left standing motionless and gulping in fear.

Bad shit indeed.

And whatever, she wasn’t going to break Lexi. Never again.

Right?

* * *

So, Rue was back to their table feeling somehow a little better about the mad outcome of Cassie’s bizarre conversation and angry threats while she pondered over the stuff that she heard from the blonde as she came to a few conclusions:

One: there was no escaping Lexi now and whatever she felt for her friend back in the day came full force after they kissed again. That was some scary shit, but, well, she survived a creepy as fuck drug dealer serving her a stash of Fentanyl on a switchblade, surely, she could survive it too.

Or so she hoped.

Two: maybe Lexi liked her back, so it was good news as good news went.

It did make her grin a little, which was a strange behavior even for herself, as she lazily embraced her tiny friend who sat on her lap to eat her nastily looking healthy food and had her small legs bouncing like a hyperactive kid as Rue hid her crazy smirk behind Lex’s very good smelling hair. And way too fucking good smelling neck. Not that she was sniffing her friend like a line of coke, of course.

But she was. And Lex truly smelled delicious.

Lexi’s choice of fragrance was something between spicy and fruity smells that made her feel a lot of crazy shit; from being peaceful – like some sort of crazy herbal shit used by native Americans back in time to scare the bad shit and satanic spirits of European conquerors away – to outright fucking horny because it was well-known that Rue loved anything with apple, so having Lexi smelling like apple and cinnamon would pretty much make the little girl’s smell good enough to eat. Metaphorically and not metaphorically at all.

Which was kinda creepy because Rue was never one to give a second thought about perfumes or shit. Yes, she did snort stuff, but she had other purposes in mind for that.

Anyway, back to her discoveries at hand.

Three: she still didn’t know how she felt about Jules and shit that went down with them before and after the took-the-midnight-train-going-anywhere tour that led Rue’s ass right into a fucking coma. And kissing Lexi surely complicated everything because now she kinda admitted to herself that she had feelings for her cute tiny friend as well. Or maybe those way too terrifying feelings never truly went away. So, it was all a crazy mumbled mess that had her thinking twice about drugging herself fucked to run away from it all.

But she wouldn’t because it led her right to the fourth conclusion.

Four: she didn’t want Lexi falling in love with some asshole who wouldn’t appreciate her – or even make her fucking tolerable coffee! – so maybe she could try to be an acceptable option from now on? It really wasn’t because Rue was simply livid with the idea of Lexi with someone else, though she despised such scenario with a feral passion.

Whatever.

So, Rue was still trying to be a decent person and perhaps it could all come full circle and she could be a better person for Lex.

That’s wishful thinking but still.

Five: she would like to keep kissing her tiny and cute looking crush who was still eating her healthy shit looking unbelievingly pleased with the bland flavor of her way-too green hamburger made of the type mushrooms that couldn’t get one high and drinking iced tea as she offered Rue a serving of greasy looking French fries that probably tasted just like clogged arteries with a coronary on the side and a very big and unhealthy strawberry milkshake to swallow it down that actually tasted funny and that led to the question:

“It tastes vegan or shit.” She said as Lexi turned to answer with a simple ‘it is’. Oh! “Why?” Well, sure Lexi liked the good organic and fit way of life, but why did Rue have to be submitted to the same torture? Not that she was mad or shit about it because it was way too cool that Lexi even bought her shit to eat, she was just curious.

“You’re allergic to milk, Rue. Did you forget it?” Lexi explained with a frown as if Rue’s question was the type of crap unworthy of a deep reasoning. She was probably right though; the thing was that Rue didn’t remember being allergic to anything ever. It kinda made sense now that every single milk back at home were lactose free. Woah! Living and learning, they said.

Still, she couldn’t help but to appreciate Lex even more for remembering it when Rue herself had no fucking idea.

“Oh! Sure!” She said sounding like a lunatic with memory loss for forgetting such an important thing about her diet. Jesus! She truly was a stupid idiot!

Whatever, it wasn’t like the shit she used had milk traces or any stuff like that.

“But you should try the fries, they are deadly full of trans fat. A very gruesome stuff.” Her friend turned back to tell her because of course she would be the one to know that Rue had a thing for poisonous stuff and her food preferences wouldn’t take a different route. Still, she smiled at the girl ‘cause trust her fucking crush to try to convince her of eating bad shit. “I even heard that whoever made them had to be rushed to the hospital because these fries are simply mortal.” Lexi said sounding very serious and Rue rolled her eyes with a grin to her dork.

Apparently Rue Bennett fucking liked them dorky and nerdy.

“Maybe I should just put some ketchup to upgrade their killing skills and shit…” She said already doing it with gusto because fries without ketchup were no fries at all.

“Yeah, now it looks like a disturbing carnage, babe. Good job!” Lexi gave her a small smile as she wrinkled her nose at Rue’s childish way of enjoying food. Whatever, she still grinned back at her friend and kissed her cheek in appreciation and shit.

And she liked way too much when Lex called her ‘babe’ even when she would never ever say that out loud because she had a reputation to uphold, thank you very much.

Lexi got all red and gave her a shy smile back that Rue once again wanted to kiss off her face. She didn’t though, she still had some control and wanted to enjoy the nasty looking fries that Lex bought her while they were still warm.

Seriously, this girl was way too good to be true for buying Rue food that she clearly despised!

But then she offered her tiny kissable crush one fry and Lexi just dodged it like it was a hand grenade to kiss her cheek in return and look even redder. Yeah, tiny fucking cute girl who Rue couldn’t help but to kiss briefly because Maddy was around and the table was full of cutlery that could fly right at her fucking face so it would be too dangerous to engage in anything other than pecking Lexi’s lips. She really wanted to do more and, as she looked at her favorite micro human’s face, she got the idea that Lexi too could keep kissing her even when Rue probably looked like a vampire with bloody ketchup all over her face. Even when Lex was acting way too shy around her.

Whatever, Rue was still happy and Lex was all red just like her dripping ketchup fries, so it was all cool.

Anyway, back to her points:

Six: this only made it all clearer that she was the one who had to step the fuck up and make a fucking attempt now because it was her turn to be the bigger person and make shit to get her tiny human all happy and grinning about something that wasn’t just Rue embarrassing herself eating crappy food.

She still didn’t know how to be that kind of person but whatever, she could always try. And Lexi deserved it all.

So, she embraced Lexi a little more tightly as both of them got back to eating and hearing Maddy’s very graphic story of how awful was to stay in such a fucking slow line dealing with slow-brained assholes who couldn’t even decide what to eat when they only had like three options and shit.

She also vulgarly talked about a couple who was very engrossed in not choosing shit to eat that got Lex rolling her eyes in annoyance and Maddy angrily taking the menu from the girl’s hands and ordering for the two of them before she and Lex spent their youth waiting in line.

The couple actually did nothing about her ordering for both of them, so Rue counted that as victory seeing that no violence went down.

She crossly said that she didn’t beat the crap out of both with the menu because Lexi then decided to take it from her hands to choose what she wanted before that happened. As if the tiny Howard’s curiosity for her choice of food – which Rue just knew that was _so_ not the case – was a low blow at her already bruised ego.

“I swear to Gaia, if you two ever decide to pull that shit with me I will kick your fucking asses out of the fucking line!” She growled looking at a rolling-her-eyes Rue and a very-deeply-red Lex. “Fucking ridiculous people who can’t fucking choose different stuff when they’re together.”

“Yeah, that won’t be a problem because Lex will always choose whatever’s healthy in a menu.” She said with a grin as she ate a portion of lethal fries.

“And you’ll always order whatever takes you closer to your deathbed sooner.” Lexi completed narrowing her eyes at her.

“Yup! That’s little ol’ me, always defying death and shit.” Her grin gotta creepily bigger as she inhaled another fry and saw Lexi sighing and rolling her eyes at her face.

Not that they were a couple, of course. They were just smarter than this type of stupid people.

Seven: as she came too close to opening her ‘Lexi case’ with all that pondering, it was easy to say that it gave her chills and twisted her guts in fear of what she could find in this very shit after years of ignoring her crush on the girl. She had to tread it all more carefully from now on.

It was going to be way too difficult seeing that she felt so fucking good for having Lexi on top of herself just eating her healthy poison all proper and shit. So, so fucking difficult indeed.

The talk around the table went on but Rue decided to sat that one out and engross herself with the final step of her soul-searching dive in tumultuous waters that could also be called ‘Lexi’s thoughts and discoveries’ that terrified the lanky girl as nothing else.

But well, it was a necessary evil or shit.

Eight: talking. She and Lexi would have to talk about shit because Cassie said that it was up to Rue to, you know, prove herself to be a decent person and not scaring the shit out of her friend anymore. And sharing thoughts was the way to deal with this fuckery so yeah.

This ought to be the hardest one yet because talking about feelings and shit was very out of her fucking insignificant list of skills, so may God, Jesus and Gaia help her with that one.

Whatever, another thing to tackle with time as she took another fry to eat only to be rudely interrupted by her blaring phone. She sighed as she decided to pick it up because she forgot to tell her mom about her plan of breaking and entering into Lex’s house in the middle of the night just ‘cause she was a needy moron with a fucking crush on the girl.

But what was her surprise when she received the call of said crush still on her lap and kinda glaring at her face because Rue dropped a very greasy and full of ketchup French fry right on Lexi’s all white shirt. Ops!

“Why are you calling me, Lex?” She asked before she was scolded. And yeah, she was very curious as well.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not calling you, Rue.” She sighed as if Rue was too demented to even be worth of being berated.

“Well, your number is calling me. See?” She showed her phone and Lex was the only Lexi she knew so it kinda had to be her.

“That’s strange, I don’t even know where my phone is. I thought I had lost it at the hospital.” Her crush said making a face at her and Rue arched her eyebrow. Oh well, maybe they were dealing with a burglar now.

She decided to pick and threat whoever that was to give the phone back to its cute owner.

“Who’s it?” She asked with a hard and deep voice in her best detective Bennett impersonation because she was the bad cop to Lexi’s good cop character.

“Rue, are you with Lexi?” Oh, that was Gia! But why was her sister in possession of Lexi’s phone then?

“Why?” She asked and her sister sighed very crossed on the other end of the line. Whatever, she was the one in the wrong in the situation.

“Because I have her fucking phone, so are you with her?” Well, that was Rue’s turn to roll her eyes because yeah, she just called her from the girl’s number, it was easy math to say that she had the fucking phone.

Whatever, at least it was easier to take said phone back and she decided to mouth her sister’s name to get Lexi at ease.

It happened because her crush looked a little calmer after that and Rue decided to chance eating another fry seeing that Lexi didn’t look like she would be strangling her over her ketchup stained white shirt anymore.

“Yes, Gia, she’s just beside me.” She informed her sister as Lexi mouthed a ‘thank God’ back as if her fucking phone was way too important that she didn’t even miss it until she just figured she didn’t have it right when Rue’s sister decided to notify her.

“Cool, tell her to drop by and pick it up ‘cause I already charged it and shit.” Gia said and didn’t wait for a reply as she just finished the call leaving her sister glaring at nothing with no possibility to scold her for such uncalled-for behavior.

Teenagers were such little shits.

“What was that, Rue?” Lex asked and she shared whatever her younger sister said to see her friend nodding her head.

Which meant that:

One: Lexi was going to her house after their tour at the mall and they could hang out a little and shit or, you know, watch Netflix and chill. Well, not like _that_… Okay, maybe a teeny-tiny like that. Whatever. It was going to be cool. They could watch some movies and cuddle and shit.

Two: it explained why Lexi didn’t answer Rue’s text spams last night, so they were kind of cool and Lexi wasn’t ignoring her.

Okay, it was obvious that Lexi wasn’t ignoring _ignoring _her because they kinda kissed and shit. But still, it got the taller girl way too fucking elated to know that it wasn’t the case and Lexi didn’t want to get away from her that Rue gladly lunged back at her fries with renewed passion.

So, this day was on its way to get better and better.

And she was going to hang out with Lex on top of it all. It was going to be cool.

* * *

Well, it wasn’t exactly cool because then Lexi was glaring at her face with her cute little narrowed eyes because Rue may or may not have dropped a few more fries on her friend’s attire and the poor girl was looking like one of those morons who just survived Jigsaw’s torture chambers all red stained.

Ops!

“You look fashion like this, Lex.” Rue decided to save her face with that one only to have Lexi rolling her eyes at her as they walked back to Maddy’s car.

“If 'The Walking Dead' ever decided to make a fashion show it would be to display this type of shit. The kind of I-just-fought-a-zombie-to-save-my-fucking-life-but-I’m-actually-cool-enough fashion.” Said Kat with sarcasm inflicted in every word and it was Rue’s turn to roll her eyes.

Whatever.

There were few people looking at them as they strolled towards the car. Fucking nosy bastards who didn’t mind their own business.

“I’m sure everyone isn’t thinking that I just escaped some sick psycho’s torture and ran all the way to the mall to call for help, Rue.” Lex said a little annoyed and Rue had to bite her lower lip not to outright laugh at her face. She was looking like one of those messy kids who couldn’t eat properly and shit.

“At least you are safe now, babe.” Rue grinned and kissed her forehead as she hugged her tiny friend because it was the best way to hide her smile from a very crossed Lex.

And crossed Lex was a cute as fuck Lex. She kinda had that puppy’s angry little face as she tried to look all menacing and shit, but she actually didn’t look like a bad bitch, so she was just too endearing.

“Whatever.” Lexi said still sounding kinda mad but hugging Rue back and they stood there in the parking lot embracing each other as Rue hid her smirk sniffing her crush’s hair and Lex hid her face in Rue’s collarbone.

“Can you bitches move your asses or do I need to run over you two?” Maddy shouted as Lexi jumped in surprise and Rue sighed. Yeah, there was going to be Maddy indeed.

So, they marched to the mad woman’s car before bad shit happened.

“What about Christmas? What you guys will be doing?” Ethan asked as Lexi yelped and fisted Rue’s shirt in desperation after Maddy squealed her tires as if they were running from demons who broke free from the deepest level of hell.

How come were Cassie and Kat used to this type of shitty driving? How come they are actually still _alive_ after riding with this crazy girl?

You see, Rue was almost fearless and shit, but Maddy’s crappy driving skills were proving to be more than her heart could endure. Badmouthing and cursing passerby, honking loudly and swearing other drivers were all cool by Rue Bennett’s book, but this insane running like they were part of the Wacky Races was fucking uncool!

“Mom will probably drink herself into oblivion and we’ll make some food to celebrate Jesus.” Cassie said unfazed as their getaway driver decided to fucking curse another driver she just outran.

Rue was very unsure she would live long enough to celebrate Jesus as long as Maddy was behind the wheels.

“Well, my family will come to visit us so there’s no escaping that shitty reunion.” Kat said sounding displeased and her boyfriend made a sympathetic face at her. Lex was still mute on top of Rue, probably with her eyes closed no to see their incoming death by a freaking car accident caused by Maddy.

“My mom will probably cry herself to sleep over the tree’s deforestation caused by the fucking industry to fuel Christmas or shit.” Maddy rolled her eyes and Rue was unsure if the action was directed to her mother’s beliefs or to the car in front of them that decided to respect the red light of the semaphore. It was probably aimed at both.

“Oh! I was thinking if we could maybe see each other or something.” Ethan said and no other sound was heard but some breath intakes. “But it’s all cool, some families like to spend Christmas together or something.” Rue hummed because her family was one of those back in the day when her dad was still alive and she wasn’t off getting high on shit. It felt like a lifetime ago. “Maybe we could exchange numbers so we can talk or shit?” The boy asked sounding unsure because he was probably afraid of Maddy and whatever she may say.

But, against all odds, she was the first one to tell him her number, followed by Cassie and Lexi. Ethan then looked at Rue waiting for her to do the same so yeah, she did.

They were a band after all, he surely would need her number for stuff.

“Maybe we could hang out after Christmas dinner or shit. Or just celebrate it together.” Don’t ask her why she suggested it because Rue had no fucking clue, but that’s what came from her mouth. And it surprised even Lexi as the girl gave up on hiding from the spirits of doom that were chasing the car to look at Rue’s face with something between astonishment and wonder.

Rue wanted to kiss her right then.

“You sure Leslie will be okay with it, Rue?” Lex asked and her insane friend had to ponder over her answer. Was her mom going to be okay with it? She had no fucking idea to be honest, but seeing that everyone was looking kinda glad – Maddy for sure – or elated – that was Ethan because this boy was surely something else – she couldn’t back away now, right?

“Yeah, it’s all good Lex. Trust me! Mom will love to have you guys over.” She said with a grin as she hoped it was right.

And the rest of the crazy ride through the highway to hell was spent making plans over the holy night.

* * *

“Jesus Christ, Rue! How could you invite everyone’s families over without asking me first? Christmas will be in three days and we need to start our preparations and I don’t even know if we have the space to welcome everyone in our living room!” So, well, maybe it wasn’t ‘all good’ as she presumed. “No, guess what?” Rue didn’t dare to guess. “I am sure we don’t have the space for that!” Her mom said and went back to the kitchen to mumble some shit to herself as she glared some more at Rue from afar.

The good thing was that Lex was taking a shower to wash all the ketchup off her tiny body after Rue’s mom said that if she got home all stained red Suze was going to have a heart attack and seeing that this shit was Rue’s fault – which her mom said with a fucking pointed stare at her face that could pierce a brick wall – it would be only fair if they did the washing in Bennett’s house and whatever. Rue got somehow happy over it ‘cause it meant spending some more time with Lexi and shit. Anyway, seeing that her tiny friend wasn’t around to hear Rue’s tour of being scolded, it was better knowing that her micro crush missed this argument and stuff.

So, it was cool. They were going to find a way to accommodate everyone and shit. Maybe they could remove all the furniture and leave only the couches and shit to sit down. But then there was the table and they would need it to serve food there.

Oh well, perhaps Rue bit more than she could chew and her mom was right about that one.

Not that Leslie was right to sound all mad and shit over it, of course. But she wasn’t completely in the wrong there.

So, Rue decided to, you know, maybe soften the blow a little bit.

“You could ask that friend of yours over too.” Yes, Rue Bennett just invited the fucker who was making stupid moon eyes at her mom back at the hospital. And no, she was not high while she did it.

Still, her suggestion had the power to shut everyone up, even Lexi who just waltzed in the room wearing Gia’s clothes was mute.

“You mean inviting Tom over?” Her mom asked sounding between curious and suspicious and Rue took a deep breath before nodding her head. Whatever the fucker’s name was, she wasn’t interested. “I’ll see what I’ll do.” With that, no more mumbling and looking crossed, her mom went to her room and left Gia and Lexi staring bewildered at Rue.

Oh well, she was doing so much crazy shit these days that whenever she laid down to ponder over it all, Rue would probably take some pills to sleep for a week.

“That was a great move.” Gia said with a smile but her sister was too caught looking at her tiny bestie. Why was Lexi wearing her sister’s clothes instead of Rue’s? It didn’t even make sense. “Well, you are too skinny to lend your clothes, Rue, if that’s what you’re thinking about.” Rue rolled her eyes then because she wasn’t going to admit that she didn’t like to see Lex wearing someone else’s clothes instead of hers. And, you know,

“Whatever.” Lexi was a little red in the face so walked towards her. “Wanna watch something, Lex?” She asked with a smile and saw her friend debating the question inside her mind before smiling and nodding to Rue her affirmative. “Cool.”

So, that was how the three girls were found still arguing over whatever they could watch as Rue decided to take a quick shower to run from their bickering but soon enough she was participating in it.

You see, Gia wanted to watch some silly rom-com because she hated heavy dramas and shit. Lexi rolled her eyes at Rue’s younger sister as if the single fact of watching a teen comedy was going to fry their brain cells; she then suggested some horror movie because Lex rather watch people dying horrible deaths than falling in love – a girl after Rue’s heart – and Rue just decided to keep her mouth shut because the two of them were getting serious over that shit.

Then, as if by miracle, Lex gave up the bantering and said that they could watch ‘Are You The One’ to Gia’s ultimate joy as she all but raced to the kitchen to make popcorn as if they were about to watch good shit.

It was Rue’s turn of crossing her arms and huff in annoyance at both of them.

Seeing that, Lexi decided to sit on her lap and whisper in her ear because that was normal shit friends did all the time and it didn’t make Rue’s heart leap like a fucking suicidal little shit.

“I’m sure you are going to like it, Rue. It’s better than ‘Love Island’.” She could hear the smirk in Lex’s voice as her arms decided to embrace her tiny frame without a second thought. Yeah, whatever. It wasn’t like ‘Love Island’ was even good to begin with.

“Okay.” She said after a deep breath because there was no use in discussing it with both Gia and Lexi and even if she could win that one over, the duo would probably fall right back into their bickering over stuff to watch. So yeah, she took that one for the team.

Whatever.

But Lexi just kissed her cheek so it was kind of cool and shit.

What was uncool was when Lex got out of her lap to sit beside her. It wasn’t close enough for Rue’s taste but when she saw her sister coming holding two bowls with enough popcorn to feed an army, Rue got why Lexi did it.

Gia was already very suspicious of the two of them and snooping on a daily basis, they didn’t need to fuel her curiosity some more.

And Rue was almost sure that her sister wanted her and Lexi to get together. Don’t ask her why, she just had this feeling.

Anyway, ‘Are You The One’ wasn’t exactly unbearable in the end. Sure, it was kind of hard to get everyone’s name and to follow all those different hook-ups they did everyday and whenever Rue felt like shipping some couple, said couple were no longer a couple and were coupling with other people. It was the kind of crazy shit her brain didn’t follow right up, but it still amused her to no end. And seeing that it was the queer edition, it was very relatable in a way.

So, in little to no time, the three of were talking so much over the second episode that even Leslie came to see what it was all about only to get hooked alongside them to binge-watching that sick shit.

It was way down the sixth episode that Lexi announced that she was way too tired and was going home to everyone’s displeasure. Rue kinda wanted to cuddle her, so that was her reason; Gia needed someone to side with her as both badmouthed a trans guy named Kai in the show and her mom… Well, Rue had no idea why her mom didn’t want Lexi to go but it was cool that she was siding with both her daughters to have Lexi over.

With every Bennett pleading their cases to make her stay, Lexi decided in favor of them, so Rue rushed to her bedroom that looked like a victim of a hurricane to get some shit for Lexi to sleep in. It wasn’t because she didn’t want her friend to borrow clothes from her sister, of course. Rue just didn’t want to cause Gia some trouble over that.

Yeah, as if.

Anyway, as Lexi took the time to say her goodnights to her mom and sister, she got some pajama pants for both of them and two shirts that were still clean because her room looked messy enough to scare the girl away, she didn’t want to give Lexi something to dress only to make her uncomfortable.

Lexi decided to get changed in the bathroom and Rue took that opportunity to at least make her room somewhat presentable and clean it a little. Or, in her true fashion, to kick her dirty clothes under the bed in case the monsters living there were fond of dirty laundry.

Yeah, she gotta start cleaning stuff because for someone with OCD, she looked like a slob. But at least it was drug free and didn’t smell funny. The bed sheet was clean and so were the blankets so it wasn’t _that _bad, right? Anyway, she just sprayed some perfume on the sheets and the pillows – also on herself – in case all the snorting coke fucked over her sense of smell and it all was reeking like used socks instead.

It wasn’t like she wanted to impress Lexi or shit, she just didn’t want her friend to think that she was a pig, okay?

Then Lexi came looking as cute as ever with pants that were way too fucking big on her that she resembled a kid wearing adults’ clothes and Rue couldn’t help but chuckle at the sign. She, of course, found no amusement in that and walked all the way to Rue’s bed huffing like a spoiled little brat. As she laid down beside her friend, Lexi actually rolled her eyes upon seeing Rue’s maniac grin but took the chance to hug her like a pillow anyway. Still very crossly, she put her tiny leg on top of Rue’s and hugged her with an arm as she laid her head into her friend’s collarbone. Rue loved that position even when sometimes she woke up scared shitless of having had a stroke overnight for not feeling the left part of body, it was still something that made her very peaceful. Most of the times anyway.

Unfortunately, right now was not one of these times.

You see, Lexi was still kinda upset and taking deep breaths right. At. Rue’s. Fucking. Neck. So, excuse the girl for having a very sensitive neck and getting horny over that shit. Fucking hormones, man!

Lex, of course, knew no shit and kept doing that fuckery very uncaringly as Rue decided to take deep breaths as well and think of every miserable death they could’ve watched to calm herself down enough. It didn’t exactly help much because she had no fucking luck in life. Still, seeing that her friend had no fault in that one, she decided to make some lazy patterns on the back of Lexi’s head to help her sleep.

Lexi didn’t sleep so Rue was pretty much fucked.

And not fucked in the way she would like to be, if she was one to tell.

But still, there she laid as motionless as a corpse if not for her deep breaths and patterns making and shit. Not knowing what to do or to say wasn’t exactly a new sensation in her eighteen years of life, but fuck her if this wasn’t one of the most terrifying moments of having her mind completely blank about what to do. With that, Rue was feeling very torn and fuck.

‘Cause like some Freud's psycho shit, her brain was divided in three parts that were actually battling against one another. A part of her brain wanted to talk about what happened between her and Lex like a responsible adult should – this will be the first thought to be ignored because Rue Bennett despised talking about feelings, she was no adult and way too fucking far from being responsible. Whatever. Other part of her brain wanted to simply jump Lexi’s bones like a crazy pervert and kiss the girl until neither could breath – she should be embarrassed to say that she was bending towards this one more, but Rue admitted to herself that she was shameless anyway. And the third part of her brain just wanted Lex to fall asleep because that would be the perfect solution to this situation, seeing that her tall friend wouldn’t attack her if the girl was asleep because consent was the first word Rue Bennett learned. Metaphorically, of course. So, there you have her brain’s _super-ego, _the _id _and the _ego _in order and shit.

Whatever. Fuck it all!

“Aren’t you going to sleep, Lex?” She asked because she was feeling Lexi’s hand tracing some fucking patterns down her stomach over her shirt and that was serious shit because she had no idea that such simple touch could get her so horny. Probably because no one ever did it anyway.

“I’m not tired anymore, Rue.” Oh, fuck her! Fucking fuck! What in hell would she do now? Jesus! Why wasn’t Lexi tired anymore, for fuck’s sake?! What a fucking joke! “You okay, Rue?” Lexi asked looking at her face and the addressed girl was a step from growling like an animal because no, she was very much not okay but said savage approach would probably scare Lexi away and she decided that this wasn’t an option.

And Lexi was looking at her face with such big, caring and cute eyes that Rue had no heart to do it. But as she didn’t answer, Lexi kinda raised her head to better look at her friend’s face with that fucking cute tilt of head and a confused look.

Oh, fucking fuck!

Then Rue Bennett was kissing Lexi Howard – _again!_ – as she cupped her crush’s cute face with her hands before her heart actually gave away and she died from a heart attack. ‘Cause if she had to fucking die, better kiss the girl before it happened. And there was Lexi kissing her back and opening her mouth to welcome Rue’s probing tongue and Rue’s fucking death was just turning the corner because there was no way in hell her heart could beat that fucking much without it resulting in her upcoming decease.

And to have Lexi almost laying down on top of her had her feeling too fucking much that she couldn’t even begin to comprehend all the layers of shit wrapped in that. But whatever, she wrapped her arms around Lex and pulled her closer by her hair as if Rue herself was a fucking succubus from the highest echelon of hell on her way to physically devour the poor victim Lexi Howard. But the all too raspy loud moan she heard from the girl… Fucking hell! That was criminal!

Jesus Christ! Rue was burning like a fucking sinner in church and Lexi was going to be the one responsible for her future demise.

Cause of death: Lexi Howard’s sinful lustful moans.

Before Rue got the chance to apologize for some shit because apologizing sounded good in her head, Lexi righted her position to straddle Rue. Jesus fuck! Then she laid down again on top of her dying friend in such a wicked position that Rue could fucking feel Lex’s whole body trembling and specially Lexi’s breasts right on top of hers that had the lanky girl groaning in her… Lex’s mouth.

They were madly making out like horny teenagers – which they kinda were, but whatever – as Rue was fighting her own hand from not going down to squeeze Lexi’s butt like a fucking pervert. Well, it wasn’t as if her pull of Lexi’s hair as she had her other hand almost down the girl’s ass was a particular prude message to be passed, but anyway. Boundaries.

Let’s fucking respect the fucking boundaries.

But this was a very fleeting stupid, _stupid _thought as Rue felt Lexi shyly grinding on her.

Fuck the fucking boundaries! May it all burn in hell!

Because that was when her brain turned to mush and whatever happened next, not even her fucking saboteur brain was able to screw up seeing that no longer thoughts were capable of being formed inside her crazy head.

Rue then found out what was the best way to keep her damaged mind in check better than all the different highs she pursued for this very goal: a grinding, moaning, sexy Lexi was her brain’s winner for that quest.

So, Lexi was grinding against her and it wasn’t fucking enough. It truly wasn’t. It was when Rue decided to change the positions as she almost smashed the girl with her weight and Lexi made a sound between a moan and a groan that got the tall girl truly gone. You see, one may think that Lexi is a delicate flower – yeah, Rue thought the fucking same right until that moment – but when the tiny brunette decided to strongly pull Rue’s mess of a hair and hugged the taller girl with her legs as if Rue could be taken away from her somehow – she couldn’t, Rue Bennett felt glued to Lexi Howard right then – this thought was long gone. ‘Cause fucking hell if Lexi wasn’t making the most sinful sounds her ears ever heard and kissing her with a fucking passion that Rue was simply high from the girl’s tongue.

She was way too high that she took a chance to grind against Lexi who bit her lower lip fucking hard in return and Rue groaned with all the panting she was doing because it fucking hurt. But it hurt fucking good and she was in no state to ponder over her sexual preferences when Lexi squeezed her fucking butt in a message to Rue actually pick up the pace.

But she liked Lexi being rough with her. Fuck! She loved Lexi being rough and shit.

Lexi, who she was no longer kissing in favor of sucking the girl’s neck like a ravenous vampire to leave hickeys that Rue never liked but she wanted everyone to know that the girl wasn’t available; Lexi, who rasped the fuckiest moans that a human was capable of making and left Rue Bennett shaking from head to toe and got her lower areas coiling simply form hearing it; Lexi, who was still hugging her waist with her cute legs as she squeezed her but to urge Rue on – as if the girl on top of her could be stopped by something at the point; Lexi, who was biting her ear and moaning and saying Rue’s name in a fucking deep and husky voice that had the girl quaking and too close to cumming. Lexi, who then pulled Rue away from her neck to lick her whatever’s lips in such a fucking sensual way that Rue Bennett was very much unafraid of waking her whole house up when she moaned Lex’s name with no shame. Lexi, who bit her own fucking lower lip with that fucking sinful face of hers that got Rue diving at her mouth to bite it for her.

Yeah, Lexi just drove Rue fucking insane.

So insane that Rue was past grinding in a normal human pace and was actually pounding the girl so much that she was on her way of fucking Lexi Howard into the mattress quite literally. She still had no idea if it was normally possible to, you know… cum like this, but fuck if it didn’t feel heavenly. She felt fucking amazing for taking out that type of sounds from Lexi’s delicious mouth. So, _so fucking delicious_. Rue had to kiss Lexi again because, like a fucking drug, she was feeling withdrawn and shit and cute, little _sexy _Lexi was still holding her hair and was scratching Rue’s back with her other hand as she too panted in her… Rue’s mouth.

“Rue, I…” Lexi started to say but after one angled-just-right move she was back to moaning with Rue following suit because _that _was the fucking position she was looking without even knowing she was after. “Fuck, babe…” Oh Jesus… Help her fucking last some more! Then Lexi decided to chant Rue’s name over and over like some sort of Latin enchantment that got the lanky girl quite enchanted herself and nothing in the whole fucking world would be able to take her eyes away from Lexi’s face at that fucking moment because she looked oh so fucking beautiful all sweaty with her hair fucking messed and her red swollen mouth looked perfect opening and closing after every little sound she made and fuck! Her heart was going to fucking explode she was sure of it. Or maybe she was going to cum just from looking at every sexy expression Lex made as Rue pounded her like a fucking jackhammer, who knew? You see, some part of her should be entirely too ashamed of cumming from simply dry-humping her best friend fully clothed, but as Lex whispered in a rough voice “Babe, I’m going to…” she kinda forgot about it and licked the girl’s lips like a fucking lunatic as she nodded her head nonstop like a possessed toy in a horror movie.

“Please, cum for me, Lex.” Why did she beg the girl? She had no fucking clue, seriously! But yeah, as she watched her crush’s face calling her name in a needy rough moan over and over and over in the throes of passion looking so fucking sexy that it pulled and pushed everything inside herself apart, Rue fucking Bennett actually followed her and saw whole galaxies being formed and destroyed behind her fucking eyes.

You see, this wasn’t what Rue thought sex would be like, okay? That time she did it with that asshole she was way too high and felt no shit and comparing that to now, it made that attempt at sex with that moron a fucking waste of time. Not that she was a stranger to orgasm and stuff because she had two hands, thank you very much. But whatever this was, with Lex she felt so fucking more, so fucking much. Much better than her favorite Vicodin high, much better than every other high summed together. It was all different from everything. She felt like she was floating alongside the sun and moon and that reality was bullshit, like nothing else mattered anymore and the only thing anchoring her body was the feel of Lexi’s body. It was fucking insane. And beautiful. And scary. And she wanted it all with Lex.

She was fucking shaking and breathing deeply and so disgustingly sweaty that her clothes were glued to her body as she came down from her high that she had no idea her eyes were tearing up until Lex was there kissing her left cheek and then the right one, and her forehead and her nose and her chin and finished it with a peck on her lips. Rue kissed her back kinda strongly because she didn’t know what the fuck was happening, she had no idea if she wanted to talk about it, but she was never again wasting away a chance of kissing Lex. Her whatever – she had no fucking idea what was Lexi now, she just wanted the girl to be hers – sighed deeply and Rue had half a mind to roll to her side because she was back to kinda feeling her legs a little.

“No, stay here.” Lex said and hugged her again with her legs – which was a very troubling move, ladies and gentlemen, because Rue was still out of her fucking mind – as she caressed Rue’s hair with care and the Bennett idiot put her insane head in her girl’s neck and blinked her eyes some. Gee! Lexi was going to fucking murder her after she saw how purple was her fucking hickey, so maybe Rue should seek another coma to escape the girl wrath over- “So this is sex, huh?” She heard the smirk in the brunette’s voice and looked at her peaceful and fucking satisfied face.

“That’s what she said.” Well, she couldn’t help but to brag a little because Rue was the one fucking responsible for that I-just-got-fucked-fucking-good look on Lex’s face and her crush rolled her eyes at her.

Whatever, Rue was in the fucking clouds so she couldn’t help herself from kissing Lexi a little kiss.

Rue had half a mind to think that if they had done it back in time, there was no way she was going for drugs after how sex with Lex made her feel like. This was the best fucking high of her fucking life, hands down! Even when both of them were still fully clothed!

“You are such an idiot, Rue Bennett.” The girl under her said breathless with a beam and Rue couldn’t help but to grin back and kiss her all over again. And Lexi just kissed her back with a cute smile that soon enough fell from her lips as Rue decided to bite her and you all may know what that lead to.

Yup, they were grinding against one another like two fucking morons in no time. And yup, they still had their clothes because Rue didn't want to waste time undressing both of them and she also wasn't sure where they were standing as individuals and together, so better taking it slow...? Okay, _this _was very far from taking it slow but anyway. She was that kind of idiot to respect boundaries ans shit.

And whatever, she didn’t mind being a fucking idiot as long as she was Lexi Howard’s idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys! not sure how you felt about Rue's pov but I had to keep it again because she's one of the craziest characters I've ever tried to write, but maybe you'll like this one. if you're still interest in the story, that is.  
anyway, feel free to criticize or whatever, people. I thought about abandoning it, but here I am again, I'm very hard to break.  
mistakes are still mine and I'm too drunk to proofread.  
thanks for the comments and kudos and have a great weekend, you all.


	6. All through the night I’ll be awake and I’ll be getting crazy over you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, they did have sex, right? Because dry-humping was still sex and shit or wasn’t it?  
Or a take in one of Rue Bennett’s sleepless nights tearing her mind apart over Lexi Howard.  
She was actually used to that shit by now.  
What she wasn’t used to was to have Lexi right there kind of soothing her fears in ways that Rue herself never deemed possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would advise you, my queer people, not to read this shit while in church seeing that this chapter is rated heavy mature or downright explicit. sorry in advance.

_“Trouble is my middle name._   
_But in the end I'm not too bad_   
_Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you?_

_Mad about you” (Hooverphonic – Mad about you)_

To say that Rue had a long and sleepless night after what happened between her and Lexi was the fucking understatement of the year! She was never as awake as she was after what they did, not even when she snorted line after line of coke inside some crappy bathroom back at one those parties she went to get high and forget about her life. Not even when she drowned her sorry ass in coffee as she tried to crack the Nate fucking Jacobs and Jules fallacious love mystery.

Yeah, Rue was way past restless and the only thing stopping her from having another mental breakdown and jumping out of her skin was the girl cuddling her and sound asleep.

How in fuck’s name could Lex sleep after they had sex kinda like twice in the same night? How could she actually rest in face of what they just did? Did it mean nothing to her?

Still, as Rue bounced her legs like she was ignited on her way of running a marathon, Lexi was looking very peaceful with a leg and an arm tiredly embracing the taller girl. Some part of Rue was very envious of her little cute crush for having the capacity of acting fucking detached enough to manage falling asleep; another part of her was very torn between feeling left out and worthless like a cheap whore.

Okay, they just dry humped the shit out of each other, but it was still considered sex, right? So, that meant that Rue still had a right to feel anxious over this new development and even abandoned and stuff.

Well, lucky her she had her phone near so she could always google this shit. And that was exactly what she did.

She started asking google a simple ‘_is dry hump even sex_?’ that soon enough had her reading crazy article after crazy article about what could be considered sex, seeing that some people had very different ideas about it and a few fuckers were way too entitled sitting in their heteronormative high horses that they had the audacity to write that sex could only happen with penetration between a man and a woman because they surely had fucking traumas with their dicks. Rue would like to shove a whole canebrake of fucking cocks up these fuckers’ assholes. Stupid fucking useless men.

Anyway, seeing that it still didn’t soothe her worries and instead the fucking answers she read were only helping her going off her wits’ end, she then decided to ask shit in some online forums. Shit like ‘_is it normal to dry hump your best friend and like it very much?’_ and, to her absolute horror and disgust, she saw many comments that were a mix of vulgar, nosy and outright fucking ridiculous nonsense! What in fuck’s name was people’s problem? For fuck’s sake!

She read obtuse comment after obtuse comment saying shit about ‘it’s good to have fuck buddies’, another bastard wrote that ‘I could use a friendly booty call’, some demented pervert said ‘just fuck her good and try it without clothes dude’ and one in special read ‘can I watch next time?’ that got her almost gagging. Fucking rude and senseless people, man! There was actually only one response that got her thinking and analyzing shit that read ‘_did your friend like it too? bc maybe the two of you could become a thing.’ _That got Rue thinking about it over and over again in a mad loop that did nothing to help her calm the fuck down and instead had the already lunatic girl too close to having a panic attack.

So, did Lex even like it? Maybe not as much as Rue did, seeing that the girl was fast asleep.

Yes, Rue was sort of hurt over that shit, sue her!

Okay, yeah, Lexi kinda made sounds that gave Rue the idea that, yes, she enjoyed herself. Sounds that Rue Bennett would never fucking forget.

Anyway, maybe her crush was just pretending to like it so Rue wouldn’t feel like utter shit about it. This was something that Lexi was really capable of doing, there was no fucking thing under the sun that her cute crush wouldn’t do to make her crappy tall friend feel better.

Fuck!

What if that was the case and Lex just let Rue believe she was awesome in bed and went with it for fear of having Rue relapsing her sorry ass back to drugs? Jesus fuck! What would she fucking do then?

What if she took advantage of Lexi’s great big and caring heart and used her to make herself feel better without even acknowledging her friend’s need because she was a fucking cunt who gave no shits about other people but-

“Rue, are you okay?” That ought to be Lex’s most asked question ever. Fuck! Poor girl who was unlucky enough to have kind of sex with a damaged neurotic bitch who couldn’t even make the girl feel good or shit like that. “Rue, talk to me. What’s happening?” She opened her eyes – she had no idea when she closed them and also had no idea when did Lexi wake up or why but at the very least she would have company now – to look at her friend who still had the cutest sleepy face ever but was looking way too worried for Rue’s liking.

“Hi.” The tall idiot said that and saw Lex tilting her head with tired blinking eyes at her face. Rue actually groaned because she forgot to research if it was normal to get so fucking hot over someone’s head tilts or if she should look for a doctor to treat this fuckery as soon as possible.

Anyway, Lex was awake, Rue was twitchy but she still didn’t want to talk about shit for fear of hearing something she wouldn’t like, so she bit her lip before she said something as stupid as herself or she attacked her best friend like a predator because she was an impulsive whore.

But then Lex pecked her lips instead so it was all cool suddenly.

She tried not to kiss the girl like a creepy pervert or to take advantage of Lex’s little kiss so she just cupped her face and kissed her slowly because, yes, Rue was capable of kissing Lexi without devouring the girl, okay?

Her little cute crush sighed happily into her mouth and Rue had to grin because if Lex was kissing her then the sex wasn’t too awful, right?

Okay, maybe it could still be too awful and Lex was just trying to make her feel good about herself and shit because that was Lexi, ya know? Lex was just so fucking good that she could still pretend-

“Was it good for you?” She asked before she broke her brain thinking and rethinking their attempt at sex only to get even more mad about it because maybe Rue was just as bad for Lex as that fucking asshole she fucked was bad for her, so it was best to get down to the end of the-

“Yes, it was more than good, Rue.” Lex said shyly looking down as if she should be ashamed of shit, but she actually should not because it was the best news Rue heard in a long fucking while and she was feeling way too fucking wonderful about- “Was it good for you?” Her cute crush asked in a whisper so oh! That was why Lex was suddenly all shy and shit and what a fucking nonsense!

So, Rue took her face with both hands because Lexi deserved to know – and to see as well – that in her idiot’s book whatever they did was more than even good, it was all kinds of great and splendid and everything. Even when it was all fucking insane and her stupid friend was way too fucked-up to talk about it, but it kinda didn’t matter in the moment ‘cause what they did was still…

“Yeah, it was wonderful, Lex.” She whispered in her mouth with a maniac grin that probably looked way too fucking terrifying, but then her crush was all kinda red in the face and biting her lower lip as she stared deeply inside Rue’s eyes as if she was waiting for her fucking moron to do something about it.

Rue had no idea what she was supposed to do about any of it, still she pecked Lex’s lips because the face her crush was making did some crazy shit to her insides and had her taking actions she couldn’t even begin to comprehend herself, even less explaining how Lexi was affecting her these days. Every little change of facial expression or infliction of voice, if it got raspier Rue could tremble with need just from hearing it; if Lex’s voice got shakier, Rue felt a need to kiss and cuddle the girl until Lex calmed down.

It was too fucking crazy.

And then Lexi was kissing her heartily full of force until Rue actually managed to stop her, an action that surprised both girls. It surprised her micro human probably because Lex was afraid that Rue changed her mind about it or shit. As if it could be fucking possible. It surprised Rue because she didn’t want to kiss Lex so hurriedly now, she actually wanted to appreciate her time kissing her crush until they fell asleep again.

Or until Lexi fell asleep and Rue was back to tearing her mind apart and googling shit like a weirdo.

“Is there something wrong, Rue?” The endearing brunette asked already trying to disentangle herself from her psycho childhood friend but said friend would have none of this shit, so she shook her head in negative before Lex could get a millimeter away.

Because even a millimeter away from Lex was way too far in Rue’s ruler.

“Come here, Lex.” She told her tiny cute crush as she helped the girl to get on top of her and had to fight her fucking stupid brain that shouted every type of sexual shit she should do to Lex and her moronic heart that decided to pound inside her ribcage as a furious lion trying to break free from its cage. She also had a pep talk with her body hairs that got way too excited and jumped to attention as she took deep breaths because even if she didn’t want to listen to her fucking perv body, having Lex on top of her gave her every kind of chills.

She was actually purring like a fucking cat. That was some shit she had to google too for it could not be fucking normal, Jesus Christ!

“Hi.” Still, the petite lovely girl said breathlessly with a small smile on top of her as Lex too gulped air as if she was drowning. Gone were the brunette’s sleepy features as she looked at the idiot under her with penetrating eyes. So maybe Rue wasn’t the depraved predator she thought she was. Maybe Lex too was kinda energized just from kissing her and shit.

This fuckery would need a serious thought though, because it couldn’t be normal to get so thrilled from simply touching someone. More shit for Rue to google, it seemed.

“Hey, tiny.” Rue gave her a small smile as she put Lex’s hair behind her ear to better look at her gorgeous face. And she was oh so fucking beautiful! And so fucking smooth that her heart got somewhat bigger just from looking at her. “Kiss me, Lex.” She whispered because the tiny girl was too fucking kissable too and Rue was already feeling her body kinda trembling in need and anticipation so it would be better if her girl kissed her before Rue passed out from all the anxious energy exploding inside her body.

Because it proved not to be that impossible for Rue to pass out whenever kissing Lex was involved.

It took Lex some endless seconds that Rue felt like long hours before she smiled and did just that. And she kissed Rue like the world could crash and burn around them but they wouldn’t be rushed. Rue granted Lex’s tongue permission to raise hells inside her mouth in a quick heartbeat and that was one of the few smart decisions she ever took in her whole life. And the kinds of havoc this kiss wrecked all over Rue’s body was a sorta high that the tall girl never experienced before. Because the tiny brunette could kiss her as if she had a fucking PhD in working Rue up as Lexi had her tongue doing some crazy patterns inside Rue’s mouth that could be considered a crime, seriously! And suddenly Rue felt like she was on fucking fire! All trembling and sweating and making silly noises when all her cute crush was doing was cupping her face and sweeping her delicious tongue inside her mouth like a fucking nymph.

This was the fucking best kiss of Rue’s fucking life ever! And the second and the third were also kisses she shared with Lexi last day so, yeah.

So, Lex was on top of her as she erotically kissed the insane tall girl with both hands touching her face and they had their legs entwined and fuck! Rue was already sweating so fucking much that she was probably going to get glued to the mattress in no time. That was not to say shit about her intimate regions because that was all absurd! It was fucking ridiculous how wet she was over a – hell of a fucking – kiss.

She’ll google that shit, too.

Eventually.

Because she would never stop kissing Lex for something so minimal.

You see, she was way beyond hot and bothered and this stupid idea of kissing Lex endlessly was getting farther and farther away from her mind and some wild and animalistic part of her brain was about to take over as she kinda tried to turn their positions and get on top of Lex because that was getting way too fucking much and she was going to fucking die if she didn’t touch the girl as soon as possible!

However, as lucky would have it, her tiny, cute, fucking irresistible Howard just held Rue’s hands down the mattress with a force that couldn’t be fucking human, Jesus! But fuck her if the action wasn’t hot as every circle of hell combined and left Rue outrightly whimpering like a needy moron.

“No, you stay.” Lex whispered in her ear with that fucking husky voice of hers that left her friend way too at her mercy as Rue’s throat made some displeasure sounds without her consent but, otherwise, she stood just right there. Whatever Lex wanted to do to her, she was fucking game. Her crush only had to do _something _to her or else Rue would fucking die a horrible death. “I’ll let you go if you promise to stay right there, babe. Can you promise it?” Lex whispered that fuckery in her ear again and bit her earlobe to make Rue moan too loud like a fucking porn star because that shit was too hot and she was actually sweating like she was burning from the inside out, so God help her!

Anyway, the little brunette let her go as she straddle Rue in a sitting position and took her fucking phone! Why in fucking hell was Lexi messing with her fucking phone at such a moment when Rue was about to attack her and say some shit because she was in fucking need-

That was when she heard Billie Eilish starting to sing ‘ocean eyes’ and oh!

Rue actually groaned because that was so un-fucking-fair to hear those fuck-me-songs when the little girl was playing so fucking hard to get and said cute sadistic girl just smirked at her face and decided to hold her idiotic friend’s hands again because surely she knew that Rue Bennett was going to try to flip them over. Rue was shameless after all.

“_No fair, you really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes. I'm scared, I've never fallen from quite this high, falling into your ocean eyes. Those ocean eyes._” Lex decided to whisper-sing it right in her fucking ear because Rue was not suffering enough. What a fucking girl!

So, Rue was moaning nonstop because hearing Lex’s deep husky voice with little kisses down her ear as she held her down was way too fucking much for her libido. But nothing would come between her crush and her twisted plan of torturing her poor fucked-up friend as she bit her neck a little and them soothed the biting with her delicious tongue that had the brunette’s hips moving without a second thought to seek for contact.

Yup, it was decided them that Rue had a mad thing for getting bitten by Lex.

Another shit for her to google.

But as her crush’s eyes got shut and Lexi too moaned over Rue’s unstoppable hips, she took that to her advantage and turned their positions to be on top of her fucking tiny fairy before she melted and became one with the mattress for how disgustingly sweaty she already was just from kissing the girl. Lex, in turn just smirked at her in a clear show of defiance that got that the taller girl growling loudly as a wild creature of the night.

So, she dived at Lexi’s mouth with renewed passion to kiss her fucking silly until neither could move anymore and had the girl humming the song in her mouth in the most erotic shit she ever dreamt of participating.

“Fuck, Lex…” She whispered as she felt the girl’s hands under her filthy wet shirt as she clawed her back in need and Rue had to actually sit back and stop to gulp air before she lost her fucking mind and she started to pound her girl like a beast in heat. Again.

Lex, in turn, laid on her elbows to fiercely look at her face with such hungry eyes that Rue started to shake from head to toe.

God fucking help her!

“You are so sweaty…” Lex said in a low voice as she caressed her stomach under her shirt with a hand and probably felt just as disgusted from it as Rue herself did.

Because they were in a way too fucking cold winter and there was Rue Bennett sweating as if she ran a marathon after snorting a line of cocaine with a few shots of tequila on the side. It was fucking surreal!

“I’m sorry, I can stop…” She said trying to get off of Lex because it was clearly way too fucking-

“No, I like it…” Lex whispered already grabbing her pants to keep her in place and oh!

“Oh! Okay…” Well, if Lex liked then it was cool, right?

Whatever. She still felt way too fucking shy over hearing it as if it was the most vulgar thing her crush could ever tell her.

The rest of the night would prove her wrong though, because Lexi Howard had a way with saying shit that drove Rue simply nuts.

Anyway, in that moment it might as well have been the most obscene fuck ever, because if Lex liked to have sweaty Rue on top of herself, then the girl couldn’t be afraid of no shit.

“Do you want to take this out?” Lex whispered again looking way too fucking red too and suddenly Rue felt like a moron because they had already done some sexual shit and there were both of them all red faced over a sweaty shirt.

“Do you want me to?” Still, she asked Lexi because maybe the small brunette was just being her polite self and if Rue actually took her shirt off there was a possibility of having her crush running away from her in the middle of the night as if she was being chased by death itself and every devil’s demons. And it wasn’t like Rue couldn’t live through the night with a wet shirt, right?

But then Lexi bit her lower lip with that way too fucking hot face of hers and nodded her head some. An action that got her friend still on top of her to tremble as Rue felt actually nervous, excited and scared because that was it, right?

They were going to burn the bridge down to fucking ashes and fuck! Fuck it all ‘cause Rue was way too into Lexi and whatever her tiny hellraiser asked, she would be gladly complying.

And, you know, Rue was way more fucking turned on than scared for the very first time over something so intimate.

Well, whatever, if Lex wanted her shirt off then the fucking shirt was going off.

Just like that she took it out with ferocity and prepared to get back to lying on top of the girl only to be stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

Oh, okay, maybe not!

The little brunette was looking at her with mesmerized eyes as she made a few little fucking sounds that were incredibly too fucking hot that Rue had to physically hold herself back with her hands on the mattress before she attacked her insanely hot crush.

Because she never thought that the one Lexi Howard was capable of giving her such a sultry gaze that was able to melt her crazy brain, as Lex’s sensual stare ignited Rue’s every fucking neuron like an acid trip as if they all had been wired at the same time.

How could a person make her feel so fucking horny only by looking at her like that? It surely wasn’t normal. It couldn’t be fucking normal to sweat all over again just as Lexi mapped her body with hungry eyes.

She was googling this shit too.

“Can I touch you?” Her cute crush asked in a rough shaky voice as she held her hand up without actually touching Rue. The girl in question nodded firmly but Lex was too caught up staring at her fucking boobs because her lanky friend was very busy taking deep and rushed breaths.

You know, if it was someone else, Rue would have probably punched the idiot and called them pervert for that, but not Lex… Lex actually made her feel beautiful and desirable and everything. It was the first time in forever that Rue Bennett felt like the most precious piece of art inside the Louvre just from the way she was being stared at.

“Please do.” What was happening with all her sudden begging Lex for shit? Jesus! What a fucking pussy she was becoming!

But as she felt Lex’s little hands faintly touching her body as if she was way too enchanted to do it more firmly; as if she was afraid of breaking Rue with a mere touch, she got why she was out begging Lex shit these days. Because the look of pure want and wonder she received from the girl whenever she begged her for shit was capable of making her whole-body tremble with an electrifying need.

And that was when she started to moan shamelessly from feeling Lexi’s hands barely touching her stomach as the girl pierced her face with her dark and deep eyes. As if Lex was trying to map every single sensation she was feeling just from looking at her stupid face and Rue should probably be embarrassed of making such needy sounds from such small touches but she was way past caring in that moment.

And it wasn’t like she could hide it when she was breathing so fucking deeply that she was probably taking all the air into her lungs. And she was kinda grinding herself a little against Lexi’s lap because fuck! She had a sensitive stomach, okay? And Lex’s hands were way too fucking smooth and she touched her like no one else ever did.

Like suddenly she got surer of her touches and decided to scratch Rue’s abdomen as she sat to get closer. But it wasn’t close enough so Rue cupped her face to kiss her because she was going to get a sore throat from all the noises she was making and the best way to keep herself quiet was to devour Lexi with her mouth.

It didn’t last long because soon enough Lex was pushing her away to Rue’s ultimate groan of irritation. What the actual fuck? But then Lex was whispering in her ear:

“Can I use my mouth?” And suddenly Rue was very afraid of dying from a heart attack just from hearing that wicked question. Jesus fuck! Lex was going to kill her. But it would be the best way to fucking die so she nodded her head for a long minute and saw the girl smiling at her face before she dropped a little kiss on her neck. “Good, because you are so fucking beautiful, Rue…”

You see, she was going to fucking die indeed.

As she had no shit to say – and she was way too shocked to thank Lex or to share the sentiment, because Lexi Howard was truly fucking gorgeous, but she just broke Rue so there was no possibility of a rational sentence to come from her mouth – she just bit her lower lip and watched the girl licking and biting from her neck down like a fucking expert in taking every kind of sound out of Rue’s throat.

Oh, fuck!

Lex was licking her as they locked eyes and surely Rue would die before seeing something so fucking sensual ever again. As she descended from her collarbone all the way to Rue’s breasts there was no fucking way in hell that Rue Bennett would survive this night.

The sounds she made when Lexi started to give her boobs a few little bites and some long licks were very animalistic and shit and she gripped the bed sheets with fury before she pounded Lex like a depraved fucker.

“Jesus fuck, Lex!” Yep, she was moaning and grinding as her crush used her mouth and held her ass with her hands to fucking help her move against her. So, just like that, Rue was madly riding Lexi’s legs without a fuck to give as she moaned like a cheap bitch only to be encouraged by her crush who hummed the tune of whatever was fucking playing in the background because Rue could actually be hearing Taylor fucking Swift without knowing it as Lex worked her tongue on her breasts and gave few bites here and there that sent shocks right to her core and she held Rue’s ass with such force that surely a mark was getting formed there. “Lex, I think…” She had no idea what she thought though but the girl then decided to keep manhandling Rue’s butt under her pants and panties as she raised her head to stare at her face with a fucking fire behind her eyes that got the taller girl too close to cumming just from seeing it.

Oh, fucking fuck!

“Do you want to take off your pants, Rue?” Lex whispered in a rough voice that fucked the tall moron over some more as she was back to biting her fucking neck and Rue nodded because whatever the girl suggested then, she would second in a heartbeat. So, Lexi, to show her appreciation, bit her earlobe and moaned a sinfully horny ‘oh God’ that could be considered a blasphemy with what they were down to doing but Rue was no nun, so fuck it all!

The downside was that she had to stop the grinding she was doing to take her pants off, but surely it would get way better and maybe she would stop sweating like a pig inside an oven.

“I-yeah, I do…” So yes, she did it and shit. She laid down beside Lex to, you know, take her pants off – she didn’t know if Lexi wanted her panties out too but maybe she would need to cut it with scissors with how fucking wet she was that it felt glued to her fucking body – but before she could finish undressing herself alone, there was Lexi on top of her fiercely throwing her pants away as if that piece of clothing was a fucking nuisance.

But it sorta was a fucking nuisance and that she got sure of as soon she felt Lexi’s body on top of hers as the girl was back to kissing her with passion and both of them moaned together.

Rue decided to use the position to hold Lexi’s ass under her pants too without a single thought because it would be only fucking fair if Lexi lost her clothes too, but she wasn’t going to ask that, so she just pulled Lex towards her body forcefully as she rode the girl with a mad fury.

It felt so fucking amazing that she couldn’t help but to moan Lex’s name in the girl’s mouth along with every expletive she ever learned and trust Rue Bennett to have a very long list of swears. But then her girl decided to fucking kill her some more.

“Can I use my hand, Rue?” She asked piercing her face with hot fuck-me eyes and Rue actually groaned in anticipation because fucking hell! That was going to be fucking insane to have her crush touching her like that. So, she nodded, of course. There was no such thing as Rue Bennett saying ‘no’ to Lexi Howard.

“Fuck, please, Lex…” There was no fucking explanation for this begging shit anymore, okay? But as the tiny and cute girl growled so fucking loud in her ear and Rue’s body shivered as if she was suddenly drowning in ice cold waters, there was no fucking way that Rue cared right then. Maybe she would care later, after they were done or shit.

So, Lexi was sweating too and she looked a step away from madly fucking Rue into the mattress herself as she looked the curly haired girl over with famished eyes as if the crazy idiot was a fucking meal and Lex was starving and the fuck it did to Rue Bennett right then was downright insane. It was ludicrous how much she wanted her Howard to have her mad way with Rue’s stupid self; how much she wanted Lex to simply touch her and own her and bite her and fuck her as if there was no real world outside her bedroom. The tables have turned, it seemed. But whatever, as she disentangled herself a little from Rue – much to the curly haired girl’s absolute annoyance, of course – the lanky brunette decided to pull and push Lexi’s shirt until the tiny girl got the message to take that fuckery off.

And that she did, but unfortunately Rue had no time to fucking map her body as Lexi did a while back because soon enough her girl was back to laying on top of her again, now with no stupid shirts to separate their bodies as both of them moaned shamelessly inside each other’s mouths. Fuck, it was the most delicious feeling she ever fucking felt right until that fucking moment, because then Lex had a hand down her panties and Rue became a fucking mumbling useless mess.

“Fuck, babe, you’re so fucking wet!” To hear dorky and nerdy and way too fucking proper and well-mannered Alexis Howard moaning that shit in her ear as she bit her neck to muffle her own sounds was pretty much something out of Rue’s most forbidden sex dream because feeling Lex’s hand touching her pussy and hearing the girl grunting like she had just been possessed by a depraved entity was seriously too fucking good to be true and Rue’s only prayer was to last a little longer. “You are fucking dripping, Rue.” Lexi said sounding way too shocked and kinda full of it as Rue was already bucking against her hand like a horny bitch in heat.

“Fuck me and you’ll know how much I can drip.” She hoarsely told to her face after she pulled Lexi by her hair to fucking dare her to move her hands and to just fuck her silly before Rue died from anxiety. Her girl moaned and kissed her with a fucking hunger as if she was craving Rue’s mouth from such a fucking long time as she slowly started to move her fingers to circle her opening and touch her clit with such a fucking skill that got Rue very much high and fucking angry at the same time as she considered that Lex could’ve done this to some bitch before her, seeing that she was way too fucking skilled at this sex thing.

Okay, it was kinda true that Rue was way too fucking jealous of Lexi for her own good.

Whatever.

As Lexi played her just right, Rue decided to fucking squeeze her ass as she still held her hair and put her mouth on the girl’s neck to moan and bite and mark her because whatever, Lexi was fucking hers now. And it wasn’t like Lex didn’t like this shit seeing that the fucking moans she was loudly rasping in her ear were fucking ungodly, okay?

But fuck Rue if Lexi wasn’t fucking vocal.

“You feel so good, Rue.” She whispered as she licked Rue’s earlobe and bit it and fuck if it wasn’t just way too fucking much summed with her sure touch that she was now slowly pushing two fingers inside her shuddering stupid best friend who moaned so fucking loud that her throat actually got funny. Fuck! “So fucking delicious, babe…” Lexi kept whispering as she slowly took her fingers all the way out only to shove them again inside her pussy with a surprising strong move.

To say that Rue was out of her fucking mind with it all would still fall short.

But yeah, Rue felt like she was high on a fucking cocktail of drugs because there was no sobriety in the whole world that could allow such feeling.

“Harder, Lex, please. Fuck!” Everything that fell from her mouth from that moment on would only be guttural hoarse moans, curses, some begs and Lexi’s name, seeing that she lost all sense of fucking vocabulary and was down to panting, swearing and biting the girl’s earlobe.

And Lex too was way into moaning depravities in her ear as well because just as soon as she picked up her pace, there she was back to chanting Rue’s name along with profanities that surely would have her too cute and proper crush blushing any other day. But fuck her if it didn’t get Rue closer to cumming just from hearing her girl saying how fucking good it felt to be inside her in her fucking raspy voice as she was then pounding her mumbling mess of a girl with a fucking strength that Rue had no idea Lexi possessed.

So, it was all down to a fucking moment when Lexi told Rue to ‘cum for me, babe’ as she angled her fingers in such a fucking spot that got Rue seeing fucking stars and just obeying her order with a final hoarse and shaken moan of Lexi’s name with some expletives because she actually lost her voice after moaning so fucking much over the night.

“Fucking Christ, Rue!” She heard Lexi’s raspy grunt but she was way too out of the fucking world to acknowledge anything other than the girl’s slow thrust of fingers inside her as Rue was actually shuddering as she rode wave after wave of such a strong orgasm that she couldn’t do shit with her legs as she pulled Lexi by the hair to kiss and bite her, still grinding against her crush’s hand because apparently she was a shameless maniac with a never-ending libido.

It was probably Lexi’s fault though, seeing that the tiny girl was still deep inside Rue’s pussy and rubbing her walls with her fucking heavenly fingers and Jesus fucking Christ!

You know how the other orgasm she just had when she saw galaxies being created and destroyed? This one had her seeing fucking shining supernovas behind Lexi’s face as she floated into nothingness and trembled nonstop as if she was in a fucking endless high that got the whole world melting into bright colors and her only landmark was Lex. Lex who was still looking at her fucking face with eyes full of want and fucking care, as if she was seeing the most stunning spectacle on earth simply looking at Rue. And she slowed her fingers down but didn’t stop moving inside the girl as she bit and licked Rue’s sweaty neck in a fucking hot as hell image that had Rue clawing the girl’s back for fear of breaking into a million pieces or crying like a stupid bitch.

“Please don’t ever stop.” There she was begging the girl again but whatever, she was past feeling ridiculous at that very moment. Lex then nodded and licked Rue’s mouth in that sinfully hot shit she did before and such action could only be pulled by the very girl or else Rue would get fucking dry and kick the person off of her.

But Lex did it so fucking hotly that it was impossible not to moan. Or so Rue tried because her voice went to hell and she was sounding creepily funny.

“I never will, babe…” She should know that it was a lie because it was impossible for Lex to actually fuck her endlessly until both of them died but whatever, she nodded to her girl as she slowly but surely worked Rue up all over again with a hot as fuck stare that could get Rue to do anything under the goddamn sun, from cumming to crying. “I want you so fucking much…” Lex whispered that in her mouth before she bit Rue’s lips hard with a mad hunger that got both of them shaking and moaning from this very shit.

Rue was shaking like a leaf because she felt so high whenever Lex bit her that it was surely surreal. It was probably abnormal too. She had to google this shit as well.

Oh, fuck! Rue was so fucking screwed now, wasn’t she?

“I want you so fucking much too, Lex…” She tried to whisper but she probably sounded like an out of tune broken record with how rough her voice was sounding to her own ears but trust her fucking crush to maturely overlook this nonsense as she licked and bit Rue’s chin as if both of them were way too used to having sex and knew every single detail about what to do to please one another. And by how they were actually fucking, Rue had this feeling as well. “You fuck me so good…” Rue Bennett lost her fucking filter, okay? Don’t judge the girl!

And it wasn’t like she was lying, right? Because although Lexi had cute smooth and little hands, fuck her if the girl didn’t know how to use her fucking fingers!

But then Lex was groaning into her mouth as she made such a wild sound that had the creepy mess of a girl under her afraid of cumming out of it or saying stupid shit.

Stupid shit like ‘I love you’, like ‘I want you so much you can have me undone’, like ‘I may even be in love with you because I have a crush on you for fucking years’. Shit that would forever haunt both of them and put every kind of pressure on Lexi’s shoulders.

Shit that she still kept hidden inside that Pandora’s box full of Lexi’s thoughts that she still didn’t open for fear of facing it all but it was getting harder and harder not to do it with every passing second.

Still, she kissed her girl fervently and Lexi groaned the most erotic sounds in her mouth that got Rue higher than a fucking spaceship as Lex kept madly grinding against her and fucking her into the mattress with an unmatched strength and a fucking sinful smirk on her very beautiful features that Rue could barely wait to fuck off Lex’s face. But then she heard Lexi humming as she chanted that Rue felt ‘so fucking good squeezing her fingers’ because there she was cumming again – which got Rue fucking surprised –, now with low rough sounds seeing that her throat was already sore from all the moaning like a bitch in heat she just did.

Lexi was slowly grinding against her as she kissed her whole face with little pecks and Rue was hugging the girl so much that if she could, she would keep Lex safe inside herself forever from now on.

Not like only fucking, okay? She actually wanted all of the girl inside herself not only her wicked fingers and shit.

And Lexi kissed her nose with a cute little smile as Rue was sure she was staring at the girl enthralled like an idiot. She took the girl’s head and kissed her passionately with tongue and shit right back because from the way Lex was looking at Rue right then, she had a feeling that her crush was feeling the very same crazy shit wrapped in layers of unmatched want and a few nameless and terrifying feelings.

Or so Rue hoped, because she was very much into Lexi and it would fuck her over if Lex just wanted her for sex.

The tiny brunette then slowly took her fingers off of Rue as both of them groaned together. Rue did it because she was way too fucking hot, sweaty and tired but she still didn’t want the girl outside herself. Why Lex did moan was still a mystery though.

She got a look at her micro human’s hand and fucking shit! Lexi’s hand was dripping with Rue’s cum from her fingers.

Jesus! Did she really get that fucking wet?

Lex then saw her fucking shocked face and hoarsely chuckled with an evil smirk like a fucking wicked siren with a sinfully raised eyebrow that made Rue just roll her fucking eyes before she took the girl’s face to madly kiss her as she shoved her tongue inside the girl’s mouth without preamble.

Whatever, okay? She was very much into sex with Lex too, so fucking sue her!

As if all the shit she just did to Rue wasn’t fucking torturous enough, there was Alexis Elizabeth Howard licking her own fingers clean as she moaned like a fucking porn star staring straight at Rue Marie Bennett’s fucking stupid and shocked face.

Fucking shit!

“Fucking hell, Lex…” Her voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to herself anymore and a very small part of her brain should be scared shitless from every fucking sound she made all through the night because she should have thought back then that her mom and little sis were still back home as she got fucked so fucking good that she spent the whole night howling like a fucking wolf in heat. But she didn’t because she would rather bite her fucking hot-as-hell girl’s neck instead of wasting her fucking time with useless thoughts that would lead her nowhere.

“Sorry, had to see if you tasted as good down there as you taste everywhere else.” Oh, for fuck’s fucking sake! What in fuck’s name had possessed her tiny shy fucking crush?! Lex was piercing her with such a fucking strong stare and a little lopsided smirk that her heart started to parade inside its ribcage all over again because her heart too wanted Lexi all over again. “If you’re wondering about it, Rue, yes, you do.” Lex finished with a whisper and a big fucking grin that had her tall idiot groaning and diving at her mouth in fucking need because whatever had possessed her Howard, she didn’t think she could crave the girl any fucking more than she already did.

This fucking girl!

This fucking girl was going to be the death of her!

But then she was tasting herself in Lex’s tongue and fuck her if that wasn’t so fucking hot that was actually all fucking horny and insatiable again because she wanted to be the one fucking Lexi Howard into oblivion now.

Her legs just needed to come back to moving soon enough because she had no force to turn their positions to put her plan in motion.

Fuck! Maybe Lexi finally broke Rue down for good.

But Lex was still kissing her aggressively as she started to unhurriedly rock her hips against Rue’s useless sleepy leg that still didn’t take its owner needs into consideration and refused to come back from its slumber so Rue could be the one doing the fucking pounding instead of laying like a fucking pillow princess as Lex did all the fucking work by herself.

Shitty useless fucking legs!

Was it even normal to lose the feel of the lower part of her fucking body after an orgasm? Okay, it wasn’t simply an orgasm, there were two mind wrecking orgasms that left Rue thinking that if Lex kept her skillful fingers inside her, they would probably keep happening until they both passed out form exhaustion.

But still, that was another shit for her to google later because she kinda needed her fucking legs right about fucking now!

Not that her girl wasn’t enjoying herself, of course. Because every strong pull Rue did at Lexi’s ass had her tiny crush moaning her name in a vast array of inflictions that went from needy to downright fucking pornographic. It was still sorta too far away from what the stupid idiot under her wanted, but she would take whatever she could get to make Lex moan and shit and pulling the girl’s hair with bites all over her crush’s neck as she squeezed her delicious butt were kinda taking every kind of fucking sound from her Howard’s swollen mouth.

Rue decided then to have her turn of hoarsely whispering obscenities in her micro human’s ear because seeing that Lex was way too into doing that to her, then maybe she would like to have Rue doing the same, right?

Whatever, Rue actually had a very vast swearing vocabulary and she decided to make good use of that shit.

So, she said all kinds of shit that came to her mind, if it made any sense or didn’t at all. Shit like ‘how the girl felt too fucking good rocking against her’ and every little criminal shit she wished to do to the poor girl as soon as her fucking body decide to cooperate with herself such as,

“I can’t wait to fuck you until you can’t walk straight anymore, Lex.” That should sound all sorts of demented and downright fucking creepy as shit because she was surely way too out of her fucking mind. But seeing that it got Lexi groaning and picking up her fucking pace, then Rue was kinda cool with sounding like a depraved perv as the girl on top of herself made such a fuck-me face that had Rue shuddering in need again. Then she got struck by the idea of, you know, putting her fingers inside the girl because she actually had lanky arms and they had to be useful to some shit other than making her look like the Slender Man. Or, ya know, Slender Rue. “Can I touch you, Lex?” She asked because consent was way too fucking important and maybe her tiny little girl didn’t want it or shi-

“Please fucking do it _now_.” Well, whatever Lex asked her she would fucking do, so to hear the girl moaning and begging and bossing her in that husky voice of hers would be no fucking different. In fact, it spurred Rue on like a fucking adrenaline shot straight to her heart and soon enough she was pulling Lex up to have her pants down a bit so she could shove her hand inside her girl’s panties.

Yes, Lexi Howard was her fucking girl even if the girl herself had no idea of that shit yet.

Because they probably should like talk, you know? Like responsible adults who were way into feeling one another – and kissing and fucking – and everything and surely Lex needed to be told that she was kinda of Rue’s girl now – if she fucking wanted to be, of course! But may God help her and plead Rue’s fucking case to convince Lexi too – and because the girl actually needed to know that Rue _really fucking _loved the sex way too fucking much, but she wanted to hold her fucking hand too and maybe go out together and all of that stupid crap.

Not like dating _dating _‘cause Rue Bennett had no idea how to fucking do that, but like a compromise that they should kiss only each other and shit and whenever Lexi felt too fucking horny, she should just blink at the dark-skinned girl and there Rue would be to gladly take care of Lex’s sexual needs for her.

A part of Rue’s brain was fucking terrified of how easily Lex could have her if only the girl wanted, but as she thought about the eight steps into making Lexi Howard hers, it could only be expected, right?

Whatever, as soon as she touched Lex’s fucking dripping pussy and heard a very colorful string of expletives being groaned in her fucking mouth, Rue decided that first she had to fuck the girl fucking good to make her tiny human come back for more.

So, with that in mind she shyly started to touch Lexi with a fucking care she didn’t know she still possessed as her tiny favorite human was making such ungodly sounds that Rue couldn’t help but to moan alongside her because Lexi Howard felt too fucking delicious, all smooth and dripping and willing and fucking hers!

To say that she was groaning every kind of curse under the sun as she circled Lexi’s wet pussy would be accurate because she had no fucking idea about all the shit she was saying seeing that Lex was back to rocking her hips on top of her to seek for contact ‘cause her cute girl too was way too out of her fucking mind.

“Fucking hell, Lex! I could touch you until I fucking die…” It was the only thing that she actually remembered rasping because it was so very true that it wasn’t even funny! Her fucking crush was mumbling every type of sounds in a mellow voice on top of her as Rue took that as a good enough response so she pulled her hair and decided to bite the girl’s neck and whisper how fucking good and velvety Lexi felt. “You have no idea how fucking good you feel, Lex. You feel delicious…” She kinda groaned that shit with her fucked up voice as she pulled the girl’s hair way too fucking strongly because Rue _needed _to see Lexi’s face. “I wanna fuck you until you pass out, Lex…” She whispered staring straight at her girl’s face because Rue Bennett was a mad psycho with way too creepy desires.

And the face Lexi was making as Rue was just touching her without even getting inside her pussy was downright illegal! Oh, Jesus fuck!

“Please do. Just fuck me, Rue…” Lexi moaned back with quivering lips and such a fucking lascivious look that Rue was the one fucking whimpering then as she felt truly fucked in the moment.

And whatever, she could deny Lex no fucking shit anyway. Even more when she was receiving the most covetous gaze of her whole fucking damned life and was plainly trembling just from being the object of Lexi’s bedroom eyes.

This shit was fucking insane, Jesus Christ!

But she slowly pushed one finger inside Lexi’s cunt and had her fucking girl moaning so very loud that Rue was almost sure they were about to fucking wake her whole street up with the sounds they were making. Because yes, Rue too was growling like a fucking Neanderthal with Lex just for the feel of the girl’s walls hugging her finger so fucking tightly, as if Lex’s pussy didn’t want her out ever again. A feeling that Rue shared as well because she didn’t want to get out of Lex, not anymore.

What a fucking feeling! God help her ‘cause she had no words to fucking describe it!

Still she had half a mind to kiss the girl – as she let Lexi bite her mouth in turn – because unfortunately Rue’s mom wasn’t such a deep sleeper and she didn’t want to stop fingering Lexi only to deal with Leslie’s wrath over being rudely woke up by their sexual shenanigans. And to have Lexi biting her mouth and moaning had Rue back to getting wet and horny all over again, so yeah!

So, there was Rue rocking her fucking hips against Lexi as well because she was horny and shameless and had no capacity to think any coherent shit anymore. But as she heard Lex moaning into her mouth stuff like ‘more’ and ‘please’ as Rue whimpered with her, there was nothing else she could really do but to obey and please her fucking girl pushing a second finger inside her.

“Jesus, Lex! You feel so fucking good…” She growled again and bit the girl’s lips because long lost were her sense of lucidity. Something that could be clearly identified by her next fucking horrifying sentence that got the girl she was fucking to open her liquid eyes to stare at her in a mix of pure want and utter shock as Lexi honest-to-God trembled from hearing that fuckery. You see, Rue didn’t want to actually grunt what she did next before they talked and shit, but life was fucking like that sometimes, right? “So fucking good… So fucking mine…”

There it was. A fucking stupid thing to say that all but opened Lexi’s sealed box of petrifying feelings and out of it every kind of dementors flew free to fucking haunt Rue as spine-chilling vultures ran around all over her messy room.

Rue called it her ‘Pandora’s box’ for a reason, because, from heaven or hell, any type of ghosts could come to fucking harass her peace of mind.

Oh, fuck!

The good thing was that it seemed to only spur Lexi more as the girl was the one growling shit back to her like she was fucking possessed by one of those creepy spirits flying around.

“Fucking yours.” She told Rue before she bit the scared shitless girl’s lips and it kinda soothed the lanky girl a little. No. It actually appeased her so fucking much that Rue Bennett had the creepiest grin on her stupid face as she was back to devouring Lexi’s neck with renewed passion because if her girl was fucking hers, then better to show that shit to every single asshole with a pair of eyes.

Whatever!

As she felt her little Lex getting very worked up over that insane and stupid and oh so fucking satisfying shit Rue just said, her mad tall girl decided to pull Lex’s pants off because she wanted to feel her whole body. Fuck her running, but she needed all of Lexi Howard in the moment. That was when she was forced to take her fingers out of her tiny lover in order to use both hands to undress her as quickly as she could in her position and heard a loud and very crossed grunt of displeasure from the girl.

Was it too strange to find Lexi Howard so very endearing when they were in the middle of wildly fucking? Would google even be capable of answering that shit?

Whatever, ‘cause then Lexi got the same idea and decided to help her fucked-up mess of a lover and soon enough the girl was bare and on top Rue again as her panties and pants flew somewhere Rue didn’t care enough to look at.

Unfortunately, Lexi again was way too quick to get undressed so Rue was robbed of her need to ogle the girl like a creepy perv. The bright side of it all was that it meant that Lexi was soon enough on top of her body, so Rue couldn’t get that devasted over that shit. Well, maybe after she made Lexi cum all over her hand, she could do that ogling shit. Still,

“Way better.” She whispered with a wide foolish grin before she put her stupid mouth to better use and went back to kissing her girl senseless. And to be able to call Lexi ‘her girl’, even if it was only inside her crazy head was just way too fucking good to be true, so she was still beaming even after they got a much-needed break in order to breath. Which was way too obtuse to stop kissing Lex just to breath. Why didn’t she have gills like fish so she could keep kissing her tiny girl without passing out from the lack of air? Humans should have fucking evolved from the water creatures instead, it would be way easier like that.

Anyway, naked Lexi then decided to peel Rue’s second skin of panties off her lanky idiot’s body as well, so she quickly got back in motion to help her ‘cause Rue was in a fucking rush to put her hands back on Lexi’s body sooner rather than later, thank you very much.

And to be able to feel Lexi’s body without any shit in the way was too fucking much for her already messed up senses, so when her cute and fucking hot girl got back to laying on top of Rue, the curly haired idiot was grunting shit and shaking so much that it felt like she was going to get burned alive with need and Lex was trembling the same.

Not that it was a surprising feeling, because she felt the same shivering and shaking in want stuff back at the hospital when she just laid down on top of Lex after she tickled the girl and they had done no shit to excuse Rue’s behavior of getting so worked up over that back then.

Come to think it, when Gia scared her older sister’s soul out of her skinny body as she crudely said that she was eye-fucking Lexi, the younger Bennett was not an ounce away from the truth. Not that her nosy as fuck little sis needed to know that, of course. But yeah, Rue admitted to herself that she was indeed eye-fucking Lex quite too much these last few days.

Okay, maybe not only for the last few days, as Rue also admitted to herself that she longingly stared at Lex for quite some time before shit went to hell, but whatever! Now she got to actually physically fuck her too fucking hot girl, so it was cool.

That was the real development here.

And to talk about development and shit, “Please fucking touch me, Rue…” Lexi whispered that fuckery in Rue’s ear with a way too raspy voice that oozed pure liquid sex, so that was when Rue’s mind went quiet and blank as her hands decided to manhandle Lex to their own volition, as if her fucking limbs had fucking ears or shit.

It was way too fucking good to touch a naked Lexi and Rue had no idea as to why it took eighteen years of her existence until she got to feel it, but either way, she wasn’t going to ignore it from now on. So that was why she took her time mapping Lex with her hands, much to the girl’s displeasure but, you see, although Rue was just too horny for her own good, she still had a half dumbass mind telling her to enjoy every second of touching Lexi’s toned body. It was what she was doing as she caressed Lex’s back and shoulders with sure hands and squeezed her round and oh so lovely butt.

But, of course, the girl wasn’t simply going to let her do it and decided to grind against Rue with a mad need that knocked the air out of the taller brunette’s lungs. Okay, so no taking her sweet time seeing that Lex was fiercely glaring at her stupid face in a dare to have her slender idiot starting to fuck her for real or else she would be in bad sheets.

Yup, Rue read all that in Lex’s eyes.

And, yup, Rue just obeyed Lexi again.

“Someone’s eager.” She hoarsely chuckled in Lex’s ear only to be answered with a ‘fuck’ and a whimper that got Rue’s heart doing somersaults because shit! Lexi was so fucking charming on top of being way too fucking hot that it was borderline insane to keep track of everything this girl made her feel. Either way, seeing that she already came twice just about now and poor Lex was just too fucking hot and bothered, Rue decided to shove two fingers back inside her girl without a second thought ‘cause, ya know, she was horny out of her goddamn crazy mind and there was Beyoncé’s ‘Drunk in Love’ playing in Lex’s playlist and that song was simply insanely hot just as the girl on top of her, so well..

Half of her heart wanted to fucking ask the girl why in fuck’s name she had a fuck-me playlist, but the other half of herself got simply too fucking entranced after hearing a “Fucking hell!” from the girl’s mouth. Whatever, even if someone else got to touch Lexi before herself, there was no way in hell Rue was shying away from fucking her Lex like she deserved to get fucked, so whoever had the audacity of touching the tiny girl would be fucking burned from Lexi’s memory after that.

With that thought in mind, Rue picked up her pace and had her Howard’s ear in her mouth to bite and moan and say every kind of obscene shit as she still held the girl’s hair with her left hand and had her right hand doing the work of pumping two fingers inside Lex in a strong and slow pace that had her tiny lover whimpering nonsensical shit in a needy raspy fucking hot voice.

“You’re fucking mine, Lex…” You see, she should be ashamed of her fucking lunatic self for that type of needy and toxic crap she was actually groaning in Lex’s ear because it sounded all kinds of abusive and shit and Rue didn’t want Lexi to feel like a fucking property or some fuck like that, right? But the Bennett moron never had a way with words, unfortunately. And seeing that the girl in question was growling some expletives back to her, it was easy to say that Rue got higher than a rocket as she fucked and rocked against the girl. So, if it clearly wasn’t low enough to sound like a psycho, Rue Bennett had to top it all asking Lex in a husky whimper to “Tell me you’re fucking mine, Lex.” that should have been answered with a punch to her very stupid face, but instead,

“I’m fucking yours, Rue.” Lexi moaned again and again as she clawed her bloody moron’s body and bit her ear only to have the idiot under her to bounce and grind way too fucking more because trust her very wicked and demented brain to get so turned on over that shit. “All yours.” But trust Lex too to keep saying that shit like a mantra only to make the very stupid girl all the more thrilled because Rue was a fucking crazy cunt, right? But she was a very jealous crazy cunt at that, so forgive her for getting way too eager to hear those things coming from her girl’s mouth.

She was young and too mad about Lex and fucking desperate, it seemed.

So, she kind of pulled Lexi’s head towards her because she wanted to look at her eyes. She wanted Lexi to know that she could have her miserable and good for nothing drug addict childhood friend if only the girl wanted to.

She hoped that Lexi wanted to though.

“And I’m fucking yours, Lex.” Rue whispered in Lexi’s mouth as her girl growled in appreciation and kissed her lips like both of them were about to die if they didn’t suck each other’s tongues. Still, Rue held Lex’s neck and kissed the girl with her whole body as she picked up the pace of fucking Lexi’s dripping wet pussy with her fingers and felt her girl’s walls contracting and sucking her in. And it was way too fucking hot that had her blood feeling like liquid fire inside her veins as she felt her whole-body pulsating in sync with Lex’s walls.

What a fucking high!

“You’re fucking mine, Rue.” Lexi whimpered back with screwed shut eyes as she kinda tried to stop her orgasm from reaching her only to have an insane Rue Bennett licking her lips like a fucking attention starved stray dog right before she begged Lex to ‘please open your eyes, Lex’ because there was no stopping Rue’s high of begging shit from Lexi, apparently. “All fucking mine.” Still, her cute and all red with a sweaty horny and fucking pleased face and a mess of a hair girl did open her eyes after saying that and Lexi Howard never looked more strikingly gorgeous than in that very moment. As Rue mouthed a ‘yours’ to which Lex groaned still piercing her idiot with hot eyes so alive that knocked the air out of the tall girl’s lungs. Lex was so fucking beautiful it was insane. Even more when she blabbered a needy “And I’m fucking yours.” in a loud moan that had Rue nodding and grinning because she was crazy and had a medical report to testify her fucking case.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lex… So very sexy…” She whispered with certainty because, in that fucking moment, nothing felt as truer as that. It was the secret of the fucking universe, the absolute truth that kept the stars apart; it was real and ethereal like the fucking oxygen – the earth was round and Lex was the prettiest and sexiest thing alive that kept Rue glued together. It was all so fucking insane as she put Lexi’s hair behind her ear and they both stood there with deep breaths, low moans and deep lustful eyes staring at one another with their foreheads touching in one of the most intimate moments in Rue’s whole life, right before she decided to breath the girl in, still fucking the girl in the same slow and hard pace. Was sex supposed to be that crazy and full of undertones or was it just both of them? Because then Lexi was purring her name in the most sensual voice ever and Rue decided to kiss her fucking sanity goodbye whispering “Please cum for me, love.” with a small grin right before she flexed her fingers and fervently kissed a hard cumming Lex to swallow every fucking sexy sound right from the girl’s throat like a soul sucker.

And Lexi made the most delicious little whimpers ever. ‘Cause even when Lex was loud in their whole lovemaking and shit, she actually came with little noises and low chanted moans of Rue’s name that had her lanky moron almost exploding with every intense and different feels such action got her feeling. And to have Lexi still trembling on top of her as she took deep breaths and sported such a fucking satisfied expression with eyes tightly shut and mouth hung open with deep breaths and little sounds was simply surreal.

It was all too fucking surreal with Lex. Even the mere action of breathing the girl in and sucking her noises with her mouth as Lexi came that got Rue shuddering and kinda feeling way too fucking sexually pleased too, so maybe she was royally screwed now, huh?

“No, stay.” She chuckled as she heard from a roughly sounding Lex because it wasn’t the first time in their long night that Rue heard the same order from the girl’s mouth. Still, now wouldn’t be the first time she would disobey Lex as well, so she kept her fingers inside her girl who hummed in approval. As she heard Rue’s deep chuckle and decided to see what that was, Lexi came face to face with her grinning moron and all but rolled her eyes with a way too sexually satisfied smile adorning her gorgeous face. “You are such a fucking idiot, Rue.” Lex rasped with the cutest smile ever ‘cause she too had no voice left and, to Rue, she never sounded any fucking better.

“Yeah, I’m your idiot.” She said with the most idiotic grin to match such a fucking stupid sentence because she truly was a fucking idiot who was simply giving herself to the girl of top of herself who she still was knuckles deep inside but neither of them moved and shit.

Rue wasn’t moving because she was afraid of hurting Lexi and her crush was simply staring at her face probably stunned to hear such a lunatic sentence that even took her small smile away.

Oh, fuck! Rue screwed it all up with that fucking nonsense, didn’t she?

Because it was one thing to say crazy selfish shit as calling Lexi hers when they were fucking, it was a whole different level of insanity to proclaim herself anything belonging to the girl after they were both sexually satisfied and shit.

Why in hell did she have to open her very stupid mouth only to fuck it all to hell? Jesus!

And Lexi was looking at her very weird face with a tilted head that for the very first time Rue didn’t feel the need to kiss the confusion off the girl’s face because she was having a panic attack with a hard beating heart as she tried to take her fingers off of Lex only to feel the girl’s walls squeezing her in as Lex flexed her legs closed to ensure that.

Okay, what the fuck was happening?

Her world came actually crushing down when Lexi shook her head in negative and everything inside Rue Bennett was close to breaking into fucking billion pieces after that short action-

“No, you’re my _fucking _idiot, Rue.” Lexi said biting her lower lip after long hours of torturing Rue’s spirits with a big beam at her shocked face then and feeling oh so very full of shit that Rue had half a mind to shove the girl off her but she only decided to glare with narrowed eyes at her fucking pretty face instead. What a fucker Lex could be! “Because I called you ‘a fucking idiot’, Rue, so, you know, it’s only fair-“ But her very dorky and nerdy girl’s humorless speech was cut short by her raspy moans when Rue decided to pump her fingers in and out of her pussy again in a very slow and torturous pace as the best form to pay her back in kind. Which actually got Rue grinning and Lex growling.

Let’s turn the fucking tables, shall we?

“Yeah, you were saying, smartass?” She asked smirking in her ear after she licked Lexi’s neck like a fucking psycho only to have the girl closing her eyes and clawing her body all over again as if her idiot was the only available flat surface on earth to be gripped by Lex.

“Don’t fucking stop.” Lexi murmured with two very strong hands fiercely grasping her skinny girl’s long legs with such a force that Rue felt her skin breaking in angry red swollen marks, but fuck it because it felt amazing still. 

And Rue was pretty sure that as soon as dawn came, both of them would be looking like they were victims of domestic violence with how hard she got Lex scratching her body that actually had Rue whimpering and tightening her jaw because it did hurt some, but it hurt way too fucking good and she loved when Lex got so fucking high that the tiny girl lost every sense of force and shit as her girl decided to mark her too.

You see, everything about their night was fucking insane, but this thing of wanting Lex so animalistically was very consuming. To want the girl clawing and biting and squeezing her in need was seriously something that Rue never thought to be possible.

It was way too fucking scary. But it was also Lex, so it still made her feel strangely safe.

And to look at Lexi’s neck…

Well, her tiny dorky girl’s neck and collarbone were looking like one of those expressionist paintings with a mix of messy colors all spread together and no shape at all with hickeys coming and blending into one another that Rue was sure would end in her demise because Lex looked like she had been attacked and fucked by a freaky dark creature overnight.

It did make her incredibly proud of her fucking self though, but you all know that she’s twisted as fuck so that’s nothing new. Lexi’s mouth was so puffy from every bite she did that Rue actually decided not to kiss the girl at the time as she just rasped shit in her ear with little kisses there because her tiny nerd was surely going to get sore. “Does it still feel good for you, Lex?” She asked before licking her girl’s neck again and said girl was shaking and moaning on top of her as she rode Rue’s hand like a cowgirl in a rodeo. But still, Lexi gave her no answer because from what her tall idiot gathered from seeing her undulating on top of her like crashing waves as she sweated and swore with glassy eyes unable to focus so Lex got them tightly shut as she bit anything Rue she could put her mouth on, Rue knew her girl was way off of fucking reality to be able to say coherent shit as she husked low weak sounds in Rue’s ear that had the taller girl trembling alongside her in no fucking time.

She was _so _googling this shit because it could not be normal to crave someone this much.

“Fuck me harder, please, Rue.” But when she heard that biblical verse coming in a way too frail voice from Lexi’s mouth and the girl decided to grab her face to kiss her in a mad need, Rue decided that she couldn’t care less about all of this fucking need and, again, there she was obeying her dorky girl’s order with gusto.

So yeah, the Lexi’s box of feelings was wide open now and from that flew every kind of shit she ever though through the long years of having the girl in her life. Feelings that were very much responsible for scaring Rue awake, but as she stared deeply into her gorgeous and fucking pleased tiny lover’s face as they all but devoured one another with everything they had, Rue didn’t feel that anxious over what was about to happen with them for the first time in more than three years.

Much of it was thanks to the very owner of said box who was reduced to mumbling rough moans and rocking hips as Rue decided to praise her over and over again for being her fucking good girl, for feeling so fucking delicious and for taking such good care of her skinny idiot.

Okay, it would have sounded better if Rue wasn’t two knuckles deep inside Lex as she said all of that with the most caring tone she could muster given the circumstances. But, you know, one step at the time, right?

Anyway, Rue didn’t need to actually drive herself crazier over thinking about Lexi liking their sex making or not anymore, seeing that, by the end of the night, Rue Bennett’s right leg was all wet with Lexi’s cum, just like her bed sheets and blankets and not to say her right hand who witnessed exactly just how much Lex was able to cum from their sexual shenanigans.

Still, knowing that at last her useless legs came back to life – ‘cause Rue had half a mind to feel terrified over having lost its movements for good –, Rue turned their positions because having Lex on top of her was magnetic and awesome, but to see her little girl making such a turned-on face full with lower lip biting and trembling and all of that after she had her crazy idiot strongly turning them both and falling on top of her very toned and fit and delicious body was just too otherworldly of an opportunity for Rue to let pass.

So yup, there she was following Lexi’s plead with feral kisses and fucking her harder into the mattress as viciously as she was asked to. She actually rolled her hips against her fucking girl to put force behind her movements and please herself as well, not that it wasn’t too fucking pleasant to see Lex reduced to a mumbling husky mess of incoherent shit with the hard and steady fuck Rue was leading, of course. But still, Rue was rocking her hips as well ‘cause she was really shameless, wasn’t she? But it was fucking wonderful to passionately fuck a dripping wet, shivering in need, all too horny and very vocal Lexi Howard who had such a wild face that strangled her idiot’s heart in a very tight grip.

Well, anyway, just like she promised Lex a while ago, Rue actually fucked _her fucking_ girl into exhaustion and the two of them actually passed out after cumming together. It was a scene taken from one those way too stupid sugary romances to have both of them dripping with sweat, saliva and cum staring tiredly at each other with deep eyes right before Rue pecked Lexi’s lips and had the girl tenderly cupping her face. Until they both shared little grins.

She was fucking mad about this girl, Jesus!

But as she tried to roll off of Lex, she heard again that phrasal verb shit in a low shaky voice that had Rue’s insides all tightly wrapped and her heart doubling its size with a sure hand holding her butt in place,

“Stay.” And of fucking course she did.

“Okay.” Lexi kissed her nose and smiled at her answer. As if Rue had any other alternative other than obeying her tender demand.

Because, you see, Rue Bennett was never breaking the promises she made to her very tiny girl ever again.

Just like that, they fell asleep with Rue still on top of Lex in a position that probably was very far from being comfy for her tiny girl. But, well, at least Rue got to protect Lexi from the crazy creepy shit that escaped her Pandora’s box with her body for a while.

And it was the very first time after Rue’s dad died that she was back to praying to whatever was up there to not let her stupid self screw this up with Lexi 'cause she was way out of her goddamn mind about the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys! now you have a whole chapter with almost 13k words full of sex. I mean, there were some romantic developments, I think, if you look deep enough.  
or whatever, I just need a priest anyway ‘cause I’m feeling shameless as fuck after this.  
thanks for commenting, wasting your time and keeping up with this crap, it kinda makes my day, so yeah. xx to you all!  
as always, the mistakes are mine – the shame too – because I never wrote something so downright explicit in my whole damn life, but cheers to everyone’s first time.  
I’m way too shy with this, hahaha. but I hope you kinda like it, maybe?  
I’ll be hiding in the corner, so feel free to criticize everything seeing I’ve lost the rest of my dignity after this one anyway, so any kind of criticism is fair game.  
have a good one, folks! xx   
see ya – if I don’t die of embarrassment first.


	7. It's all about new perspectives, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue and her mad head, they had shit to figure, so it was still a very long night.
> 
> But she had Lexi by her side, so no matter what happened, she was kind of braver to deal with all that.
> 
> (Because, since forever, no soul could get her like Lex in every possible way that mattered. And maybe, just maybe, she didn't want anyone but Lexi to do it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some M rating here but not exactly explicit, folks.

_“You are sunlight and I moon_   
_Joined by the gods of fortune_   
_Midnight and high noon_   
_Sharing the sky_   
_We have been blessed, you and I_

_You are here like a mystery_   
_I'm from a world that's so different_   
_From all that you are_   
_How in the light of one night_   
_Did we come so far?” (Miss Saigon - Sun and Moon)_

First time Rue woke up was to feel a chilling cold breeze that got her physically shivering into awareness.

In other words, Lex stole her blankets only to kick them off the bed. And seeing that Rue was still naked to her bones and only had Lexi’s tiny, kind of cold and also very naked body on top of hers to protect her from the chilly weather, it would be only normal if the tall girl felt her ass freezing.

But as she moved a little in her search for said blankets, both were found out laying on the floor beside her.

Oh!

So, whatever, she was the one who kicked the covers off instead. But it could actually be considered Lexi’s fault, because if Rue was the one throwing off the blankets, it could only mean that she did it because she felt too fucking hot and sweaty, right? And whose fault would that be?

Yup, that was Lex’s fault for getting her all sexually worked up, of course.

Rue Bennett was way too fucking good at this mystery solving stuff.

You see, the point was that Rue kinda managed to have a restful nap after her very exciting night of sex with Lex so she actually slept a little. It was still that kind of sleep that wasn’t too deep, so that explained why she woke up more than once in the same night. Still, all in all, she sorta got a little rest in the end.

Lex, as you may all have assumed, was still deadly tired languidly spooning her, so the lanky girl decided to occupy her mind with positive things seeing that it was a little after four in the morning still.

Which was strange, because she could have sworn that both of them had a very eventful long night of fucking and mapping each other’s bodies, but then she remembered that they went to bed a little after ten seeing that Lexi was planning to go home because she was oh so tired back then, it kinda made a little sense that it was still too early in the end ‘cause Rue was never one to sleep before midnight.

Not that what they did when they went to bed was near sleeping, but yeah. She still felt too energized after all orgasms, the last one being the fastest of all that had both herself and Lexi moaning in union with red embarrassed faces at each other ‘cause she just rocked against Lexi with no clothes with her fingers buried inside the girl for a few minutes and bam! Rue never knew that she was that easy to please, or maybe she was only like that with Lex.

Yeah, it probably was because of her hot nerd, seeing that this girl got her all horny with a fucking roll of eyes, so it was some crazy shit they had indeed.

And anyway, she could actually fit two or three more orgasms in her schedule before she lost her stamina and sleep claimed her body for good, but maybe that was because her night routine was shitty at best, so her sleeping hours were just insane. And also because she was down to becoming a horny stupid teenager who just found out about sex and got suddenly obsessed with it over Lexi, so if the girl as much as snored in her ear, Rue would probably be pounding her awake to fuck again.

Thankfully Lex was the quietest sleeper ever, so this indecency wasn’t going to figure on Rue’s long list of misdoings.

But, yeah, she could be fucking Lex in a heartbeat if her tiny dorky all but yawned seeing that she was feeling her body in a constant and latent state of horniness caused by the very girl over this last few days.

Well, she should use her time to google this crap.

And she googled it and her research said that it was normal to feel so sexually awake after experiencing an orgasm after you have any kind of sexual intercourse with someone you have the hots for – thank God!

The only strange part was when the article read that it was normal to feel like that in the early stages of a romantic relationship. It was strange because they weren’t in a romantic relationship, right?

Okay, perhaps they had a platonic relationship that evolved into this very nameless thing that was about to have Rue reaching another level of idiocy and getting the girl dehydrated from all the fluids she was losing lately, but still they didn’t have _that_ kind of relationship.

Did she want _that_ kind of relationship with Lex thought?

Well, she still was unsure if she was even capable of having anything romantic with anyone ever. It was the infliction used in the word ‘_relationship’ _that kind of scared her shitless. It sounded way too serious and she was still trying to find her footing after all the fucked-up things she did, you see? From her mess with Jules, her problems with narcotics, her school type of shit, the asshole Nate fucking Jacobs, her familiar issues, her mental OCDs and diseases and what the fuck she should do about it all that had her mind pounding inside her skull ‘cause she had no proper plan to deal with all of it. And to add everything that was inside her Lex’s box of feelings to that craziness was way too much too soon.

She didn’t know if she still felt something for Jules or if it was even possible to be in love with two all-too different girls at the same time – Rue also didn’t know if she was in love with any of them because the things she felt for both were very different from one another. So, she liked Jules in a kind of obsessive way that was very hard to name and, on the other hand, she liked Lex in a way that was all too consuming because she desired every little thing about Lexi as fiercely as it was humanly possible. Maybe it wasn’t even possible to fucking want someone as much as she wanted Lex, but well, here she was.

It was still very different from what she had with Jules in every single way because when the blonde girl scared Rue into submission over a shy peck on the lips, Lex took and gave Rue every kind of feeling in same measure and Rue never felt so free and everlasting as she did with Lexi, which also terrified the lanky moron because she was too afraid of messing it all and setting Lexi running away from her. Again.

It wasn’t like she had to hold herself back like she did with Jules, but it was more along the line of losing her stupid self so much with Lex that she felt way too petrified over losing the girl altogether. Because her Howard wasn’t just a fucking crush that Rue laid eyes and got so suddenly enchanted that she decided to follow her around like a lost puppy; nope, Lexi Howard was also her best friend and the person who knew her mad and fucked-up ways more than her own bloody self and there was where Rue’s fears laid.

Because if Lex decided to do the same shit and leave Rue overnight, the curly-haired idiot wasn’t going to be losing just her teenage crush of almost four years, she would also find herself without her safe haven; she would be losing more than just her nerd because Lex held the keys to parts of her that Rue couldn’t grant the access to anyone else. So, she couldn’t even begin to comprehend what would happen if she lost Lex for good.

She kind of couldn’t admit such possibility.

Because one: she wanted Alexis Howard in a fucking way that made her body ache with both longing and fear. And two: she was way too fucked-up to have Lexi without breaking both their hearts.

In other words, she was utterly fucked. Because fuck her if she could let Lex fucking go now and fuck her too if she held the girl so obsessively close to her heart because she knew that someone was going to break. And a part of Rue would like to tell that, between the two possibilities, she rather be herself breaking over the girl than the other way around, but the major part of her knew that it would be the last fucking nail in her coffin if that happened.

So that was a hell of a predicament, right?

Anyway, besides it all, Rue also had no bloody idea what the hell she would do to raise her fucking grades because she still didn’t know what kind of career she wanted to pursue and if she was even good at anything at all and worth a shot at college because that was some expensive shit. She also still had her problem with drugs, her shit with her mom and that fucker Leslie seemed very fond of and there was still Gia kinda getting high with that little McKay asshole to top it all.

Yeah, big shit she had to tackle down, now with no drugs to get her through the process.

May God help her and shit.

So, it meant that being in a romantic relationship with her crush would bring many things with that because only Rue’s baggage was heavy enough and she didn’t know if she felt prepared for that at all. But still, in the end, she was sure of one thing: she didn’t want to burden Lexi or give the girl the role of being her mom and nurse as well. Her tiny lover didn’t deserve that.

Still, on the bright side of it all – seeing that Rue was actually practicing some optimism these days, probably Lexi’s fault –, they did have a fucking amazing relationship in every possible way. They got to be stupid and make fun of people together because nobody got her humor as Lexi did; they got to play the Howard and Bennett detectives at rescue and crack some crimes without fear of being made fun of; they got to watch silly rom-com movies and make snarky remarks, ‘cause who liked those anyway? They loved horror movies with its fucked-up deaths and haunted people being dragged to hell as both girls made bets on who would be the first idiot to die; they rode their bikes together very carelessly happy; they rode each other and it was oh so very fucking satisfying that she kinda missed it now, even when she knew that it happened less than two hours ago – tough shit to get so horny and turned-on over someone.

They both loved coffee quite too much to be considered healthy and Lex was still the only person in the whole world who understood an over-caffeinated Rue who could keep long and rushed conversations all by herself and Lex would still hear it all without interrupting to say lame stuff whenever her lanky idiot was in one of her moods to theorize anything, from the apartheid to silly things about stupid Jacobs and Jules.

And over-caffeinated Lexi was very cute because trust the girl to come up with the most bizarre topics that Rue never gave a second thought right until the moment that Lex decided to expand her horizons with knowledge, like that time when her charming crush was so high on coffee studying for her geometry test that Lex decided to teach Rue the whole history behind Pythagoras’ theory as she made her comparisons about a circle and a triangle ‘cause _‘Rue, I guess I finally understood why the Greek had such a boner for mythology. You see, they did have this aspect of perfection all defined, as if such thing as a perfect object with symmetry could really sum up the concept of living, right? Because the Japanese have this image of a circle being the representation of life itself, therefore, they consider it perfect for it doesn’t end or begin, like the circle of life that still cannot be measured. But whenever we put a triangle over a circle, of course it doesn’t blend because of its remaining edges, so when we get to think about the Egyptian and their pyramids that were built to somehow point at whatever was above, seeing that they believed in many Gods so they needed to create something to actually get them closer to said entities, we can only expect the Greek to do the very same because, in some ways, both tribes were very much alike, so that was how trigonometry was thought; ‘cause we are always chasing perfection that the idea that even something so edgy and terrifying as a triangle could be perfect gives us a brand new perspective about what could be perfect and how this higher level – like a nirvana – could be achieved. It makes the concept of perfection very approachable in a way, you know? So that was why the Greek Gods were very humanlike, because by the time they came up with the whole mythology, they were trying to justify their own sick doings. Because if even a triangle can be perfect, then why couldn’t Gods live among us and have some of our fears and desires and still be considered holy and above us all, right? It’s just a shame that we still cannot accept our misdoings and choose to grow instead of sweeping it all under the rug in order to deny our wrongs because we need to feel better than everyone else instead of just being better _for _everyone else, like, you know, decent human beings should.’_

To say that a fourteen-year-old Rue understood almost nothing of Lex’s explanation would be completely accurate, but still, everything Lexi said always got stuck within her head, one way or another. Like how even after four years Rue could still remember this speech without even knowing how or why; mostly after she used so many shit to make her forget, it was still vividly painted in her memory.

Yeah, no matter how many drugs she decided to mix to erase her mind anew, there was no forgetting anything related to Lexi Howard, so she might as well give up trying to.

More so now that they had a fucking band together and it wasn’t just the two of them being weird kids with musical toys amusing their parents to no end, ‘cause Rue’s dad loved when both girls decided to give him a concert after their music lessons, even when they were all kinds of bad and had no rhythm to actually make the whole experience of playing less dreadful. Her dad would still clap along and sing with them as Lex’s dad would rush to take his guitar and accompany their silly presentations. Of course, it got better over the years when Rue actually learned with Gus some insane guitar riffs to woo the two of them. Maybe even the three of them, because Lexi would always give one of her so-full-of-pride stares that had eight-years-old Rue actually blushing in response.

No, now this band stuff was all very real and Lex was still the most fucking skillful piano player Rue ever had the honor of listening to. Not that she was ever bad, because Lexi was way too good at it since forever, but Rue still remembered being taken by her dad to one of Lexi’s presentations with a stupid man making all kids of creepy gestures with his hands to an all too white, proper and boring crowd of people dressed like they were going to meet the president – then her dad explained the concept of an orchestra and the ten-year-old kid was even more awed with her best friend’s talent – that Rue managed to shock the boring crowd very deeply when she got up to clap and cheer her friend on. Whatever, they were stupid anyway and Lexi was way too good to be there with them.

She was probably still way too good to be in a silly band with Rue and Ethan as well, but Lexi seemed happy enough with that turn of events so who was Rue to judge?

Anyway, the small girl had the most insane sense of humor and could lift Rue’s spirits only by dressing herself as Bob fucking Ross; they sang some foolish songs together and actually sounded way too fucking good. And back in time, before Rue got down her rabbit hole with drugs, they had this thing of simply laying in silence without it making the lanky girl uncomfortable or anxious over shit as Rue had her head on Lex’s lap to snort at some kids embarrassing themselves attempting to play shit in the park and her nerd was often caressing her mop of a hair and reading poetry aloud so they would comment it. It was a such a lovely memory because it was kind of innocent and still got her overly happy.

So, the two of them were kinda fucking good and they had their own balance, right? Because surely Lex would be the most levelheaded person to ever grace this forsaken earth and Rue would be that impulsive and way too tall kid who gave no fucks to anything ever but she would never waste the opportunity of sitting with her tiny friend to listen to her readings and crazy explanations all through their high school journey. Even when Rue was already hanging around fucked up drugged kids and Lex was still her lovely nerdy self, there wasn’t a day when they wouldn’t sit together to judge everyone and their mothers.

That went on until that very fateful night she decided to kiss her best friend only to open the gates to her personal hell and found herself riding a fucking roller-coaster over her insane crush on the very girl. You see, that was why they couldn’t hang out with each other anymore. Rue didn’t have the stomach to watch Lexi being all polite and proper around stupid people who wanted to kiss her or take her out or shit of the likes and pretend to be all cool with it. And it all kind of blended together with her dad’s death and drug addiction so, yeah… She had some dark and shitty times indeed.

So, okay, they fell apart over the years but as she had Lexi back in her arms, all of the shit that went down between them felt kinda too insignificant to be thought about. You see, bad shit happened but here they were. Lex was still the same all-too-mature-for-her-age girl who still fit perfectly in Rue’s embrace like she just belonged there and she would never ever say something to anyone out of malice to hurt people. She still liked her coffee black; she still wore her insane clothes that kinda looked like they were designed by blind elves up the North Pole; she was still as tiny and fierce as a cute Oompa Loompa; she still sounded exactly the same, only kind of deeper – and that did some shit to Rue’s nerves –; she still played the piano fucking majestically; she still slept with a serious looking book on her bedside table in case she needed a weapon overnight and she still could make Rue laugh from the most creepiest shit ever as she made deep comments about anything only to then crack a nerdy joke. She was still the most caring and generous and forgiving girl ever. And bright. ‘Cause Lexi Howard was very bright and she could talk about anything truly.

There was actually an evening some years ago when they were kids watching X-Men whatever, because back then she only watched those movies because of the very girl, when Lex decided to ramble about the true possibility of mutants becoming real if one had Darwin’s theory of evolution in mind and what caused it. It was a very long ramble where Lexi explained some shit about genes and chromosomes and everything and Rue paid close attention because everything coming from the girl’s mouth was worth of taking notes.

The movie was ‘X-Men First Class’ and Rue kinda got into the whole universe after her nerd told her that the existence of good and bad mutants clashing against humans and governments’ issues based on prejudice and shit of the likes was the way the creators decided to approach some sensible topics such as racism and homophobia and downright xenophobia as well, seeing that most problems addressed in the comics were related to hatred and general bigotry. Rue got so fucking fascinated by Lex’s whole explanations – and quotes, because Lexi Howard was almost a researcher, okay? – that she then decided to read every issue ever.

It was her fucking secret safe with Lex, her mom and Cassie, because the blonde once caught the two of them together debating over the views both humans and mutants had of one another and how that could be turned around.

Yeah, this fucking girl was one of a kind indeed.

She pecked Lex’s forehead because she should have known better that since they were little Rue stood no chance of keeping herself away from her. She also stood no chance of not falling for this lovely and dorky little human.

Rue then got back to that stupid forum and decided to answer that comment asking if Lex had liked sex or not with a very bigheaded ‘_yeah I guess she did and I guess we’re kinda together now’ _with a mad grin and all through the night her phone blasted with notifications from other people congratulating her or being their stupid and nosy selves, but as Rue Bennett felt very overjoyed, she just decided to make blind eyes to every comment asking for nudes and threesomes.

Seriously? Did no one have any decency nowadays?

Still, as she was aimlessly surfing in the internet – and googling shit related to the things the very girl sleeping nearly on top of her caused – some other notifications appeared but she decided to let that go, she was in no mood to talk and she just wanted to sleep some more with Lex.

* * *

Next time Rue woke up was to see Lexi hastily trying to get away from her as if Rue was some infamous witch cursed to burn at stake that made tagging alongside her look like a crime against humanity, which was way too strange after the last few days they had – not to mention the sex thing – and all kinds of hurting, ‘cause it triggered her abandonment issues that said girl had a fucking part of guilt in as much as Rue’s dad.

Yes, the rational part of her brain said that neither were at fault for kinda of getting away. Much more her dad, who fought his battle against cancer through long fucking and restless years, so Rue couldn’t blame him for getting tired of fighting.

She still did though. Because when he gave up fighting, he also gave up on living and left her alone.

Lexi too couldn’t be faulted for running away from Rue that night because it wasn’t the girl’s fault that her fucking friend had no balls to admit her crush on her after they kissed back then.

Whatever ‘cause Rue was still hurt over that very crap because it meant that Lex chose to go with that fucking moron over staying with her.

But still, traumas were crazy shit that even when we all do understand the reason behind them to some coherent level, these little fuckers didn’t go away so simply.

So, Rue blinked her sleep away as she watched the tiny human in a hurry trying to take Rue’s arms off of her naked chest and that sole action made the lanky brunette’s heart ache with something akin to desolation. And it was not only because she liked Lexi’s boobs way too much that it was only normal that her sleepy subconscious got to like them too, but because she felt utterly rejected.

“Where’s the fucking fire?” She muttered still offended and sleepy and disappointed and Lexi almost lost her soul over hearing her voice. Yeah, good! Because this thing of seeing Lexi fucking jogging out and away from her was getting all kinds of upsetting and heartbreaking for Rue. So, just like that, she got away from the girl and covered herself up with her blankets. No need to humiliate herself any longer trying to hold onto someone who didn’t want her back, right?

Whatever.

“Jesus, Rue!” She whispered-shouted still sounding too raspy and breathy for her own liking which led her to trying to clear her throat and test her voice again. To no avail. Her voice still sounded way too deep compared to how she usually did sound. Good. At least she would still be reminded about what they did to have her voice sounding so fucking deep, seeing that Lexi already wanted to run and hid- “I just need to fucking pee, like right now!” Lexi muttered sounding way too upset over hearing her own voice and all kinds of desperate.

Oh! Cool!

Rue chuckled roughly because she sounded like Louis fucking Armstrong too.

And also because just from hearing Lex’s explanation got Rue Bennett way too content all of sudden.

Being bipolar was fucking tiring like that, man!

Well, now that she knew that Lexi wasn’t rushing away from her and just needed to use the bathroom, there was no need for her to feel all butthurt with the girl over nothing, right?

Whatever. She simply didn’t want Lexi to go away in the middle of the night like a burglar to leave her behind feeling like a cheap whore. It was only normal.

No one deserved to feel like that, okay?

Still, she raised an eyebrow at her face and Lex actually got the message to peck her lips before she jumped out of the bed to run to the toilet.

Rue grinned then. They kinda did have a very good relationship indeed.

As soon as Lexi was out of the bed and actually stumbling towards the door, Rue decided to remember her that even though she loved seeing her tiny nerd flaunting around her delicious birthday attire, odds were that probably Leslie and Gia wouldn’t be as excited with her girl’s naked beauty as Rue herself was, if her crush happened to cross paths with the other Bennetts in her rush to the toilet.

Still, she waited to see if Lexi would actually get out of her room as naked as the day she was born. And yes, her tiny oblivious dork was almost out of the door when Rue decided to share her knowledge.

“I guess it would be better if you put some clothes for that, babe.” She chuckled as she saw the girl stopping dead in her tracks too shocked with big eyes to Rue’s face and then at her own body, as if she was a victim of some twisted witchcraft that got her as naked as a Greek statue and she had no fucking idea where her clothes went overnight. Although, when she looked back at a smiling Rue Bennett, she decided to roll her eyes with a deep red and shy face. Lexi Howard was simply too cute. “It’s not that I don’t like the look, Lex, because, trust me, I do. Way too much.” She winked at the still red-faced girl who managed to get even redder after that. Yeah, Lexi Howard was simply too endearing. “But I’m afraid mom and Gia wouldn’t appreciate such lovely view as much as I do now.” She finished already sitting to better do that and ogle a very red and naked and fucking hot Lexi Howard.

“Shut up.” Lexi murmured with no actual bite as she all but ran around Rue’s room looking for the clothes she was previously wearing in such a mad search that it almost looked like the house was on fire and currently falling down on them and the small girl was up to saving her most precious belongings. She didn’t find her pajamas and decided to glare at her grinning idiot’s face, as if Rue was the one responsible for hiding crap while Lexi slept like a mischievous gnome. But Rue was way too tall to be compared to those little shits anyway. “Aren’t you going to help me?” She crossly asked with an arched eyebrow as she raised her chin with glaring eyes and had her arms crossed over her chest. Ya know, ‘crossed’ would be the word to precisely describe Lexi Howard in that very moment. Which was a shame, because Rue wanted to ogle her boobs too and the tall girl sighed in despair over that very action. However, she said no shit and decided to stare at all the other attractive and fucking hot curves of the girl’s body without an ounce of shame. You see, Lexi Howard did hide a fucking six pack under all those strange looking sweaters she wore that had her oldest friend in a constant battle to either find her attire all too cute and Lexi-like or wanting to set those ugly pieces on fire. But anyway, truth was that Lexi Howard was too fucking hot with those toned abs of hers and Rue suddenly felt stupid because why in hell didn’t she lick it yet? And her legs were also very fit with a few muscles on the view and her pussy looked way too fucking delicious that seriously had her mouth watering as she stared at her trimmed and kinda blondish little hair as she thought about licking Lexi’s whole fucking body, ‘cause her tiny girl looked so fucking good and hot and had a body that simply drove Rue nuts with a sexual need that she never had- “Rue! Can you please get up and fucking help me finding my pants?” That whisper-shout kinda broke the lanky girl’s reverie and she took a look at the tiny girl’s angry face.

Not that Rue’s horniness got under control from Lexi’s oh so hotly exasperated face, of course. It actually got worse because furious Lex was a fucking hot Lex as well. Lex’s glare was simply too cute for words.

Okay, Lexi Howard was just too fucking hot anyway.

Because, yeah, Lexi was very much red with anger but she looked as terrifying as a little spoiled cute kitten that lost its toy. Way too appealing indeed.

Anyway, Rue shook her head in negative with a long popped ‘nope’ and heard a mad growl to match the all too outraged face she received from Lex.

“Sorry, Howard, but this case is all yours.” She gave her very much naked and irritated girl a lopsided smile that, by the look she got in return, Rue was able to get that little hot as fucking hell Lex was outright fuming as she fiercely glared with piercing dark eyes straight at Rue’s grinning face. What a cute girl. “And I’m very busy anyway.” That final sentence was answered with an indignant face followed by a furious grunt. Oh, how very crossed Lex was looking.

So very cute.

“And what, pray you tell, have you so fucking busy now, Bennett?” Lexi asked through gritted teeth as if Rue was being difficult on purpose. She wasn’t, okay? She just wanted to see the girl’s body some more, it wasn’t a fucking crime!

“I’m busy enjoying the view, Lex.” She said with a big smile and could actually see Lexi’s gears taking action as the little girl planned to kill her tall and idiotic best friend in a very sadistic way. To say that Lexi was way beyond angry in that moment would not come close to explaining how crossly her tiny girl was glaring at her as Rue was sure that her too cute crush pondered over punching her idiotic face or simply going to the bathroom all naked and praying for the best.

She did neither and quietly fumed and murmured curses as she turned around to keep searching for her pajamas. And as soon as she found it, she bent down to retrieve her pants and you can all bet that Rue’s breath hitched and she actually licked her fucking lips like a perv when her heart started to race inside her chest as the mad wicked thing it was when Rue got an eye full of that lovely view.

Because Lexi’s all round and pretty hot ass was waving in the air and calling Rue out like those fucking bottles of painkillers Fezco’s grandmother did back in time. Only difference was that Lexi’s butt was asking to be bitten and squeezed instead of fucking swallowed like the pills did.

It was progress.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, Rue. And a little shit! And a big bloody dickhead. And actually, you are a fucking idio-“ But she interrupted her tiny crush annoyed mutters as she listed Rue’s long list of virtues because her legs decided to drag her body towards the girl and her hands cupped Lexi’s face as Rue kissed her mouth fervently without further notice. Some crazy shit Lex did to Rue’s body indeed. Her lovely hot as hell girl sighed in her mouth as she had already dressed her pants, which was quite unfortunate in Rue’s book. Whatever, at least Lexi kissed her back and moaned and bit Rue’s lower lip with her hands squeezing Rue’s naked boobs until she remembered that she actually had to pee and jumped away from a chuckling Rue to inform the tall girl again that “I need to fucking pee!” as if she was the one who forgot about it. So, she quickly detangled herself from Rue’s arms and dashed to the door leaving a chuckling Rue Bennett in her wake.

“I came to give your shirt, Lex.” Rue said as she waved the shirt like a white flag of peace and only received a few exasperated murmurs in return, much to her endless amusement. Her miniature enraged girl then sighed in clear annoyance and defeat but all but jogged back to her lover to furiously take said piece of clothing from her hands with a oh-how-terrifying-glare.

Rue chuckled some more, Lexi was all kinds of attractive when she was mad.

“You are a fucking idiot, Rue Bennett.” There she was saying her most used sentence up until now and Rue, in turn, just arched an eyebrow at her face as Lexi was turning to get out of the bedroom, only to then grunt and turn back to peck Rue’s lips before she went on her merry way. You see, the lanky girl’s raised eyebrow in that moment was a question about that idiot belonging stuff they said a little while ago more than a kissing demand, but well, she couldn’t get so devastated over the little kiss she received because it was unfair to expect Lex to read her stupid mind right at every single tur- “My fucking idiot.” Lexi said with a roll of eyes before silently closing the door behind herself.

And just like that, Rue Bennett was sporting the biggest and creepiest grin a human face could actually allow.

* * *

She got dressed as well as she laid back to wait for Lex, much to her own chagrin, but it would be better to face her mom if she decided to do a surprising drug raid in the middle of the night wearing clothes than facing that humiliation butt-naked, right?

Rue didn’t actually believe that Leslie would do something like that knowing that Lexi was sleeping over because her mom was somehow in love with her dorky nerd and she knew that even if Rue had no self-esteem, there was no way in hell that she would do drugs near Lex Howard. She never did and never would. But it would be better to be safe than sorry, they said.

And Rue wouldn’t put it past Leslie to actually go to her room to check on Lex’s safety because it wasn’t fucking normal how close those two were acting these days, all friendly and hugging and kissing hands shit. It was too strange and uncalled-for and Rue was very unamused by it all.

Anyway, hypothetically explaining Leslie why she was laying naked beside a very clothed Lexi would be way too fucking mortifying and Rue didn’t need to stoop any lower than she already had, thank you very much.

So, that was how she was found by Lex after the girl came back wearing a small smile that soon fell off her lips as she stared at a laying on her side Rue with a deep upset huff, as if by simply dressing herself Rue committed an unforgivable crime. Rue Bennett, in turn, just took a deep breath as well because how come could she survive this girl? And why did she have to like them too fucking bossy?

But bossy Lex was fucking hot Lex. So, as the girl just climbed to lay beside her, never hiding her annoyance over the misfortune of finding her idiot wearing clothes, Rue rolled on her side to hug the girl like a freaking koala afraid of the dark and all but glued her body to Lexi’s lovely and hot as fuck behind.

That seemed to appease an upset Lexi a little, which was good.

Lex sighed again and held Rue’s hand that was laying on her abs over the shirt because Rue Bennett really needed to get her fucking self in check in order not to abuse the tiny girl at every given turn like a bizarre predator. Still, she happily breathed Lex’s way too good smelling hair in as if she was fucking snorting the purest cocaine ever, but surely not even every line of coke under the sun could get her so high and euphoric as the girl she was currently embracing like a weirdo managed to.

“Rue, you’re awake?” Came a faint whisper that she had to force her ears to hear followed by a whole-body shiver when Rue pecked the back of Lexi’s neck that had the tall girl smirking because at least she wasn’t the only one who got way too turned-on by the teeny-tiny girl’s simplest moves. At least she knew that her Howard wanted her too, even if only a little.

“Yeah, babe. What’s up?” She whispered in her ear and couldn’t help but to sound way too raspy because well… She was fucking horny again. Or she was horny still, it was difficult to gather. But as Lexi heard her rough as shit voice – because Rue was actually sounding like she spent her whole night screaming and shouting in a heavy metal concert, or, you know, like she spent her night fucking and moaning –, her too cute for her own fucking good girl trembled and moaned a small ‘oh God’ and oh fuck!

Sleep just eluded Rue Bennett right then.

‘Cause maybe Lex wanted Rue back more than just a little and that was just as reassuring as it was frightening in a way seeing that the older girl was too fucking impulsive in her needs and actually needed Lexi to calm her the fuck down, but the tiny girl couldn’t calm her down if she shared the same hunger…

Well, then they were fucked.

That was when Lexi Howard turned in her embrace to lay on her back throwing a lascivious ‘fuck-me’ stare her way that needed no other word or further explanation to accompany such expressive face because suddenly Rue knew clearly well what Lexi wanted with her provocative gaze…

They were utterly fucked over each other, as simple as that.

Well, you all know what happened.

In no time, Rue had a hand holding Lexi’s face as she kissed her in a never-ending fucking need and soon enough that very same hand was touching her girl’s whole torso as her small girl pulled her hair to hold her mouth glued to hers and Rue took her time to scratch Lexi’s rock-hard fucking abs – they were truly delicious! – only to swallow Lex’s raspy moans as she fervently bit Rue’s mouth in hunger, still holding the tall girl’s hair in a strong grip that all but twitched her fucking skull in a very pleasant way. Until Rue that her hand going lower to touch her girl’s oh so wet pussy that had both moaning for very different reasons with their mouths still glued together because Lexi was too fucking hot dripping and willing that it was all downright fucking insane and well…

They fucked again. Quietly this time, seeing that no one had much of a voice to moan depravities. It was still every kind of amazing and Rue suddenly understood what a ‘quickie’ meant – she kinda liked it way too much after that.

Still, Lexi had her fair share of hot fucking noises, much to Rue’s endless delight, of course. It would be a cold day in hell when Rue Bennett didn’t get too high and horny over Lexi’s sinful low moans.

Or better yet, she deftly fucked Lex who, in turn, planned to do the same but as Rue looked at her so cute and tired face, she shook her head in negative saying “This one’s on the house.” and saw the sleepiest roll of eyes in annoyance in her whole life.

“Fucking idiot.” Lex murmured, very sweaty and scarlet with her I-just-got-fucked-fucking-good face but still sounding crossed because that was her angry little hellraiser, all very demanding as she hugged her neck and yawned right before she kissed Rue’s shoulder with a “fucking mine” and before her tall idiot could answer, dorky Howard was already sleeping.

“Night, babe.” Still she kissed Lex’s forehead and cuddled her tiny horny and hot nerd as she too fell asleep with a fucking grin.

* * *

Rue had such a hot dream with Lexi after everything they’ve done that she actually woke up all surprised to feel her body shivering in need as she made little pleased noises because somehow she felt a hand down her pussy that was slightly different from hers, seeing that she had an arm embracing something – or someone? – and her other arm was laying across her face.

You see, she was a step away from getting nervous over that shit when she felt a kiss on her neck followed by a raspy low giggle and just like that she knew whose hand that was: cute and shy Lexi decided to wake her up with a hand down her panties to play with her pussy – that was already very wet and ready beyond belief because, let’s not kid ourselves, that was Rue and the girl playing her was Lex, it was a simple math – as she gave small kisses here and there all over her neck thinking that she was being oh so very sneaky.

Rue controlled her urge to moan out loud and to turn around to jump her girl like a caveman and just let little Lex have her fun for a little while.

She couldn’t hold herself for long, so soon enough she was pulling Lexi’s face towards her to kiss her silly with tongue and all without a single thought about her morning breath as she devoured her tiny girl with fucking gusto. It was Lex’s turn to get surprised and Rue rolled her eyes.

Lexi could be so goddamn blind that it was unbelievable.

“That’s a fucking good morning.” She whispered in her mouth with a grin and Lex had the reddest face since the Red Skull’s appearance in comics and Rue never saw something so endearing so early in the morning as the girl sprawled almost on top of her. And so fucking hot too. “Keep going, please.” She begged because her kiss actually startled Lex into stopping altogether which was very unfortunate because Rue was so fucking horny that she wasn’t going to need much time to cum.

That begging experience wired the girl back to life and Lexi just nodded in a rush and went back to kissing the living lights out of her tall bestie as Rue held her face in wanton desire only to have her tiny crush shoving two sure fingers deep inside her that had her moaning a low ‘fucking hell’ in her mouth right before she strongly bit Lexi’s mouth only to hear the girl whimpering too.

“Oh, fucking God, Rue…” Lexi breathed in her mouth as she went back to kissing her mad lover with ferocity as Rue herself held Lex’s hair in an unforgiving grip to keep the girl close to herself right until-

Three knocks followed by her name being loudly called all but destroyed her plan of being fucked first thing in the morning and Rue groaned in fucking annoyance.

“For fuck’s sake!” She grumpily said as Lexi whined all red-faced staring at her with big wanton eyes when the girl decided to lay her head on Rue’s shoulder to gulp deep long breaths in what the tall girl could only assume to be a way to hold herself back. Bloody fucking hell!

Life was so fucking unfair!

“It’s Leslie…” Lex whispered in her ear looking quite scared. But not really scared enough to take her lovely and simply fantastic hand off of her panties. Anyway, Rue nodded because it had to be her mom.

“Can you pretend to be asleep?” She asked in a whisper only to see one of her most estimated head tilts followed by a confused look and she kissed Lexi’s lips in a rush while she fucking could. “I’ll explain later, Lex.” That seemed to appease her girl who just nodded her way and kissed Rue again before laying her head on taller girl’s collarbone to do just that. “Come in, mom!” Well, her voice was shaky and louder than ever, but whatever. Best to deal with it quickly so they could go back to more fucking pressing matters.

After that, Rue schooled her features back to normal as much as she was able to seeing that she still had Lexi’s hand making patterns down her pussy as if she was painting some type of contemporary art. She had half a mind to glare at her tiny lover for such torture but then Leslie was walking in and she decided against that.

“Morning, Rue.” Her mom said looking around her room and Rue didn’t know what the fuck the woman was after because had she still be doing drugs, it wasn’t like she was going to leave a bottle of pills just hanging around to shout to Leslie’s face ‘I just got fucking swallowed’, but whatever. That was her mom anyway. “Is Lexi still asleep?” She nodded her response but trust her freaking girl to take a very big breath after that only to raise Rue’s body hairs to attention. Motherfucker! “Oh, that’s good! She really needs to rest after the last few days.” Leslie said and Rue actually chocked on her own saliva and coughed some as she was deadly sure Lexi was smirking under the blankets and felt her hand moving inside her panties to finish destroying her.

Fucking girl!

“Yeah, she actually does.” Still, she answered in a shaky voice after clearing her throat. She then felt Lexi’s finger circling her pussy to tease her entrance with her fingertips and had to tighten her jaw before she made sounds that she wasn’t supposed to be fucking making. “She’s very tired.” Rue jested with a way too rough and unsteady voice that couldn’t be taken too seriously. This fucking girl!

Oh, Lex was _so_ going to pay for this fuckery!

“Are you okay, Rue?” Leslie asked to which her daughter only answered with copious head nods and a very Monalisa’s smile because her jaw was starting to hurt from the force she was using to have her mouth shut and lock her moans inside her throat. “Oh, good! I just came to tell you to have breakfast with us because Gia and I are planning to go the mall and we were waiting for you two to wake up to see if you want to tag along.” Her mom continued very conversationalist which was very good because Lexi took the time to fucking torture her some more as she slowly put a whole finger inside her cunt only to take it out soon enough. Fucking sadistic nymph. “Are you really okay, darling? You look like you’re in pain or something?” Her poor mom asked and Rue wanted to bang her head against the fucking wall like a psycho because she was very far from being anywhere near okay.

Lexi was so going to fucking pay for this!

“I’m just coming-you know, for breakfast and stuff.” She said after clearing her throat as she heard a faint giggle that had her shivering and had to bit her lower lip. Hard. Oh, for fuck’s fucking sake! “It’s nothing, mom, I just have a headache, that’s all.” Rue gave her mom her most strained smile as she felt Lexi adding another fucking finger to circle her pussy like an Indiana Jones wannabe after some long-lost treasure. Rue wanted to slap her hand away but that was out of question. So, she just smiled a little more. “I’ll be out in a minute, mom.” There was Lexi putting pressure to her fingers to turn Rue’s already too fucking tense smile into a grimace. Oh, for the love of fuck!

Her mom was very torn as she looked way too suspicious of her more than odd behavior, but thank God Leslie decided to say no shit about it.

Small fucking victories!

“Okay, baby. Don’t take too long.” Leslie said coming her way to kiss her daughter’s forehead in what would be described as a tender gesture in other circumstances and oh fucking God! “Jesus, Rue! You are burning hot! I think you’re running a fever.” She said with a hand on her forehead and a sour face. Her mom sounded so caring that Rue simply wanted to have a stroke and pass away.

But of course luck wasn’t on her bloody side! When was it ever?

Oh, fucking hell!

Why couldn’t she just fucking die?

“Nah, it’s okay, mom. I’ll get better in a few. I just need to sleep a little more.” She was _so_ going to murder Lexi for this…

Still, she gave her mom a frozen smile and for the very first time in years Leslie Bennett looked honest to God pitying on her.

Her life couldn’t get crazier than it already was.

“Okay, baby girl. Just feel better!” There was her mom kissing her forehead again before turning on her heels to walk out of the room. Fucking finally! Until she turned around to give her a tender smile “We will wait for you two before we go, okay?” Oh, bloody fucking hell!

“That’s okay, mom! See ya soon!” Rue said with the fakest yawn in history as she waited for her mom to get out of her room and close the goddamn door.

Fucking hell!

She turned to glare at a giggling Lex and if she wasn’t so fucking crazy for the girl, Rue surely was going to choke her to death with her bare hands. Because there was Lexi Howard looking so innocent and full of herself that she got her tall idiot feeling very fucking crossed and she huffed in annoyance.

Fucking hot girl!

“Morning, babe.” But then Lex was slowly kissing her neck with her raspy I-just-woke-up voice and Rue forgot about everything as she dived like a lunatic to kiss her senseless with tongue and everything hoping that her way too slow nerd took the memo and went back to fucking her soon enough. “Leslie’s right, you’re way too fucking hot, Rue.” Lex said smirking to her face oh so very full of shit and Rue decided to get on top of the girl before she decided to take her fucking sweet time and not fuck her. “You are definitely running a fever.” She rolled her eyes. Fucking Howard!

She did fuck her. But not before she tortured Rue some more because apparently Lexi was very sadistic.

“You better do something about it, Howard, or I swear to fucking God-“ That did the fucking trick and soon enough she had Lexi smirking under her as she shoved her fingers inside her pussy and kissed her madly because Rue was already as horny as fuck and the whole house was awake and they had to be quiet, which was very difficult when she had Lex angling and flexing her fucking fingers to hit such ungodly spots that had her mumbling in the girl’s mouth and riding her hand like a psycho out of meds, only to have her fucking Howard staring at her face in awe and so very beautiful that she took the opportunity to moan low obscenities in the girl’s ear because it was only fair to have her hot and bothered as well.

That did the trick and Lexi stared at her entranced with crazy eyes all through their fuck and half of her wanted to leave the girl high and dry as payment for the shit she just pulled, but then she actually couldn’t because Rue’s body didn’t answer to herself anymore when they had Lexi’s wanton eyes full with lip biting as the girl took Rue’s hand inside her panties with a low whispered ‘I need you, Rue’ and the addressed girl felt just how fucking wet Lexi was and decided to torture her back some other time.

Seriously, this shit was out of fucking hand!

Or not exactly out of hand seeing that in no time at all Rue was growling in Lexi’s mouth and shoving a couple fingers inside the girl without any foreplay and soon enough she had her girl trembling and scratching her back again in need for a quick release.

Rue granted such because she was so fucking hot and horny for Lex that it wasn’t even funny anymore, but she did it all with a glare at Lex’s fucking gorgeous and hot as fuck face for that sick trick she pulled before. And soon enough she had her tiny lover cumming with whimpers in her mouth and a fucking satisfied face that had her idiot kissing every part of with a ‘you’re so cute when you moan my name’.

Then she rolled her fucking eyes to herself because she should be angry at Lexi for what happened earlier, but there she was fucking and praising the cruel girl instead like a whipped fucker.

But whatever, Rue couldn’t remember a better morning than that.

* * *

After some minutes of quickly fucking that had the tall girl almost turning back to google to search if it was possible to get addicted to having sex with someone, Rue somehow adjusted herself a little and soon enough was waltzing into the kitchen with a small smile and a skip in her step because she was feeling quite lighter and also too fucking starving.

Who would have thought that sex could get her so hungry?

Anyway, she and Lex decided to go separately as not to raise too many suspicions over having both girls coming together- okay, not like that. Well, not like it didn’t happen too, it surely had as well.

Whatever, Rue just went first and Lex would follow after a few minutes so it was all cool.

And there she found Gia and their mom quietly talking over Christmas arrangements because trust Rue to have forgotten that she actually invited everyone and their mothers to celebrate the holiday in the Bennett household. Oh well…

“Morning, family!” She greeted as she threw her body in a chair to have a cup of coffee as she glanced around the table still deciding what she was going to eat first. Yup! She was _that _hungry and there were also so many options that eating cereal was like a crime!

Her family stopped in their fucking tracks to absently look at her face with curious eyes. Gia sported an arched eyebrow that meant no good shit.

“You look happy.” Her sister deadpanned and she rolled her eyes as she flirted with a very shiny apple. It looked good enough so she took it. “It’s strange.” Gia muttered as she got back to eating her bread and Rue decided to say nothing in return.

First because yes, she was ecstatic! Second because her sister was as nosy as fuck in her good days and had a sinister sixth sense of smelling Rue’s bullshit in the air, so it was better to keep her mouth shut and not give the girl more ammunition to harass her.

“You look better, baby. I’m glad.” Her mom said totally ignoring her younger daughter and Rue gave her a big smile because she was actually feeling fucking awesome but Leslie didn’t need to know why that was or who caused it, so she only nodded her head.

And Leslie _really _didn’t need to know how shy and awkward Lexi fucked her older offspring quite too fucking much overnight to cause such change of heart, right?

“I’m feeling better, mom, thanks!” Her coffee was tasting way too fucking delicious and she couldn’t help but to moan and praise her mom. “This coffee is fucking amazing, mom! Jesus!” She said with a cheeky grin that had her mom smiling back and Gia raising her eyebrow.

“You look way too perky today, Rue.” Her sister said with a suspicious note in her voice and the addressed girl rolled her eyes again for good measure. Yeah, she was feeling kinda over the fucking moon, but curious Gia didn’t need to know that. “Does it have something to do with Lexi sleeping over?” Oh fuck!

That simple question all but tarnished the commercial family picture they were up to recreate until that very moment, because soon enough Rue was choking on her fucking coffee only to scald her motherfucking tongue and spill more coffee all over her pajamas to burn her fucking body as she coughed and whimpered like a dying bitch seeing that her legs were kind of swollen still sporting some nasty scratches given by Lexi over the night.

And the morning as well. But whatever.

Fucking Gia!

“Jesus, Rue! Are you okay?” Her mom went to her rescue with a towel to clean her up as Rue was fiercely glaring at her sister through her coughing fits.

“I’ll live.” She said after regaining her breath for a moment and taking the offered towel to at least clean herself a little. “Thanks, mom.” She muttered and thought about shy and tiny Lexi facing an out-for-the-kill Gia and Rue’s body shuddered with dread. Oh boy!

Then she decided to text said girl some coordinates before they were endlessly harassed by her younger sister seeing that Gia was in a fucking mission that morning, it seemed.

She spent some minutes searching Lex’s number before she was reminded that she changed her entry and smiled to herself.

** _ME: _ ** _pls dont tie ur hair up!_

** _Tiny Lex: _ ** _whys that?_

** _ME: _ ** _just trust me_

** _Tiny Lex: _ ** _kay_

After that quick exchange she got somewhat a little calmer about everything. At least for the moment, because surely as soon as Lexi saw what she did to her very delightful neck, there was no way in hell that Rue would get out of being scolded.

But she could always suffer when she ultimately had to, there was no need to get anxious over that before it was extremely necessary.

“We’re meeting Tom at the mall, Rue, wanna come over?” Gia asked in a strange voice the same time Lex sent her a scared cat meme after she asked why was Rue coughing so much and there she was grinning in response because trust her little girl to have such a fucking twisted sense of humor.

“Sure, whatever.” Was her only answer as she decided to rush Lexi’s walk of fucking shame out of her room because she was hungry as hell already.

But she wasn’t going to eat until the tiny girl arrived because that would be uncool, right?

** _Tiny Lex: _ ** _oh so you’re just waiting for me to come? ;]_

Oh, for fuck’s fucking sake!

She rolled her eyes. Lex was an idiot too.

** _ME: _ ** _Howard…_

She took some deep breaths to calm her herself because sexting Lex while the girl was just laying in her fucking bed was so out of goddamn reality that she needed a fucking moment to calm down.

Not that she disliked it, but well. It was kinda surprising.

A good surprise and shit.

Though Rue wasn’t quite schooled in the arts of sexting yet, but maybe, just maybe, she could learn a thing or two about it with Lex.

“I thought you didn’t like Tom, Rue.” Gia distractedly said eating her bread and Rue blinked at her face completely lost as she wondered who the fuck was Tom anyway? “You know, mom’s friend from the hospital…” Oh, the fucker. She didn’t like him a little bit, but before she could share her hatred towards that fucking man, Leslie was faster.

“What are you planning to give Lexi for Christmas, Rue?” Her mom asked and Rue blinked at her face then before putting her phone away because it was rude to text at the table. Or at least it should be, if only her mom knew what said texts were about and all that. Anyway, seeing that Leslie was asking her a question it was only polite to, ya know, pretend to pay attention or shit. “You do remember that Christmas is in two days, right? And I happen to believe you invited Lexi over as well.”

“Of course I did.” She rolled her eyes because how would she fucking not? She even invited Maddy over ‘cause she was too afraid to invite only Lex and have everyone calling her whipped or some crap. And it seemed kind of polite enough to invite all of them, right? Whatever.

“So, are you going to give her something for Christmas?” She looked at her mom because she got a feeling that Leslie was talking to her like she was retarded. Which wasn’t that far from the truth, but it was still uncool.

“Of course I will, mom.” It was only normal to give something to your best friend – who you’re currently fucking – for Christmas, right? It wasn’t rocket science, she just had to find something to give the girl as a friend’s gift and it was all going to be cool, no need to sweat over it, _right_?

Because it was just Lexi.

Her way too good best friend who knew her more than her own crazy self.

And the girl she had the hots for and couldn’t keep her hands off anymore…

And oh, shit!

It wasn’t _just_ Lexi. It was Lexi Howard who she had a crush on and spent the last hours kissing and having sex with and hearing the most fucking erotic things that ever graced her ears and Jesus, God and Gaia!

What the fuck could she give the girl?!

Should she google that? Because probably there’s someone out there facing the same problem, right? It couldn’t be just herself.

Oh, holy heavens!

Jesus Christ, what was she even going to google?

Rue started her search with a ‘_what’s good to give your bff when youre already giving your pussy’_, but she deleted it all because that was too crass even for her very low standards. She then tried again with ‘_a xtmas gift that says i like you for more than your body’_ that she erased too ‘cause that was fucking pathetic.

Fuck! She didn’t even know how to search for cool gifts that wouldn’t set Lexi off to the hills or wouldn’t seem too stupid. So, how in hell was she even going to find Lexi shit that won’t make the girl cringe or smile out of politeness like one of those times you are too careful to open your gift only to find a pair of socks?

But thank God for Gia interrupting her anxiety attack before she passed out again like a stupid moron.

“What you’re buying her, Rue?” Or not. Gia asked with a roll of eyes sounding very impatient all of sudden. Rue had no idea why was that and decided not to ask her sister for fear of being answered.

And she actually had no idea what in God’s holy name she could give the girl.

A ridiculous part of her crazy brain suggested a date but that was just silly. And Lexi actually deserved more than a stupid movie and a stupid dinner because it was just what every brainless guy out there did and Rue was insane, but very far from being brain dead.

It still didn’t help her fucking case, of course. Because that was Rue Bennett, a helpless damaged bitch who couldn’t even plan a fucking Christmas gift!

Anyway, before she could pull her hair off her head, Lexi kind of saved her with a cute meme of Grumpy Cat that read ‘so many reasons to be grumpy, so little time’ followed by a ‘it looks like Rue!’ and just like that, the curly-haired girl was rolling her eyes and biting her lips to stop herself from smiling over that silliness.

** _ME:_ ** _ youre a fckng dork Howard_

Either way, she kind of got a little less worried over whatever she was gifting Lex, at least for the moment, ‘cause it wasn’t as if she just met the girl, Rue knew Lexi her whole life, so it couldn’t be that hard for her to assume what the dork would like to receive based on her preferences and stuff she enjoyed. Well, she had a few options, after all.

So, Lex liked music, books, pets and coffee. It wasn’t that difficult to go from there, in the end. Maybe Rue could give her a book and some CD – not Taylor Swift though. Or she could give her a pet! You know, an adopted one, of course, because ‘_It’s ridiculous how these people like to empower the capitalism without any type of moral standards! As if animals are just a souvenir that can be bought and sold like they mean shit! It’s just unbelievable, Rue!_’ and God forbid the tall girl from commenting anything about it because there was where Lex drew the line and as much as Rue always had a sick pleasure bothering her small friend, she would never bring herself to cross such important line just to annoy her Howard.

Yeah, she could mess with Lex endlessly, but she wasn’t a fucking dick to betray her like that.

Also, pets were awesome for people who are kind of down or whatever, right? And Lex loved pets and always took care of every single stray she saw. It was going to be good! Yup!

Rue nodded her head to herself because that was the best gift ever and Lexi was going to love it!

Still, it would be free of charge to adopt a pet, so maybe she could buy the girl a little something to go with the pet?

What thought? Maybe something to remind her of their friendship, yeah? Something that says ‘I know I’m shit, but I’m fucking grateful for you and for us’. As friends, of course. Every friend did that, right? No biggie.

But Gia was tapping the table with her fingers with a serious glare at her face as if Rue was about to reveal a deep secret and she could no longer wait. Jesus! Why was her sister so invested in this?

Whatever, that was Gia, always very nosy, so she rolled her eyes for good measure but answered anyway.

“I don’t know yet. Maybe a ring or a pet.” She said as her phone vibrated once again signaling a text from Lex.

She bit her lip not to smile over that. It would do her reputation no fucking good.

“A ring or a pet?” Gia asked with a strange sounding voice as if she thought that her older sister was simply fucking mad for thinking about those options and Rue sighed as she decided to ignore her fucking text to better glare at her face back.

And to her ultimate surprise, both her sister and her mom were looking at her face in creepy astonishment.

Oh boy.

“Yeah, a friendship ring and shit. Or, you know, adopting a pet for her as a gift.” She said as both stupidly blinked at her face as if she was trying to communicate with aliens. Fucking shit. “I’ll give her both anyway. I just need to talk to Suze first to see if she-“

“Suze?!” Her mom interrupted her again and Rue rolled her fucking eyes. It was getting way too tiring to hear the same shit she was just saying being repeated with a question mark in the end. “As in Suze Howard?” Was there even any other Suze around?

“Yeah, mom.” She took her phone to see if Lex was even going to get the hell out of her fucking room anytime soon to save her from this fucking insane chat and Rue had to gulp as soon as she saw the text she just received.

** _Tiny Lex: _ ** _I’m cumming._

She growled. For fuck’s fucking sake!

Lexi Howard was going to be the death of her.

“I didn’t know you two were so close to one another now.” Still, her mom asked and she nodded her growing hot face in response already feeling all the air getting thicker and warmer and oh, Lexi! Why? “That’s very good, Rue.” Leslie sounded honest to God proud of her daughter and Rue had half a mind to bang her head across the table over that conversation.

She didn’t because her head was already messed up enough without her fucking it up even more.

“So, what kind of ring are you giving Lex?” Gia asked with a fucking cheeky smile and Rue almost barked in response. If only she had fucking stayed in bed this shitty conversation wouldn’t be fucking haunting her! “I can help you choose it.” She glared at her sister whose smile didn’t waver as she gladly took another bite of her fucking meal. Fucking hell! “Or would you rather have my help with the engagement-“

“Good morning, girls!” Thank heavens for that deep voice, because Lex came to save her before Rue set her fucking younger sister on fire with her glare. Jesus fuck! What a twisted breakfast.

But whatever, she decided to glance Lex’s way and received such a cheeky grin in response that Rue was definitely sure she got red in the face. Oh Lord!

“Good morning, Lexi.” Both her mom and Gia answered at the same time; both with very different expressions as Leslie looked truly glad to have Rue’s tiny girl over and Gia was her fucking self full of smirks and shit.

Still, Lex sat down next to her mom after giving the woman a kiss on her forehead only to get Rue Bennett even more upset over that fucking breakfast.

Why the fuck couldn’t she get a kiss on her forehead too? What in God’s name was up with these two anyway?

“Did you have a good sleep, Lexi?” Her mom asked to which the addressed girl only stared at Rue with a too red face before nodding. Such action made everyone turn their gazes to her bloody embarrassed face as well and why couldn’t Rue just fucking die?

“Yes, I did have a very restful sleep, Leslie. Thanks for asking and for letting me stay over.” Lex, ever the charmer, took their attentions back to herself because she saw Rue almost hiding under the fucking table. How come could she feel so at ease with both her mom and sister when Rue herself was a step away from jumping out of her kitchen’s window was a mystery of the universe. Then again, Lex was a member of their household through more than a decade.

The girl was there over the last fourteen years, give or take, charming everyone around with her easy smile and too tender personality, always up to help anyone and to hear every babble about anything ever, so it was about to come to that, right?

Even when they were lame kids doing stupid things together, there was always Lex with her endearing personality and slightly worried eyes forever getting along with Rue’s family. There was no day in all those years when she was asked something and decided not to answer, as politely as only Lexi could. The girl, even from a young age, liked to talk to both her mom and dad about everything under the sun.

Come to think of it, Rue actually knew Lexi Howard longer than she knew her own fucking sister! Woah!

Because Gia was thirteen and she has known Lex longer than that.

And that was really nerve-wrecking to put things so chronologically set as that. To know that the girl she had the hots for already charmed her way into her crazy family was more than strange.

Damn!

“Is it okay if I take a shower first? Because I can meet you guys later, that way I won’t hold you up or anything.” Rue came back to reality to see Lexi giving her mom a shy smile after that question and found herself more than lost in the turn of events. Was Lex going to take a shower before doing what exactly?

“Of course, sweetie! I’m sure Rue won’t mind waiting for you.” Yeah, Rue wouldn’t mind waiting for Lex, but what were both of them up to do after that? “She could actually take the time to clean her room, right, Rue?” She rolled her eyes to her mom. Well, she knew that not even cockroaches were bold enough to live in her bedroom, but there was zero need to tell that to Lex.

“Sure.” Still, she just agreed to the part where she wouldn’t mind waiting for Lex to shower because everything else was lost on her.

“No, I was thinking about going to mine and showering there. I don’t want to intrude or anything.” Lex said with a red face and Rue was sure that she lost some important part of the conversation daydreaming about the very girl.

“That’s nonsense, Lex, you should just get ready here. There’s no such thing as intruding, I still stand by what I told you a couple days ago, this is your home, too.” So, apparently her mom was already calling Rue’s Lexi ‘Lex’, huh? This was getting slightly bizarre because _her Lex _was looking all shy and embarrassed with a deep blush that was painting her scarlet. What the hell was happening here? “You still have your towel, right?”

Lex nodded and with a way too big grin to her mom, she turned on her heels to take a shower without even noticing her fucking self! Or even waving her way!

What in fuck’s name just happened?

She found herself glaring at her mom and Gia and then her sister decided to joke amusedly “So, about that engagement ring…?” to which Rue just told her to ‘fuck off’ and got up, taking that shiny apple she had her eyes on with herself and dragged her body to her room.

Yeah, her morning that started in such a high note now took a turn towards unbearable.

Whatever.

She decided to take her fucking time to clean her room, not because Leslie said shit, but it really looked disgusting anyway. And organizing stuff always helped her to set her mind straight, it calmed her down a little bit and all that jazz.

Still, she decided to put her playlist ‘To-Bitch-Out’ blasting her ears off while she did the cleaning because yes, she was upset and said playlist had a worrisome amount of Eminem’s songs even when Rue didn’t like the guy because he was too fucking twisted, but she was still angrily rapping his fucking lyrics as she organized her shit with fury.

She changed the bed sheets for specific reasons, she picked up the dirty clothes she kicked under her bed last night, she organized her books and CDs in alphabetic order as well, she even made different piles of clothes to do the laundry, the smaller one was colored and the bigger had different shades of black to grey and a few were shirts all white. Rue had no idea that she had so many black clothes, one would think that she was emo.

And, after all that, she swept her whole room as she sang ‘Love the way you lie part II’ at the top of her lungs. Well, at the very least her room was looking pristine after that and she had to smile and metaphorically pat herself on the back for her hard work ‘cause it was a very good job! It was clean and organized and it even smelled good that got Rue almost envy of her own bedroom because she was very far from any of that in the moment. And it wasn’t like it annoyed her much back in time, but now… Now it was kind of getting her anxious.

Not that said anxious feeling was anything new, of course. It just made her realize that she had to take the first step into getting herself cleaner and organized and, well, smelling good too before she sat her dirt ass in her all too clean bed sheets.

Before she walked her drugged ass into Lexi’s clean and organized life.

At that, she sneered to herself for being reminded of the fucker’s lecture about taking care of own foundations and crap of the likes – the man was right, a tiny bit, but she still disliked him much. Either way, if Rue was capable of managing to clean her very messy room then maybe she could put some effort into getting herself a little better as well.

She could become a clean person, not only about drug addiction or shit, but, ya know, physically clean – and this went further deep than taking showers, it was more about how she dealt with things and with herself and how she was usually at places that made her feel kind of dirt in the end. Places where she put her life at risk because she didn’t give a damn about living or dying. Yeah, Rue knew that she should make some changes about herself.

‘Cause she had something good going with Lex – that she wasn’t about to name – and dying didn’t feature in her list of wishes now. No, she was kind of pumped with new possibilities and what she could do to make herself a little more balanced in the end. It all came down to Lexi, of course, seeing that suddenly Rue didn’t want to be just an impulsive cunt with mental diseases and drug problems. Suddenly she believed that she could be a little more than that. For herself and her family and, well, Lexi. Maybe.

Perhaps she could give herself the benefit of a second chance. Not that she deserved, but she got it, so it was on-

“Jesus fuck, Lexi!!” She jumped in surprise after she turned around to see her tiny lover with just a towel wrapped around her body and a hot glare that was probably the sole responsible for the global warming alone. Rue blinked at her face a few and Lexi crossed her arms over her chest and tightened her jaw, that meant the girl was-

“I seriously hope you have a turtle neck shirt, Rue.” Oh, boy! She made a face as she stared at Lexi’s neck and collarbone and well… It looked like shit! She was covered in purple and deep red marks that had Rue bouncing on her legs a little ashamed because Lex looked like she was attacked by a vampire from all the hickeys she had. And another part of her was feeling fucking proud because she was very demented deep down. “Because it would be _fantastic _to walk around the mall with your mom and sister while I look like a beaten prostitute.” Lex said and combed her fingers through her wet hair in what was her way of thinking about a solution. “Or maybe a rope, I could use one.” Rue rolled her eyes. That was just over the top.

“There’s no need to be so dramatic, Lex.” She said with a sigh and Lexi’s glare got even more fierce. Oh fuck. She smirked at the furious girl in return – Rue was fearless like that. “Come on, it wasn’t like you didn’t approve it or moaned so much-“ But before she could finish her sentence, Lex had jogged towards her to shut her mouth with a hand.

“I’m talking about your mom and Gia here, Rue.” She rolled her eyes at Lexi again, yeah, she understood that. She didn’t want them to see her hickeys and shit because- “They know I didn’t have these last night, so what do you think they will focus on all day?”

Oh fuck!

“Shit!” Shit! Shit! Shit!

It was all she said as she took a race to her closet to search something that will prevent Gia – and _especially_ her mom – from finding out that the two of them spent the night doing the dirt. Or simply doing each other. Oh fuck! She will never have another second of peace ever again! Both women will surely intrude in her relationship with Lexi and it will all go to hell! No closed doors anymore, too!

There will never be a second for the two of them because her mom and sis were nosy and they always sequestered Lexi away from Rue-

“There’s also Cassie and mom…” Oh fucking hell! Cassie was _so_ going to kill her. She was going to torture Rue, then chop her body like a motherfucking sick psycho with a steak knife and set her remains on fucking fire in front of the whole school only to dance on her fucking ashes! Jesus Christ! And Suze… Oh fuck! Suze was going to call the police on her to have her arrested because she too knew that Lexi deserved someone- “Hey, calm down, Rue! You are hyperventilating.” Lexi said and she turned around to fucking glare at her because she wasn’t the one going to be arrested. And killed. Or vice versa. “Okay, sit down. I’m going to find something here.”

She obeyed. ‘Cause she was shaking and breathing was getting difficult and her sight was all messed with dark spots and that was a panic attack and oh shit! She was going to pass out! Maybe Lexi hated her now, too.

She surely sounded too fucking pissed at Rue for that so perhaps she already fucked whatever they had up in less than twenty-four hours and Jesus!

Shit hell! Fuck!

“Sorry.” Her throat made a squeak like she was choking or close to vomiting and, in a moment, she was about to pass out. Or throw up. Or choke! Or all of that and in the end she was going to die chocking on her own puke after she passed out because she didn’t deserve a bloody second chance and Jesus!

“Hey, it’s okay, Rue. Look at me.” Lexi said already taking her face and turning it towards herself because she probably knew that Rue was stupid and dying and couldn’t do it alone because she was focused on just dying and it was very tiring to die! “Babe, it’s all good… I’m not mad at you, okay?” Still, Lexi sat on her lap and hugged her as Rue was shaking in a chair and Lex decided to hum a tune in her ear that made the scene even more insane, seeing that her playlist had Jay-Z singing ’99 problems’ as Lexi put a hand on her chest to feel her heart beat. Now came the fucking heart attack. But then the girl took her hand to put on Lexi’s chest back and whispered that “We are okay, it’s all good.” that made her want to roll her eyes. She actually did roll her eyes because Lexi did the same before saying “Just close your eyes and take a deep breath, Rue.” And she did just like she was told because what would she do, huh? “Can you feel my heartbeat?” A nod was Rue’s answer. “Good. Now take deep breaths with me as I count to ten.”

As Lexi began her count, Rue focused her body into inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth.

Number one was always the worst. It got her too afraid to mess shit up and kill herself with lack of air instead.

Number two got her putting her other hand on Lexi’s thigh to center herself with the counting and breathing and drowning anything that wasn’t Lex’s voice or heartbeat away.

When number three came her head was a little less cloudy but she still refused to open her eyes for fear of getting whiplashed.

By number four she already had her breathing steadied and it was a fucking mystery how it happened so quickly so she decided to open her eyes and look at Lexi’s calm face adorned with a caring smile and she looked like she was glowing. Lex also smelled marvelous and looked worried and all cute.

Number five never came because soon enough she was slowly kissing Lex who took her breath away and sent her heart into a cardiac arrest for a whole another reason.

* * *

Unfortunately, nothing came out of that making out session because soon enough her mom was inside her room and Lexi jumped from her lap to hide inside her closet in such a rush that almost made Rue laugh out loud from this sick joke. She didn’t though and Leslie only said that she and Gia had to get going because the fucker was waiting so Rue rolled her eyes because who cared about that stupid man?

“Are you okay driving the other car, Rue?” She stopped her snarky comment about that jerk man as she saw her mom’s expression that looked somehow pained and shit. What Leslie meant to ask was if Rue was okay with driving her dad’s old chevy truck without facing another mental collapse and, honestly, Rue wasn’t sure about it. “Because I can take the truck and you can drive mine if you prefer-“

“No, its fine, mom. I’ll take Ella for a ride.” Instead of saying that she was fucking terrified over taking her dad’s… No, it was her car now, he gave Ella to her as soon as he kind of explained to her how to drive – some ages ago.

_“What do you think about Ella, little one?” No matter how tall she got, in her dad’s eyes, Rue would always be the little one and her little sis was ‘baby Gigi’ and back when she was ten, it was all very amazing to Rue just going around with her dad like some adventure partners._

_She giggled because it was silly that her dad called his car a girl’s name but she nodded her head in appreciation. She loved all those rides listening to old music like Elvis, the pelvis and some other guys that her dad loved too much._

_“I like Ella, dad! She’s so cool.” Because her daddy’s car was awesome and big and sometimes they took Ella to go to the beach and Lex and Cass went with them and it was a cool time because she got to ride with Lexi in the pickup truck bed hugging her bff because she was afraid of falling of the truck and Rue was older, taller and fearless._

_“Well, then she’s yours now, honey.” Her dad said and she clapped her hands as happy as she could because she really liked Ella and they had such great times together and she was going to take care of her and drive her away and travel with her and maybe- “Not now, but when you are older and I’ll teach you how to properly drive her soon enough ‘cause she’s a high-maintenance lady, but she has a golden heart, little one.” Rue smiled as she nodded enthusiastically. “I’m sure you’ll have great times together and I’ll teach you all I know about her.” Her dad beamed at her face and Rue couldn’t help but to beam back as she bounced with anxiety to tell Lex that now Ella was hers and they could have a road trip all over the country when they got older._

Rue found herself sneering at that fucking memory because not a single shit about her dad’s plan happened. Fuck.

But she got Ella in the end. And still got Lexi. Somehow.

“Are you sure, baby girl?” Her mom asked probably watching her sorry face because she was tired of being the sad bitch, the messed-up girl, the fucking drug addict, the one who everyone laughed and made fun of. Rue was way too fucking tired of it all. So, whatever, getting clean, getting stronger and getting fucking better was her new MO. “Do you remember how to drive a manual car? I guess it’s better if you take mine, because Ella is old and demanding, she may be a little tricky to-” She rolled her eyes at her mom.

“Yeah, I’m sure, mom. I can drive Ella.” You see, there was nobody else in the whole world who could manage sounding so upset over hearing a suggestion that may as well be the wisest advice she was ever given like herself. And Rue fucking knew it, okay? The smarter route to be taken was to simply shut her fucking mouth up and take her mom’s car instead of driving an old beat up chevy truck just because Lexi was listening and Rue was dumb and she wanted to impress her. Which was even dumber. “Ella’s mine and I can take her. You know I drove her around a few times.” She said with arms crossed over her chest in an aggravated stance that dared Leslie to call her bluff.

And it wasn’t all lies, right? She started to drive the car a little when she was 12-years-old which was probably a crime but who cares and she theoretically knew how to drive stick ‘cause there’s a saying about muscle memory, right? So, if she drove the car around a few times, then of course she should know how to still do it. It was all going to be cool.

Still, she hoped that her mom would simply roll her eyes and say that she was out of her goddamn mind about it and laugh and take Ella instead because she was fucking terrified.

“Okay, Rue. Be careful though, don’t run and pay attention to the road and everything else, baby girl. Remember that it won’t be just you and Lexi but there are other drivers and you must respect them all.” Well, shit! “I’m sure you’ll going to be okay.” Leslie finished with a warm smile and fuck.

Sadly, her mom didn’t call her bluff and fucking hell! She was going to have to drive stick and not only that, but last time she got to drive Ella was just before her dad got worse because he had to be the one to teach her how to drive that forsaken car and it was centuries ago! And there was Lexi, still hiding in her closet, who was way too scared of cars and shit.

“Cool.” It wasn’t cool. She wasn’t cool. Nothing was cool so why was she lying through her fucking teeth? Man, she needed an intervention.

And as soon as her mom left and closed the door, out of her closet came a fully dressed Lexi who surely made something good with her time instead of digging a big and nasty hole over her own pigheadedness. Shit. Poor girl was going to ride with her and if Lex was afraid of Maddy behind the wheels, God help her when she knew that Rue was simply a dickhead with a thick and stupid skull and almost zero driving abilities.

So, before Lexi could open her mouth to ask what the fuck was that, Rue flew out of her room and jumped into the coldest shower her body could manage without freezing her ass to her near death as she used the water flow to simply chant ‘shit’ over and over again before actually starting with the main reason of taking a shower that was to get clean.

Jesus fuck! What had she done?!

* * *

She was stupid and full of shit, so of course Rue forgot her motherfucking towel and was forced to jump and dry her hair with Gia’s still wet towel so that was an ordeal. And she was shivering ‘cause, well, the winter was there and she was going to nakedly race to her room so that was a fucking pain.

Whatever, she brought it upon herself.

After she forcefully opened her bedroom’s door and was greeted with Lexi’s yell of shock, Rue decided to run past her and dive inside her closet to get dressed. Because, again, she was stupid and this wasn’t even a funny joke. And how in hell did Lex manage to dress herself inside this tight place was beyond her, but Lexi was just the size of a garden gnome, albeit a cute one, so that explained shit.

And between both of them, Rue was clumsy as fuck and Lexi was always elegant so that played a big role as well.

Thankfully, she got out of the closet – again! – alive and dressed and probably looking like a fucking scarecrow but at least she got it done and survived another humiliation.

“You look cute.” Lexi had this shy smile and nodded to Rue’s outfit but she seriously could be wearing any fucking thing and looking like a mad woman, the only thing Rue knew was that she wasn’t naked. So, she chanced a look at the mirror to see her reflection and oh!

In spite of her faint pink blush over Lex’s praise, she simply looked like she escaped the forest after fighting a bear with ripped jeans, a white shirt so wrinkled that gave her the impression of being chewed and spat out by said bear and a red long-sleeved plaid flannel on top of it that finished her ragged and wrinkled look with perfection.

“I look like a scarecrow, Lex.” She said with a fond smile and a roll of eyes because she gave off homeless vibes through and through, but trust Lexi Howard to be so very polite about it.

“A cute scarecrow though.” Lex said with a smile and she turned to look at her. “And a very lesbian scarecrow as well.” She didn’t honor said joke with a comment and just marched her way to kiss the girl because there was something about seeing Lexi wearing her clothes that made her heart beat faster.

Also, ‘cause Lex was cute as fuck. She wore a light blue jeans pants that actually fit her body way better than it did Rue’s but that was nothing new when she knew that she was a lanky idiot and Lexi really had amazing curves and all that jazz. There was a simple long-sleeved black shirt, not turtle neck, but Lexi actually found a red and white scarf inside her closet. All in all, her Howard looked cute and hot. Very hot.

“A scarf, huh?” She joked holding the scarf and Lexi slapped her hand away with a roll of eyes and poking Rue’s ribs that got the taller girl chuckling. “I liked it.” Of course, she had lots of things going inside her head that could compliment Lexi’s outfit better than that, but somehow the words got stuck inside her chest.

“There was no turtle neck and no rope, I had to get creative inside there.” Lexi said still wearing a frown but kissing her lips anyway. It was her turn to roll her eyes. “You look like we are about to join a military parade in Texas, all’s missing is a gun, Rue.” Oh well, she smirked at the girl anyway because she seriously loved this playful side of Lex.

“Who said I have no gun?” At the question, Lex tilted her head in confusion and she had to hold herself back as to not kiss the girl. At least, not in the moment. “The gun’s tucked between my legs, babe.” She did that eyebrow waggle just for good measure and Lexi almost choked on her own saliva before hiding her face behind her hands. “I can show you later if you wanna, doll.” That took a loud laugh from Lexi and soon she was just laughing along because shit! Wasn’t she just a motherfucking idiot anyway?

“Oh, my dear God, Rue!” Lexi whispered in between laughs and that was such a sound… To be able to make her laugh instead of making her cry was seriously like winning the goddamn lottery and it filled her soul with such a warmth that it was inexplicable. “You are shameless, Rue Bennett.” It was followed by a breathless chuckle and Lex’s sparkling eyes that held galaxies inside and the addressed idiot had to bit her tongue not to say something stupid.

Or something even more stupid anyway. ‘Cause God! How she _liked_ this fucking girl!!!

“Says the one who was fingering me in front of my mom.” She said with a smirk that had Lexi hiding her very dark red face behind her hands.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” Rue chuckled because trust Lexi to get so fucking ashamed about it now.

“And sexting me over breakfast, huh?” At that Lex got a lot redder and even cuter only to make keeping her stupid mouth shut even more difficult. She kissed her lips instead, just a small kiss before she sent everything to hell. But, of course, there was no pecking Lexi’s lips and getting away with it without having the tiny girl’s teeth holding her lower lip like it was her property.

It may as well be anyway.

“Then I guess we are both shameless, Bennett.” Lexi whispered in her mouth in a very sexy way that had Rue thinking twice about facing a walk around the mall – again! – and another very dreadful reunion with the fucker. ‘Cause well, she had Lexi and a bed and an empty house and seriously?! There was nothing better than just that. Unfortunately, just when Rue was about to tell everyone to just fuck off, Lexi took a step back, biting her own mouth and shaking her head as if she was getting back to reality. She was just too fucking hot, Jesus! “We better get going, cowboy. I promised your mom to help her out with things.” Boo! Rue actually rolled her eyes even when Lexi sounded sexy and breathless because it was a low blow to talk about moms in said moment. “And I need to buy your Christmas gift.” She perked at that as Lexi got red as a beet. A cute beet.

“Now that’s an interesting reason.” She said and tried to smooth her clothes as Lexi rolled her eyes and tried to adjust her cute scarf. “Tell me more about it, Howard.” She said already picking a jacket to give Lexi.

“You know I’m not telling you what’s going to be, right?” Of course that was going to be Lex’s answer with crossed arms and shit so Rue just made a dismissive gesture with her hand as she held her leather jacket for her tiny girl. “Oh, there’s no need-“ And of course Lexi would try to say no.

“Lex, come on.” After some long seconds, a glare from Rue and an annoyed huff from Lex, at the very least she got the girl a little warmer. And Lexi really, _really_ looked way too fucking hot in her clothes and that fucking brown leather jacket gave her such a fucking seductive vibe that… “Wow! You look badass, tiny!”

Rue’s voice was rough because well. Reasons.

“I’m still not saying what I’ll give you, Slender Rue.” She smiled in spite of the jab and turned around with her arm kinda flexed in a message for Lexi to take it. Not that Lexi did it though. So, she was forced to turn and see what the fuck was taking so long for that to happen when Lex came marching with a sure stance and took her hand instead.

Rue smiled to herself a little even when neither took the step of intertwining their fingers. Rue didn’t because she had a creepy lopsided grin and was already warm enough and afraid of getting her hands all sweaty and gross and sending Lexi off.

But it was still very cool even when they walked all stiff and very slowly as to not disturb the other and avoided rushing to the garage as to not be forced to separate so quickly.

“Well, the road is long, maybe I’ll change your mind, Lex.” She said when they finally arrived and she had to let go of Lexi’s hand to take the keys from her pocket to open the car.

Sure, she had to do it the old-fashioned way with trying to unlock the doors by turning the key and all that. At least she got it right after some time and helped Lexi into the passenger’s seat ‘cause she was tiny and Ella was tall and Rue was trying to be gentle and shit.

“Thank you, Rue.” She got a pink face and embarrassed smile in return that made it all worth it, so she jogged to the driver’s side as she heard a low ‘nice to see you again, Lady Fitzgerald’ that had her smiling to herself and praying that everything just went down okay.

She climbed the driver’s seat and closed her door looking at Lexi with a “Are you ready?” that was answered with a nod of head as they both tried to figure their seatbelts. Once that was done with, she turned the engine on and part of her was happy that it easily burst to life and another was scared because Ella was shaking and-

“Rue, I think your door is open.” Oh, maybe that was why she felt the trembling so she opened and closed the door again. She turned to Lex when she saw a gap between the door and the center pillar so Lexi just shrugged her shoulders saying that “I still don’t think its closed…” Rue sighed but did the same shit. To no avail. “Well, nope.” And Rue did it again. Each time she used more force because what the hell? And the door would still bounce back and unlock until Lex was about to climb on her lap to help but Rue managed to close the fucking door with a loud and alarming thud that had the two of them staring at one another with wide eyes. “Now I think it will never open again.” Lex blinked and she sighed in return.

“Well, I just hope the windows can roll down in case the car catches on fire.” She mumbled and felt Lexi’s wide eyes staring holes at her face so she turned around and shrugged her shoulders. “She’s old, Lex. It can happen.”

She hoped that it wouldn’t, of course, but only God knew about the state of Ella’s mechanics and she had no idea about insurance or what to do in that case. Still, she rolled her window down just in case.

“That’s very far from reassuring, Rue.” Lexi said already rolling her window down as well and Rue had to hide a smile ‘cause even though she was nervous on the verge of a meltdown, she still had Lex beside her and somehow it made everything feel better.

In a bizarre way, Rue felt more relieved whenever Lex was by her side, even when it all could go to hell.

“This girl is on fire!” That probably explained why she sang that and had her hand slapped by Lex who grunted something like ‘idiot’ or whatever and had Rue chuckling.

“Oh lord! Just shut up.” Her companion said with a roll of eyes just before she pecked her cheeks with a pink face. “Hit the road, Jack!” Lexi then winked at her face and Rue did just that, albeit very nervously trying to find the right gear and time it well with the clutch to start actually driving Ella.

“Got it.” She murmured with a full teeth smile to Lexi as soon as she got it all right and Ella was set to go. Okay, the damn car was jumping like a kangaroo so what the actual fuck? “Oh fuck! Sorry, Lex!” She babbled as she tried to think about what in hell had possessed the car to make it jump like a mechanical bull and Lex just chuckled to her endless annoyance and killed the engine with a turn of the keys. “What the fuck, Lexi?”

But the girl just ignored her and took a deep breath looking at her face. Okay…?

“Now you take a deep breath and let’s start over.” Rue nodded and did what she was told, taking deep breaths and turning the engine on. “Great! Now let’s go slower this time, just put on the first gear and let go of the clutch smoothly, Rue. No need to rush, babe.” She only nodded again and tried to concentrate to do just that. And, voila! Ella was slowly moving and she couldn’t help but to give Lexi her biggest beam as she got one back. “That’s it, Rue! You’re doing fantastic!” She said with the most excited voice ever and Rue had to do a rerun of every step driving required to keep herself from kissing her. “Now you depress the gas slowly and let’s get the show on the road, babe!” Lex clapped her hands and Rue grinned at her lovely face as she obeyed yet again.

“To infinity and beyond, babe!” Rue shouted with a laugh and just like that Lexi was accompanying her with that deep raspy melodic voice of hers and well… Soon enough she was cupping Lexi’s face with her right hand and pecking her lips and Lex was biting her lower lip and she was a step from pushing her tongue into her tiny girl’s mouth when Ella’s engine started stalling and died. “Ops!” She said with wide eyes and heard another laugh from the cute girl beside her.

“It’s fine, let’s just try it again, Hamilton!” Lexi said with a fond smile and a roll of eyes and Rue couldn’t help but to grin at her face and drop a quick kiss to her cheek before they began again.

And okay, it took a little while before she got everything right and Lexi was there cheering her on the whole time with lots of grins and a few rolls of eyes whenever Rue got too sassy. Anyway, they made it after some time – probably due to Ella’s tiredness over having her engine turned on only to die a little after, but it was very hard to blame Rue ‘cause the car had no shift pattern number or lines on the gear knob so it was about testing and mostly failing until she got a feel about how it should go.

Lexi also helped with her theory that the gears were commonly shifted up and down because said pattern was easier for the driver so it was up to Rue only to find the first gear and the reverse and go from there. Only problem was that neither found the reverse to what she claimed that it was all going to be okay because ‘we are only going forward, Lex, it’s going to be cool’ and she prayed again that she was fucking right.

And soon enough, they were down the street, widows rolled down to allow a comfort breeze to wash her fears away that felt like freedom and new beginnings and happy shit. Rue decided to put on her shades and light a cigarette as Lexi rolled her eyes at her with a cute smile just before she decided to open the glove compartment and take the sunglasses still laying there. It was her dad’s and Rue took a deep breath when she saw it.

Lexi probably knew it as well because she didn’t put it on right away, instead she just stared at her dad’s aviators with a far away expression that was too difficult to name.

“You should try it, Lex.” She finally said, still unsure how she felt about it but… Still, it was a new start and what use would his shades have locked inside Ella and all but forgotten about?

Lexi bit her lip before doing just that and Rue held the steering wheel with force. Right until her favorite Howard turned towards her biting her lower lip and tilting her head.

“How do I look?” You see, that was hard question to answer, ‘cause Lexi looked like she owned the sunglasses, like she belonged there in Ella’s passenger seat beside Rue and it was such a foreign feeling…

Because Lex was there, wearing Rue’s clothes that fit her better anyway, in her new-old car and wearing Robert’s shades and she looked a lot of things. For one, she was too fucking hot and it made Rue strangle Ella’s steering wheel with a renewed strength as to keep herself grounded; then Lexi looked kind of pretty fashion and that was a word that Rue never thought she would ever use to describe the tiny girl.

And well, Lexi looked hers. Like she belonged with Rue. In her home with her family, wearing her shit, in her crappy old car helping her to relearn how to drive it and all of that. That was the best way to describe her best friend: hers. Still, she wasn’t going to tell the girl that because she didn’t want her running away.

“You look pretty fucking cute, Lex.” That’s what she said instead and didn’t miss the blush adorning Lexi’s features to which she grinned a little.

“Who would have thought that you’d be that corny, huh?” Lexi answered with a smirk and Rue found herself sticking her tongue out at her with a ‘shut up’ with no bite at all.

So, that thing about feeling everlasting whenever she had her crush beside her, well, it was right. Because Rue never though she would able to ever drive a fucking car, much less a manual car and even less driving Ella, her dad’s old car that held every kind of memory; however, there she was doing just that and grinning at Lex as she put her right hand on the girl’s thigh and it all just felt so simple yet intimate. As if they had done it their whole lives and shit.

In years to come, Rue would still remember this very moment, because it was under California’s cold winter sun, having a chilling breeze blowing her already messed hair and staring at Lexi’s cute face under the sun light that bathed her hair and made it shine in a dark blonde hue, kind of like a golden halo, as her small companion hummed a tune was when she got that awestruck feeling telling her that she was such a lucky bastard for having this girl beside her. ‘Cause it didn’t matter if she was a drug addict fuck-up with bad life choices and an endless long list of mistakes, she was starting over. That was her second chance and it felt fucking amazing! So even if she didn’t deserve it at all and whatever people said about past or future lives, it was all bullshit because she was only going to live once and she was not taking chances with losing Lex never ever again.

Because this was happiness and she wasn’t giving up on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, guys! life has been insane these last weeks. but this chapter is longer, so can I be forgiven?  
all mistakes are mine, as you already know, and I'm in a crazy rush to go to a funeral, so sorry...  
I loved all your reviews and sorry for not answering you, I really had no fucking time. but whatever you think, if you like this chapter or not, you can always criticize, I'm all eyes.  
thanks again for keeping up with this and hopefully I'll be able to update before next year, but I make no promises 'cause december is a hellish month.  
you all take care and be safe! have a great week, folks!
> 
> love ya! xx


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